[1 Week later] [Sheldon's Apartment] [8:03 AM]
Leonard walked out of the hallway, rubbing one eye, his hair still flattened on one side from sleep. He actually went to the North Sea, but there was an accident, and luckily he and the team survived. He came home three days ago as the expedition was cancelled.
He shuffled toward the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, then glanced toward the living room where Sheldon was sitting in his usual spot with his laptop, cell phone, notepad, and several printed emails arranged across the coffee table.
"Good morning."
Sheldon looked up with visible irritation. "What's so good about this morning?"
Leonard paused with the refrigerator door open. "I don't know. The sun came up, civilization survived another night, nobody broke into the apartment while we were sleeping, and I managed to sleep almost seven hours without you knocking on my door because you found an error in Wikipedia."
"Your standards for a successful morning are embarrassingly low," Sheldon replied as he returned his attention to the laptop. "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was supposed to be released in May. It is now September, and despite four months of unacceptable delay, I still don't possess a confirmed publication date."
Leonard closed the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of orange juice. "You know Jack's been filming a movie, right?"
"I'm aware that Jack Preston has been filming Zombieland. Penny just won't shut up about it," Sheldon said while clicking through several emails. "I'm also aware that writing requires fingers, a functioning brain, and access to language, all three of which remained available to him during principal photography."
Leonard stared at him. "You realize movies take twelve to fourteen hours a day sometimes."
Sheldon gave him a flat look. "So does being awake."
Leonard took his drink and walked toward the couch. "How long have you been working on this?"
"Since six thirty-eight," Sheldon replied. "I would've started earlier, but Jack's publisher operates on Eastern Time, which created an unnecessary scheduling inconvenience."
Leonard glanced at the phone beside him. "Please tell me you only sent emails." He said with a heavy sigh.
Sheldon turned toward him with confusion. "Why would I do that when telephones exist?"
Leonard slowly lowered his glass. "Sheldon, who did you call?"
Sheldon picked up his notepad and read from the list. "The main publishing office, Jack's editor, the editor's assistant, the publication coordinator, the publicity department, the marketing department, the distribution office, and someone named Sandra who answered the general information line."
Leonard stared at him. "It's eight in the morning."
"It is eight in California," Sheldon corrected him. "Most of those people live in New York, where the time is eleven. Honestly, Leonard, understanding time zones is elementary mathematics."
"What about Jack's editor?"
"She lives in California."
Leonard closed his eyes. "You called her before seven?"
"She answered on the third attempt."
"Because she probably thought somebody died."
Sheldon nodded slightly. "That assumption briefly improved her responsiveness."
Leonard put his glass on the table. "Sheldon, you already have enough restraining orders. Keep this up and you're going to get another one from an entire publishing company."
Sheldon's expression tightened. "For the last time, Leonard, a restraining order is merely the legal system's way of formalizing somebody's inability to participate in a reasonable discussion."
Leonard stared at him. "Leonard Nimoy got one because you showed up at his house."
"I brought him valuable feedback regarding an autograph policy."
"You walked into his backyard."
"The gate was unlocked."
Leonard pointed toward the phone. "Maybe stop calling people before someone at Jack's publishing company decides thirty feet isn't enough distance."
Before Sheldon could respond, the apartment door opened and Penny walked inside wearing sweatpants and a loose shirt. She headed directly toward the kitchen without asking permission, grabbed a mug from the cupboard, and reached for the coffee pot.
"Morning. My coffee machine died, and I don't have enough respect for myself to deal with that uncaffeinated."
Leonard pointed toward Sheldon. "Perfect timing. Please explain to him that repeatedly calling publishing executives before breakfast is how you get another restraining order."
Penny poured coffee and glanced toward Sheldon. "What happened?"
Sheldon folded his hands over the laptop and spoke with immediate irritation. "Jack Preston happened."
Penny stopped stirring sugar into her coffee. "Jack?"
"More specifically, Jack Preston's inability to provide Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them on the date originally promised to the reading public," Sheldon replied. "The book was scheduled for May. It is September. Four months have passed."
Penny took a sip. "He's been shooting Zombieland."
Sheldon looked toward Leonard. "Why does everyone keep saying that as though acting prevents literacy?"
Penny walked into the living room and sat beside Leonard. "Because making a movie takes a lot of time. We were shooting all day when I was there."
Sheldon dismissed the point with a small movement of his hand. "Irrelevant. Jack managed to write seven Harry Potter novels while maintaining an acting career. Therefore, previous evidence confirms that he possesses the necessary ability to produce literature while famous."
Leonard looked at Penny. "He's been like this since before I woke up."
Penny noticed the printed emails covering the table. "What are all those?"
"Correspondence," Sheldon replied.
Leonard leaned toward her. "Harassment with timestamps."
