I slipped back into Café Sunrise just as the first hints of dawn were starting to threaten the night sky.I gently shut the front door, locked the deadbolt with a soft click, and leaned the back of my head against the cool glass. I let out a long, exhausted sigh.
"I am going to lose my mind," I whispered to the dark, empty cafe, rubbing my temples.
I looked down at my hands. They were the same hands that, just a few hours ago, had been serving French toast to a high school girl. Now, they were the hands of a guy who accidentally became the Godfather of the Kuroda Yakuza Syndicate by curing a five-year-old's fever with a magic juice box.I dragged my feet across the floorboards, pulling myself up the stairs. I was too tired to even take off my leather jacket. I just collapsed onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow. I didn't want to think about gang politics. I didn't want to think about anything.I closed my eyes, and sleep hit me like a freight train.
"ARD! ARD VOLDIGOAD, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"I bolted upright in bed, nearly tangling myself in my blankets and falling onto the floor. Sunlight was streaming brightly through my window. Downstairs, the front doors of the cafe were rattling like they were being hit by a localized earthquake.
"What now?!" I groaned, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "Is it a rival mafia? Give me a break, it's barely morning!"
I scrambled downstairs, not even bothering to put on an apron over my t-shirt. Eucliwood was already standing at the bottom of the stairs, her notepad out, staring at the front door with her usual blank, calm expression.Through the glass door, I saw a guy wrapped in a thick, heavy winter trench coat. He had a thick wool scarf pulled up over his nose, a beanie pulled down over his ears, and giant, dark sunglasses covering his eyes.
"Ayumu?" I unlocked the door and pulled it open.Ayumu Aikawa practically tumbled inside, immediately diving behind the nearest table like he was dodging enemy sniper fire. He pulled his trench coat tighter around himself, shivering violently despite the fact that it was a beautiful, warm spring morning.
"Close the door! The sun! The giant glowing orb in the sky is trying to murder me!" he shrieked, pointing a shaking, gloved finger at the window.I sighed, walked over, and pulled down the heavy window blinds, casting the cafe into a comfortable, cool shade. "Ayumu, it's seventy-five degrees outside. Why are you dressed for an expedition to the Arctic?"
He slowly peeked over the top of the table. He pulled off his sunglasses, revealing massive, dark bags under his eyes and skin that looked paler than paper.
He scrambled to his feet, ran over to me, and grabbed me by the shoulders. "Ard! You... you look like a pop idol! And last night—you punched a crazy girl through a house! And I died! I literally felt a sword go right through my chest! And now I woke up in my bed, my skin is freezing, and sunlight feels like a deep-fryer on maximum heat!"He was hyperventilating, his eyes darting around the room in absolute, unfiltered panic.
"Okay, take a breath, man," I said kindly, patting his shoulder to steady him."Don't tell me to breathe! I don't think my lungs even work right anymore!" he yelled, taking a massive gulp of air just to prove a point. "What happened to me, Ard?! What did you do to me?!""I didn't do anything," I said gently. "I mean, I brought you here so you wouldn't be left on the floor. But I didn't fix you."
"Then who did?!"
I pointed past him. Ayumu slowly turned around.
Eucliwood was standing there. Her silver armor gleamed softly in the dim light. Her pale blue eyes stared right at him. She held up her notepad.
Hello, Ayumu. You are a zombie now.
Ayumu just stared. He looked at the notepad. He looked at the beautiful, silver-haired girl wearing full plate armor in the middle of a coffee shop. He looked back at the notepad.
"I'm a... a zombie?" he squeaked, his voice cracking perfectly down the middle.
Yes. I am a Necromancer. I brought you back to life. But your body is undead. You must avoid direct sunlight, as it will rapidly drain your energy and burn you.
Ayumu's brain literally short-circuited. I could see the gears grinding to a screeching halt in his head. He looked at Eucliwood's incredibly cute, completely emotionless face. Then he looked at me.
