A familiar ceiling greeted him as he awoke.
Mok's focus drifted down to the comforting warmth at his side, his fingers sliding into Kao's quiet hold.
With a deep breath, he nestled closer to Kao's side.
The older boy was drenched in sweat, trapped in the same nightmare.
Running fingers through Kao's hair, Mok bent down to kiss the tip of his nose. He whispered through a raw, aching throat, "If only I knew what the problem was. If only once I was in your dream. If only you could sleep without bad dreams. How nice it would be if you could tell me."
Coughing, Mok covered his mouth. Then he gently loosened Kao's grip and tried to get out of bed.
His knees felt heavy, and pain shot through both ankles. Ignoring his wounds, he stood up.
The night felt heavier than before.
With a final glance at Kao, who was still asleep, he stepped out quietly.
Creak!
It was only a small sound, but his pace became hesitant at once.
Moving through the hallway, his aching legs carried him forward. When he reached the room where he had stayed with Toffee, his hand froze on the doorknob.
"It's all my fault. If I hadn't agreed to go outside… he wouldn't have…"
Calming himself, Mok pushed those thoughts away and entered.
He saw Toffee sleeping, and a sigh of relief escaped him.
At the bedside, he wondered why he was alone. Artit would never leave Toffee, especially now.
As he reached out, his legs gave out and he fell to the floor. Trembling all over, he breathed, "Toffee…" He called again, louder this time. "Toffee…"
Footsteps echoed from outside before a figure crossed the threshold.
Mok continued calling the name, his eyes turning red as he screamed for Toffee.
"Mok…" A shadow fell over him. He ignored the low tone.
"Toffee... you always want to tease me, right? You can do it as much as you want... just wake up." He could not bear to see Toffee's pale face.
Nut rested a palm on his shoulder. "Go back to your room."
Mok couldn't look away from Toffee.
"He will wake up tomorrow. It's because of the fever."
"You're lying…" Touching Toffee's feet, Mok found them freezing cold. The sleeping boy did not even make a sound or a hum.
"I know him better than anyone." Beside the bed, Mok crawled, refusing to hear anything Nut was saying to him.
Suddenly, his features contorted. Grabbing Nut's collar, Mok raged, demanding to know what had happened to his friend.
Outside, Kao waited in the hallway, propped against a wall of old paintings that held years of history.
Spiraling down, Mok went back to repeating the same words, tuning Nut out completely as he struggled to stand.
His feet met the coldness of the floor.
He stepped through the old doorway to discover Kao with his head lowered against the marble wall. His expression was completely blank, even after noting Mok's tear-stained face.
"Why?" That was all Mok could think.
Breaking away, Kao headed toward the opposite side, crossing the hallway to slip past the large curtains into his bedroom.
Mok hurried after him and barely managed to catch his hand. A weak voice followed, but Kao did not listen.
Clinging to Kao's back, Mok was shivering with fear.
Inside the space, they stood between the mattress and the long window where the wind gave them no privacy.
"Kao… you were sleeping, that's why I went there… you know… I…"
"Why did you come back? You could have just stayed there. There's no need for you to come here and force yourself like this." Kao hid his face, trying to choke back his tears. "Go back…"
For the first time, Kao raised his voice.
"Do I need to act like nothing happened? When I woke up, you weren't here. All I remember was your cold body when I took you from the water. I am also exhausted, Mok… I…"
Shrugging off his own tears, Mok watched as Kao's words broke.
Holding him fast, regardless of his own messy state, Mok felt a heavy pressure in his chest.
Tears soaked the back of Kao's shirt.
The room became silent, except for the ragged breathing that reached Kao's heart.
Mok's faltering voice cut through the stillness.
Kao faced him. Blind to the heartbreaking sight, he stood entirely still, locking fingers with Mok.
Mok avoided his gaze. "Sorry… sorry…"
Tears dripped onto the floor.
Bringing a hand to his throat, he winced at the tight strain. "Don't talk… it hurts…"
"Kao… Pun… Phi… Kao… Pun…" Mok choked out.
"Don't cry like that, it'll make you sicker. I'm sorry. I should never have said that. I should never have raised my voice. Don't cry. I can't take it if you cry like that."
It didn't even take a second before Kao's arms pulled Mok into a tight embrace. The moment Mok felt the warmth, his stifled cries deepened.
