[Hyde POV]
I went to the grocery store with Mrs Forman and Eric after breakfast. Eric drove us in his Vista Cruiser.
We went to the Piggly Wiggly supermarket as it was the closest.
"Boys, what do you want for dinner today?" Mrs Forman asked.
"Fatson Burger." Eric replied.
"Paella." I replied.
"Huh?" Mrs Forman was confused by both of our answers. "I guess I'll make meatloaf again." She teased.
The cashier scanned our items while blatantly checking out Eric. It surprised me a lot.
She hinted at him, flirted with him slightly, yet he didn't even realize it.
'That dumbass… he has a girlfriend, but still a dumbass…'
Outside the store, a crowd of Hare Krishna's hippies surrounded us as we were trying to get through.
"Oh god.. What is happening?" Mrs Forman was almost swept away.
"Get away from me you freaks!" I almost punched one of them.
Eric was startled and he dropped his paper bag.
The crowd scattered quickly as I was becoming hostile with them. They weren't even Indians. They were just white hippies culturally inappropriating other cultures.
"Eric. You're ruining the bread." Mrs Forman scolded him and we all picked the groceries from the ground.
"Huh? What's this?" Eric was confused as he saw a brown paper bag. Mrs Forman snatched it from his hand and put it in her bag. "Don't waste time. We still need to go to three more places."
"But the ice cream will melt!" Eric whined.
We stopped by four more stores, walking in a hurry each time and returned home as fast as we could. .
"Quick, put the ice cream in the freezer." I told Eric.
"Already on it!" he said and quickly took out the ice cream from the bag. "I think it's too late. It feels all sploshy." He shook the tub.
"Damn it. We lost him. Grab a straw. Let's drink it."
He nodded and grabbed the straws and two cups. He brought them to me while I sat down on the kitchen table.
We poured the melted ice-cream into the glasses in equal split, and started drinking, enjoying the moment and completely ignoring the bags of groceries on the kitchen counter.
While we were drinking, Laurie came to the kitchen still half asleep.
"I need coffee." She said with a raspy voice.
"You need to stop smoking." Eric said sarcastically.
Laurie stuck her tongue out at Eric mockingly.
Red came back from his interview, wearing a maroon Price Mart jacket.
"Red you got the job!" Mrs Forman squealed in excitement.
"Yes! I'm now the boss of the autoshop." I said in excitement too.
Red turned to me and said firmly, "I'm still the boss. I'm going to check up on the store as frequently as I can."
"Damn it." I cursed slightly.
"Honey, I bought you an imported beer as I thought this would happen." Mrs Forman said excitedly.
Red laughed and teased, "Because it's close to the wine section?"
She froze slightly and said, "No…" Then she whispered, "...yes."
Laurie smiled and hugged Red. "Daddy, you look so handsome in that suit."
"Thank you sweety. And there's a job as a cashier there if you want to take it."
"What?" Laurie was taken aback.
Eric laughed and mocked, "Ha! Your couch potato days are over!"
Red smiled and everyone was in a good mood, except for Laurie. Suddenly, a small brown bag dropped from the kitchen counter, being knocked over by Eric.
Red picked it up and looked inside of it. His smile vanished instantly.
"Marijuana?"
Everyone in the kitchen froze. Red turned around and asked angrily. "Who brought this thing into my house?!"
…
Red looked at us angrily, demanding an answer. But no one could speak up.
"Well?" He urged.
"Red, this must be a misunderstanding." Mrs Forman said quickly.
"Misunderstanding? I know what marijuana looks like." He replied angrily. "Now one of you better fess up, or everyone will face the consequences!"
"Daddy! It must be Steven!" Laurie quickly acted innocent, holding Red's arm and accused me. "He and Eric must've smoked it in the basement…"
"Hold on." Eric was taken aback. "I have to argue with that logic here. If we smoke it in the basement, shouldn't it be found… in the basement?"
I nodded and backed him up, "Yeah Red. Besides, just look at where it is. It's just laying there on the counter."
"What's about the location of where I found it?" Red asked angrily.
"It seems pretty convenient, doesn't it? If this is a contraband, illegal substance… just plain sin..., why in the world would we put it there for everyone to see?
Red was slightly convinced by my argument.
"Besides, this is not the first time Laurie tries to frame Hyde." Eric added.
Red turned to Laurie immediately.
"No– No! Daddy! No! I literally just woke up!" Laurie stammered.
"See there. Evidence! Lazy, slow moving, sleeps a lot." Eric accused Laurie, pointing his finger at her.