"A cute girl... brought me back to life..." Ayumu muttered, a strange, dopey smile spreading across his pale face. "A cute girl in armor... lives with my suddenly handsome best friend... and I'm a zombie..."
"Ayumu, stay with us," I said, waving a hand in front of his face.
"THIS IS AWESOME!" Ayumu suddenly roared, throwing his hands in the air.
I jumped back. "Wait, what?"
"I'm a zombie! I'm practically immortal! And I was saved by a beautiful, mysterious necromancer!" Ayumu threw his trench coat onto the floor, completely abandoning his panic in favor of pure teenage delusion. He ran over to Eucliwood and dropped to one knee, dramatically taking her armored hand. "Oh, sweet angel of death! Thank you for giving this humble servant a second chance at life! I swear to protect you with my immortal body!"
Eucliwood stared at him for a solid three seconds. Then, very calmly, she raised her foot and kicked him directly in the shin.
Crack.
"YEOOOOOW!" Ayumu screamed, grabbing his leg and hopping around in a circle. "My leg! It's broken! Oh my god, my bone is literally snapped in half!"
"Oh, right. You're immortal, which means you won't die, but your pain receptors still work perfectly fine," I pointed out, leaning casually against the counter. "And your brain doesn't have those natural limiters anymore that keep humans from breaking their own bones. So, you know. Try not to punch walls."
Do not touch me, Eucliwood wrote on her pad, holding it up for the hopping zombie to read.
"Understood, my queen!" Ayumu saluted through his tears of pain. He dragged his freshly broken leg toward a chair and collapsed into it, panting. "Okay, so I'm a zombie. Cool. But Ard, man, you have to explain yourself. Since when do you have superpowers? How did you pull a giant sword out of thin air? And seriously, what skincare routine are you using to look like that?"
I walked behind the counter and started up the espresso machine, keeping my movements completely normal. I didn't want to freak him out more than he already was.
"It's a weird situation, Ayumu," I started, keeping my voice calm. "You know how Kuoh Town has all those weird rumors about occult stuff happening in the background?"
"Yeah? Like the stuff the Occult Research Club talks about?"
"Exactly," I nodded, handing him a warm mug of coffee. "Well, turns out, magic is actually real. I ended up unlocking some crazy latent magical energy recently. It caused a massive physical change—like a magical growth spurt—and let me use some skills. That sword? Just a basic summoning spell I learned."
Ayumu took a sip of his coffee, his eyes wide. "So... you're like, a wizard? Or an esper?"
"Something like that," I smiled gently. "I can't go into all the details right now, just for your own safety. The less you know about the magical underground, the better off you are. But I promise, I'm still the same guy who used to complain about homework with you."
Ayumu stared at me for a long moment, then slowly nodded. "Honestly? After being resurrected by a cute girl in armor, a magical growth spurt makes total sense. But what about that crazy girl with the sword? Is she going to come back?"
"Don't worry about her," I assured him, wiping down the counter. "I handled it. If she ever shows her face around here again, I'll make sure she deeply regrets it. You just focus on figuring out your new undead lifestyle."
Before Ayumu could reply, the cafe doors swung open again.
I groaned internally. "We're not open yet...""GOOD MORNING, BOSS ARD!"
A chorus of deep, terrifyingly gravelly voices shook the cafe windows.
Ayumu choked on his coffee, spitting a fine mist over the table. He scrambled backward, his broken leg dragging uselessly behind him as he tried to hide behind a potted plant. "G-G-Gangsters! Ard, it's the Yakuza!"
I sighed, resting my hands on the counter.Standing in the doorway was Boss Kuroda. Behind him was his right-hand man, Kenji. And behind them were four of the biggest, scariest, most heavily scarred thugs from the syndicate. They all had their hair slicked back, wearing sharp, expensive black suits.
But over their intimidating suits, every single one of them was wearing a bright, frilly pink apron with little white bunnies stitched onto the pockets.
