Chapter 176: Umaru the Dried-Fish Sister
Honestly, Ryū couldn't claim he knew every anime character out there. There were simply too many series, and plenty of popular ones he'd either never watched or dropped after one episode because they weren't to his taste. If a new member happened to come from something like that, he'd have no hope of recognizing them.
Yukari was actually a perfect example. He'd only ever learned about her through secondhand references and memes — he knew of her through wiki rabbit holes rather than actual gameplay. For a surface-level familiarity with the Touhou franchise, that kind of research was honestly enough.
A few minutes had passed. The new member, apparently done reading the group announcement, surfaced again.
My True Form Is Cola: …A Dimensional Chat Group. Something like this actually exists in the world! If it's real — does that mean I can watch anime from other worlds? Play games from other worlds? Eat snacks from other worlds?
My True Form Is Cola: There's no one else in the entire universe living this kind of life!!
Kaguya-sama: The new member has a remarkably high tolerance for this.
Kaguya-sama: They finished the group announcement in just a few minutes.
Kaguya-sama: When I joined for the first time, I spent a solid ten-plus minutes questioning the nature of reality before I could even begin to accept what was happening.
RawrSoFierce: @My True Form Is Cola — could the new member share their name?
My True Form Is Cola: Oh… my name? Hmm. I'm… Doma Umaru.
RawrSoFierce: WHAT?!
My True Form Is Cola: That really is my name, I promise…
RawrSoFierce: My True Form Is Cola. Doma Umaru. Yeah, that tracks completely.
"…"
Ryū's expression twitched.
He'd genuinely thought it might be Franky — that wildly over-the-top, constantly-posing shipwright from the One Piece world.
Apparently not. He'd been wrong.
Doma Umaru. A reasonably well-known character in her own right, actually. The protagonist of Himouto! Umaru-chan — a slice-of-life series that managed to weave a faint undercurrent of something almost forbidden into an otherwise cheerful domestic premise. The title made her role pretty clear.
And now, between Eriri and Umaru, both of today's new members were slice-of-life characters. Both teenage girls. Probably within two years of each other in age.
Why are both of them girls?!
Is there some kind of setting mechanic at work here?
A dried-fish shut-in… so another homebody, then. Aside from lacking Eriri's particular flavour of "golden retriever who lost at love," the two of them had a very similar reclusive energy. The difference was that Eriri gravitated toward romance games while Umaru seemed to prefer shooters and action-heavy anime.
Ryū had read Himouto! to completion, so he knew Umaru wasn't genuinely that much of a shut-in. The later chapters hinted at it, if obliquely: the chibi home-mode Umaru was something she'd developed partly out of fear of being scolded by her brother. The girl underneath — the tall, composed, graceful one her classmates knew — that was her real self.
It was just that once you let the otaku in, you couldn't let it back out again.
Completely. Utterly. Shut-in for life.
RawrSoFierce: Looks like both of today's new members are girls.
Kaguya-sama: I knew it — the Admin definitely knows this new member too. Also, new Cola-chan — you're Doma Umaru? Another girl! The Chat Group's army of women gains another general!
Kaguya-sama: Is Umaru-chan from a slice-of-life world or a battle one?
RawrSoFierce: Slice-of-life, more or less.
Street-Corner Illustrator: We joined at almost the exact same time, huh.
Edward Newgate: Gurararara, what a lively day in the group!
Edward Newgate: @My True Form Is Cola — new member, would you be interested in becoming this old man's daughter? I can teach you martial arts, Armament Haki, Observation Haki, swordsmanship, kicking techniques — for free! I might even throw in a Devil Fruit!
My True Form Is Cola: …Become your d-daughter?!
My True Form Is Cola: ∑(°Д°)
My True Form Is Cola: N-no thank you!!!
"…"
In the world of Himouto! Umaru-chan, it was summer break.
Umaru was currently wearing her orange hamster hoodie, the one that made her look like she'd somehow shrunk down to the size of a five- or six-year-old — though she was, in fact, sixteen.
Her usual home routine involved gaming and manga-reading without pause.
But today, for the first time in recent memory, her console hadn't been touched.
Even the can of cola sitting right next to her remained sealed.
Umaru sat with a completely blank expression on her face, clearly still not processing whatever had just happened. As if the shock of it had physically frozen her.
She stayed like that for a good few seconds.
Then, finally, she came back to herself.
Her body returned to its full sixteen-year-old proportions — she'd been so startled she'd snapped out of chibi mode entirely.
Her small pale hand reached out, trembling slightly, and grabbed a potato chip.
She stuffed it into her mouth on pure instinct.
The tomato flavour hit her tongue. Gradually, something in her settled.
The trembling eased.
"A Dimensional Chat Group," she murmured to herself. "An actual Dimensional Chat Group, just… existing in the world. And the first thing that happens when I join is someone tries to adopt me as their daughter. What kind of opening is that?"
She scrolled through the member list, looking at the handles.
RawrSoFierce.
Little Sakura of the Tohsaka.
Eternally Seventeen.
Street-Corner Illustrator.
Edward Newgate.
Crazy Diamond.
…
Out of all of them, "Edward Newgate" was probably the most normal-sounding name on the list. Clearly Western. At least it looked like an actual person's name.
The behaviour associated with it, however, was decidedly not normal.
Who tries to adopt a stranger the moment they walk in the door?!
Hold on.
Wait a second.
Edward…
Newgate…
Umaru went still.
The name felt familiar. Wasn't that — wasn't that a character from One Piece, the long-running battle manga? Edward Newgate — wasn't that Whitebeard? The one who died at Marineford?
She'd only just read that arc. Last week. Whitebeard's final stand, Ace dying in his arms — she'd cried through the whole thing.
And now there was a living, breathing Whitebeard right here in front of her.
Whitebeard came back to life?!
What the—!!
The Himouto! world had One Piece in it. Umaru's room back home had the manga volumes on her shelf, the figurines on her desk. She knew the series. She knew this character.
And her world also had Hatsune Miku, Sword Art Online, all of it — it was the same kind of world.
"Is… is this actually the real Whitebeard?"
Umaru's grip on reality was wobbling badly.
She had a sinking feeling.
Like she'd somehow been reading a fake version of One Piece all along.
☆☆☆
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