Chapter 19: Strength of SelfChapter Text
Hermione decides to tell Spitsy the prophecy. She just has to. He's the only friend she has, and Bellatrix might think she's stupid for sharing her secrets, but Hermione isn't a Slytherin. She's a Gryffindor, and Spitsy is a true friend. She trusts him.
And is in desperate need of guidance. The burden is weighing her down.
The next day, they get straight back to invisibility training. The sand and sea part can't be a coincidence, Spitsy agrees. She has to learn this. Then she'll deal with what Bellatrix has been up to.
So now she's in the pool, in the water. When Spitsy had first suggested it, Hermione had been extremely reluctant. But Bellatrix is gone. The fear is irrational. So eventually, she agreed.
Spitsy stands on the side, instructing her.
"Now. I is giving you more tasks…but this time you is being underwater. You is feeling the water…but you is not letting it be stopping you. You has duties. They is more important than the outside. The outside will not be stopping you."
"How can I ignore the water, Master Spitsy? I won't be able to breathe, I'll float."
He taps his chin. "This is what Spitsy is thinking. Why this prophecy be saying sand and sea? Why is you being needing Bellatrix? Then I is remembering what you is telling me."
Bellatrix? What did Hermione say? She's been talking about the other witch quite a lot. What does he mean?
She treads water, frowning at him. "Why do I need Bellatrix? She hurt me in here. You said I don't need to get hurt anymore."
Spitsy sighs. "Not the hurting! What else is she showing you?"
Uhh…how to move a sheet? Kind of?
He sits down and dangles his legs in the water, meeting her eyes. "She is breathing in the water. She is not floating. She be in control under the water. You is needing to find this calm, this magic. Staying invisible is being overwhelming. You is needing to be determined. One goal. Nothing be stopping you."
"A wandless bubblehead charm and a cumbrous charm to weigh me down?" she shrieks in disbelief.
He chuckles. "She be doing it, why not you? You is not really being an elf, Hermione. You is a witch. A strong witch."
She nods to herself. "Alright. I'll try. And once I'm down there…what do I have to do?"
He clears his throat. "Hermione, my store of wine is in the shallow of the pool. This is not good. It needs to remain cool. Move it to the deeper caves at the back. Right at the back mind, I don't want anything snatching it."
Hermione peers down through the steaming water. Oh. That's a big crate of wine.
She clenches her jaw. Alright. If Bellatrix can do it, why not Hermione? They're both the brightest witch of their ages. Hermione is powerful too. She fought a war. She won the war. Bellatrix didn't.
She feels out for her magic, remembering how it felt to share the air bubble with Bellatrix. The relief, the freedom to breathe. "Operimentum aerbulla!"
She focuses on the feeling she wants. She needs it to obey Master Spitsy. Perform her duties. She wants it…and feels it. Remembers it. This is what Bellatrix meant.
The bubble appears around her mouth, and she swims down, breathing freely. She decides to leave out the other spell for now. One at a time. She can swim with the wine first.
She goes back and forth with the wine, trying not to lose focus on the bubblehead charm. It's difficult. She keeps forgetting it's there and losing it for a second, or getting distracted by the bottles and the swimming.
Once the crate is half-empty she comes up for air, exhausted and dragging herself onto the side.
"Hermione! Why are you stopping? It isn't finished! Should I punish you?"
She pants up at Spitsy. "No I— I just needed a break I—"
"Is walking too much for you? You can't perform your duties? You can't move wine? You are weak. Weak and stupid. If you don't get back down there this instant, I'll give you clothes and be done with it. You are a disgrace!"
No, stop it! It just reminds her of—
"What is wrong with you, elf? Get up! Do as I say or leave. You are pathetic. Weak. Where is your strength? Your magic? A real elf would—"
No! Enough! Hermione feels a rage build within her, a rage that simmers and fades into a cold determination.
She is not weak! How dare he call her weak? She is Hermione Granger. She fought in a war. She saved the whole of Britain from an evil tyrant, on the run, in hiding, at the age of seventeen.
She hasn't been that girl in a long time, but she hasn't forgotten who she is. What she is. She is a witch. A powerful witch. The smartest witch in Hogwarts. How dare he—
"Operimentum aerbulla! Gravitas pondus!" she growls.
She will do the task. She doesn't need a wand. She hasn't used a wand in weeks. She's not a muggle. She has magic.
And it will obey.
