Chapter 20
I quickly caught up with Kiba, slowing down and just walking beside him. Since the Knight was giving me the silent treatment, I decided to just go along, and we walked silently through the streets of Kuoh, neither of us saying a word.
After a while, Kiba grew tired of it, breaking the silence. "What do you want, Kairos?"
At first, I didn't say anything, just kept the pace we were walking at, thinking on how exactly I wished to approach this conversation. In the end, I decided on slowly easing it through.
"I like to think of myself as your friend, and I'm concerned," I said, continuing to walk forward.
"Well, no need to concern yourself, not on my account." His reply came clipped; he clearly did not wish to talk.
'Tough luck,' I thought.
"I think I will be the judge of that."
…
"So, where are we going?" I asked Kiba.
…
Right, it's not going to be that easy.
"You know, I've never been to your place; let's go there."
"You're not going to let go of this, are you?" Kiba asked, a slight bite in his voice.
I just grinned at the Gremory Knight.
Kiba sighed and motioned for me to follow. Soon, we came to an apartment building Kiba lived in. The first thing I noticed when we entered his apartment was how well organised it was; it looked like Kiba was a very neat person.
The second thing was the console plugged into the TV. Seeing two beanbags in front of it, I decided this would be a good way to take his mind off the whole affair and perhaps get him to talk to me some more.
Plopping myself into the beanbag, I waved at Kiba to join me.
"Sure… make yourself at home," said Kiba under his breath, but still joined me, sitting down with a tired sigh. Although he was healed by Asia, the damage from the Holy Sword must still have done its thing, despite it only being a scratch.
"So, how did she get you? I saw little of your own fight, but she did not seem much faster than Xenovia," I said, motioning to his shoulder. That both of the exorcists were slower than us went unsaid. Something must have happened during their fight.
Kiba's hand went to his shoulder, touching his now healed wound, but saying nothing.
…
"You know, if you don't want to tell, it's fine. But at least explain to me this setup; I never took you for one to play video games," I said to Kiba, motioning to the TV and the console.
For a moment, it looked like Kiba would still not talk to me, but in the end, he sighed and gave me an answer. "… I sometimes play with Koneko; she enjoys it, and I don't mind overmuch."
Well, that would explain the two-seat arrangement.
"Want to play?" I asked.
…
"Sure," said Kiba after a moment, clearly resigning himself to the fact that I was not going away.
He could wallow in his own misery later, or better yet, not at all. I did consider Kiba to be my friend, and seeing him act in this way, completely opposite of the young man I knew, did not sit well with me.
Grabbing two controllers, Kiba powered up his setup and gave one to me.
Selecting some sort of Japanese fighting game, we spent the next twenty minutes just playing the game in silence.
At some point, Kiba paused the game in the middle of a fight and turned to me.
"You are not really good at it," he said, his voice losing some of its sullen cadence.
"Yeah, not really something I was ever interested in."
"I'm surprised."
"Why?" I asked, honestly not knowing why.
"Since I've known you, you seem to be good at most things."
I look at Kiba with a raised eyebrow. "Don't be daft, I'm bad at plenty of things."
At his look, I just sighed. What did this guy think about me? I was just as fallible as everyone else.
"Yuuto, I'm stubborn, opinionated, and a loner and apparently bad at this game as well."
"Loner? You get on with us just fine; I wouldn't call that a loner," said Kiba.
I shrugged. "A selective one perhaps, but have you not noticed? I never approached anyone in school; I really don't care to. I interact with you all because I like you guys and we are part of the same peerage, but beyond that I can't say I care too much for social interactions," I told him and then added an afterthought. "I'm also shit at singing; I forgot to mention that," I said, trying to add some humour to the conversation.
"What brought this on?" I asked him, curious at where the knight's thoughts were heading.
After a moment of silence, Kiba gave his answer.
"… since you joined the peerage, things seem to be going well for us as a group; Rias found a way out of her betrothal, you are probably stronger than Koneko and I at this point, and Akeno seems to be having a good time with Asia. Even I was quite happy to finally have a sparring partner; it's just… this had to happen."
I gave him some to speak; it looked like he was finally opening up.
"I'm an orphan, like you. When I was just a child, the minders in the orphanage noticed I had Sacred Gear. There were more like me, Sacred Gear users, people with affinity for swords… we were all selected for something I later learned was called a Holy Sword Project. It was meant to enable other people, those born without a natural talent, to wield Holy Swords, Excaliburs in particular."
Kiba paused, weighing his next words.
"A man, Valper Galilei from the Catholic Church, was in charge of it. He… experimented on us. We were all just children," said Kiba, looking down on his hands. "At some point, Valper or someone else decided that the project was a failure."
He let out a rueful chuckle. "What can you do with a failure but to dispose of it…" There was pain in his voice, but I listened on, hearing the pain in his voice. "The other children… my comrades, they gave me a chance to escape. I… I was the only survivor."
Kiba shook his head, a frown marring his features.
"All for a potential to wield a Holy Sword. All of them dead, just for someone to have a weapon like Excalibur... the lives spent were deemed unimportant."
He looked back up, locking his gaze with mine. "That is why. That is why when I see those Holy Swords before me, the only thing I can feel is burning hatred. Why I must destroy those swords so that my comrades' souls may finally rest, avenged."
