•Kanto Ops Hospital Wing, Viridian City, Kanto•
•March 4th, Evening•
•Amber (Wolfe Alias) POV•
Chapter Forty-Two
A Mockery of Her Memory
Minutes flew by as Silver actually shut up. I was just about to fall asleep when he started talking again. His tone was completely different. It was calm, but I detected resentment in it, and if I dared say so, sadness. "You know, I know what I hate the most about you now."
"What's that?" I sleepily asked.
"At first I thought it was your attitude, but it's your eyes." He said quietly.
"My eyes?" I asked incredulously.
"You have the same eyes as Amber…" He said low enough where I barely heard him.
"Really? You hate me because I remind you of your dead girlfriend? Come off it," I yawned. He had a way of getting on my nerves that I never even knew was possible.
"No, I didn't say that. Now did I?" He replied in a serious voice.
"You said I had her eyes, therefore, I resemble her? Therefore I remind you of her? Do the math and logic, Silver." I groaned. I really just wanted to sleep.
"You only assumed that. I just said you had Amber's eyes," he went silent as though in thought.
I tried to fall back to sleep, but he interrupted that once again. "Whenever you talked to Dex earlier, I watched your eyes."
"I feel so honored," I replied sarcastically with a bit of annoyance in my voice.
"They were the same as Amber's whenever she and I used to talk…" He said calmly.
"So, like I said, I remind you of your dead girlfriend? That's lovely. Alright, I'm sleeping unless you have anything else you want to tell me." I groaned.
"You don't understand me, do you?"
"The only thing I understand is that I'm tired. I've been shot. I know you don't know what it feels like, but it's a pain. So, how about you let me sleep?" I asked knowing he wouldn't let me off the hook that easily.
"You can sleep if you want. I thought you were going to ignore me, after all, anyway."
"Thanks. I'll do just that, then. Feel free to rant, I don't really care," I yawned.
"Rant? Hmph. You have feelings for that Dex guy, don't you?"
That right there made me bust out laughing. "You're kidding, right?! Look at that! Silver actually can make jokes, after all. It's called being a friend. Ever heard of that one before?" I retorted snarkily.
"Sure. That's why you looked at him like that."
"Like what?" Despite me being tired, Silver had me interested in his nonsense.
"I know the look. I didn't know it when I should have, but I know it now. You're smitten with him, aren't you?" He asked, and I wanted to groan because I was almost certain this was nonsense just to keep me annoyed and off-balance.
"Even if I were, why would it be any of your concern?" I decided not to buy in.
"So I was right?"
"No, I'm just trying to appease you. Sooner I shut you up, sooner I sleep. Besides, if you 'know the look' then why are you even asking me questions? Are you trying to confirm something in your own head by bluffing to me to get information?" I asked straight up, putting the pressure back on him.
"Hmph, you got me there. Yes, perhaps I was." He admitted.
"What? Didn't think your dead girlfriend loved you, so you had to get information from your enemy since her eyes remind you of her? How pathetic, Silver. How selfish and pathetic." I spoke the truth there.
What the hell does he want from me? The way that he's not even saying anything about me calling myself his girlfriend… That worries me. He used to say something defensive every time my dad brought it up.
But then again, what did his words at the funeral really mean? I meant more to him than either of his parents knew? He didn't realize something until after I was gone? And him saying we met as kids in Rocket? That never happened... He randomly gave me Melody like a little red-headed stalker one day and vanished, but we didn't meet until the Indigo League.
Then again, maybe it was just a guilt-stricken dream... I know they say you don't know what you have until it's gone, but really? Not like it matters now, anyway. Sheesh, Amber, pull yourself together.
"Pathetic? I'm not the one hiding behind a lie." He shot back oblivious to my inner spiral.
"So what if I won't tell you anything? At least I'm not the one who uses other people to make myself feel better about someone I lost simply because I don't know how they felt. So, anyway, please quit pairing me up with every guy I talk to. It really gets on my nerves." I decided to shoot back.
Silver was quiet. I didn't open my eyes to look at him. I didn't want him to recognize me by them. It was already bad enough that he said they reminded him of me.
"Good, now I can sleep. Thanks for finally shutting up," I sighed. All that talking with Silver was wearing me out.
"Is it just me, or are you being defensive of Amber?" He finally spoke up again.
