The war was finally nearing its end.
That night, a single piece of paper arrived at our house.
"…Mama?"
But Mama wouldn't show me what was on that paper.
"…It's nothing."
She just bit her lip so hard it bled and smiled.
That's why I didn't think much of it.
If Mama said it was nothing, then it must be nothing.
"I'm hungry."
"That's right."
Since last week, the bread ration has been reduced to once a day.
I ate the hard, black, strange-tasting bread in small pieces, nibbling on it.
"The war will be over soon. Then we'll have plenty to eat."
"Really?"
We could no longer walk on the main streets because it had become too dangerous.
The only time we went outside was in the morning for the daily ration.
While Mama was out working, I stayed cooped up alone in the room.
"I wish the war would just end already."
Alone in the room, I clutched the Flamer doll Papa had bought for me.
And so, I endlessly spent my days all by myself in the empty room.
***
"…Extra! Extra!!"
Just a few days later.
The whole town suddenly became loud and chaotic.
"A treaty has been signed! Austin and the Allied forces have agreed to an unconditional peace treaty!"
"The war is over!"
Peeking out the window, I saw the adults in a frenzy.
They were shouting, laughing, crying, and some even acting out.
"We don't have to fight anymore!"
"We're saved!"
I grasped the situation from their behavior.
At last, the war is over.
"Damn it! Damn it all!!"
On the main street, some people were overjoyed.
But others were pounding their hands on the ground, crying out in frustration.
"It's over?! The war is over?! Damn it!"
…I stared curiously at one of those people from my window.
The end of the war is supposed to be a good thing.
At least Mama had always hoped for the war to end soon.
Did that man want the war to continue?
"Why today? Why is the war ending now?!"
The one furious about the end of the war was an elderly man with graying hair.
Consumed by his anger, he pounded his fists on the ground until they bled.
"Just three more days! Why couldn't it have ended three days sooner?!"
With his eyes burning red with rage, the old man cried out in despair in the middle of the jubilant main street.
"My son wouldn't have had to die if it had ended three days earlier!!"
The old man then collapsed onto the street and continued sobbing.
Eventually, he stopped moving entirely.
***
"Anna, listen calmly, okay?"
That night.
Mama hugged me tightly and said:
"Papa… won't be coming home anymore."
"Why?"
Just when I thought we could finally live peacefully now that the war was over.
That's when Mama told me that Papa had died.
"There will be a joint funeral in the suburbs the day after tomorrow. Let's go say goodbye to Papa one last time, okay?"
"O-Okay."
Papa had died.
Ah, so that's why Mama had that look on her face that day.
I finally understood.
"I see…"
I don't have many memories of Papa.
He became a soldier when I was very young and hardly ever came home.
After we were taken to Flamel, it was just Mama and me living together.
To me, that man who suddenly appeared didn't feel like "Papa."
"Yeah, I'll go say goodbye to Papa."
"Thank you, Anna."
But I knew that that man was very important to Mama.
Mama had noticeably become more spirited since reuniting with Papa.
I even knew about the times they secretly kissed when they thought I wasn't looking.
For Mama's sake, I decided I would attend Papa's funeral.
***
The joint funeral was held outside the gates of Winn.
A large number of bodies were thrown into a pit piled up on top of each other.
"Are you the family of Sergeant Nauman, the vice commander of Gavel Company in Iris Regiment?"
"Yes."
"Please wait a moment. …Proceed 500 meters west from here to where the cremation will take place. The remains will also be handed over there."
A terrifying number of cold bodies I had never seen before.
Poor souls who had died and are never to move again.
They were thrown into the pit, covered with cloth over their faces, and stacked in a circular arrangement.
"Ugh…"
"Anna, are you okay?"
"I feel sick."
I couldn't help but feel horribly nauseous after seeing that.
The world was spinning, and I couldn't stand up.
It's scary. The people carelessly piled up there are terrifying.
"Take a deep breath. Calm down, hold my hand."
"U-Urgh."
I held Mama's hand and managed to regain my composure.
I don't even understand why I felt so sick.
"…Anna. If you're scared, should we go home?"
"No."
Mama looked at my face with concern and said that.
But I can't go back now.
I know very well that Mama loved Papa.
Papa's final moments… It's so sad that I wasn't able to be there when he died.
"I'm fine. Let's go?"
"Yeah."
I desperately pushed aside the rising fear and disgust.
I took Mama's hand and put on a forced smile.
"Ah…"
At the place we were guided to, there was a woman in mourning attire.
I recognized her face.
"It's Touri."
"…Yes."
Her name is Touri. She's an important figure in the military.
Even though she's still young, she was apparently Papa's superior officer.
She had recently been coming to our house to learn how to put on makeup.
