I felt nauseous. My walking turned tipsy as if I was drunk and each step had more weight to it than the last.
If I had to describe the sensation, it would be like having a boulder on your back, and the more you thought about said boulder, the heavier it got.
My vision started blurring and distorting at the corners, a faint cold coming from the sides until it spread to my cheeks with a slight tingle to it.
I was crying now.
My chest kept tightening as I walked, and I couldn't stop and sit down cause it would mean to face what I had just done.
The council will receive the news the moment I tell the scavenge team. The council will tell my parents about what I had just done.
"We're so proud of you, Xena." I could already feel their proud smiles and open arms towards me. But I didn't deserve them.
What I did was unfair, I treated him like garbage. I wish I could go back in time and mop up the blood trail, let him live the free solitary life he deserves.
Mother will be so relieved to hear the Geortarian massacre case got closure, but its an undeserved one, it ended in the further suffering of a hurt human.
And the newspapers. They'll have my face plastered as the first page, everywhere. I can already read the headlines.
BREAKING NEWS: PRINCESS XENA UNCOVERS THE CRIMINAL BEHIND GEORTARIAN MASSACRE
Every new thought only made me feel worse, my head kept spinning around it which only harmed me further.
I only wanted to find a survivor, not the actual criminal. He had reasons to do what he did, had I been in his shoes. I would've done the same.
If it had been a terrorist attack, the only nation that could've done so is Undeb Dehulm, but even they had a good reason.
Being under the control of a country with a power greater than yours, one you'll never be able to match. A country that only sees you as a statistic in tax and income reports.
You're nothing to them. A country is nothing without citizens, but they were seen as nothing by the Geortarian crown. A mere statistic.
All the reports praised Geortaria for it's work on controlling the Undebians down to their personal lives. Forcing them to line up for food rations. Police abuse being something of the daily life.
Killing the people of the crown was the least someone could do.
A book I read once, it had the exact same thing that wolf said to me. You are who you surround yourself with. Silence is violence.
Someone from the castle actually spoke out about it. And it lead to the demise of hundreds. But even then.
More deserved it.
Every new thing I learned about Geortaria only seemed worse than the last. And people would praise them. The people of Geortaria saw the crown as gods, they would all clap in unison after the latest war crime.
It took me a moment to notice the smell of something burning.
I looked down where the smell came from. The grass at my feet had turned black, faint smoke still came from it.
Right, I need to learn how to control my Myrn.
A life in a single room. With a window, seeing the city from above. It sounds like the dream of many. Until it turns into your entire life.
Having to imagine what dirt feels like, what rain on your body is like, how it must feel to touch actual grass.
What I saw in Nopuozhr was Hyde's dream turned to reality.
He mentioned he was sometimes allowed to roam around the castle, but he had to ask for permission. I only met the king once and he seems like the type of person to shout at his son for the slightest things.
Asking for permission to do anything must've been a death sentence.
Had I been him... One room my entire life, the outside world moving without me as I could only spectate from the top, never being able to experience such things.
I cannot say things would've gone any different.
He's a broken person, but I legally cannot forgive the means toward his goal. I cannot risk losing my reputation by letting him go.
I'm meant to be the fierce, capable princess, everyone knows me as such, the citizens, the press, the council, the king and queen to a continental scale.
The one who followed a blood trail along with her brother into a completely random forest and came back with the Geortarian prince in handcuffs.
I'm the princess that is useful, I keep the alliances of Kortaria stable, my parents trust me more than they trust eachother. I am the one who's made a space for myself in court, I handle diplomacy.
And that image didn't come from thin air, I built it with the years, every day is constant effort for me.
Had I hesitated, had I sympathized externally, looking at a mass murderer and deciding to let him go cause he had good reasons...
A death sentence for me.
I'll go back to Geortaria and I'll finish the task at hand. I'll receive the praise like I deserve it, and I'll bury everything as deep as possible, even if the guilt eats me alive.
- - -
Karelos, Vimar, and Hyde were still moving through the forest. Karelos had a vague idea of where they needed to go. He knew somewhere up north was an actual city and not another small village.
"Was Xuarron even real?" Karelos looked down at Hyde who was being dragged around by Vimar. Hyde looked the other way and didn't say anything.
Hyde wasn't struggling anymore, he knew it was useless. He was limp, having run out of reasons to resist.
"How much do you know about Myrn, Vimar?" Karelos asked Vimar, trying to break the silence between them.
"Hmm... The bare minimum, I'd say." Vimar switched his grip on Hyde, now holding him by the wrist with only one hand. "I know it exists in all living beings and that I can manipulate mine thanks to Kamidral... And that's about it."
Karelos's eyes widened. "Is that really everything you know about it?"
Vimar thought about it for a moment. "Are the Myrn rivers real? If so, then I know that."
Karelos laughed before giving Vimar an explanation on the Myrn fundamentals he's missing.
"The Myrn rivers are real, and that's how Myrn users get their energy. You're supposed to become one with the world so the rivers get caught in your body, meaning more Myrn will flow through your body which leads to a higher output."
"One with the world...?"
"Meditations and such."
"You can also kill living beings to absorb their Myrn." Hyde interrupted.
Vimar and Karelos looked down at him.
"For about 3 seconds after a living being with Myrn inside it dies, the Myrn is unincorporated. Simply running your hand through the Myrn cloud is enough to absorb it, and it becomes yours."
"So, how much Myrn do you have from killing all those people?"
"Myrn can't be measured, but the only reason I'm not struggling is because I know that if I escape you'll restrain me again."
The rest of the road to the nearby city was smooth, just a casual stroll through the forest while Vimar and Karelos chatted about regular stuff.
How's the weather in each other's countries, their favorite foods, favorite colors...
They reached a small settlement north of the forest, it only seemed to exist as a resting point for travelers that had grown into a city.
It was alive, you could see people walking through the streets, a market seemed to be going on at the moment.
Hyde got looks from the people around, not because they knew who he was, no one knew, but because a young Hir-Soger being dragged around by two other young men is not a regular sight.
Karelos spotted a carriage rider that didn't seem to be doing anything at the moment. He approached it, quickening his stride and Vimar followed.
He approached the carriage driver. "Can you get us to Mazhak Ham'n?"
The man raised an eyebrow and looked down at Karelos. "Capital's far away, you'll need more than a couple Skirlias."
Karelos pulled out 10 Skirlias from the pouch. The man didn't seem too convinced, he pulled another one amounting to 11. The carriage rider smiled. "Get on."
The carriage wasn't that large, and the design wasn't one of the luxurious royal ones, this one was meant for efficiency rather than looks.
Karelos jumped into the carriage with a single hand. Vimar grabbed Hyde's wrist with both hands and managed to jump into the cart, helping Hyde last.
Carriages weren't carried around by horses, that was old technology. They used COMP-controlled motors that could be activated with a simple button.
The carriage took off northwest, Karelos, Vimar, and Hyde settled into the carriage, leaning back into it's walls.