Laurie smiled tauntingly and said, "Oh shut it."
"Aha! Dad, get her!" Eric moved his finger to Laurie, gesturing for Red to beat her up.
"It doesn't make any sense. Why did it just pop up in the kitchen?!" Red grimaced.
"We're with Mrs Forman the entire morning." I spoke up. "So she's like, our alibi."
"Yes Red." Mrs Forman said quickly. "We were together the whole time. If any of them were–"
"Why did you pause?" Red asked interrogating.
"N-Nothing."
"Kitty? What's wrong? Speak up."
Eric was the one who spoke up, "Mom. You don't think that. I didn't do anything! I just went to the toilet."
"Uhuh. I believe you Eric." Mrs Forman said with a flat expression, standing on her toes slightly as she was really nervous.
"Forman didn't do it. In fact, even Mrs Forman separated from us to go to the ladies room. I'm not thinking, 'Hey, she's in there to meet her dealer to buy drugs', just because she has to relieve herself, do I?"
I backed up Eric slightly.
"Daddy. There's an easy way to figure out whose bags are those. Why don't you check the boy's room? Surely you can find evidence there?" Laurie said with a devilish smile.
"Great. I have nothing to hide." I said casually and sat down on the dining table. "But, let's be fair and check everyone's room. Not just ours. Eric, you're good with that?"
Eric nodded with a nervous expression. "Uh-huh."
We all had to wait in the dining room as Red went to check up our room. He went to the basement first.
"Eric, Laurie, if you have something to hide, go get it now!" Mrs Forman, the one who Red told to block the kids, was the first to betray him.
Laurie and Eric rushed away, but Red came back to the kitchen and exposed them.
"AHA! I knew you had something to hide! We're all going to go together now so I can keep an eye on all of you." Red said sternly.
I snickered slightly as I saw it. Red looked at me and said, "Steven. You sure are relaxed. Are you perchance, on it right now?"
"I'm relaxed because I have no guilty conscience." I said casually. "Unlike those two."
"Or he can be a good actor." Laurie said quickly.
"None of you are exempt. Let's go!" Red ordered firmly.
We went to Eric's room next. Red checked his coat pockets, and the closet.
"God, please don't let him check underneath my bed." Eric prayed whisperingly.
Red bent over and found the first contraband.
"What's this?" He took out the stack of PlayPen magazine underneath Eric's bed.
Eric laughed nervously and said, "I just keep those… because it has educational articles.." he lost his breath slightly.
"Red, it's disgusting. But it's not really a big deal." Mrs Forman said placatingly. "All boys do it."
"Not me. Your boy is a little sick. So he needs those." I teased. Eric gave me a dirty look.
"Dad! He needs to be grounded. That thing objectifies women." Laurie complained.
"Oh you sure are a raging feminist! Why don't you learn to keep your mouth… and legs closed!" Eric snapped at Laurie.
"Eric. You're grounded for two weeks. And get rid of all of these!" Red threw the magazines on the bed.
"Okay Sir. I will do it after this." Eric picked up the magazine quickly and put it back on its hiding spot.
Then, we went to Laurie's room.
Red checked her room and found a stack of cigarette boxes.
"Daddy! I was framed!" Laurie whined, looking at Red nervously.
"Grounded for two weeks!" Red said decisively.
I took out the 'back massager' from under her bed and asked, "Red. What about this one–"
Laurie snatched it away from me and kicked it back under the bed.
"That's just… I have a sore shoulder…" Laurie looked at Red nervously.
Red smiled and said, "I'll bring you to a doctor after this."
Laurie gave me a dirty look. Eric was snickering at the side. Mrs Forman was confused and asked, "Why are you laughing? It's just a massager? I used that all the time too."
"MOM!" Eric was horrified.
Finally, we went to the basement.
As we walked down the stairs, we saw Fez, Donna, Jackie and Kelso hanging out, watching TV.
"Everybody run!" Eric shouted.
Donna, Kelso, and Fez stood up immediately.
"FREEZE!" Red shouted and they froze. Kelso's eyes shifted to Fez.
Fez whispered, "Why are we freezing?"
"I… don't… know." Kelso replied with a frozen pose too.
Jackie turned around to us and greeted casually, "Oh, hello Mr and Mrs Forman. What are you doing?"
Mrs Forman replied, "Kids. Something has occurred that–"
Laurie rolled her eyes and interjected, "Red found marijuana in the kitchen. Now, everyone's a suspect."