"…"
She bowed her head without saying a word when she noticed us, her expression filled with sorrow.
"Touri, thank you for all you did for my husband."
"No… I'm sorry I couldn't do more."
Mama said this and gave a slight bow.
It was just an ordinary exchange, but the atmosphere was awkward.
"Mr. Nauman is over there."
"…Thank you."
Touri pointed to where Papa was.
Following her directions, Mama and I peered into the hole.
"…Uh, ugh."
There, someone who seemed to be Papa was among the bodies.
The hole was about a foot deep. Bodies were arranged in a circle, with dry branches and leaves used like a bed.
From the pile of bodies, faces covered in cloth drooped dejectedly.
I immediately recognized Papa from his hairstyle and body shape.
"Would you like to look at his face before the cremation?"
"…Yes."
Mama sat on the ground, reached into the hole, and removed the cloth covering Papa's face.
"Papa…"
Papa's face was surprisingly beautiful.
There was a large gunshot wound on his forehead, but his face looked peaceful as if he were sleeping.
"Uhh… ahh!!"
Immediately after seeing his face, Mama couldn't hold it in anymore and began crying loudly.
She got so close to his face she could kiss him.
"Aaaahhhh!!"
She cried with all her strength, sobbing uncontrollably.
"…"
I wonder why.
I don't have many memories with Papa.
I even remember feeling confused when he suddenly acted like a father…
"Uh… ah… ah…"
So, I don't understand why I'm so sad.
I don't know why tears are overflowing.
I just felt overwhelmingly sad and hurt as I looked at Papa's unmoving face.
"Papa…! Papa!!"
Before I knew it, I was sitting next to Mama.
I was crying loudly, looking up at the sky.
"Why… why?"
Papa's face burned into my eyes.
Pure white, cold, and covered in mud.
His face, eyes closed as if he were peacefully sleeping.
"…Touri."
I unconsciously called out to her.
"Why did Papa… How did he die?"
I don't know anything.
I don't know why Papa died. I don't know who shot him and killed him.
For some reason, I desperately wanted to know.
"…It was a trap by the enemy. He was ambushed and shot by a disguised enemy."
"Ambushed?"
She told me this calmly without changing her expression.
Papa was killed by a cowardly enemy in a deceitful ambush.
"Is it okay to do something so dirty?"
"There's no such thing as cowardice or fairness in war."
Anger surged up within me when I heard those words.
Papa was killed because of the underhanded tactics of the Allied forces.
…I at least wanted to believe that he died fighting honorably.
"Why did we make peace with such a deceitful enemy?"
"Hey, Anna!"
"Aren't we going to fight again?!"
I must have lost my mind.
Before I knew it, I had grabbed the shorter Touri by the collar.
"Why won't you avenge Papa?!"
"Stop it, Anna!"
Despite my outburst, Touri didn't seem offended.
She neither showed anger nor pity. She just remained expressionless.
"The reason we don't fight is to avoid creating more people like Mr. Nauman."
She said decisively.
"Even the soldiers in the Allied forces have loved ones. That's why the fighting must stop."
"Then why did we even start killing each other?! Who should I be angry at?!"
"If you're going to resent someone, resent me."
Letting my emotions get the better of me, I screamed at Touri.
I glared at her, tears streaming down my face as I stood in front of Papa's body.
"I was the one who was in command of your father, Mr. Nauman."
"Touri…"
"If anyone should bear responsibility for his death, it's me for not reading the enemy's strategy in time."
Touri remained calm in front of my frantic state.
It was as if she was completely accustomed to being "appealed to by the bereaved."
"Also, it was I who judged that Mr. Nauman could not be saved and I gave him a mercy killing."
"Wha—!!"
Her calm demeanor and the detached words made me furious.
Before I knew it, I was grabbing her by the collar and raising my fist.
"Stop it, Anna!!"
"I'll—"
I'm going to punch Touri's face with all my might.
I readied my fist with that thought in mind, but Touri just stared at me with an emotionless, cold gaze.
"…"
In the end, I didn't punch her. I just let go of her collar.
"Aren't you going to hit me?"
"Hitting you won't change anything."
It was painful, it was sad, and my tears wouldn't stop, but…
I didn't want to cross the final line.
"Papa would surely be sad if I hit you…"
I moved away from Touri and crouched down on the spot.
I thought Papa would have a sad expression on his face if I hit her.
So, I desperately held myself back.
"…As expected from Mr. Nauman's daughter."
And then…
As I was crying with my face lowered, I heard Touri's voice from above my head.
"He was a family man, kind, and a noble person."
Maybe it was my imagination.
I couldn't see Touri's face clearly because my tears wouldn't stop, but I felt like her voice was trembling.
"Whenever there was a party with the unit, Mr. Nauman would always brag about his daughter. He said she was a kind child."