She rolls into the pool, sinking to the bottom, flat on the floor.
Too heavy. That won't do. She needs her feet to be weighted down just enough to walk. She feels it. Feels heavy shoes…feet stuck in sand…a sinking step holding her feet down. She knows the feeling. Knows what she wants.
She hasn't breathed yet. It doesn't matter. She just has to move the wine.
She can breathe when she wants to. She will. She has the magic.
She begins walking along the stone floor.
She is the one in control now. Let the universe try to stop her. It brought her here.
It will obey.
"Now elflings! Remember! If yous is wanting, today there is being a special challenge! You is to stop Hermione moving the wine. She be moving it in the water…and all of yous be swimming to stop her. Yous is understanding?"
Oh dear. Hermione looks around at the smiling, nodding elflings. Some are already pushing each other into the pool or crowding forwards to grab her ankles.
She turns and dives into the water, already finding the trigger memories.
Breathing with Bellatrix. Feet in sand. Relaxing stroll. Obeying Master Spitsy.
She jogs along the stone floor towards the crate, grabbing two bottles out as fast as she can.
Elves begin to dive all around her.
Ignore them. Your task is more important. Nothing will stop you.
She crouches as she runs, ducking them, straining against the weight of the water and panting.
Her feet start to float.
No! She clenches her teeth and growls down at her feet, remembering how she should be feeling. The weight. The ease.
They thud back down, and she reaches the depths of the cave, placing the first two bottles in the crate. Two down.
She jogs back, diving onto her stomach and weighing herself down as an ambitious elf lunges for her. She crawls along the floor.
This is too slow. How can she—
The bubblehead charm bursts.
Focus, Hermione. You're in control. You are not desperate, you are calm. Powerful.
The bubble blinks back, and she stands up in the centre of the pool.
Elves dive for her in earnest. She sends a wave up through the water to push them back.
Accio crate
Let's get this over with.
It doesn't move.
What is her problem with accio?! Ah!
She starts floating and holds her breath as the bubble pops.
Be Bellatrix. How would she do it?
She knows it will work...she just has to find a trigger. A code.
Okay. First air. Breathing freely. With Bellatrix. And all week by herself at the bottom of this pool. This place is familiar, comfortable. She can breathe here.
And then she can. Her feet fall to the floor as well.
She sends some bubbles up to tickle the elves and distract them.
Okay. It's not about the crate. She looks over at it. Come to me. Accio.
She remembers all the times she has longed for something to arrive. The new school year, owl results, books, Harry and Ron running towards her, Ginny hopping off a broom to greet her, Dobby arriving when she called. I want the crate to come. I can feel it. Accio!
It rushes through the water towards her, sending elves spinning back from the current.
Now she needs it to follow her to the cave.
Come. Come with me. I want it. Crave it.
She walks calmly to the depths of the underwater cave, lost in the memory of things following her. Staying with her. Harry, by her side on the run. Luna and Neville insisting they'll fight with her. Spitsy holding her hand as she drags him around, determined to teach her. Crookshanks, always coming back to her.
Oh she misses her cat.
Her feet lift off the floor, and she bumps against the cave ceiling.
Oh dear, focus on the feeling. Feet on floor. As you should be. Concentrate on your task. You are not here to reminisce, you are here to do your duty to Master Spitsy.
She floats down and turns to look at the crate.
Come with me. Accio.
It jumps along behind her, stopping as she does at the back of the cave.
She places the first two bottles of wine in with the rest.
She looks at the crate sadly.
Now stay. Stay behind like everything else, like everybody else, and just watch me leave.
She has enough memories of that.
She passes the test, and the next morning, in the light chamber, finally, she can do it. Become invisible.
"You is getting better at magic, Hermione, but you is still using the witchy way. Now you is ready for the elf way."
She frowns at Spitsy. "But you said I'm invisible…aren't I?"
He chuckles. "Oh yes…but you is not elf invisible. You is still being heard. Being seen by Miss Cissy if she is noticing you. By Mr Dumbledore or other seeing wizards. You is wanting to be elf invisible. Hidden."
Hermione groans. "So I'm doing this all wrong?" She collapses on her back on the floor. She could fall asleep right now she's so tired. This has been the toughest week yet. She'd rather be duelling with Bellatrix right now, then at least she might die and not have to concentrate anymore.
"You is giving up?"