I couldn't help but crack a smile, even though I was exasperated. "Boss Kuroda. What are you guys doing?"
Kuroda marched right up to the counter, his scarred face splitting into a terrifyingly huge, genuine grin. He bowed so deeply his head almost hit the pastry display.
"Boss Ard! We have arrived for our first official day of honest labor!" Kuroda boomed, his voice full of absolute pride. "We swore we would turn over a new leaf! We swore we would help the community in your name! So, we are here to serve as your loyal cafe staff!"
"Yeah!" Kenji chimed in, brandishing a bright yellow feather duster like it was a deadly weapon. "We already cleaned the entire street outside! We politely asked three people who tried to litter to pick up their trash! We even helped an old lady cross the street!"
"We carried her!" one of the massive thugs added proudly. "She didn't want to go, but we made sure she got across safely!"
I rubbed the bridge of my nose, chuckling softly. "Guys, I really, truly appreciate the thought. I love the energy. And I'm really glad Aiko is doing well enough for you guys to be out here."
"She is practically glowing, Boss! All thanks to you!" Kuroda beamed, tears literally welling up in his fierce eyes.
"But here's the thing," I said, keeping my tone gentle and kind. "I run a very small, very cozy cafe. I don't really have the floor space for six massive guys. Plus, while the pink aprons are... very vibrant... I think you guys might accidentally intimidate the regular customers if you try to take their orders."
Kuroda's face fell. He looked genuinely heartbroken, like a puppy that just got told it couldn't come on a car ride. "But Boss... we want to serve you. We want to show our gratitude."
"And you can," I smiled warmly. "I tell you what. I don't need waiters. But I could definitely use some official Café Sunrise Bouncers and Neighborhood Watch." Kuroda perked up instantly. "Bouncers?!"
"Exactly," I nodded. "I need you guys to keep an eye on the block. Make sure nobody is causing trouble, keep the streets clean, and just be a positive, protective presence for the neighborhood. Can you do that for me? Politely?"
"WE WILL BE THE KINDEST BOUNCERS THIS CITY HAS EVER SEEN!" Kuroda roared, saluting me. The other five gangsters immediately saluted as well, their pink aprons swishing.
"Perfect," I laughed. "Now, go take a lap around the block and make sure the sidewalks are clear."
"Yes, Boss!" They turned around and marched out the door like a highly trained, incredibly bizarre military unit.
Ayumu slowly poked his head out from behind the potted plant. "Ard... why is the terrifying boss of the Kuroda Syndicate wearing a bunny apron and calling you Boss?"
"I gave his kid some really good medicine," I said vaguely, waving a hand. "They're just showing their appreciation."
Before Ayumu could process that, the front doors swung open again.
"Hey, Ard! Good morning!"It was Chitoge. She bounced into the cafe, wearing a perfectly pressed school uniform, her signature red ribbon holding back her long blonde hair. She had a bright, energetic smile on her face.
But as she walked in, she nearly bumped right into Kuroda's men, who were just heading out
.Chitoge stopped dead in her tracks. She looked at the six massive, scarred men. She looked at me behind the counter.
Her bright smile vanished, instantly replaced by a look of fierce, protective determination."I knew it!" she yelled, pointing an accusing finger right at Kuroda's chest. "You guys are a rival gang! You're trying to shake down Ard's cafe!"
Kuroda blinked, his terrifying face scowling slightly. "Who is this loud girl, Boss Ard? Is she causing you trouble?""He called you Boss?!" Chitoge gasped, taking a very solid fighting stance. "Ard, did they force you to join their gang?! Don't worry, I won't let them extort you!"
"Chitoge, wait, it's not what you think—" I started, walking out from behind the counter.
Before I could calm her down, heavy, rapid footsteps pounded on the pavement outside.
"Miss Chitoge! We found her!"
Three men in sharp black suits—Chitoge's overprotective family bodyguards, the Beehive gang—burst into the cafe, out of breath.They looked at Chitoge. Then they looked at Kuroda's men.
