"It was an accident," Noelle argues during the next team meeting she's well enough to attend. "Please, don't increase my required buffer to 30%!"
Aidyn shuffles the papers in front of him with determined nonchalance. He will not let his emotions get out of hand today. "The fact that it was an accident proves why a larger buffer is necessary."
"Can't we just cut the 10% reserved for my personal use for now, and add that to my buffer instead?"
Aidyn continues to keep his expression and voice calm. "Nope. Everybody needs hobbies."
"Best to accept it and move forward, Allendale," Emmett says with a smile that's part smirk, part laugh. "He's not going to change his mind."
Noelle grumbles something about Split Pants that makes Ellyse laugh beside her.
"Fine," Noelle says loud enough for the whole group to hear. "Then we need to decide what the other top priorities are for my magic, so I can figure out what to keep and what to cut."
Emmett opens his mouth but Aidyn cuts him off. "We already know magic-powered paperwork is at the top of the list."
"Having The Library as a meeting place has always been a top priority too," Brehanna adds. "Since none of us has Transport Magic, and we have mages stationed all around the world, it's a lot more efficient to have an office not tied to a physical location."
"So that's two things: The Library as a mentally constructed meeting place, and paperwork," Aidyn lists off.
Noelle slumps in her chair. "I don't know how to cut anything out."
"Then let's think about it as simplifying, not cutting out," Taryon suggests. "You don't need to eliminate entire systems. We just need to consider ways to trim the excess to get down to bare essentials."
"Let's start with our Love Bond," Aidyn suggests, figuring as the newest addition to Noelle's list of systems, it could be the easiest to tackle first. "Do you know why our bond uses so much magic?"
"It's complicated," she says, sounding uncomfortable. "Give me some time to figure out how to best explain it, and I'll write up a report."
"Two pages only," Aidyn says, holding up two of his fingers. "But you can add another page with a chart of some kind if that helps."
The corner of his mouth twitches up into a quick smile when he glances up from his note-taking just in time to see her scowl. Still jotting down notes, Aidyn makes another suggestion.
"What if you turn off the Recall System for our Love Bond data?"
All the swirling emotions on Noelle's side of their bond halt as if suddenly frozen in place. When she doesn't respond verbally, Aidyn keeps talking.
"You tell us all the time it takes way more magic to Recall information than to collect it. What if you simply didn't try to Recall any of the data your magic collects from our bond?"
Noelle looks at Aidyn like he's grown two extra heads and all three of them are asking for one page summaries of a different decade of her life. "I don't think you understand what that really means."
"I thought you didn't have to store everything with your Memorizer brain. Can't you store data with your regular, human brain? It saves magic, and you'll still remember. It will just be like the rest of us do, with clarity in the moment that softens or fades over time. Sure, you'll forget somethings, or maybe even a lot of things, but you'll remember enough."
Noelle shakes her head slowly. "That's called 'Unlinking' data, and it's very different than disconnecting data from Recall Systems."
Emmett taps his chin. "I think I've heard of unlinking, but not disconnecting. Which technique frees up more magic?"
Sparks zip across the surface of Noelle's frozen emotional landscape.
These sparks are different than the ones Aidyn felt when she shared glimpses of her memories before going into Overload. He wants to ask what these mean, but that's too personal a question for a group setting. He learned that lesson already.
"Neither option is acceptable," she says.
"Can you explain why?" he asks. He doesn't know what's going on, but something about this conversation bothers her a lot.
"Unlinking is the process of shifting data out of the magical part of my brain and into the non-magical part. Unlinked data is still technically accessible, but it's difficult to navigate that segment of my mind. I tend to lose things in there, so I don't use it. More importantly, unlinked data isn't protected by my Security Systems, so there's no way we'll get approval to unlink so much of your personal data, Aidyn."
"Okay," he concedes. "So what about disconnecting Love Bond data from you Recall Systems? Why can't we do that?"