…
"Do you understand now? Do you comprehend what I feel?"
I took some time to collect my own thoughts before answering the Gremory Knight.
"I would have to lie if I said I know how you feel, Yuuto. I can offer you platitudes, but I do not think you would care for that."
Telling him I felt sorry for him would do nothing for him; they were pretty but ultimately empty words for someone who desired something tangible.
"I cannot say I can understand what you went through, Yuuto, not fully," I said, looking back at the blonde knight. "When I told you I am stubborn and a loner, I meant it. I hate asking others for solutions to my problems. I need to figure things out for myself before I even ask others for help."
"On an intellectual level, I know it's stupid. I know I have friends I can ask for help, but I don't like it, so I try to find a way to solve my problems by myself."
"When I find a solution, asking for help comes easy. I know I can rely on people to help me achieve what I set out to do, but I prefer to first decide on my path myself before I involve others."
"As I said, I cannot understand what you feel, but I understand dealing with problems that, although ultimately my own, affect everyone around me."
Kiba gave me a questioning look.
"I haven't really spoken about it with others, only Rias, to be honest, but I deal with my own demons. Sometimes I feel like my body is not my own; I act with rashness, and anger comes easy to me these days. My entire existence is a combination of many origins, all pushing me towards conflict… Before I came to Kuoh, I would have never spoken to those exorcists like I did today, even when angry."
I paused slightly, looking for the right words to describe my own situation.
"I always considered myself mild-mannered; not many things could get a rise out of me."
"How did you deal with it?" Kiba asked, seeing the similarities between us. His anger towards the Holy Swords and my own rampant emotions.
"Well, I happen to not be alone, even in my own head. Ddraig pushed me initially, but Rias helped me as well. Sometimes, it's just talking about your problems to someone else, despite how much you want to bear that burden alone."
"So what? I should just share my pain with everyone, and all will be better?"
"If that is what you decide to do, but I would not go that far. I think you are like me in that regard; you don't want to burden others with your own problems, so you look for solutions yourself. Fine, do that, but when you have a solution, share it," I told him, hoping that my words were getting to the young Knight.
"I think you will not find anyone in the peerage who would be unwilling to offer their help if you asked for it," I added.
Kiba paused, the emotions warring on his face clearly visible.
"I… I want to destroy those swords so that they never inspire actions like those that led to my own pain."
Transferring the hatred to an inanimate object was not really something I considered sensible; there would always be something else that people would commit vile acts for. Ultimately the Excaliburs were only a catalyst; the real driver were always people willing to commit evil in service of what they believed to be right or to achieve their own goals.
Telling this to Kiba was pointless, however. Telling someone something and making them understand were two very different things. Kiba could not understand right now; his hatred was too visceral, his experience too scarring. So, I chose not to say what I thought; instead, I decided to offer support, unconditional and freely given.
"If that's the path you want to walk, then I will be there with you; everyone will, you just need to ask."
"Kairos… I, I should apologise for how I behaved."
"You don't need to, sometimes things are tough. What matters is that we can get through it together."
Kiba sat there for a moment, not saying anything. In the end, he just gave me a nod and resumed the paused game. It looked like I was going to continue getting my ass kicked in this off-brand Tekken.
"You really are not good at this."
"Yeah, well, it is what it is, Yuuto."
"Thanks for the talk."
"Just don't go Sasuke on me, and we are good."
"I don't really know who that is."
"…Don't tell that to Rias; she will make you watch 700 episodes of an anime, fillers included."
"Why would fillers be included?"
"Who knows, Yuuto, who knows."
/Break
When I came back to my apartment, it was already late in the night. Kiba and I spent most of the time just playing games or talking about lighter topics; we never strayed back to the subject of the Excaliburs or Holy Sword project. When I left his apartment, I felt I got to know the knight better, and hopefully I was able to help him, if only a little bit.
Entering the apartment, I saw Rias already getting up from the sofa as she came to greet me. Even though I could have teleported, I choose to walk back home to clear my head after the discussion with Kiba.
Despite my intentions, I could not stop thinking about what he told me and how it mirrored my own situation, at least to an extent. A young boy with a Sacred Gear, used by others for their own purpose? My difference from Kiba was that I managed to hide my Sacred Gear, he did not. If he did, would he have still ended up as a subject of Valper Galilei's machinations? I could not say.
Rias must have seen that I was troubled, because she embraced me in a hug, not saying anything. I enjoyed the warm support she provided and rested my head on top of hers.
After a moment we parted, and Rias looked at me. "So? How did it go?"
"Kiba told me about the Holy Sword Project."
"Ah, that," nodded Rias with understanding. "Yes, I imagine it's a hard thing to hear about. Kiba's fate was unfortunate; it must not be easy to be the only survivor."
I nodded, those thoughts still weighing on my mind.
"I don't really feel like watching anything tonight; I think I'm going to go to bed now."
"Of course, let me turn off the TV and I'll join you," said Rias, already moving to the controller.
Lying in bed that night, I held Rias in my arms. Despite our shared nakedness, I was not in the mood for anything, so I just held Rias as she rested on my chest; slowly running my hand through her crimson hair, thinking on the exorcists, Holy Swords and Fallen Angels.