I groaned. "You do this on purpose, don't you? Wait until I'm almost asleep and then ruin it. I'm not being defensive. I'm being respectful of the dead."
I swore if he kept on waking me, I'd jump out of bed injury and all and strangle his annoying ass.
"Right. Of course. Answer me this one thing."
"What now, damn it?" I growled in annoyance.
"You knew Amber personally, didn't you?"
"Huh?" He threw me off guard. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean what I said. No hidden implications. You knew her. That's why you are so easy around her own social circle. You even command her Pokémon. What were you to Amber? And why do I get on your nerves so much?" He asked straight and to the point.
"You get on my nerves because you're an ass." I groaned.
Crap, he thinks I was associated with Amber? Now what? I never foresaw this, though I guess I led myself into that trap. I need to give him an answer…
Spur of the moment, come on, Amber. Improvise!
"And fine, you caught me. I knew her. So what?" I decided to cave and go for another lie.
"So I was right?" His voice held a victorious note in it.
"Yes, now let me sleep!" I pretty much demanded.
"Not yet."
I practically growled at him. "Now what?! Silver I swear, when I get out of this damn bed, I'm going to run your ass into the ground so hard in training that you won't have time to blab that loud mouth of yours!"
I didn't have my eyes open, but I could tell he was smirking. "Sure, whatever you say, Teach."
"Again with the 'Teach' thing. Fine then, Silv, ask me your damn question so I can sleep!"
Why can't I just knock myself out or something? Spare me…ugh.
"What were you to Amber?"
"I was a friend. Happy now?" I said short and to the point.
"You were a friend, yet I never saw you before." He pointed out.
"You weren't with her 24/7, you know. She did leave from time to time. We're in Viridian City. You do the math, m'kay?" I pointed out right back.
"I see."
"You know, from everything she said about you, I could swear she was lying. You're nothing but an arrogant ass who likes to yap. Almost makes me think you're not the same Silver that Amber spoke so kindly about." I spat.
Fine, I'll wage a war with you if I must, Silver. You can't find out about me, but if you want to think I was my old self's friend, at least it'll open up doors of opportunity against you. It gives me the right to know about your personal business. Thanks, Silver. You've just done me a favor.
"You wouldn't be the same person, either, if you would have been the one to find her dead. What kind of friend are you, anyway? You don't seem to have any remorse for her death." He also pointed out.
"Yeah, yeah. So tragic and all that. It's been two years; I've learned to let it go because I know that's what Amber would have wanted. Ask yourself this, Silver. If you knew Amber so well, then tell me, would she be proud of the person you are now?" I asked seriously.
He didn't answer.
"I know that if I were Amber, and I'd be watching this whole thing between you and I, I'd be more than disappointed in you. She spoke highly of you, but you're just putting her words to shame. Your so-called devotion has you blinded by your emotions. Your hate is aimless and therefore, you hate anyone who even slightly reminds you of her. You're nothing more than a mockery of her memory." I said a bit venomously.
"So, there. That's my point of view on the matter. Now, I'm sleeping whether you talk more or not. Hell, I don't even care if you decide to strangle me out of the hate and rage I'm sure your feeling for me right about now. Go ahead and do it. Prove to me that I'm right. Prove to Amber that she was wrong about thinking so highly of you." I finished a little smugly.
And that, was fun.
Silver remained quiet as I finally tried to drift off to sleep. Despite my tiredness, I couldn't help but feel energized by that whole experience. Finally for the first time, I was able to tell Silver how I, Amber, truly felt about his idiotic behavior. I hoped that this latest attempt to knock sense into my ex-friend's brain worked.
I missed my old Silver, even if I wasn't me anymore. I was tired of fighting with him; I was tired of him hating me. I was so tired of not feeling the easy atmosphere we used to have. I missed him—the old him—so badly. I knew I tore him apart; I knew that it was my fault he was like that, but I realized that it was his actions that turned him that way.
True, it could have happened to me if I were in his place, but he could have tried to go on living the way I lived—fighting for what was right without letting grief corrupt him. Instead, he let the pain and sorrow consume him, and he turned into a monster. Oh, how I wished I could erase the damage I had done, but I knew it was too late. As I fell asleep again, I accidentally did so with his name on my lips in an unformed apology.