Since being called out by Bern, I haven't been summoned during my leave.
I spent my time at Sergeant Gavel's house studying and training.
"Shall we wrap up the training for today?"
"Yes. Thank you, Sergeant Gavel."
Sergeant Gavel's house had a small training facility.
Inside, there were wooden sit-up benches, dummy figures representing enemy soldiers, and targets for archery.
Sergeant Gavel and his siblings had been trained here under their mother's supervision since they were young.
"It's quite a good workout, isn't it? Touri, your arms are still thin. You might want to work on strengthening your upper body more."
"Now that you mention it, I've mostly focused on core and leg training until now."
"If you don't need to fire a gun, that's sufficient."
I also learned to shoot a bow from Sergeant Gavel.
I struggled to aim as I intended and had difficulty hitting the target.
Even though I probably won't use a bow in actual combat, it was a valuable experience.
"Our leave is over in two days."
"Yes."
As I was working on strengthening my flabby body,
The end of the leave is fast approaching.
"Touri, is there anything you've left unfinished?"
"I don't think so…"
The day after tomorrow at noon, Touri Company will assemble and set off for Engei.
We will then return under the command of Verdi.
"I'm satisfied with my leave because I got to see Sedol. Sergeant Gavel, do you have any regrets?"
"Well, I guess I do have some, but…"
Sergeant Gavel had a glum expression when the topic of the end of the leave came up.
I couldn't shake the feeling that he was glancing at me occasionally.
"Really, it's fine. Yeah."
"If you still have things you want to do, there's still some time left…"
"Like I said, it's fine."
I thought that if he had any regrets, he should address them, but…
I decided not to press further since he seemed to be avoiding the topic.
It might be something that's hard to say to a woman, like "I'm going to an 'adult establishment.'"
"You're so calm, Touri."
"Yes. People often say that I'm not very friendly."
"That's not it."
Suddenly, Sergeant Gavel said this.
It's not that I'm calm; I'm just not good at talking and reserved.
Back at the orphanage, I was actually known as a restless child.
"You're the same as always, even though we're about to return to the battlefield."
"Oh, is that what you mean?"
Sergeant Gavel's question seemed to ask if I was afraid of returning to the battlefield.
Of course, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of dying.
…But I have already killed so many enemy soldiers.
If that's the case, I too should end up like them, buried in the cold earth, covered in blood and mud, and die in disgrace.
I have no hesitation about returning to the trenches reeking of death.
"I'm a soldier. I was brought up to die for my country with a smile on my face, and that hasn't changed even now."
"Yes."
"…But you see, as the day to return to the battlefield draws near, I've started to feel scared."
When Sergeant Gavel answered, he looked more uncertain and anxious than I had ever seen.
"Are you afraid to fight?"
"No, it's not that. I'm a person who can only fight. Fighting is my duty. I've spent all my time since birth trying to become a great soldier."
"…I see."
"But I saw people die right in front of me on the battlefield. When I thought that's what might happen to me… I became afraid."
He averted his gaze and muttered this as if in pain.
"I'm not afraid of fighting; I'm afraid of dying. It pains me to expose my corpse in the field without any honor or pride."
"…"
"Even though I was taught that achieving military merit and dying gloriously is honorable… Am I such a coward after all?"
This is surely his "true feelings" he has finally shown me.
…I understand how Sergeant Gavel is feeling very well.
"That's just how it is, Sergeant Gavel."
"What do you mean?"
"The ones who believe that dying in battle is glorious are those who don't value their lives."
"…"
"Sergeant Gavel… Was the death of the comrades you saw on the battlefield beautiful?"
Those who have never experienced the battlefield will dream of a glorious and brave death when they hear of death in battle.
In reality, most corpses are covered in dirt, dripping with bodily fluids, and they die in a filthy state.
Their face is crushed and horribly distorted from being stepped on and kicked, and the foul stench of excrement fills the air.
Furthermore, if they lose their lives on the front lines, there's no time to pay attention to the fallen.
────Ah, he's dead.
────They're shooting from over there. Let's be careful.
Those who are shot on the battlefield are mourned only briefly before their comrades move on to the next trench.
