Chapter 161 — Preparing to Leave
One day, a person leaves.
No one can remain forever.
The question is when to choose that moment.
Many people suffer because they fail to find the right time.
It leaves regret behind and creates many other troubles.
Youngwoo's thought of leaving began from a simple reason, but the resolve itself was not light.
It was a choice reached after long thought over how he should conduct himself.
The reason he judged that he could no longer remain here lay in the traces of cruel savagery.
He could not see a sound society standing on top of such things.
A society's culture, rules, and way of life do not change easily.
There are also reasons people use to justify cruel killing.
As his studies deepened, Youngwoo came to understand that this was connected to the source of life itself.
He had to leave.
At that sudden realization, he looked back over the place where he had stayed.
On one side, regret remained.
They had treated an insignificant military man with deep courtesy.
They had given him what their society considered best.
Slaves, a house, tents, enough wealth and grain to live without want.
If he returned to Goryeo, he would enter again into that brutal field of struggle.
Now he understood.
The reason they moved in such ways was the shortage of positions.
Because resources were scarce, people pushed others aside and seized places for themselves.
A few positions drew endless struggle.
Blood-splattered contests repeated, and the current turned toward internal strife.
If one did not covet a position, collisions became fewer.
Even over a single post of jungnangjang, men tried to take his life.
It was a completely different pattern from Jin, which suffered because it lacked people.
Amid such thoughts, he tried to gather his belongings to one side.
There was much to take.
His baggage had grown.
Many things had been given to him as his.
From the beginning, they were things he could not carry all at once.
He thought about who to give them to, then left only what he had possessed when he came.
His hwan-do, his bow, his wind cloak, his horse, and the small field bed for camping.
He looked over them one by one, then shook his head.
At some point, he had stopped taking care of even these small things himself.
He had several attendants now.
And then he thought of the Goryeo military advisory force.
Even without him, the work to be done would keep moving.
Even so, his responsibility toward them remained his.
Goryeo could send someone else up here.
Even so, his responsibility for the Fifth Detachment belonged wholly to him.
Then his thoughts went on to the various specialists who had come from Goryeo.
At that point, a lonely image passed through his chest.
Nothing is eternal.
His master's words came back to him.
He traced back when he had heard them.
It had been at Seonchullyeong Fortress, when the tyranny of the interest groups inside the army had reached its height.
Nothing is eternal.
At that time, the words had been close to a curse, a punishment aimed at them.
He had wished for their tyranny to end.
He had wished for their lives and households to collapse.
Now he understood that even that current had begun from the shortage of positions.
He thought again.
Perhaps the rumor had already spread.
The So Cheollyong brothers and Do Gyeongtaek entered.
"What are you saying? You are quitting?"
Rumor traveled fast.
One must not do things that influence the lives of others too easily.
He had responsibility toward them, but he could not remain in a place like this for that reason alone.
"Mm. This is just a personal matter."
So Cheollyong shouted.
"You told them to stop the slaughter, and when they refused, you said you would quit instead! How is that personal? It is a statement that the Goryeo army cannot take part in slaughter."
Youngwoo scratched the back of his head.
"Is that so?"
So Cheollyong saw matters clearly.
It was a wonder he had survived so long.
Perhaps he had survived because he had never climbed higher.
He had remained at the level of ojang and daejeong, so his excessive words and rash decisions had not become a problem for the organization.
He had little contact with those who would judge such things as problems.
So, if one knows oneself to be lacking, one should not rise.
People strain every nerve to climb even one more step, but there is no need.
Gyeongtaek said,
"Your decision is our decision, Jungnangjang. It is Goryeo's resolve as well."
"Ah, I only asked them to stop the cruel retaliation. They treated it as a matter of personal likes and dislikes. So I said that if I dislike it, I will leave."
"And then?"
"We talked a great deal. I told them they must not do this, that they must absorb Liao's resources. People are resources too. Skills and many other valuable things as well."
Gyeongtaek agreed.
No, he was a man who would agree with anything Youngwoo said.
"Of course. Jungnangjang, these people are too cruel. They say it is because of what they suffered, but it is excessive."
So Cheolun spoke.
With his older brother present, he usually said little, but the matter was grave, so he asked without waiting.
"Is that not natural for an army?"
"Can an army kill your neighbor? They are harmless people. No, no. That is only my thought. You do not need to agree with me. I do not want you to."
Gyeongtaek asked again.
"So you intend to make this your matter alone and step away?"
"Yes. It is Goryeo's affair, and I was here as jungnangjang. If a monk dislikes the temple, the monk should leave."
"That decision is too hasty. You should at least consult Gaegyeong."
"I am leaving because I hate all of this. What consultation is there to have? It would only be shabby."
"Then what happens to us, left here?"
"What happens? A soldier stays loyal to his country, faithful to his duty, and fights for the people. What more do you want? Perhaps the country became what it is because of men who wanted something more."
It was true.
But the reason they had followed him was their trust in him.
They had believed they would not be sacrificed in the schemes of men who fought and played politics over positions worth almost nothing.
Many had been sacrificed in the conflict between Park Cheolgu and Seo Uitaek, not only the two men themselves.
Ultimately, it had been Yi Huisong's fault.
There was no guarantee that such things would not repeat.
The sight of men fighting over trivial authority and small positions was truly sordid.
Here, they had been able to devote themselves to work without such things.
There had even been reward in the work.
But the cruel retaliation had left them speechless.
Youngwoo sighed.
"They were probably shocked. In any case, let us wait. They said they would make improvements."
Gyeongtaek denied it.
"Will they fix it? They cannot. It is engraved into their bones."
Youngwoo nodded.
"Yes. They probably cannot. But let us give them time. We must give them a chance."
So Cheollyong asked,
"What chance?"
"A chance to work with me."
"Ah, your arrogance pierces the heavens."
Youngwoo laughed softly.
"Perhaps that arrogance is what we live on."
So Cheollyong clicked his tongue.
"Fine. Do as you wish, Jungnangjang. We will follow you no matter what."
Then he looked around.
It sounded like an order for the others to follow as well.
Youngwoo refused.
"No. This matter is confined to me alone. It is enough for me alone to quit. So all of you should remain faithful to your duties."
"Ah, what are you saying…"
Youngwoo stood first.
They seemed to have much more to say, but he could not let them continue.
If he did, the talk would have no end.
Then his own thoughts might weaken again.
When the words had already come out, the matter had to be ended.
He sent his subordinates out almost as though driving them away.