SF Chapter 43: Coal Digger III
Phil and Daniel went to Gloria's room to try to talk to her.
[Phil and Daniel commentary]
"Claire likes to say you can be part of the problem… or part of the solution," Phil commented, leaning against his kitchen counter.
"But I happen to believe that you can be both."
Daniel patted his brother-in-law on the shoulder. "Yeah, I agree with you, bro."
"I believe, as Vilfredo Pareto stated in his 80/20 principle, that about 80% of the effects (results) come from 20% of the causes (efforts)."
He finished, "You need to be in that 20% - if not to solve 80% of the problems, then to create those same 80% of the problems."
[Commentary ends]
Gloria let the two of them in.
Phil started, "Listen, Claire feels terrible. Why don't you talk to her?"
"Why? I know what she thinks of me - a coal digger." Gloria pouted.
"You know she's saying 'gold digger,' right?"
"Yes, Phil!" she spoke louder.
Daniel chimed in. "I only heard my sister say that once, last year, and I corrected her!"
"I told her the correct expression is buscaplata or interesada. We should insult other people in their language!"
Gloria threw a pillow at him.
Phil stepped closer to her. "Well, I-I know she said that. But that was a long time ago, before she knew you better."
She spoke again. "Does Jay buy me nice things? Yes! Of course! All beautiful things."
Gloria suddenly opened a drawer and started tossing bras around to prove her point. "Look at this - yellow, red, blue. All the colors. Do you think I can't live without this?"
"I doubt my dad could!" Daniel remarked, feeling proud of Jay. "Oh, come on, Gloria, you've been part of this family long enough to see that we bite… and then we soothe."
"That day, Dad insulted my brother about having a baby. But he changed his mind as soon as he saw Lily."
He went on, "If you think you're not being accepted by the family, you should've seen what it was like when it was Cam's turn."
"I doubt Phil had an easy time too."
Phil nodded. "Jay wasn't easy at first… or now..." he muttered the last part.
Daniel finished his speech, "And obviously, you're 'competing' for the affection of the most important person in her life. Of course, Sis would be defensive…"
"Jess (yes), Jay…" Gloria calmed down, becoming more receptive. "I would do the same too, if my dad were alive and with another woman," she confessed.
"Dad??" Dani snorted through his nose. "What does my dad have anything to do with it? I was talking about me!" He pointed at his own face.
Gloria burst out laughing and went to hug Daniel, already used to his antics. "Mi niño lindo!" She kissed his cheek.
A forced cough was heard. Claire appeared at the door and said, a bit awkwardly, "I came to say I'm sorry."
"Okay, let's go, Daniel. Let the two ladies talk," Phil said, making a gesture with his hand.
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After returning to the living room, Alex started talking to her uncle.
"Dani, have you started writing the third Percy book yet?" Alex asked, sitting closer, since her grandfather had complained earlier about side conversations near him.
"Not really, but I already thought of the title: Percy Jackson: The Titan's Curse." He made a theatrical gesture with his hand.
"I'll use Atlas - the one who was condemned to hold up the sky in mythology - as a character."
And Daniel went on, "My focus right now is Juno and book six of Wimpy Kid. I have too much on my plate and too little time…"
Alex stared at him oddly. "Don't you work, like, three hours a day?"
Her uncle placed both hands on her face. "That's already too much, Alex!"
He raised one finger. "Besides, in fact, my miss sunshine, I work 24 hours a day, seven days a week!"
"My mind is always working on creating awesome stuff! Even when I'm sleeping!"
Alex, who had already made a face at the nickname miss sunshine, frowned even more at her uncle's shameless behavior. "Don't you have any shame, Dani?" she mocked.
"No, why? In my body, where the shame gland should be, there's a second awesome gland." He raised his glass. "True story."
"Oh, oh, oh," Daniel made a realization face. "How about a movie about a girl who doesn't think she's pretty, but then gets transformed and becomes gorgeous? Little Miss Sunshine!"
"Like The Princess Diaries?" Alex raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, damn it!" he exclaimed.
"What if she doesn't become gorgeous?" he tried again. "Wait, but then what's the point of the movie? Oh, forget it." He dismissed his own idea.
"Are you really writing about a teen getting pregnant?" His niece asked again.
"Yes, I think it is a great idea-" but Daniel was interrupted by Claire and Gloria coming downstairs.
"Hey, did you guys work that out?" Jay finally turned away from the TV.
Claire replied, unfazed, "Almost. Gloria just wants me to jump in the pool."
"Okay then." He went back to watching TV.
Phil, who was standing nearby, exclaimed in surprise, "What?"
"CAMERA. We need a camera," Daniel screamed, already running to his room to get his.
Everyone started following the two women. Jay sighed when he saw it and eventually got up to go too.
"This is so awesome," Luke remarked next to his sister.
"I know. Mom does not look good wet," Haley smirked.
Then Jay spoke a bit more seriously. "Gloria, is this really necessary?"
Claire cut him off. "Dad, it's fine. It's fine. If I need to jump into this water… to prove to Gloria how sorry I am, I will do it. I'm fine."
"Yeah, Dad! Let Sis say sorry!" Daniel appeared next to them, out of breath, since he had run as fast as he could to go and come back.
He already had the camera on and was filming everything.
But Claire turned to Gloria. "You're serious? You're not going to stop me?"
Gloria shrugged. "Why would I do that?"
"Because I am standing here." Claire gestured toward the front of the pool. "I am showing you my willingness to-"
"No?"
Claire jumped into the pool with a loud splash. Everyone cheered and shouted enthusiastically.
"Are you happy?" she asked, already inside the pool, completely soaked.
"Yes! I forgive you!" Gloria laughed.
"Then give me your hand."
"Oh, that's the oldest trick in the book," Jay scoffed. "She's gonna pull you in there."
"No!"
"And that's my job." He pushed his wife.
Gloria shrieked, "Jaaay!"
"This is funny, but this is also a teaching moment," Phil decided to turn it into a lesson. "Think about-"
But Jay pushed him right after.
Luke and Manny teamed up and jumped on Jay next, the three of them falling into the pool.
Mitchell hugged Alex and went in as well.
"Cannonball!" Cam screamed, making a huge wave as he jumped.
"Oh, no, no, no, Dani," Haley widened her eyes when she saw her uncle face.
"We family stick together," Daniel smirked, taking the phone out of his niece's hand - the camera was already positioned on a bench, filming everything.
He grabbed Haley princess-style and ran, throwing both of them into the pool.
[Leonard and Sheldon commentary]
Leonard and Sheldon were still sitting on the couch, the only dry people in the house.
"As someone who suffered from bullies, I have already developed a kind of sixth sense," Sheldon remarked. "I knew that if I were there, there was a very high chance I would be thrown into the pool."
His roommate silently agreed with him.
[Commentary ends]
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