If one were to linger on such sentiments, they themselves end up dead.
There is no honor in dying on the battlefield.
"It's natural to be afraid of dying."
"But isn't that being cowardly?"
"Not fearing death isn't bravery. Fearing death and still trying your best is what makes you brave."
And surely, a commander must understand the soldier's feelings.
Who would want to follow a commander who considers death in battle an honor?
"…Is it the same for you as well?"
"Yes. I'm also afraid of dying."
It is better to have a commander who can understand the feelings of soldiers who fear death and who can give them encouraging words to inspire them.
For instance, someone like Verdi, who is kind and understands the soldiers.
"I'm sure Verdi also understands this and gives us orders to fight with that understanding."
"I see."
…Sergeant Gavel will surely become a good commander.
Even soldiers are afraid of dying. There are many commanders who do not understand this obvious fact.
***
"Ah, Touri, about that…"
"What is it, Sergeant Gavel?"
The next day.
The last day of the long leave.
"Are you free today? Do you have any plans?"
"Yes, I'm planning to go out today. I'll be back in the evening."
"Eh?"
I thought again about whether there was anything I had left to do, and I remembered one thing.
Something I'd been thinking about trying someday when I had some time off.
"Ah, so you had plans after all."
"Yes, I remembered something I need to take care of."
"I-I see."
Sergeant Gavel looked surprised at my response.
He looked somewhat dejected.
"May I ask what you're going to do?"
"Sure, it's not anything special."
I gave a small, mature smile and turned to face Sergeant Gavel with a wallet full of bills in my hand.
"I'm planning to have a drink with someone."
"Eh?"
Yes.
In Austin, you can drink alcohol at the age of 18.
Having just turned 18 the other day, I can now legally enjoy a drink.
"Sergeant Gavel, you're still only 16, aren't you?"
"Ah…"
"That's why I'll be going out alone today."
For soldiers, alcohol is a valuable form of entertainment and also acts as a lubricant for human relationships.
However, when I drank Vok in the Sabbath, I lost my memory and made a fool of myself.
So, I decided to use my time off to get accustomed to drinking alcohol.
"I see. You had someone like that, Touri?"
"Yes, we are old acquaintances."
The wallet I held contained the remainder of my reward money. I shouldn't have any trouble with money.
My heart was filled with a little bit of anticipation.
Standing up, equipped with a handgun for self-defense and with a backpack on my back, I prepared to leave.
"Don't stay out too late."
"Of course."
I have never enjoyed alcohol, even in my previous life.
Let's just keep it moderate for today.
"…"
"Sergeant Gavel?"
For some reason, Sergeant Gavel appeared to be in a daze.
***
"…"
The first place I headed to was the liquor store that I had once visited with Rodri.
It was the store that had given us a generous discount.
However, the store appears to have closed down, leaving only an empty building behind.
"Cheap liquor! We have some local liquor that's really rare these days!"
Nearby, there was another liquor store.
A man with a distinctive accent was calling out to potential customers.
"Isn't this liquor cheaper than anywhere else, high quality, and delicious?"
…Come to think of it, that was the store I first went to with Rodri.
I remember almost getting ripped off here.
"Hello."
"Oh, welcome! Are you a customer, miss?"
"Yes."
Feeling nostalgic, I decided to go into that store.
There were various kinds of alcohol available in the store.
Although the arrangement of the shelves had changed since my last visit, the colorful array of liquor was still present.
"Do you have money? We're a bit pricey here."
"Yes, well, I do have some."
…I know that alcohol is quite valuable in Austin these days.
The alcohol on display in the store was nearly ten times more expensive than when I had come there with Rodri.
Surely, this price is a rip-off.
"Isn't this liquor only half full?"
"It's just your imagination. It was like that to begin with."
"…It looks like the seal is broken."
"Stop being noisy. If you don't like it, you don't have to buy it."
When I pointed this out to the shop owner, he became sulky and looked displeased.
This place is as shady as always.
From the looks of it, the contents may have been replaced with something else.
"Ah."
"What is it now?"
"No, I just found a brand I was looking for."
But precisely because it was such a shady store.
