— Why the hell should I care about some man's reaction when he sees me?!
It was like a bolt from the blue! Like having a bucket of ice water dumped over her head!
All the pink bubbles she had been immersed in—the "girl dressing up, anticipating a date" fantasy—were instantly and brutally popped by cruel reality, shattering into smithereens!
(What was I... doing just now?)
(Like a girl genuinely looking forward to a date... posing flirtatiously in front of the mirror?!)
Chinatsu's smile instantly froze, then peeled away like broken porcelain, replaced by extreme horror and disbelief.
She sharply took a step back, as if the reflection wasn't a peerless beauty, but some kind of monstrous flood beast.
(What was I... thinking just now?!)
(I was meticulously dressing up! I was choosing lingerie! I was giggling foolishly at the mirror! I was acting like a maiden in love, anticipating a man's reaction?!)
(I am Koushi! I am a true man of iron and blood! I am the Herrscher of Reason who can build a Gundam by hand! I'm not some princess waiting for a prince's favor!)
A massive cognitive dissonance and a sense of humiliation at the soul level drowned her like a tsunami.
She clearly realized that the series of fluid, girlish actions just now were not entirely acting; for a split second, she had genuinely indulged in the role of "a woman meticulously preparing for a date"!
A wave of revulsion shot up her spine! All the previous "rational analysis" and "tactical construction" collapsed at this moment, leaving only one crystal-clear, deafening thought exploding in her mind:
— I'm a man, damn it!!!!
But... who was that person just now who was choosing clothes, putting on makeup, wearing accessories, and even trying out cute poses in front of the mirror?!
Who was that person immersed in the mindset of "how to make myself more attractive to the opposite sex"?
"Thud!"
She couldn't hold herself up any longer. Her knees buckled, and she tumbled straight forward, collapsing onto the cold floor in the standard "orz" pose of utter defeat.
Her entire being seemed to drain of color, turning into an old, gray photograph.
(It's over... completely over...)
(Has my soul... already been corrupted by this girl's body...)
(To actually think that dressing up beautifully for a man to look at is something worth being happy about... Koushi, you have fallen!)
(I actually... actually so dedicatedly... researched how to dress myself to make a man's heart flutter?!)
(Koushi, oh Koushi! Where is your masculinity?! Where is your straight, steel soul?! Were they all eaten by this skin and that bastard Aha?!)
(This is ten thousand times more shameful than being watched by the Fraxinus! This is self-betrayal originating from the soul!)
She lay on the floor, burying her burning face tightly into the carpet, letting out incomprehensible, despairing whimpers.
After a long while, she slowly and lifelessly crawled up, like a salted fish that had lost its dreams. Her heart was filled with immense humiliation and self-loathing.
Looking at the "girl" in the mirror—whose stunning beauty was hard to conceal even with a face full of misery—Koushi (Chinatsu)'s eyes were filled with complex grief and indignation.
He (She) took a deep breath, slowly let it out, and finally settled on a complex expression mixed with resignation, helplessness, and a 'what the hell' attitude.
It culminated in a long sigh, full of self-abandonment.
(No! I can't let this continue!)
(But... the mission... the punishment... peeing standing up... my Gundam models...)
After struggling between dignity and survival (and certain strange obsessions) for a full five minutes, Chinatsu weakly climbed up from the floor, as if she had just survived a major battle.
(... Fine. It's just skin, my soul remains unyielding! For the sake of the strategic objective... I... I'll endure it!)
"Haa..."
She adjusted her slightly messy clothes and hair, and the cool (and slightly deadpan) expression returned to her face.
(... Forget it, I'll just treat this as wearing a high-performance... camouflage battle suit.)
Carrying a near-tragic feeling, as if she were heading off to blow up a bunker, Phoenix-in Chinatsu pushed open the apartment door and set foot on the road to the "execution ground" (the date location).
The war named "Date" had not yet begun, but the commander's spirit was already severely wounded.
-------------------------
If you enjoy this story, you can read 70+ advanced chapters on Patreon!
Webnovel will keep getting 1 new chapter every day but Patreon readers can stay far ahead.
Maybe it's not a big deal now… maybe it will be later.
[email protected]/Rexlent
"And If you're enjoying it, drop a Power Stone for me!"