The two rival groups of gangsters locked eyes. The temperature in the room seemed to physically drop. The tension spiked instantly.
"Beehive," Kuroda sneered, his hand instinctively reaching for his waistband, entirely forgetting he was wearing a pink apron.
"Kuroda," the lead Beehive bodyguard growled, stepping defensively in front of Chitoge. "What are you doing near our Young Miss? If you're trying to start a turf war—"
"We are serving our Boss!" Kenji roared proudly, puffing out his chest.
The Beehive bodyguards looked over at me. Their jaws dropped open.
"The fast kid who works the counter?!" the lead bodyguard gasped in shock. "He's the new boss of the Kuroda Syndicate?!""Wait, Ard is your boss?!" Chitoge looked back and forth between me and the Yakuza thugs, completely confused.
"Alright, everyone, time out!" I said loudly, clapping my hands together.
I didn't use any skills. I didn't use my speed, and I definitely didn't use [Mute]. I just walked right into the middle of the two groups, using my height and my calm, friendly demeanor to break the tension.
I looked at the Beehive guys, offering a polite smile. "Welcome back to Café Sunrise. No one is starting a turf war. Boss Kuroda and his men are just acting as my neighborhood watch today. They were just leaving to go patrol the block."I turned to Kuroda and gave him a gentle nod. "Right, guys?"
Kuroda looked at the Beehive bodyguards, then looked at me. He nodded respectfully. "Yes, Boss. We were just leaving."
I turned back to Chitoge, who was still in her fighting stance. "And Chitoge is just hre to grab some breakfast before her first day of school. So, how about this? Beehive guys, you step outside and give her ten minutes of peace to eat. Kuroda, you guys go do your patrol. Everyone keeps their hands to themselves, and nobody gets hurt."
The lead Beehive bodyguard looked unsure. "We can't just leave the Young Miss—"
"I'll make you all a free batch of coffee if you wait outside," I offered smoothly
The lead Beehive bodyguard hesitated. He looked at his two subordinates, who were both silently nodding. They remembered how fast I had moved yesterday. They also remembered how good my coffee was.
"Make it three coffees," the bodyguard grunted, adjusting his tie. "And a blueberry muffin if you have one."
"Done," I smiled.
Kuroda bowed to me one last time, completely ignoring the Beehive men. "We will ensure the perimeter is perfectly secure, Boss! We shall sweep the asphalt until it shines!"
With that, the two terrifying groups of men filed out the front door. Through the window, I watched them take their positions. The three Beehive bodyguards stood stiffly on the left side of the entrance, while the six massive Yakuza thugs in pink aprons began aggressively sweeping the sidewalk on the right side, glaring at any stray leaves that dared to fall on my pavement.
I let out a long, exhausted breath and rubbed the bridge of my nose. "I swear, this place is turning into a neutral zone for the entire criminal underworld."
"Ard, you are amazing!" Chitoge cheered, hopping onto a barstool right next to Eucliwood. Her eyes were shining with absolute awe. "You just totally bossed around two different syndicates! I thought my family was scary, but you're like some kind of secret mafia godfather!"
"I am not a godfather," I groaned, walking behind the counter and tying my apron around my waist. "I am a sixteen-year-old barista who just wants to make breakfast in peace."
"BULLSHIT!!"
Ayumu finally dragged himself out from behind the potted plant, using a chair to prop up his broken leg. He stared at me with his jaw hanging open. " What kind of normal barista goes from being a gross fat ugly guy into a hot underwear model in less than two weeks?!"
Chitoge blinked, noticing Ayumu for the first time. "Oh! Hi! I'm Chitoge. Why are you wearing a winter coat indoors? And why are you hiding behind a fern?"
Ayumu puffed out his chest, trying to look incredibly cool despite the fact that he was shivering and hopping on one foot. "I am Ayumu Aikawa. An immortal creature of the night. A zombie, resurrected by the beautiful necromancer sitting right next to you."