There was a chance that valuable Austin liquor remained as it was.
Austin's now precious liquor was probably left untouched.
"It seems the seal is intact…"
"Want to buy that? It's pretty expensive."
"I'll take it."
It was a distilled liquor in a bottle so small it could fit in the palm of my hand.
The price tag was enough to cover a month's worth of food.
"This should be enough."
"…! Thank you for coming, miss!"
When I took out the bills according to the price tag, the store owner changed his attitude.
With a bright smile on his face, he began to bowing to me.
"This liquor is also good."
"No, this is enough for today."
"I see…"
I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally got the drink I wanted.
I had been worrying about what I would do if I couldn't get it.
"Well then, I'll be leaving now."
"Come on, come again."
I nodded to the store owner and started walking away with the bottle of liquor in hand.
***
After walking for about half a day,
"Hello, I am Lieutenant Touri Lowe."
"I've heard about you. Please come in."
I was able to reach my destination as planned.
"I apologize for the inconvenience."
"No, it is an honor to meet you, Lieutenant."
Several soldiers there greeted me with a salute.
I quickly returned the salute and entered the building.
"The stone monument is at the back."
"Thank you."
The fortress, built of moss-covered stone, stretched across the mountains.
It was once the final line of defense that held back the Sabbatian forces to protect the capital city of Winn.
"…It's been a while, Platoon Leader Garback."
This is the resting place of heroes who once held off countless Sabbatian soldiers with just 54 men.
I had traveled for about half a day to visit the Fort Muson monument and pay my respects.
***
"Platoon Leader Garback is amazing."
After opening the bottle of liquor, I prepared two glasses and poured a drink into each.
"Now that I'm in a position to command my subordinates and be tasked with running on the front lines of the battlefield, I feel like I finally understand how amazing you are."
…The familiar aroma wafted from the glass.
It was the scent that came from a drunk Platoon Leader Garback on the Western Front.
A unique aroma that combines strong liquor and honey-like sweetness.
"Three years have passed since you died. The war is still not over yet."
I slowly sipped the liquor from my glass.
My tongue was hot and I almost choked on it, but I managed to endure it and swallow it.
"I'm 18 now. I am now of legal drinking age."
…It is very strong alcohol.
It's comparable to the strength of Vok.
This is the drink that Platoon Leader Garback preferred.
"When I was thinking about who the first person I would share a drink with, your face came to mind."
Rodri and Senior Allen are resting in Dokupori.
It doesn't look like I'll be able to visit the grave during my holiday.
However, since Platoon Leader rests in Fort Muson, I could visit his grave in a day trip.
…I wanted to take this opportunity to offer him a drink.
"I'm still a long way from Platoon Commander Garback. I think you would have handled things much better if you were here instead."
As I poured the second glass of liquor,
I spoke to the monument while venting my frustrations.
"I'm weak. Can you just listen to me complain for a bit?"
Then I poured some of the fine liquor I had brought for Platoon Leader Garback onto the monument.
The pungent smell of alcohol permeated around me.
"I'm scared to go back to the front lines. After meeting Sedol and living these peaceful days, I've become afraid. I'm filled with the desire to run away."
After saying that, I downed my second drink.
I was enveloped in a numbing sense of drunkenness.
"I still can't get used to the death of my comrades. When someone I've spoken to dies, I always become depressed."
Before I knew it, I was swaying, my head spinning.
Sweet droplets of liquor dripped from my lips like drool.
"I know someone among the Flamers we are fighting against. If I accidentally shoot Arunoma on the battlefield without realizing it's him, I'm not sure if I would be able to recover."
That's no good. What am I saying to Platoon Leader Garback?
I wonder what would have happened if he were here with me.
"Oh, I'm drunk."
It would be a bad idea to drink any more than this.
I placed my cup down and poured the remaining liquor onto the monument.
"Even after saying such childish things, you're not going to hit me, are you?"
And after placing the bottle on the stone monument,
I sat down on the ground and quietly shed tears.
"It's been three years since those days…"
As I sat down, I felt the cold sensation of Austin's soil.
It was no different from when I used to sleep in the trenches of the Western Front.