Kelso raised his hands up and said, "I didn't do it!"
"No one is saying you did it. But why did you raise your hands up?" Red asked, walking towards Kelso menacingly.
Kelso shook fearfully before he pointed his hand at Donna. "She went upstairs! It must be hers!"
"What?!" Donna was shocked. "I went upstairs to see if Eric's home! That's it!"
"Check her pockets! Check everyone's pocket." Laurie whispered to Red like the devil.
"Laurie!" Mrs Forman scolded her with exasperation.
"That's right. Empty out your pockets." Red told everyone.
Kitty turned to Red and asked, "Don't you think this has gone too far?"
"Kitty. I have to do this. Do you know what would happen if I left this thing alone?"
Red started daydreaming.
-Reefer Madness-
Black and white 1930's shot of the Forman porch with the title "The dоpе Fiends" appeared on the screen.
Hyde was standing on the porch with a hat on his head, tilted sideway like a gangster.
Eric walked out with a bunch of flowers in his hand, dressed like a 1930s youngster.
"Say, chum, where ya headed?" Hyde asked Eric with a deep, 1930s way of speaking.
"Just to see my best girl Donna, that's where. We're gonna split a soda pop. It'll be keen." Eric replied like a dork.
"Soda pop, eh? I have something that's even keener than soda pop. It's called mɑrіjuɑnɑ." Hyde offered, grinning slightly.
""Mari-what-a"?" Eric was confused.
"Come. I'll show you." Hyde grabbed the flowers Eric was holding and threw it away to the driveway.
In the Forman's living room, rag time music was playing loudly.
Jackie was dancing on it like a madwoman.
Kelso sat in a chair laughing hysterically. A thin smoke filled the air.
"Hyde, you were right. mɑrіjuɑnɑ's the bee's knees." Eric untied his tie and smiled slightly.
"Yep. All it takes is one puff to make you hopelessly addicted" Hyde smirked.
"I am... hopelessly addicted." Eric said casually.
Kelso was still laughing hysterically. Fez came into the room with a giant paper bag.
"Here's a new shipment, fresh from whatever-the-hell country I am from." Fez handed the bag to Eric.
Donna walked in wearing an old fashioned gown, and had curls on her hair.
"Gee whillikers, Eric. Where have you been? You missed choir practice." She scolded him.
"Sorry, dollface. But now, thanks to mɑrіjuɑnɑ, I'm incurably insane."
The camera closed up to Eric to show his crazy look, sweat dripping over his face, showing paranoia and his unfocused eyes.
"Well, I'm not gonna let a swell kid like you ruin your life." Donna said exaggeratedly and grabbed the bag from Eric, trying to walk off.
Hyde drew a gun and pointed it at Donna. "Not so fast, sister. I need that for the schoolchildren."
Eric wrestled with Hyde over the gun. "NOOO!" he yelled.
The gun was pointing upwards and an accidental gunshot happened.
Suddenly, Donna, who was standing at the side, fell to the ground.
"Alas, mɑrіjսɑnɑ has ended my young, promising life." Donna struggled before she died.
Red came in through the front door. "This is what's happening all over America. And it could happen in your home," He pointed at the camera, "or yours, or yours!"
–Reefer Madness ended–
Red was still looking upwards as the daydream ended. Mrs Forman scrunched her face and said, "I don't think that's going to happen Red!"
"It's not going to happen, because I'm not letting it happen." Red said seriously. He turned to Kelso and said, "In the meantime, everyone's a suspect."
I emptied out my pockets. I have my wallet and a lighter. Eric has 20 bucks. Kelso has a magnifying glass and a rubber ball. Jackie's purse contains… multitudes, but no drugs.
"Empty your pocket." Red turned to Fez.
Fez whimpered and said, "No."
"Do you want me to call your host parents? Or Immigration?" Red threatened him.
Fez cried and pulled his pocket out. A number of candies dropped on the table. Red looked at him with disbelief.
"You have a problem Fez." I told him seriously.
"The last place to look is Hyde's room." Laurie said cheekily. "Why don't you save us the trouble and just kick him out now?"
"Laurie!" Mrs Forman was exasperated. Red gave me a look and said, "So. Do you still have no guilty conscience?"
"No." I shrugged casually. "You can check my room."
Everyone went to my room and watched Red do a spotcheck there.
"Hyde. Are you really sure you don't have anything?" Eric whispered to me.
"I'm 99% sure."
All of my contrabands were in my system storage.
