chapter 139
Haru remained in the doorway.
For a moment, he couldn't make sense of what he was seeing.
The apartment wasn't destroyed.
There were no signs of a break-in. Nothing appeared broken or overturned. The furniture was exactly where it belonged, and there was no obvious reason for the uneasiness that had settled over him.
It was simply-
Messy.
Not the ordinary kind.
Raiven was not particularly obsessive about cleanliness, but he had always been orderly. His things had places. His schedules were precise. Even when he was exhausted, there was a certain discipline to the way he lived.
This was different.
A jacket had been thrown over the back of the sofa and left there.
Two empty cups sat on the coffee table beside an unopened bottle of water.
There were food containers stacked near the kitchen sink.
A pair of shoes had been abandoned in the middle of the living room.
The curtains were only halfway open, allowing a narrow strip of evening light into the room.
Haru's eyes moved slowly.
There were clothes on the floor.
Papers on the dining table.
Several unopened packages near the entrance.
Something had spilled on the kitchen counter and had clearly been left there long enough to dry.
None of it was catastrophic.
Together, however, it felt deeply wrong.
"Raiven?"
There was no answer.
Haru stepped inside.
The door closed softly behind him.
"Raiven?"
A faint movement came from the living room.
Raiven appeared from the hallway.
He was wearing a loose black shirt and sweatpants, his hair slightly disheveled.
He stopped when he saw Haru.
For half a second, something flickered across his face.
Surprise.
Then relief.
Then something Haru couldn't quite identify.
"You came back."
Haru stared at him.
"Obviously."
Raiven gave him a small smile.
But it didn't reach his eyes.
Haru looked around again.
"What happened here?"
Raiven followed his gaze.
For the first time, he seemed to actually notice the state of the apartment.
"Oh."
That was all.
Haru turned back to him.
"Oh?"
Raiven shrugged.
"I've been busy."
"Busy enough to let this place become a landfill?"
Raiven gave a quiet laugh.
"I'll clean it."
Haru didn't answer.
Raiven walked toward him and reached for the bag in his hand.
"Give me that."
Haru allowed him to take it, but his eyes remained on Raiven.
There was something off about him.
Not physically.
Not exactly.
He looked tired.
More than tired.
There were faint shadows beneath his eyes, and his usual careful appearance had disappeared. His hair looked as though he had been running his fingers through it repeatedly. His shoulders seemed heavier.
"You haven't been sleeping."
Raiven looked at him.
"I have."
"How much?"
"Enough."
"That's not an answer."
Raiven smiled faintly.
"You're starting to sound like my manager."
"Your manager probably has a reason to worry about you."
"I'm fine."
The answer came too quickly.
Haru noticed.
He didn't challenge it immediately.
Instead, his eyes wandered around the room again.
"Did you go to practice?"
Raiven paused.
Then shrugged.
"Not today."
"Yesterday?"
Another shrug.
"I don't remember."
Haru frowned.
"You don't remember?"
"I've had a lot going on."
Raiven carried Haru's bag toward the bedroom.
The casualness of the movement bothered him more than an explanation would have.
Haru followed.
"You skipped practice?"
"I said I didn't go today."
"Raiven."
"I'm tired."
There was no irritation in his voice.
That was what made it worse.
He sounded indifferent.
Haru stopped in the middle of the room.
Raiven placed the bag down.
For a few seconds, neither spoke.
"You've been here alone this whole time?"
Raiven looked at him.
"Mostly."
"And you didn't clean?"
"I wasn't really thinking about cleaning."
Haru looked toward the hallway.
He could imagine Raiven spending days inside this apartment.
Sleeping.
Waking.
Eating something.
Leaving it unfinished.
Going back to bed.
The thought made something twist painfully in his chest.
"You could've called me."
Raiven's expression changed slightly.
"I knew you were with Sehee."
"So?"
"So I didn't want to bother you."
Haru stared at him.
"You don't bother me."
"I know."
But the way Raiven said it made Haru wonder if he actually believed him.
Haru stepped closer.
Raiven looked away.
That small movement told Haru more than the words had.
Something was happening.
Something Raiven wasn't telling him.
Yet every time Haru looked at him, Raiven gave him another harmless explanation.
He was tired.
He had been busy.
He hadn't felt like cleaning.
He had skipped practice because he needed rest.
None of those things were impossible.
Individually, they meant nothing.
Together, they made Haru uneasy.
He reached up and gently pushed Raiven's hair away from his forehead.
Raiven didn't move.
"You're really okay?"
Raiven looked at him.
For a moment, Haru thought he might finally answer honestly.
Instead, Raiven smiled.
"I'm okay."
The smile was soft.
Almost convincing.
Almost.
Haru lowered his hand.
"You're terrible at lying."
Raiven's smile widened slightly.
"And you're terrible at pretending not to worry."
Haru sighed.
"Maybe because you give me reasons to worry."
Raiven didn't respond.
His eyes dropped.
The silence stretched.
Then, unexpectedly, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against Haru's shoulder.
Haru froze.
Raiven rarely did this.
Not because he disliked affection.
Quite the opposite.
This felt different.
He simply looked tired.
Haru slowly wrapped his arms around him.
Raiven exhaled.
The sound was almost inaudible.
"I missed you."
Haru's expression softened.
"I was gone for two days."
"I know."
Haru laughed quietly.
Raiven didn't.
That was when Haru realized something else.
The joke had been effortless.
But the sadness underneath it hadn't been.
Haru held him a little tighter.
"You should eat."
"I ate."
"What?"
Raiven hesitated.
"I don't remember."
Haru pulled back.
"You don't remember what you ate?"
Raiven shrugged.
"I had something."
Haru studied him.
Then he glanced toward the kitchen.
"Okay."
He didn't press further.
Not yet.
Instead, he took Raiven's hand.
"Come on."
"Where?"
"Kitchen."
"Why?"
"Because I'm going to make something."
Raiven looked almost amused.
"You?"
"Don't insult me."
"You nearly burned Sehee's kitchen."
Haru's eyes narrowed.
"How do you know that?"
"She posted it."
Haru groaned.
"Of course she did."
For the first time that evening, Raiven laughed.
It was quiet.
Small.
But real.
Haru smiled.
He squeezed his hand.
The apartment was still messy.
The unanswered questions were still there.
Raiven was still hiding something.
Haru knew that.
But he also knew that forcing him to speak before he was ready might only make him retreat further.
So for tonight, Haru decided he would simply stay.
He would clean the kitchen.
He would make Raiven eat.
He would open the curtains.
And maybe, if he could, he would remind Raiven that he didn't have to carry whatever was weighing him down alone.
Because whatever had happened during those two days—
Haru was beginning to understand that the mess around them wasn't the real problem.
It was only the part he could see.