Pst… Pst…
These voices wouldn't stop.
Maybe if it's not so damn quiet, they wouldn't be this loud.
My eyes glance at the woman next to me, named Tammy.
Maybe talking with her will help me to ignore these voices.
Should I say hello to her first?
Or go straight to it and talk about… football? No, that's too sudden. Maybe she'd care if it's about the weather. It's about to cry after all.
…
I have to say, this is a lot harder to do since she slapped me in the face just now. I'm not sure what the right approach is here to break that tension.
Maybe a philosophical question could work: I just had a feeling. Well, here goes nothing…
"How real do you think we can get?"
I started.
She sighs and says, "Let's not. I'm no good at dealing with people like you."
"... Like me?"
"PTSD or someshit."
"I don't think I have that."
She looks unsurprised. "Really? I think otherwise. You were rambling about… something just before you asked me to wake you up. I've seen someone like that before. They end up either in a psych ward or behind bars.".
"So," she continues, "Either you're dealing with something… or you're just high."
To answer that I have to know something.
"If you don't mind me asking, where's Sohee?"
"She's with Nelly now."
"Ah…"
"She felt bad leaving you here; that's why she asked me for a favor to look out for you"
So I didn't hallucinate that.
"You haven't given me an answer."
"What's that?"
"Are you going through something? Or do I have to check inside your pocket for necrotic?"
"Do I… have to answer this?"
"Yes. As I mentioned before, you're either someone who needs help or just a scum in society. If it turns out you're the latter, I'd like you to stop as a tutor and start life in jail. I'd like to believe you're not, since the school won't just let someone like that to be close with my Nelly."
I wonder what her relationship is with Nelly. If I have to guess, she's her mother, just with dimmer eyes than hers.
But maybe not. She looks the same age as me. If she is indeed Nelly's mother, then she must have been pregnant with her at… a very young age.
"Hey. Don't just look at me, I'm asking you a question."
"I don't really want to end up in jail. I'm crazy."
That's not really further from the truth.
"Your word, not mine. So if I check your pocket I won't find anything?"
I fell them first, "I don't think so."
She leans forward… and her face crunches, taking a sniff at me. Then she backs away, nodding. "Well, you don't smell like it."
"It has smells?"
"It does."
"Like what?"
"... Like a hospital."
Glad I don't smell like that place. I wonder how she knows this. Is she a drug expert or something? Note that, when I say drug expert, what I imagine is just a junky. Which she doesn't look like—at least in the present. So maybe a police dog.
"You know, I have to say, it's not every day someone sniffed at me that obviously. It feels weird."
But it does feel oddly good—like when a girl slowly unbuttons your pants with her teeth.
She stares daggers at me.
I need to correct myself before something comes out of those eyes.
"Uh… Weird, in a good way, of course."
"Is that suppose to make it better."
"Not really. I'm sorry."
She drop it off, staring at the sky.
We say nothing.
The voices coming back.
"So, are you good with your nose?"
She looks at me strangely as if trying to figure out why I broke a perfectly good silence. "I am. And with my arms, too. If I have found out you're on drugs, I'd beat you up first before dragging you to the station."
"Wouldn't that upset Sohee, though?"
"I'd do you, her, and the society a favor."
"I assume when you slap my face you thought of helping me?"
The corner of her mouth twitches. "I'd do it again if you're just trying to make me feel guilty about it."
"Are you?"
"I'm not sorry… damn."
Somehow, she actually seems sorry. I get it; I'd feel guilty too if I slapped someone who's not all there... even if they sort of asked for it.
"Forget about it, all right… Here, take one."
Says Tammy, as she pulls out a pack of cigarettes and brings it close to my arm.
I'd take one, but I don't think this body has one before. Starting to smoke is a choice I'd have to consider longer.
Not now.
"I… don't smoke."
"No need to keep the act. None of your students are here."
"No, I meant that."
"... You're not fooling me. I recognise a smoker when I see one."
What makes her say that I am? Did she catch a whiff of tobacco on me when she sniffed me earlier? I'm pretty sure I haven't smoked… in this life, that is.
Ah.
I realized.
She sees me. Not the person I have become. But what I was. That nose must be magic after all.
She lights her cigarette and begins to smoke it. We don't talk… for a while.
It is silent. But now voices are nowhere.
The sky is starting to spit us a little.
"We should head in," I say.
Tammy don't budge. Instead, she blows another cloud as if the weather is the least of her concern. The green peeks at me, "So, still not taking it?"
She brings the pack up again.
"If I want one, I'd prefer the one you already put between your lips."
She snickers, "Guess you quit being one."
Those eyes of hers are really something, aren't they?