Sheldon ignored him. "I have sent fourteen emails since yesterday requesting clarification regarding the publication date. Only five received replies, and three contained the phrase 'thank you for your patience,' despite the fact that I never agreed to provide patience."
Penny laughed into her coffee.
Sheldon picked up one of the pages. "His editor claims the manuscript is undergoing final preparation. Publicity claims an announcement is coming soon. Distribution refused to provide warehouse information, which I found particularly suspicious."
Leonard frowned. "Why did you ask for warehouse information?"
"So I could determine whether physical copies have already been printed."
Penny stared at him. "You're investigating a book release like somebody stole nuclear launch codes."
Sheldon looked toward Penny, and suddenly his posture changed. His annoyed expression disappeared, replaced by an unnaturally pleasant smile.
Leonard immediately noticed it. "Oh, no."
Sheldon ignored him and folded his hands politely. "Penny, you've worked with Jack Preston…" He said way too softly.
Penny slowly lowered her coffee mug. "Why do you suddenly sound nice?"
Leonard looked toward Sheldon and immediately became suspicious. "Yeah, don't trust that voice. That's the voice he uses when he wants something."
Sheldon continued as though neither of them had spoken. "You attended Jack Preston's Harry Potter event, auditioned for a role in his film, successfully obtained that role, and subsequently spent several days working in close physical proximity to him."
Penny narrowed her eyes. "Okay…"
"Furthermore," Sheldon continued, "Jack Preston meets virtually every criterion that has historically determined whether you find a man attractive. He's conventionally handsome, wealthy, famous, physically fit, professionally successful, socially confident, and possesses access to expensive vehicles."
Penny stared at him. "Wow."
Leonard shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Sheldon, maybe stop reviewing my girlfriend's dating preferences like you're presenting research findings."
"I'm establishing relevant historical data," Sheldon replied before turning back to Penny. "Your previous romantic partners indicate a strong preference for attractive men with elevated social status or unusually developed musculature. I don't know why you're with Leonard. Jack possesses both characteristics."
Penny's eyebrows rose higher.
Leonard winced. "I'm not that bad..." He mumbled, and what Sheldon pointed out was right.
Penny slowly placed the coffee mug on the table. "Choose your next words carefully."
Sheldon appeared completely unconcerned. "I'm merely suggesting that given your established behavior patterns, professional access to Jack Preston, and the statistical likelihood that you would consider him sexually desirable, there's a reasonable possibility that you acquired his personal phone number."
Penny stared at him.
Sheldon tilted his head thoughtfully.
"Possibly after coitus."
Penny went completely still.
The change was so immediate that even Sheldon seemed to notice something had gone wrong, though recognition arrived several seconds later than it should have. Penny's fingers tightened around the handle of her coffee mug while she stared across the table with a look that could've melted the plastic casing around his laptop.
Leonard glanced from Sheldon to Penny, then slowly back toward Sheldon as his own discomfort mixed with something uglier. He hated admitting it, even to himself, but Sheldon had described Jack with irritating accuracy. Jack was young, famous, wealthy, charming, successful, physically fit, and apparently capable of making an entire convention hall lose its mind by walking onto a stage. Leonard looked toward Penny before he could stop himself.
Penny caught the glance immediately and turned the same murderous stare toward him.
Leonard straightened so quickly that his back nearly left the couch. "Don't look at me like that. I'm on your side here, and what Sheldon just said was completely out of line." He lifted both hands toward Penny while keeping his voice careful. He looked toward Sheldon. "Not cool, Sheldon. That was completely out of line, and you owe Penny an apology before this somehow gets even worse."
Penny stayed frozen for another second, staring at Sheldon as though she were calculating exactly how much trouble she would get into for throwing a ceramic mug across the room. "You know what, Sheldon? I've dealt with a lot of weird things from you. You've insulted my intelligence, my acting career, my education, my hometown, my food choices, and somehow even the way I sit on furniture. But asking whether I slept with Jack just because I worked with him is disgusting."
Sheldon barely reacted as he adjusted the position of his laptop. "I didn't state that you did. I proposed a hypothesis based on available information and your documented romantic preferences."
Penny's jaw tightened as she slowly stood from the couch.
Leonard rose beside her and reached gently toward her arm. "Penny, ignore him because he clearly has no idea how badly he crossed the line."
Penny looked at Leonard for a moment, and the anger in her face softened slightly before she noticed the uncertainty still hiding behind his expression. "And you need to stop looking at me like part of you is wondering whether he might be right."
Leonard's eyes widened immediately. "I'm not wondering anything because... I trust you."
"You hesitated."
"I was processing the absurdity."
"You were thinking about Jack."
Leonard rubbed the back of his neck and gave her an uncomfortable look. "I was thinking about how Sheldon managed to turn a missing book release into an accusation about my girlfriend's sex life."