Chitoge looked at Ayumu. Then she looked at Eucliwood, who was calmly sipping her tea in full plate armor. Then she looked back at Ayumu and burst out laughing.
"Oh my gosh, you guys do roleplay here?!" Chitoge clapped her hands together, her bright energy filling the room. "That's so fun! I love the commitment to the bit! Your costume is a little weird, but her armor is super cool!"
Ayumu looked like he wanted to cry. "It's not a bit. My leg is literally broken in ha-OOF!!"
I elbowed Ayumu before whispering into his ear" Ixnay on the zombienay!"
He is very fragile
Eucliwood wrote on her notepad, holding it up for Chitoge to see.
"Aw, you guys are hilarious," Chitoge giggled, completely missing the point.
I just shook my head, deciding it was better to let Chitoge think we were just a bunch of weird theater kids. I fired up the griddle and got to work. I moved quickly, my enhanced stats making cooking a breeze. Within five minutes, I had whipped up a massive stack of perfectly golden pancakes, smothered in butter and warm maple syrup, alongside a side of crispy bacon.
"Eat up," I said, sliding the plate in front of her. "Before your bodyguards decide to kick the door down again."
"Thank you!" Chitoge beamed, digging in enthusiastically. "Mmm! This is even better than the French toast! You're a genius, Ard!"
"I try," I smiled, grabbing a tray. I poured three large black coffees and threw a blueberry muffin onto a plate. "I'll be right back. I have to go feed the wildlife outside."
I walked out the front door. The morning sun was bright and warm. I handed the tray to the lead Beehive bodyguard, who actually gave me a respectful nod.
"Much obliged, kid," he mumbled, taking a sip.
I looked to my right. Kuroda and his men had literally polished the street lamp outside my cafe. One of the thugs was wiping down a public mailbox with a cloth, looking intensely focused.
"Looking good, guys," I called out.
"THANK YOU, BOSS!" they roared in unison, their pink aprons fluttering in the wind.
I quickly retreated back inside, locking the door behind me.
The cafe was filled with the smell of coffee and maple syrup. Chitoge was happily chatting away about her upcoming first day of school, completely unfazed by the madness outside. Ayumu had managed to drag himself onto a stool and was trying, and failing, to flirt with Eucliwood, who was ignoring him with expert precision.
I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest.
For a second, I just watched them. I took in the absolute, unfiltered chaos that my life had become.
I was a high school student. But I was also an isekai with a sacred gear that turned into a system. I lived with a mute necromancer in silver armor. My best friend was an immortal, fragile zombie who couldn't go in the sun. The new girl in town was the daughter of a massive gangster family, and currently, the front of my cafe was being guarded by both her bodyguards and a Yakuza syndicate who thought I was their new absolute ruler because I gave a little girl a magic potion.
I took a deep breath. I let the reality of the situation wash over me. I thought about how much I used to complain about my life being boring just a few weeks ago.
Ding.
A glowing blue System screen suddenly materialized right in front of my face.
[WARNING: SCHEDULE UPDATE.]
[Temporal Anomaly Detected in the Sub-Dimensional Rift.]
[The Transmigration Gate has destabilized.]
[Time until Transmigration Gate Opening has been accelerated. New Countdown: 12 Hours.]
[Host will be forcibly transported to the Sub-Dimensional World at Midnight.]
I stared at the blue text. I read the words 'forcibly transported at Midnight' three times just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Twelve hours. I had exactly twelve hours before I was thrown back into a dimension filled with giant monsters and literal death traps.
I looked at the screen. I looked at the zombie trying to drink coffee. I looked at the necromancer. I looked at the gorilla heroine eating my pancakes. I looked out the window at the mafia aggressively sweeping my sidewalk.
I gripped my hair with both hands, my eyes wide, and let out a scream from the very bottom of my soul.
"HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!"