Hermione grumbles to herself and runs her hands over her face. "No. No I'm not, I'll do it. Just get on with it and tell me how to do it…umm…please, Master Spitsy."
She looks up at him through her fingers. He's smiling. "You is turning into Mistress Bellatrix if you is not being careful. Angry grumpy elfling."
Hey! "Well maybe she's so grumpy all the time because she's doing this kind of magic all the time! It's exhausting! I can't believe she did all that magic for me and herself every— uh, I mean…"
He stares at her…and then shakes his head. "I is knowing Bellatrix be doing the magic for you. Yous thinks yous is tricking Spitsy? I is a thinking elf. This is why Spitsy be trusting Bellatrix. She be protecting you. She is still being little Miss Bella. Inside. Deep, deep inside."
Hermione's scoffs. "Deep in the depths of the underworld, maybe. You could dig all the way to Australia and back and not find a good bone in that woman's body. She wasn't protecting me, she needed me to learn so we can both sort out this whole time travel prophecy mess."
Spitsy pokes her in the forehead. Ow!
"You is not being a thinking elf. You is a hiding in the shadows elf. Now. Be a listening elf, and stop with these tricky thoughts. We is here to be invisible to others, not to ourselves."
What? What is he going on about with all these riddles? Hermione's lost. How is this— what does he mean—
He takes her hand. "Now we is elf invisible. Feel it."
She blocks her thoughts out and closes her eyes, focusing in on his hand. On magic.
Think of the water, of obedience, direct your whole being towards the task like an arrow at a target.
It feels…
Natural. Normal. That's why she couldn't feel it. Because it's nothing. A big, wide, heavy ocean of nothing, flowing over her like sand. Oh.
"I can feel it…" she whispers.
Spitsy hums back and lies down next to her. "Good. Then we is feeling it for a long time, and you is remembering. This is being your memory of invisibility. You is being out of Time, out of the Wizarding World. You is not with muggles. You is not being with other witches. You is not even being in your own decade. But you has a mission. A task. And no one be seeing you, stopping you."
She stares up at the sky and focuses on the feeling. On following it. Giving herself to it, without losing herself. Without losing control.
Hours pass. The sky fades to black. The stars come out.
So this is what Bellatrix was supposed to teach her. Through sand and sea. For a moment, she'd thought maybe she needed to teach Hermione to endure pain. To learn sacrifice. But no.
First, Hermione scrambled for control. Then, she gave up her control. She learnt obedience. Faith in someone else, in the universe, in fate. She let herself be pulled by the currents.
And then she learnt to give herself to fate…but to not let it control her. Make her own fate. To be strong, and determined, and to feel her magic. Take up her own space in the universe.
All her life, she has fought for that control. Fought for her right to exist, to be herself, to learn. She was so insecure…
When she was young, she shouted to be heard. Learnt all the answers, tried to prove herself. And as she got older, she proved herself in other ways. Through action. Through other people. Her accomplishments.
Her accomplishments grew…but her heart was still grasping for something. She never knew…was it friends? She had friends. Work? She was doing well at her job. Knowledge? She read as much as she could.
Was it the world? Did Hermione just not quite fit?
Well. She's going to be like Bellatrix now. Just a little.
She's choosing her own fate. And the world can bend around her. The universe has told her to be invisible…and for a moment she had lost herself to it. Now, she's choosing it.
Chapter 20: Drawn Into the DarkChapter Text
Hermione tosses and turns in her sleep, head foggy as dreams and reality blur together.
And then her head smacks against the cave wall.
"Ow fucking— bloody buggering…for the love of—"
She groans and clutches at her sore head. Ow! Oh her head is throbbing, how had she managed to—?
Ow! What is? Ugh. That's not pain that's—
What is that? Something is tugging at her mind.
She rubs her head one last time, and then takes a slow breath, feeling out for whatever is—
"Hermione!"
Ah!
Her heart pounds in her chest. She needs to go, it's—
She almost follows it, and then stops.
That sounds like Bellatrix.
It has to be a trap. How is she— why on earth would the witch be—
"Hermione!"
Oh, she hates ignoring The Call. It itches.
Maybe she could just see…
Oh dear. It can't be good if she's looking at a ceiling…with a hole in it.
"Hermione!"
Fine. That's it. She's doing it.
She turns herself invisible, and follows the pull of the thread.
And finds herself in a destroyed muggle kitchen, looking down at a tightly bound Bellatrix, who is lying in a puddle of…something…on the floor.
