Lin Yue pressed her hands against the blanket. Her chest ached, but her eyes were resolute. She looked at Qing.
"What if we make it stop?"
Qing's eyes met hers. "We cannot speak too loudly."
"I know," Lin Yue whispered. "But… she hurt me. She's trying to kill me."
Qing's fingers touched Lin Yue's shoulder. "Then we act, at the right moment."
Lin Yue nodded.
*She won't hurt me anymore.*
Their plan took shape quietly. They would use the poison Concubine Wei had been using on Lin Yue against her.
They had been quietly planning when a sudden sound made them freeze, they heard a small gasp.
A maid stood frozen just outside the window. Her lips parted and her eyes wide.
Qing's eyes narrowed. "You heard nothing do you understand?"
The maid trembled, her hands clutching at her apron. "I… I swear," she whispered. "I will say nothing. I will not tell anyone."
Lin Yue felt nervous.
*I hope she wont tell.*
Qing knelt beside Lin Yue. "Do you understand what this means?"
Lin Yue's small voice was steady. "Yes, I will survive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡
The next morning Lin Yue carried the tray herself.
It wobbled in her small hands, the cup trembling with each step. She kept her eyes on it.
*Don't spill it. Don't shake, just be small.*
Consort Wei looked up from the bed. Surprise crossed her face, then suspicion, then a rare softness. "You… are serving me?"
"Yes, Mother." Lin Yue set the tray down slowly. "I wanted to be useful."
Her mother's eyes moved over her face, searching. Lin Yue held still and let her look.
*See what you want to see. You always do.*
Consort Wei accepted the cup and drank.
Lin Yue didn't have to wait long.
The illness came quickly; first it was a heaviness, then an inability to lift her head, then the shallow, labored breathing that brought the physicians. They found nothing unusual. "A common cold," was all they said.
"Make sure she rests well and stays warm."
Lin Yue stood at the foot of the bed and listening to them speak about her mother as if she were furniture.
~~~~~~~~~♡
On the third day, Consort Wei's breathing changed.
Lin Yue heard it from across the room it was a different rhythm, slower with a wheeze between each exhale.
Lin Yue walked to the bedside. The floorboards were silent beneath her feet, she had learned how to move without a sound.
Her mother's face in the light looked faded. That Lady Han had feared and hated, had receded. What remained was just a tired woman.
Consort Wei's eyes opened. They found Lin Yue's face immediately. For a moment neither of them spoke.
"You…" Consort Wei's voice came out barely above a breath. Her eyes moved slowly over Lin Yue's face, searching for something.
*What is she looking for?* Lin Yue didn't move.
*Does she know what I did?*
"You were always… quiet," Consort Wei said finally.
"Yes," Lin Yue whispered.
Her mother's lips parted again, but the words didn't come. Her chest rose then fell, only to rise again, shallower.
Lin Yue watched, she couldn't bring herself to look away.
*Is this what I wanted?*
*I don't know... I just didn't want to dissappear.*
She thought of the cup she had carried. The shaky hands she had used to carry it. She had not cried. She had done what needed to be done, the way Qing had taught her to strike flint not with force, but softly .
Consort Wei's hand moved weakly across the blanket. Not to reach or grab, just moving around with no purpose.
Lin Yue looked at it silently, she didn't hold it.
*I wanted you to choose me.*
*Just once. Just one time I wanted to be the thing you protected.*
The thought didnt make her cry, it only sat in her chest, heavy and cold.
Her mother's chest rose one final time.
Then it was still.
Lin Yue stood at the bedside for a long moment. The smell of tea still hung faintly in the air.
She looked down at her mother. She didn't feel happy, or relieved, or even like she had won, just deeply empty... In a way, it was almost worse.
She reached out and straightened the blanket across her mother's chest. Smoothing it with both hands.Then she stepped back, picked up the tray from the floor, and left the room. Her footsteps were quiet.
Behind the door, Qing stood against the wall, one hand pressed flat against the wood. She couldn't help but cry looking at Lin Yue's little face, no words came as Lin Yue passed.
Lin Yue did not stop walking, but as she passed she reached out and touched Qing's hand once before letting go.
Her mother was gone, but the emptiness pressed heavier than any words could. A cold reality settled over Lin Yue, the world could not be trusted, Safety...kindness...mercy none of it could be counted on.
*I can only count on myself.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~♡
Days later, Lin Yue stood before her father, dressed in white. Her mother's funeral had been rushed; no one had cared that a concubine had died.
"You will be sent to the countryside," he said without warmth. "To the estate in Yong County."
Lin Yue didn't argue; she just stood there quietly.
"Do you understand?"
"Yes, father."
"You bring misfortune wherever you remain."
Lin Yue looked at the dirt on his hem.
*He was the one who brought the cold.*
"I understand," she said quietly.
He studied her face. It didn't look like a child's; he had expected pleading. The emptiness unsettled him. He looked away and waved his hand dismissively. "Take her."
In the hall, servants murmured among themselves. "It's good she's leaving."
"Yes. Finally, the trouble will be gone."
"She'll be far from here. That's a relief."
Her sisters were watching nearby. Shen Yueran's eyes were cold, her mask of kindness gone. "I want nothing to do with her," she said plainly, stepping aside without looking back.
Shen Meilin's lips curved in a thin line. "I always knew she was cursed. I hope her misfortune doesn't touch me."
Shen Xiu said nothing, keeping to herself.
Shen Lian's jaw tightened, fists clenched at her sides.
*She can't leave im not done with her.*
Qing stepped forward, hands pressed together bowing low her voice nervous. "My lord … please. May I go with her? She cannot go alone."
Lord Shen hardly looked at her. His eyes moved over her like a wave, but he nodded. "Very well. She travels with you then."
Qing visibly relaxed, relief moving through her.
*I can keep her safe.*
~~~~~~~~~~~♡
The carriage wheels creaked along the muddy road. Fields stretched endlessly on either side, no silk screens, no words hiding lies. Just wind and sky.
Lin Yue sat inside, hands folded neatly in her lap. Qing sat across from her, her eyes constantly moving to Lin Yue, but she said nothing.
Hours passed in silence, the carriage rocking being the only sound. Lin Yue stared through the window, pale light catching in her dark eyes.
The frost in the western courtyard, the cold draft through the cracked windows, and the silent weight of her mother's room all lingered behind her, heavy burdens she couldn't shake.
Finally, Qing whispered, "Miss…"
"Yes?" Lin Yue's voice was hollow, her eyes never left the window.
"Do you… regret it?"
Lin Yue thought of her mother gone and of the careful steps she had been forced to take to survive the fear and hunger she endured.
"I regret," she said slowly, "that there was no other way."
Qing nodded, holding back tears. "You are not six anymore," she whispered.
"No," Lin Yue agreed.
She focused on the road ahead.
Qing's eyes searched her, seeking softness, a spark of the child she had known. Lin Yue gave nothing.