Penny stared at him long enough to make Leonard increasingly nervous. "You get one chance to keep that answer."
"I'm keeping it."
Sheldon looked between them while typing something into the laptop. "Technically, Leonard's insecurity isn't entirely irrational. Jack Preston possesses numerous traits that Penny has historically prioritized in potential mates, while Leonard possesses several traits she has historically tolerated after prolonged emotional exposure."
Leonard slowly turned toward him. "Sheldon, you're making everything worse on purpose now."
"I'm correcting the analysis."
Penny closed her eyes and took a long breath while gripping the coffee mug tightly. She looked at the mug, then looked at Sheldon's head, and apparently decided she didn't want assault charges before breakfast. She placed the mug on the table with exaggerated care. "I'm leaving because if I stay here another thirty seconds, that mug is going to become part of your skull."
Sheldon glanced toward the mug and adjusted his laptop several inches farther away. "That would be both criminal and unnecessarily destructive because the mug belongs to Leonard."
Penny started walking toward the door.
Leonard followed her halfway across the room. "Penny, wait. I'll come with you."
She shook her head and opened the door. "I need coffee, silence, and a place where nobody asks whether I slept with a famous actor."
Leonard stopped near the doorway and gave her an apologetic expression. "I'm sorry Sheldon said that, and I'm sorry I looked weird for half a second."
Penny slammed the door closed.
Leonard stayed before the door for several seconds while the apartment settled back into silence. Then he slowly turned around and looked toward Sheldon, who had already returned his attention to the computer. "You know you're supposed to feel bad now."
Sheldon scrolled through another page. "I feel disappointed that Penny refused to answer a straightforward question."
Leonard walked back toward the couch and dropped into his seat. "You accused my girlfriend of sleeping with someone because you want a book release date."
"I didn't accuse her of anything. I investigated a possible communication channel."
"You investigated whether she had Jack's number after sex."
"That would've been an efficient point of contact."
Leonard pressed both hands against his face. "Sometimes I genuinely don't understand how you made it to adulthood without being punched more often."
Sheldon ignored the comment and continued scrolling through social media posts related to Jack Preston. Several fan accounts were discussing the tiny behind-the-scenes photos from the Zombieland set and the Planet of the Apes movie, while others reposted photographs from recent sightings around Los Angeles.
Then Sheldon stopped.
His eyes narrowed slightly as he opened one post and leaned closer to the screen.
A fan had uploaded a photograph less than twenty minutes earlier.
@PrestonWatch:
Pretty sure I just saw Jack Preston at Westwood Café with Haley Dunphy. They're sitting outside near the corner tables. I guess they're on a breakfast date to avoid the paparazzi.
Below the post was a blurry photograph showing Jack seated at an outdoor café table in dark sunglasses and a casual jacket. Haley sat across from him with a drink in one hand while leaning forward during conversation.
Sheldon straightened immediately. "Interesting."
Leonard looked over with immediate suspicion. "I hate that word when you say it like that."
Sheldon turned the laptop toward him. "Jack Preston is currently in California."
Leonard glanced at the photograph and shrugged. "He lives there."
"More specifically, he's currently sitting at Westwood Café with Haley Dunphy."
Leonard looked back toward Sheldon and instantly understood the dangerous direction of the conversation. "No. I'm not driving you to California so that you could somehow track down Jack and ruin his morning too."
Sheldon quickly closed his laptop and stood up. "According to the roommate agreement..."
"I don't care, and you better apologize to Penny," Leonard said before walking out of the apartment.
...[15 minutes later]...
Amy drove toward Westwood while Sheldon sat in the passenger seat with his laptop open across his knees. He kept refreshing the fan account that had posted Jack's location, occasionally checking the map to make sure Amy hadn't taken what he considered an inefficient route.
Sheldon glanced toward her. "Thank you for driving me, Amy. Leonard refused despite his contractual obligations under the roommate agreement."
Amy smiled as she kept her eyes on the road. "You're welcome. I was happy to help."
"Great," He returned his attention to the laptop. "Now please maintain your current speed. According to Google Maps, we'll arrive in thirty minutes, assuming you don't encounter another driver who believes turn signals are optional."
...
[Meanwhile...] [At the cafe]
"I never knew you could wake up this early in the morning," Jack said as he sipped his lemon tea.
Haley rubbed her eyes and groaned. "Ohhh... Today is my day off, and I barely got nine hours of sleep... And now, Manny wants to throw a surprise birthday party for Gloria." She sighed.
"Okay, and why exactly did you drag me here for?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.
"To help us, obviously."
"Wait! You want my help to set up a birthday party for Gloria?"
"Uh-huh," She nodded.
"Well, no one ever asked me to set up a birthday party before... Yeah. Okay. I'll do it," Jack nodded.
--
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