And Tonks is pointing a wand at her. Moody in the corner. Kingsley at the door. Oh dear.
"I'm not asking you again, Lestrange, where are the others? What have they done with the muggles?" Tonks sighs tiredly.
Oh no, this is so bad. Hermione doesn't think this happened before. Bellatrix never got captured by the aurors. By the Order.
"And I told you, filth, I don't know where they've slunk off to. And the Muggles are probably dead, disgusting beasts. Wouldn't stop screaming. Greyback has probably silenced them by now…or given them wolfy little tails."
She must be back with the Death Eaters. What—
"Look, you can answer now or later, but you'll be coming with us anyway. If you comply, then maybe you'll get a hot meal before we throw you back in Azkaban."
Bellatrix's mouth forms a snarl, eyes crazed, wriggling in her binding.
Wait. Bellatrix can do wandless magic. Non-verbal magic. She could fight them more than this, she could—
She knows they don't die yet. Don't get hurt. She can't change the timeline! That's why—
Hermione crouches down next to Bellatrix and takes her hand.
Bellatrix flinches, shouting in surprise…and turns it into a cackling laugh, kicking her feet.
"Oh I'm not going back there, pet, you're not getting me that easily."
Tonks scoffs. "Lestrange. There's three of us. I have your wand. Give it up."
Bellatrix's hand slides down Hermione's invisible arm, running a finger over the scar.
Hermione almost pulls back. How dare she—
Oh. She's checking it's her.
Hermione pulls her arm back and pokes Bellatrix in the side. Where she'd stabbed her.
Bellatrix lets out another laugh. "You think you have me? Me?! You won't have your own wand in a second, let alone mine! Where was it again? In your pocket? You didn't even put it in the hexed bag at your waist. Some auror you are."
Was that…instructions?
Alright.
She glances at Moody, just to check. No. He can't see her. House elves are brilliant!
She walks up behind Tonks, hand just outsides her pocket. Once she touches the wand it will be invisible, like Hermione's clothes. She hopes.
No. Not hoping. It will happen. She knows it.
Tonks reaches to check the wand is in her pocket…and then leaves it there with a shrug. She's cocky, like her aunt and uncle. Look where that got them.
"Accio Bellatrix's wand," she whispers. She doesn't really know why she's whispering, but it feels wrong to speak. The wand flies into her hand, and she quickly lets the feeling of water and sand flood over it.
"Alright, Lestrange. We warned you. Mad-Eye, take her other side, would you? Petrificus totalus!"
Oh damn it all to—
Bellatrix's arms snap to her sides and she thuds back onto the kitchen tile.
She needs a distraction.
Hermione pops outside into the garden. There's a shed. She ducks behind a wall and thinks about exploding wood. Like when she'd fought off Nagini in Godric's Hollow.
"Confringo!"
She barely sees the shed exploding before she's following the thread back to Bellatrix, reaching for her as Tonks and Mad-Eye jump to take cover, dropping Bellatrix in the process.
Tonks looks back around. Shit.
"Expelliarmus!" Hermione hisses.
Tonks' wand flies out of her grip across the kitchen floor and she turns away in confusion.
Hermione grabs Bellatrix's frozen arm and pictures somewhere safe. She needs to take Bellatrix home.
They appear in the warmth of the library.
Hermione sighs in relief and lets the invisibility drip off of her. Bellatrix's wand vibrates in her hand, stinging with the intensity. Oh. It's been so long since she's held a wand. Maybe she could…
She points it at Bellatrix. "Rennervate. Relashio."
Bellatrix flops free with a groan. "Took your time, mudblood. Ugh, what is—"
She slowly sits up, twisting around to touch her back and her hair. "What was on that floor? This is— ugh, how disgusting. Greyback is going to pay for this the daft—"
Hermione can't help it. She laughs.
Bellatrix whips her head round to glare at her, but Hermione just smiles and raises the wand once more. "Tergeo. Is that better?"
Bellatrix lunges for her wand, and Hermione pops away to sit in an armchair. "How about we swap? Where's mine? I bet it's hidden on you somewhere…in your purse?"
Bellatrix growls. "Listen here, you little house-elf—"
Hermione turns invisible, laughing once more as Bellatrix looks around for her.
And then stops as the witch pulls out Hermione's wand and holds it over the fire.
Hermione sighs. Can't fight fire with fire.