Red checked my bed and underneath it.
He pulled out a large box of VHS movies and asked, "What's this?"
"It's movies that's not really in the family friendly genre." I replied carefully.
Red pulled one out and read the title, "Barry Lyndon."
"It's one of Kubrick's underrated films." I replied with a smile. "It's 3 hours long though. I never could sit through it."
Red sighed and said, "If this is filth, I don't want it in my house."
"It's art Red." I argued back.
"How about this one? The Happy Hooker?" Laurie picked one up and sneered.
"I mean, I thought it's your story. Just trying to support you." I smirked.
Laurie gave me a dirty look again.
Red checked my closet next. As he reached his hand on my denim coat pocket, he furrowed his eyebrows and took out the brown bag in the shirt.
I widened my eyes in shock when I saw it. Red opened it up and looked at me with disappointment. "No guilty conscience huh?"
"Wait. Is that– Red, I have no idea how that got there." I was astonished by it.
"Red! Calm down!" Mrs Forman said quickly. "There might be a reasonable explanation for this!"
"AH!" Jackie exclaimed suddenly. Red turned to her.
"Um. That's mine." Jackie stepped up to Red.
"WHAT?!" Kelso, Fez, and Mrs Forman exclaimed with disbelief.
…
"Jackie, you bought this?" Red looked at her angrily.
"No. I brought it to Steven when he came home from work." Jackie explained nervously. "He took it away from me and scolded me. I think he forgot it's there, since we saw a cop and had to run away."
"I don't believe you." Red said sternly.
"Well, you can check inside. I left a note for him." Jackie said quickly.
"What are you doing?" I whispered to her with concern.
"It's fine Steven. The most Red can do is call my dad. And I can blame my housekeeper for this. But he'll kick you out." She whispered back.
Red checked the weed like Jackie said, and pulled out a small pink paper.
Mrs Forman snatched it and read it quickly, "I love you Steven Hyde. –Jackie Hyde. Yup, this is hers alright."
"Why did you bring him this filth?" Red asked angrily. "Did he ask you to?"
I threw my hands with disbelief.
Donna interjected. "I can explain that. She just tried to impress him. You know how teenage girls in love would act. But he didn't get impressed, and scolded her about it. He took it away and I think he forgot about it till now."
"Jackie. Even if you were just trying to impress him, I'll need to call your dad about this." Red said sternly.
Donna interjected again, "Mr Forman. Hyde rejected her. He even got a new girlfriend now. So can you let this go? She's already hurting badly."
"You have a girlfriend?" Kelso peeked at me, his anger dissipated quickly.
"Yeah man." I nodded.
"Alright!" He grinned and high-fived me.
"Enough about that– Although I'm going to need details later." Eric spoke up. "Dad, this means none of us is the owner of the stash we found in the kitchen, right?"
"Then explain to me how it got there?" Red was fuming. "If there's no answer, I'm going to ground everyone for a whole month!"
"Well there's one more room we didn't check." Laurie said and slowly turned to Mrs Forman.
"Me?!" Mrs Forman was taken aback.
"Sorry honey. I need to treat everyone fairly. I didn't want to, but I need to know."
Everyone went silent, not really having an answer.
Mrs. Forman knitted her eyebrows before her eyes widened, as if she suddenly realized something. "AH! The Hare Krishnas!"
"What?" Red was confused.
"We ran into them as we got out of the store. Eric bumped into one and–"
"Oh, all of the groceries fell off." Eric finished her words. "I knew it saw something weird. I tried to ask mom, but she's in a rush to go to the button's store."
"That must be it Red. He must've picked up something from the crowd. You know how those hippies are." Mrs Forman said quickly as she wanted the incident to be over.
Red was still skeptical. Everyone held their breath.
"Fine." Red sighed. Everyone cheered.
Red grumbled and said, "Now I have two bags to get rid of."
"We can help you with that Red." Kelso said and casually tried to take the bags, but Red pulled his arm away.
"What do you think you're doing?" He asked Kelso angrily.
"I'm… Trying to help you get rid of it." Kelso said fearfully.
"I know how to really teach you all a lesson." Red said gruffly.
…
In front of the garage, Red started an open fire inside a metal bin. He threw the marijuana inside to burn it down.
Eric, Donna, Jackie, Mrs Forman, Laurie, Kelso and Fez were all standing by the open fire, in a circle.
Everyone got high from the fumes.
I smirked and said, "This is a really nice lesson, Red."
Red smiled intoxicated and said, "I know dudes."
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