"When it comes to Memorization, 'Recalling' and 'remembering' aren't the same thing. Recall is magic. Remembering is what non-magical brains do naturally. Recall perfectly preserves everything it encounters—that's why we call it 'data' versus 'memories.' Memories are only what gets remembered. They erode and fade over time, which is why they are notoriously unreliable. Data isn't like that. It doesn't change. Data is fact. It is the same today as it will be in a century."
While philosophically interesting, Aidyn struggles to track how theses distinctions relate to the current conversation. "I'm not totally following your line of thought."
"Once unlinked, data becomes memories I can remember if I specifically go and hunt for them manually within my non-magical brain. On the other hand, if data stored in my Memorizer brain gets disconnected from Recall Systems, it disappears and I'm not able to Recall it ever again."
Brehanna looks up from her notepad. "So you forget anything not connected to Recall? I thought you said you can't forget?"
By this point, the amount of sparks within Noelle's emotional landscape have become utterly blinding.
"It's not forgetting." Noelle's breathing becomes rapid. "Forgetting is different. Forgetting is a natural, non-magical process that happens over time. What you're talking about makes data disappear immediately. Completely and irrevocably."
Understanding clicks in Aidyn's mind: anxiety. These types of sparks in her landscape represent anxiety, and Noelle is feeling extreme levels of it. He doesn't want this conversation to accidentally trigger another anxiety attack, so it's probably time to change the subject. They can't drop the topic entirely—they really need to figure out how to lower the amount of magic Noelle uses—but he can try to move things in a different direction.
"Noelle, we are just brainstorming, okay? We are just discussing different possibilities. If you don't like the idea of unlinking or disconnecting, we can move on."
Noelle nods, clearly trying to hold back tears. "Let's move on then."
Taryon, who's taken a more observational rather than interactive role during this meeting, points to the pie chart hovering over the conference table they Recalled showing her magic distribution. "What's in the research slice of the pie, Noelle?"
Noelle perks up a bit, and some of the sparks dissipate from her emotional landscape. "I've been working on a Notification System, so we don't have to fully enter The Library to send messages."
Emmett perks up too. "You mean like having our own network?"
"Kind of, but ours will be even better," Noelle says with pride. "A communication system for just six people won't need all the rigmarole and redundancy required when designing one for an entire realm. Also, messages will be text-based instead of auditory, and they'll show up in a customizable screen overlaid on top of our vision—like how my systems work when I'm not in The Library."
This new line of thought distracts Noelle enough that a large number of her internal sparks fizzle out. Aidyn slowly releases a sigh of relief that draws Taryon's attention. He subtly lets Taryon know things are fine with a slight nod of his head before rejoining the conversation. "How close are you to finishing the Notification System, and how much magic will it take to maintain?"
Noelle pulls up a screen to do some calculations. "It depends on how much magic I have available. It's not hard to design it, I've just been working on it slowly because I've only had 5% of my daily magic allotted to research and low priority projects… It's actually kind of embarrassing that I haven't finished it yet. This is usually the first type of system Memorizers set up for Team Bonds. Most Memorizers always use two-dimensional systems, but as you know, three-dimensional ones are my specialty. That's how The Library exists… which reminds me, I need to tweak the afternoon lighting. It's not tonally warm enough… and the chairs don't make enough noise when they slide across the floor…"
Several more data-filled screens pop up and surround Noelle, blocking her from view.
Recognizing she's experiencing a classic case of Thinking About Too Many Things At Once, Aidyn helps her refocus by asking another question to get her back on topic. "Noelle, how much magic would it free up if we cut the amount of incoming team data by half?"
That snaps her attention back to the meeting, causing all the screens to disappear. "Please explain."
Aidyn looks back at the pie charts. "Besides you, what if only two of us at a time used your magic for data collection? How much magic would that free up for you?"
"Let's see…" Noelle consults a calculation screen again. "That would equal a 15.5% decrease overall."
"Hey!" Ellyse throws a celebratory fist up in the air. "That gets your buffer over half way to 30%!"
