Chapter 365. The Selfish and Egotistical Hikigaya Hachiman
「Hikigaya Hachiman had long been aware that Ram harbored dissatisfaction toward him; he just hadn't expected it to be so immense.」
「Even so, starting from the second iron gate, Ram's expressions and emotions had grown increasingly malicious and unpleasant. This was a fact he should have observed, yet he had failed to do so.」
「 'Looking back now, everyone had already been eroded by the miasma at that point, myself included. Although I did my best to suppress the negative thoughts stirred up by the miasma, I had no energy left to observe others closely. That's why everything that followed happened.'」
「So, was he the one responsible for Ram's death and his own? Was he the one who turned Crusch and Anastasia into murderers? Was it all his fault for losing his memories of Rem?」
「"Absolutely not!"」
「If it wasn't his fault, it wasn't his fault. Hikigaya Hachiman was merely a victim himself. If there was to be anger, it should be directed at the true culprit: Ley Batenkaitos, the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony.」
「He would take responsibility for his own mistakes, but he wouldn't be a scapegoat for things that weren't his doing.」
「...Hachiman thought back to the time before he crossed over, when the Service Club was in the middle of a cold war. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama both felt he had done wrong by confessing to Ebina—that he had hurt them and made them sad. Yukinoshita, in particular, had been truly heartbroken.」
「Yet back then, he would rather have stayed in a cold war with those two for half a month than bow his head, admit he was wrong, and say, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have confessed to Ebina."」
「Perhaps he would sometimes shoulder responsibility or take on burdens that didn't belong to him—but on certain matters, Hikigaya Hachiman was incredibly stubborn and would cling to his own convictions.」
「He wasn't someone who would sacrifice himself for the sake of others' feelings in every single situation. He had moments where he wasn't kind, moments where he was selfish.」
「While lost in thought, he gave perfunctory replies to Anastasia and Crusch. Then, Hachiman took a deep breath and raised his hand: "Before we set out, I have something to say."」
「His gaze swept over the three confused girls, finally settling on Ram's face. He met her eyes directly, without flinching.」
「"To avoid a greater conflict, we need to resolve the factors that might lead to infighting first. I'll speak plainly, Ram."」
「Hachiman held up three fingers. "First: My earlier holding of you and Anastasia was not to take advantage of you. it had nothing to do with lust. I simply wanted to protect you."」
「Ram looked at him in shock. "In your eyes, is Ram the kind of person who would make such a vile assumption?"」
「"I want to believe you aren't, but it's better to say it upfront," Hachiman continued. "Second: There is currently no improper relationship between Crusch and me—none at all. The future is too far off for me to make guarantees, so while Crusch and I are perfectly innocent, I can only speak for 'now'."」
「"I don't have enough charm to attract Crusch anyway, so please stop treating her as your sister's love rival. In a dangerous place like this, I hope everyone can work together."」
「Ram's expression was sour. "Of course we must work together in a place like this. Ram understands that perfectly and won't let personal matters interfere with duty. However, how Ram views Lady Crusch is Ram's own business."」
「Crusch wanted to interject, but she forced herself to restrain the urge. Seeing Hachiman's seriousness, she knew she shouldn't interrupt.」
「"Don't treat Crusch with that attitude. If you can do that, I can promise you this: at least until your sister wakes up, I definitely will not—it is absolutely impossible for me to—develop a relationship beyond friendship with Crusch or anyone else."」
「Even if his heart was bleeding as he said it.」
「Under Crusch's gaze—as she prayed he wouldn't agree—Ram hesitated for a moment before finally nodding slowly.」
「"Third: I am Hikigaya Hachiman, but I am the Hikigaya Hachiman who has lost his memories. Perhaps I once loved Rem deeply, but my feelings for her right now don't even compare to my feelings for you."」
「Having first made a promise that shattered Crusch's defenses, he followed it up with words that made Ram's face pale with surging killing intent. Hachiman continued with his self-aware, cold, and selfish speech.」
「"I crave the 'Genuine'... Rem might very well be the 'Genuine' I seek. Even so, I certainly cannot fall in love with a girl I've never even spoken to."」
「"I am not the Hikigaya Hachiman who loves Rem right now. I have no obligation to love her. You shouldn't assume I am Rem's husband, nor should you feel I'm 'cheating' every time I get close to another woman. I cannot accept that treatment, Ram."」
「Back in the Service Club, even after he had vaguely realized he liked Yukinoshita, he still maintained relatively close acquaintances with Yuigahama Yui and Kawasaki Saki. Though, being so close to Yui wasn't exactly his original intent.」
「Regardless, he didn't believe that having someone you liked meant you couldn't have other friends of the opposite sex.」
「He could understand Ram's sense of duty in watching over her brother-in-law to prevent him from straying, but he simply wasn't the person who loved Rem right now. Even the pre-amnesia version of him hadn't reached the point of a formal engagement with Rem.」
「"..."」
「Silence. Ram remained silent for a long time—long enough for Crusch to grip her sword hilt, ready to subdue a rampaging Ram at any moment; long enough for Anastasia to consider letting "Dona-fox" take over to execute the volatile maid with a spell first.」
「Suddenly, Ram let out a contemptuous snort. A light, brisk smile played on her lips, and all her killing intent vanished. She laughed.」
「"Correct. You are absolutely right." She admitted her fault candidly. "Ram was indeed only concerned for Rem and rarely considered your own feelings after losing your memories. Fine, we'll do it your way."」
「"In any case, as long as you have made the promise not to stray before Rem wakes up, that will suffice."」
「Her gaze swept frankly over Crusch. Since the cards were on the table, she no longer hid anything, speaking quite openly: "No cheating before Rem wakes up. Once she does, your only option will be to marry her."」
「As if declaring war, her tone was absolute: "That is Ram's sister. That is the person you once loved most. Ram believes you will absolutely fall in love with Rem again. Absolutely!"」
「Everything Ram currently knew about Rem was gathered from the former Hikigaya Hachiman. When he had educated her on all things Rem, he had been just that confident, possessing such blind faith in her.」
「This immense importance placed on Rem, this boundless love for Rem—the reason the current Ram was brainless enough to ignore the feelings of her friend Hachiman for Rem's sake...」
「It was all because of the day-after-day indoctrination from Hachiman over the past year. Her current actions were, in fact, a result of Hachiman's own influence.」
「And now.」
「It was her turn to give that back to Hikigaya Hachiman!」
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