"It's my fault… it's Phi's fault..."
"Don't cry…"
"I'm the bad one…"
"Don't cry…" The gentle patting helped to soothe Mok's panic.
Sinking to the floor, they clung to each other's arms.
One kept apologizing while the other kept blaming himself. They lingered there, holding onto the comfort only they could give each other.
The darkness thickened and the cold air surrounded them, but neither noticed.
Under a white blanket, their feet tangled together as their lips met again.
Lifting the washbowl, Kao wringed the damp towel to bathe Mok's swollen face.
Mok held onto Kao's chest, his tongue tracing over the bare skin, gliding slowly toward the jaw and neck.
Their breaths mixed together.
"Mok… sleep… you need rest. It's still dark…"
Mok laid his head down as Kao brushed a kiss against his forehead. A soft sigh fanned over his neck and ears, grazing the wounds.
Kao sighed at the sick boy, who gave a faint smile while opening his arms. No matter how many times he spoke, Mok only wanted him in his arms, until the older boy finally yielded.
Unbuttoning his white pajama shirt, Mok guided Kao's head against his chest.
Kao felt the steady rhythm of the heartbeat as if it were already a part of his own.
"Kao… the scar on your hands… did someone do that, or did you do it yourself?"
Kao wasn't surprised. Instead, he locked one of his long legs around Mok's. "I did it," he replied.
Mok's weary arms locked around him. "Is it still painful?" His voice was low and deep.
A small smile appeared on Kao's face. "Not anymore."
Through the large glass window, the cold air entered, but neither of them noticed. Their bodies were warmer than the guilt covering them as they interlocked their legs, sharing the heat.
From the side of the window, the dark blue curtains glowed under the moonlight, which was only half visible through the shattered clouds.
Tap! Tick!
The repeated sounds broke Mok's sleep.
Waking up again, he found himself cradled in Kao's arms.
He glared at a pigeon settled on the windowsill, hovering right on the edge of the indoor space.
Their eyes met.
Frightened by Mok, the bird flew away to find another place to make noise.
Kao woke up right after.
He let out a small groan before meeting Mok's gaze, as the younger boy was still pillowed on the fabric, watching him.
"My eyes hurt terribly…" Mok pinched Kao's ear as he complained.
"I'll go downstairs and get some cold water."
"Mmh. The clothes I am wearing... they're yours, right?"
Kao hummed while yawning. "You don't like them?"
Mok tilted his head, thinking. "No wonder it smells different."
But then, Kao started checking Mok's body again. "That scar still hasn't faded."
"How can it fade? You didn't give it time. You licked everything."
A sudden quiet fell between them as the weight of the previous night rushed back.
Mok averted his face. "Kao… I have to see Toffee."
"I'll ask Nut if Toffee is okay. We can see him together. No one will stop you." He paused. "But remember you're sick too, so don't push yourself."
Mok untangled his legs from Kao's.
The older boy rose from under the blanket, stopping just to press a kiss to his ear and nose before heading downstairs.
Mok flipped onto his other side, staring at the door until Kao disappeared from sight.
He shut his eyes for a brief moment before a memory flooded back to him.
After Mok had been coiled and strangled by the roots, right after seeing that ghost and before closing his eyes—
Someone had come toward him, diving quickly through the water.
His blurred vision could see the figure lightly tapping his cheeks, trying his best to cut through the roots.
A voice, faint and distant, with bubbles surrounding it.
"Mok… don't… sleep… I'm here… don't…"
Teeth bit into the thick stems until gums bled.
He forced air into Mok's lungs, transferring the last breath he had.
Moments earlier, before Kao came to his rescue, the roots had completely trapped him.
Mok kept his focus on Toffee, who was already in Artit's arms, while a thought crossed his mind: Who will bother to come to me…?
Then Kao dove deeper, cutting through the darkness.
His touch made Mok feel safe, even before they surfaced from the pond.
Cold arms secured Mok, sheltering him until he could gasp for air upon hitting the muddy ground.
Kao had refused to let go.
Buried beneath the blanket to hide his face, Mok muttered, "I can smell him… Fool, how could he throw himself in like that? What if something had happened to him?"
He realized he had actually called him that.
"Phi Kao… I really said it…"
"Phi Kao… Phi Kao…"
The name looped on his tongue until he completely lost count.