She lets the invisibility fall away and stands up, walking over to a smug looking Bellatrix and offering up the wand.
"Here. It doesn't like me very much anyway."
Bellatrix snatches it back and throws Hermione's wand onto the floor. Child.
Hermione bends over and picks it up. "I saw Narcissa give it back to you, by the way, has she told you she heard my thoughts at Snape's house?"
No reply.
She straightens up and turns to look at the witch. Who is frowning at her. Searching her eyes.
What?
Bellatrix shrugs and jumps to lie on a sofa. "She hasn't told me anything. How much have you been spying on me, mudblood? Did you miss me? Been following me around?"
Hermione sits down too, cross-legged on the floor with her back to the fire. "Just that one time. I was curious about what you were up to. Turns out your sister doesn't need eye contact for legilimency. I told her to make the unbreakable vow with Snape. Like she did before."
Bellatrix floats a cushion up into the air, spinning it casually. "Well I knew that. Why do you think I was really there? I had to be. Saw everything about Draco and Cissy in your head. Did you think I wouldn't learn everything about my own family? Would let Cissy defy the Dark Lord for no reason?"
Huh.
"Well you were putting on a good act. Fooled me..." She leans back on her hands, enjoying the warmth of the fire. "I still can't believe it was Narcissa and not Dumbledore we've been hiding from this whole time. It's rather embarrassing that she thinks we're…well, I don't know what she thinks."
Bellatrix snorts. "She thinks we're fucking, it's not that deep, mudblood."
Hermione's stomach flips and she takes a sharp breath…and then just shakes her head. "It's not just that. She knows it's me, but…does she think it's sixteen-year-old me? How well did she see me at the cottage? And she knows I can turn invisible. She read my thoughts…said she saw a…connection. Between our minds. You and me."
Bellatrix lets the cushion fall and sits up, turning to face her. "Come here."
Hermione swallows. What does she want? She looks…
She gets to her feet and pads over, sitting down next to the witch cautiously. Bellatrix turns sideways to face her and cups her jaw, pulling her to eye level.
Umm…
Hermione licks her lips and then frowns. "What are you—"
"Sshh, I'm looking for something."
Bellatrix looks right into her eyes, moving closer. Searching them again.
What are you looking for?
Be quiet and let me look. It will be small, it…
Hermione feels out for her own magic. Her own mind. Does she mean…she feels out for the thread.
Do you mean this? She tugs on the thread.
Bellatrix gasps. "Oh!" Her eyes widen.
What is—
Hermione tugs again, follows it along until she reaches…
Get out of my head, mudblood. Get out get out GET OUT
Ah!
I can't, I'm stuck! Where are we? It's the thread it—
Well follow the thread back! It's attached to you, troll brain!
I followed it into your mind?! Where is it? Can you see it?
A tiny flickering flame lights up the dark. Dark? Isn't she in the library?
She moves towards the flame.
I…just get out, Hermione.
Where on Earth is she?
It's cold. How is it cold in…in someone's head? Is this what legilimency is like? She's only ever been on the receiving end, not…
She stands close to the little flame and searches her body for the thread.
It's not…on your body. You don't— you don't even have a body, you're imagining it. You need to find the thread in your mind.
Bellatrix's voice sounds…shaky.
Hermione closes her eyes and feels for her magic, her mind, anything that will pull her out.
Where is the thread? It can't be gone, it's—
Oh. She can't move. The thread's too short. She's attached to the very end. She tugs at it.
Ow, mudblood, stop that!
You said to leave, I'm trying!
Well you're obviously pulling the wrong way.
I can't go another way! I told you, it leads to me! Push me away or something!
And then she's back in the dark. It closes in around her, somehow growing thicker.
What was that sound? Something scurries past, just out of sight. She shivers.
She turns around but then there's a scraping behind her. She backs towards the flame.
Bellatrix…What are you doing?
Scaring you off!
Argh, why is scaring always the solution?
Something cold drips down her neck and she shudders.
This isn't working! Think happy thoughts before your brain kills me and I'm stuck here forever!
A groan. It's a defence mechanism! It's not supposed to be happy!
Oh this is a defence mechanism alright. If a psychiatrist could only see this…
Fine. If Bellatrix won't brighten up, then Hermione will.
"Expecto Patronum!"
Nothing.
What are you doing? Stop that!
No.
Hermione focuses her magic once more, goes into her own mindspace. Feels around.
Reuniting with her parents. Winning the war.