Touri's voice sounded shaky as she spoke.
I thought maybe she was crying too.
***
Until the joint funeral began, Touri spoke with various soldiers' families.
From what I could see, she was going through a lot.
She was spat on, insulted, and even attacked.
Though sometimes people thanked her kindly, there were also times when she was hurt.
"…Touri. I wonder why she came here."
It's like she came here just to suffer.
Why doesn't she leave even after being insulted and hit?
"I think that's just the kind of person she is."
Mama looked at Touri with a pained expression.
"It would be much easier for us if we had someone to hate."
"Someone to hate…"
"If I hadn't heard from Papa what kind of person Touri is, I think I would have raised my voice too."
Mama probably thought that this was Touri's way of "taking responsibility."
She's taken on the role of the villain, trying to help the bereaved families process their emotions.
"Anna, you held up well."
"Mama…"
"Papa would surely praise you."
Hearing this about Touri, I felt like I understood a little bit why Papa always spoke so highly of her.
***
"Touri, I have a request."
And then, a year had passed since the joint funeral.
I had made a decision.
"Please let me join your unit, Touri!"
"…"
That is, I also became independent.
It was my way of deciding to stand on my own and become a soldier like Papa.
"…May I ask the reason?"
"Of course."
There weren't many job opportunities in Austin after the war.
In such a situation, becoming a soldier wasn't a bad choice in terms of income.
"I didn't get to spend much time with my father. I don't know anything about him."
"…"
"That's why, I want to know what he saw and what he did."
On top of that…
I wanted to learn about what kind of soldier my father was from his superior, Touri.
"Mr. Nauman probably wouldn't have wanted his daughter to become a soldier."
"Even so, I want to know."
From what I've heard from his comrades, my father was a trusted sapper.
Apparently, my father was quite skilled at tinkering with weapons and machinery.
"I don't want to be just another town girl. I want to be proud to be the daughter of my brave father."
"…"
"That's why I can't move forward unless I do this."
I also have confidence in my dexterity. I'm good at sewing, and my cooking skills are pretty decent.
I'm sure I can become a good soldier like my father if I study hard.
"I'll do any kind of grunt work. Please, make me your subordinate!"
I said this and bowed my head to Touri during the enlistment interview.
***
"Ah, well… Since it's already certain, I'll let you know."
"Touri?"
"I'm sorry, Anna. You didn't pass the enlistment exam."
"Eh?"
Touri said this while looking very uncomfortable.
"E-Eh!? Why?"
"Your stamina and attention to detail are insufficient."
Those words left me speechless.
I've already failed the enlistment exam?
"Is it really that bad?!"
"Yes. Taking nearly 30 minutes to run three kilometers is a bit much."
"Ugh… I'm not good at running, but…"
"Well, I wasn't exactly in great shape when I first joined either."
Perhaps out of consideration, Touri reassured me by saying that.
But I was still dazed by the shock of being told I had failed.
"Also, did you notice the sign during the endurance run? It had instructions to salute the instructor after crossing the finish line."
"Eh, there was something like that?"
"Yes, those who didn't salute had points deducted. Attention to detail is a crucial skill for a soldier."
I became even more depressed after listening to Touri's explanation.
Admittedly, I had been too focused on the endurance run to pay attention to my surroundings.
"…If you want to hear more about your father, I can tell you as much as you'd like. Not in the army, but perhaps over a meal."
"Oh…"
I couldn't become a soldier. Hearing that made me feel frustrated.
I felt like I would never be able to get closer to my father.
"…And Anna, you're a kind person. You're probably not suited to be a soldier."
"H-Huh?"
Touri said this to comfort me.
You're not suited to be a soldier.
I felt a bit irritated by those words, but…
"You'd probably hesitate when it comes to shooting someone. That hesitation might end up getting you killed."
"…"
"A person who can't even bring themselves to hit someone wouldn't be able to shoot an enemy."
She said this with a small smile.
"Kindness is the last emotion a soldier needs."
"…"
"By the way, your father, Mr. Nauman…"
***
That's how I failed the enlistment exam.
Moreover, I was firmly told by Touri, a war hero, that I wasn't suited for it.
"Not suited for it, huh…"
Not suited to be a soldier. Is that an insult or a compliment?
Touri's expression was so neutral that I couldn't tell what she really meant by saying that.
"By the way, your father, Mr. Nauman, was not only an excellent sapper but also someone who was completely unsuited to be a soldier."
But the way she said it made me think I might be similar to my father.
There are plenty of ways to live besides being a soldier.
"Now that we live in a time where you don't have to become a soldier, how about trying to find another path?"
I let out a deep sigh and walked out of the recruitment office onto the main street.
A year after the end of the war, Winn was slowly beginning to regain its vitality.