"Are you really going? Don't you think we should consult the teacher first?"
Jao Peem was packing only the essentials. My brother had reached his breaking point, but I didn't think this was the way to go.
"Is she your mother or something?" He swung his backpack onto his shoulder. I grabbed his arm to hold him back.
"Dad has always been like that. Why do you care so much about what he says?"
"I have feelings too. Since he hasn't wanted us here from day one, why should we stay just to be an eyesore to him?"
I still remembered the look in Dad's eyes the first day we moved in. Beneath that gaze, there was a coldness too chilling for two abandoned boys like us to endure for two years. Even though I wanted to ask sarcastically if we were even his real sons, I never dared. Our tuition, our allowance, a much better life, and the pleas from Great-Grandmother were the only reasons Jao Peem and I still called him 'Dad' and behaved ourselves.
"If we leave, who's going to stay with the teacher? Are you really going to throw away your future like this?"
"Mind your own business," Jao Peem snapped, walking away.
"Hey! Don't be an idiot. We're almost done with Grade 12—can't you just hang in there a bit longer? Where would we even go? You know I'm not leaving your side." I stood in his way. His expression, which was usually stoic, grew even colder. A literal living statue!
"For the sake of a better future, you stay here. It's time for us to part ways. You don't have to struggle with me."
"Shit, is that really all you can say? We came from the same womb, man! Before Mom died, she begged us never to leave each other. And now you're abandoning me, brother?"
"I'm not abandoning you. I just don't want you to suffer with me."
"You're dead set on this, aren't you?"
"Yeah." He sounded firm. Once he says something, he never takes it back.
"Fine. Wait here a second. Let me pack my stuff. I'm coming with you."
I dashed back to my room and shoved my clothes into a bag. But when I got back, Jao Peem was already gone. I ran to the front of the house, terrified that my twin had actually left me behind. If he goes, who will I have left?
"Please don't go, P'Peem. I'm begging you." I turned my face away in disbelief. She was crying and hugging my brother from behind. Why did I suddenly feel like tearing her away from him?
"Don't stop me, Tong. I can't stand those cold eyes anymore," Jao Peem tried to peel her small hands off him. But she was sticking to him like glue.
"Khun Panin is just cold. It might just be his 'manly' way. I want you to understand him."
"I don't and I won't. Let me go."
"I won't let you risk your future just because you're angry! Look at me. I'm just a worker's daughter, and I can still survive here. I believe that one day I'll have a good life. But you're Khun Panin's son! You can study anything. Don't let this opportunity slip away!" Jao Peem went silent before turning to face her. He gently wiped the tears from her eyes.
"So, what's the plan, brother?" I decided to play the third wheel. "Get your dirty hands off my brother." I pulled her hands away myself. She looked at me and squeezed her eyes shut in annoyance. "What? Am I wrong? Get lost. This is between brothers. Others shouldn't get involved."
"P'Peem, I beg you..."
"Don't listen to her. You're going, right? Come on, I'll take you on a ride to the struggle you're so eager for." I walked past him, but he didn't follow.
"I'm not going anymore."
"Are you kidding me? You're such a dick! I begged you for so long and you wouldn't listen, but you listen to someone else more than your own flesh and blood? Go put my bag back. As for you... come with me. I have something to say to you." I pointed at his face before dragging Tongjai toward the library. "Want to be a hero?" I asked the moment we were alone.
"No, I don't."
"Want to be someone important to Jao Peem?"
"I never thought of that."
"Then what exactly do you want to be to him, hugging him that tight?"
"I just didn't want him to go. I was afraid Khun Panin and P'Tim would be sad. Please let me go. I have nothing to say to you." I didn't let go. I gripped her white wrist tighter until her face crumpled.
"If I were the one leaving, would you try to stop me?"
"I wouldn't need to stop someone who hates me," her small voice trembled. Why did that feel like a stab to my heart?
"How do you know I hate you?"
"You're always mean to me. You prank me. Isn't that what people do when they hate someone?"
I released her wrist and pinned her shaking frame against the bookshelf. She squeezed her eyes shut in fear. "I never hated you, you silly girl," I whispered softly in her ear before pinching her soft cheeks twice. Then, I quickly walked away, whistling a tune.