Emmett frowns. "But that means three of us don't get to use Noelle's magic."
"Only for data input," Ellyse says, "and we don't usually all use it at the same time anyway. It will be easy to rotate based on who needs it. And correct me if I'm wrong, Noelle, but we'd all still be able to access The Library at any time and use all the systems already in place, meaning paperwork can still be handled in here."
"Correct," Noelle confirms. "But what about the Notification System? Since you increased the amount of my buffer, I can't finish that very fast."
"This is blazing ridiculous," Brehanna suddenly blurts out. "Why aren't we using our Strength Bond?"
When no one answers, she continues.
"I think we should give Noelle the amount of magic it takes for us to use her systems instead of making her do it all for us. I propose we all give Noelle 10% of our magic on a daily basis from now on."
"Aidyn definitely shouldn't do that right now," Noelle argues. "He needs all of his magic to heal his broken receptors."
"Oh, right," Brehanna says before shrugging and moving on. "Okay. Then for now, the rest of us can also pitch in his 10%. That breaks down to 12.5% each for Ellyse, Emmett, Taryon, and me. Aidyn, when you heal enough, you can take over your part."
Of course Brehanna would think of the most practical solution.
"That would boost your magical stores by 50% every day, Noelle," she continues. "What do you think?"
Blazing Bassoons. That's clearly the way to go. They've totally been overthinking it, haven't they?
Noelle's eyes go wide. "The whole reason we didn't do that from the start is because all of you need that 10% for your own responsibilities. Besides, Memorizers in Team Bonds always provide the magic for their systems. It's a standard part of the deal."
"But things have changed," Taryon points out. "And you do a lot more for us than standard Memorization duties."
Aidyn nods. "It's a good idea. Let's vote," he says. "Who's in favor of supplying our own magical strength in order to use Noelle's systems and mental construct?"
Everyone around the tables raises their hand, except a very stunned Noelle.
"Then it's settled," Aidyn says. "We'll start next week. Let's take the next few days to think through possible adjustments the Strength reallocation will require for our current responsibilities."
The team nods and everyone starts focusing on their own activities again. Most of their official work is on hold until the investigations clears them for active duty again, but Noelle has enough books and other forms of entertainment stored in her personal collections to keep everyone sufficiently occupied.
"Why didn't you ask us to boost your magic stores yourself, Noelle?" Ellyse asks. She sounds hurt and a bit angry.
Noelle's forehead scrunches up as she looks around. "I didn't think about it…"
"That excuse doesn't work!" Ellyse definitely sounds angry now. "We've all definitely talked to you about using our Strength Bond. I know you know sharing is always an option."
Abashed, Noelle shrinks down in her chair. "I'm sorry…"
"Do you think we don't care enough to help you? Do you really think we expect you to do everything by yourself?" Ellyse crosses her arms. "We've been your teammates for over a year and you've never once used our Strength Bond. I want to know why."
Aidyn hadn't put together that she'd never asked anyone for extra magic. He'd assumed Noelle was simply asking other teammates instead of him.
Noelle looks around at each person sitting at the table. "I… I haven't had a Strength Bond since college, as a part of the temporary Team Bonds we practiced in Advanced Practical Magic. In class, the focus was on the Ability Bond, not the Strength Bond. When I graduated and started working, I wasn't a part of a team. I just shared an Ability Bond with Captain Jaycobs. I always only had my own magical strength to rely on before joining all of you. Besides, I didn't want to get too comfortable using other people's strength. At the end of the day, I have to keep all my systems running by myself anyway. I figured it was more responsible to figure out how to do it on my own."
Ellyse shakes her head. "Well that's not going to be the case anymore. The whole point of Strength Bonds is to help each other. You're allowed to ask us for help, Noelle."
"… I don't want to ask for help." She whispers it, but they all hear it.
"Would you mind sharing more about that?" Aidyn asks softly, adding intentional nonchalance into his voice and posture again, hoping to sound as non-threatening as possible in his push-back.