Visiting Ginny and Harry at St Mungo's when James was born.
Hearing the Call and apparating to Spitsy after a week of trying.
"Expecto Patronum!"
And her otter appears, spins through the air and lights up the darkness. Hermione smiles at it, strokes its head as it swims past.
What…what are you doing to me? I…it feels…
I'm lighting up the darkness, so I can find the thread.
No…no that's not— Stop it, please! Hermione, please!
Oh. She sounds…desperate. Scared. So scared. When has Bellatrix ever said please?
And suddenly, she's not in darkness anymore. She's in the grounds of Hogwarts, at the edge of the Forbidden Forest.
"Andy! Andy please, will you just listen—"
Andromeda storms past, knocking Bellatrix out of the way as she wipes at her eyes, heading back towards the castle.
"No, Bella. I've made up my mind. It's better this way, just leave me alone."
"Don't you dare walk away from me!" Bellatrix snarls, wand drawn at her sister's back. "Don't make me stop you, Andy. You're not thinking straight. You have to stay, you have to. You can't leave me—"
Andy whirls around. "I can't stay for another second in that place and you know it. You know what it's like. What they'll do if—"
Tears fall down Bellatrix's face. She wipes them away furiously.
Andromeda sighs. "I'm moving in with Ted. I'll see you around Hogwarts for the next few weeks before you graduate but then…you can visit, if you want. But I'm not coming home, I'm sorry."
"Please. Please I— we've always had each other. Cissy is still so young I— I'm getting married. Who's going to protect her? I can't be everywhere, I can't! I'm doing everything I can to—."
Andromeda's face hardens. "You've joined them, Bella. They're a bunch of low-life thugs, sadists. Can't you see you're going from one horror to another? He makes you call him a lord and kneel for him."
Bellatrix clenches her jaw and raises her wand, standing to her full height. "He is teaching me. Powerful magic. The things he can do…"
She steps closer to her sister and lowers her wand. "Andy, Andy we'll never have to follow anyone else, we'll finally be free, don't you see? With him…I'll be unstoppable. Just stay with me. Trust me. I'll sort everything out. I'll protect us all, I just need time. I need you, please."
Andromeda shakes her head sadly. "He's not the answer, Bella. You're turning into— I can't believe you don't see it. Just open your eyes and see it. See who you're becoming. You promised me we'd never turn out like them, have you forgotten?"
Bellatrix laughs. "I'm not like them! I'm not hurting us, I'm protecting us! Don't be ridiculous Andy, forget about that filthy mudblood and stay with your sisters. Your family."
Andromeda raises her wand with a growl, and Bellatrix laughs again, this time in astonishment.
"Don't call him that, Bella. How can you believe that pureblood drivel? Why do you believe anything they teach us? Everything they say, everything they do, is wrong. It's so wrong, and unfair, and cruel. What they did to you—"
"Shut up!" Bellatrix shrieks, and the trees at the edge of the Forbidden Forest start to shake. "Just shut up, I don't want to— silencio! Silencio silencio silencio! It's all so loud! Why is it so loud?!"
A blast of raw magic shoots out of Bellatrix, and Andromeda falls back onto the grass, unable to speak, scrambling back as the ground beneath them starts to shake, fighting to perform non-verbal magic on herself and break the silencio.
Bellatrix clutches at her head. "I just need some time to think. I'll figure it out. I always— I just need to learn more, Andy. He says I'm powerful. I have potential. I'm going to be the greatest witch Hogwarts has ever seen. Nothing will stop us then. He has a vision for the future, a better future, did I tell you? Did I tell you what it will be like? We'll be strong. No more fear, or hiding, or—"
"Expelliarmus!"
Bellatrix turns to Andy in confusion as her wand flies from her hand.
"Bella…you're scaring me. You…you need to calm down, okay? Just calm down, I— maybe I should get Madam Pomfrey or— or Dumbledore you— you're not in control, Bella."
She looks around in dazed bewilderment at the cracking earth, the broken tree branches. That was her? She lost control?
That can't happen. She's always in control. Always.
Maybe it was Andy. Yes, Andy did it. She's just blaming her. Bellatrix will take the blame, like always.
Her lips fall into a pout. "Aww, is little Andy upset? Don't worry, Bella will protect you."
