"Ugh... why are you so heavy—""
Elena complained her way through the door and into the rental room, spacious, clean, warm and lived-in in a way that felt more like someone's home than a hotel.
She maneuvered Raphael onto the couch and let herself breathe, shaking the numbness out of her arms.
Then she remembered the umbrella still dripping in her hand and rushed it out to the balcony. Too late.
A respectable puddle had already formed by the entrance.
"Oh god..."
She cleaned it up, muttering the whole time, and became freshly aware that her clothes, soaked from the rain, had now also absorbed sweat, the entire outfit pressing against her like a second skin she hadn't asked for.
"I need a shower... no wait, there's a stranger in here, what if he wakes up while I'm in there and does something, I'm alone, I don't even know this person..."
Elena hugged herself, pacing in a tight circle.
It was only now, standing in her own rental room, that the full weight of what she'd done settled over her.
She had voluntarily carried a strange unconscious naked man back to her accommodation.
"Elena, Elena. What is wrong with you."
The urge to cry arrived. She pushed it down.
Then an idea surfaced.
"Wait... I can handcuff him! Cuff him to the couch, let him sleep, then get the landlady to help deal with him in the morning once he's awake!"
The landlady was large, confident, and owned the building. She'd handle it no problem.
Then Elena remembered the look on the landlady's face while she'd been studying Raphael, and shuddered.
"...Actually. Let's find someone else."
She checked that he was still unconscious, he was, exhaled in relief, and speed-walked out to the corridor. She knocked on the next door.
The woman who opened it was close to 192 centimeters, smudged lipstick, cigarette between her fingers, tattoo-covered arms, robe barely doing its job.
She had the face of someone ready to verbally destroy whoever was on the other side.
Then she saw Elena, and the expression shifted into something genuinely warm.
"Thought it was some idiot who didn't know when to quit. It's just little bunny Elena."
She plucked the cigarette from her lips and leaned against the doorframe, looking down.
"What's going on, little one? Don't tell me you've finally decided to come experience the adult world."
She smiled, slow and deliberate. "You're still a bit young for that, ask me again in a few years. Though I will say I'm very open to it."
Elena took a step back. Being looked down at by Ms. Spade always felt like a particular kind of experience.
"No, definitely not that!"
She pressed her fingers together, already feeling her face warming.
"I want to borrow something. It's a little... private. If you don't want to lend it, you can just say so and I'll leave."
The sentence came out in pieces. Her face was fully red by the end.
Ms. Spade studied her with frank curiosity.
"Condoms? Your boyfriend didn't buy any so he sent you over?
Ahhh, Elena, your taste in men needs so much work. You know, I could set you up with someone, I know thirty, forty guys easy.
I can tell you what they look like, how fat their wallet is, how good they are in bed, how long they last when it counts, I know everything."
Elena blinked.
"I don't have a boyfriend. When did I get a boyfriend? Why am I just hearing about this now?"
"Mm, landlady told me." Ms. Spade took a long drag.
"Said you brought back a man who looks like a model. A naked model. Said you're quite the wild one, little bunny."
Elena grabbed the hem of her hoodie and held on until her knuckles went tight.
Social death. Total. Complete.
She muttered something very quietly.
"If time travel existed I would go back and slap myself so hard... what is my life right now..."
"Hmm? What was that?"
"Nothing." Elena closed her eyes briefly. "I'm here to borrow handcuffs. I'm pretty sure you have them."
Ms. Spade put on an expression of absolute theatrical innocence.
"Handcuffs? Goodness, why would I have handcuffs? I'm a law-abiding citizen. I'm not a police officer."
Elena's remaining patience made a small, dignified exit.
"Novelty handcuffs! You know exactly the kind I mean...
Everyone in this building says your room is basically a specialty shop, and I know you have them, and I need to borrow a pair, and if you don't want to lend them then say so directly instead of playing dumb with me, this is not funny..."
She ran out of breath.
Ms. Spade looked at her, this small, furious, deeply mortified creature, and doubled over laughing.
The real kind. The kind that required one hand on the doorframe for structural support.
"Oh my god, you're so adorable. yes, fine, yes I have them, hold on..."
She disappeared inside. Elena, exercising an act of considerable willpower, did not look into the room.
"...Knowing what this room allegedly contains, there might already be someone handcuffed in there. For the sake of my mental health, I am not looking..."
She stopped.
Looked at what she was about to go back to her room and do.
She pressed her forehead against the wall.
"...Mom, I'm so sorry. Your daughter has become a deviant."
Ms. Spade returned with a large bag, which she held open with the energy of a very satisfied person presenting a haul.
"Here, bought these today actually, haven't even gotten around to using them yet. My date tonight cancelled on me last minute so nothing got used."
She reached in and produced the contents one by one.
First, something rod-shaped and vaguely threatening that buzzed faintly when she squeezed it.
Second, a full box of condoms, the packaging announcing ultra-thin in enthusiastic font.
Third, a pair of fluffy novelty handcuffs in pink, small heart-shaped lock included.
Elena stared at the bag.
"...Um."
Elena looked up at her with a small, baffled face full of large, baffled confusion.
"This... why does all of this look so strange?"
Ms. Spade gave her a look that said oh you sweet thing.
"These are the handy little tools you'll be able to put to good use tonight."