Noelle shifts nervously in her seat and doesn't look at him. "It makes me feel like a burden, like I'm not good enough."
"Trust me, Noelle, as team lead I can assure you that you are definitely not a burden. You bring a lot to the table."
Emmett smirks playfully and knocks his knuckles against the top of conference table. "You bring the whole table, Noelle."
That is actually a good joke for once, and thankfully it eases the group's tension.
"This place is amazing," Aidyn continues, "and we all know it takes a lot of magic to structure and maintain it so we can all use it. Ellyse is right. Sharing magical strength is just as much a part of a Team Bond as sharing our individual abilities. Especially when it keeps us from Overloading."
Aidyn can tell Noelle remains skeptical, and there's nothing in this moment he can do to maker her believe him. That will have to come with time.
"We all have insecurities, Noelle," Taryon says gently. Then he points at Aidyn, and says much less gently, "You should have seen him when he first took over as team lead six years ago. He was a miserable bundle of knots, so worried about proving he deserved the position, he couldn't hold a sword straight."
The group laughs again and they all start sharing with Noelle things they've had to work on over the years.
By the time they break for the end of the day, Noelle seems more relaxed. At least no new sparks flicker in her side of their bond.
Aidyn tells her he'll join her in their hospital room for dinner as soon as he finishes up his notes.
Soon, it's just him and Taryon left in The Library.
Taryon leans back in his chair. "Is it just me, or are you finally sensing things through your new bond?"
"Just a little," Aidyn says causally, keeping his eyes on his notes.
Taryon chuckles, which is Aidyn's cue to change the subject.
"How is so much just now coming to light?" Aidyn asks. "Noelle isn't a new member at this point, but we just found out she has a history with Overload and that she hasn't been using our Strength Bond because she believes she needs to be 100% self-sufficient all the time. I feel like I should have figured all that out earlier."
Taryon shrugs. "We've all got stuff we're working through, and despite all your training at St. Holly's, you aren't our therapist, Aidyn. It's your job to lead and support people, not change them, remember?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"And just think of all the ways Noelle has improved and grown in the last year. The last few weeks aside, she's generally much less on edge and has become a lot more relaxed around us. She isn't afraid to speak up in meetings anymore either. Heck, she even cracks the occasional joke now. She's come a long way, even if she still has a long way to go in certain areas."
Aidyn considers how many of his perspectives and assumptions about Noelle have changed in the short time they've been Love Bonded. He used to think, 'Hey, Noelle is still grieving, she'll become less reserved with time.' But it turns out, that view is too simple.
"She has grown," Aidyn agrees, "but opening up seems harder for her now than when we were younger."
"Every Memorizer I've ever met struggles to embrace and show emotions," Taryon says. "Noelle is actually way more open than most mages with the same magic."
Aidyn nods. "The other day when she accidentally Overloaded, she passed along snippets of data from her life. I didn't understand much visually, but the emotions were really strong, and not just the grief and pain, but the happiness too. Noelle truly feels everything way more deeply and intensely than her logical, structured systems suggest."
Taryon leans back in his chair. "Since Noelle actually trained us to use her magic instead of doing everything for us, we've had the rare opportunity to see first hand how Memorization actually works." He sighs. "It sounds so straight forward from the outside, so cut and dry: Memorizers collect data and Recall it on command. What's the big deal? But it's so much more than that. They live their lives surrounded by data—overwhelming amounts of it—and they literally internalize it. Not only that, but once it's internalized, they can't forget it."
Taryon looks up at the flocks of visualized and formatted data circulating high above their heads. "There are things in life we need to be able to forget, Aidyn, things that need to dull over time, if not eventually disappear all together. The rest of us take for granted the natural erosion of our memories, but Memorizers don't have that luxury. Like Noelle mentioned today, what is sharp to her today remains sharp tomorrow, next week, next year, in twenty years…"
Aidyn cringes. "How is anyone supposed to cope with that?"
"That is the question, isn't it?"