Andy takes a cautious step back. "Bella…come on. Let's go inside. Get you something to eat or—"
"Don't try to coddle me! I'm not a baby! You're the weak one! Running away. You always hide away and leave Bella to clean up your mess, to take it all. Well come on, Andy, come at me! What have you got? Does the wittle baby think she's tough? Think you can get by without me? Come on! Fight for it!"
Andromeda staggers further back, trips on the uneven ground, and falls onto the floor, tears leaking from her eyes. "Stop it, Bella. It's not funny. I don't want to fight you, please!"
Bellatrix laughs madly. "Oh, you don't want to fight now? You think it will all just go away? Well it won't. It never stops, never. It just gets worse. If you're going to be alone, you need to learn to fight for yourself, Andy. Difindo!"
Andy yelps as a cut slices across her arm.
"Bella, stop, please! How are you doing that? Why are you hurting me?"
"I. Am. Teaching. You. Difindo!"
A cut across her leg.
She cries out in shock and pain.
"Help! Help! Someone help me, please!"
Bellatrix laughs and laughs. She thinks someone is coming to save her?
What a stupid girl. Doesn't she know?
No one ever comes.
Expecto Patronum!
What?
The scene freezes.
Expecto Patronum!
Everything begins to fade to white.
Bellatrix. It's okay, it's just a memory. You're safe. Andy is safe.
A memory? What's happening? Where is she? Who—
Hermione?
A relieved sigh. Yes. Yes, it's okay, I'm still here. I'm right here.
…oh.
Oh no. No no no what just happened? What did she do? What did she just—
Bellatrix, you need to think of a happy memory, can you do that? Come on, you're good at that. At escaping the darkness. Find a happy place. A memory. Take us there.
A happy memory?
I don't…I can't think of one.
Her head falls silent. Is she alone again?
Alright. Let's try one of mine instead then.
Chapter 21: Fixing ItChapter Text
Hermione has no idea what just happened, but it feels like the walls are closing in, and the panicked energy filling the air isn't leaving. It seems Bellatrix had defences in place for a reason…
Hermione really fucked up getting rid of them. And now…
She can't shake that memory. It's like…she was frozen in place, watching it happen…and at the same time she was Bellatrix. She was doing it. She felt the anger, the despair, the terror.
She didn't want her sister to leave…
How could she leave? It's all too much. Too much to face alone. Why did she—
Focus, Hermione. You're not Bellatrix. Keep your minds separate, you're losing yourself in her emotions. She's lost herself. You need to…
Alright. Let's try one of mine instead.
I've…what? I've seen all of your memories.
Hermione ignores the suffocating darkness and goes into her mind's eye.
You didn't see everything. You skipped my life after the war.
A hollow laugh. You want to show me your victory? Show me the world moving on without me?
Hermione feels the sadness creeping into her bones and breathes through it, searches for a memory that will—
That one.
Okay. If Hermione is inside Bellatrix's mind…then maybe her own mind is trapped here too. That's why she can't follow the thread.
So let's get out of here.
And they're sat at a small, round, kitchen table.
"Oh Hermione, take Teddy for a moment, will you? I think that's them."
Andy leans over the table and holds Teddy out as he gurgles and kicks his legs, hair whizzing through all the colours of the rainbow.
Hermione smiles and takes him, pushing her chair back so she can sit him on her lap. He gazes up at her, wide-eyed.
"Hello! Hello! Oh aren't you a big boy now, you are so heavy! Yes you are!"
He reaches out and grabs her hair ow!
"Ow! Teddy, no. That's not nice." She reaches for a plush toy. "What about this hmm? Look at the colours! Do you want to hold this?"
He just stares up at her, his hair changing to match hers.
Andy laughs from the doorway. "Ah, I see the little rascal's got you. There's no escape now. You're here forever."
Hermione turns as much as she can without pulling her hair to smile at the witch. And then her smile becomes nervous as she sees who else has arrived.
"Mrs Malfoy, Draco. It's…nice to see you. I hope you're well?"
Draco ducks his head awkwardly and Narcissa sneers at her. Andy elbows her in the ribs. "It's Ms Black now, back to Black. Thank Merlin, it suits you so much better, Cissy. Umm…no offence, Draco love."
Draco just straightens his shoulders and clears his throat. "So, is this my cousin, or has Granger been hiding something?"
Andromeda moves in through the doorway and sits down at the table. "Yes, that's Teddy. Why don't you try to detach him from Hermione, poor thing. I haven't left my hair down in months, there's no stopping him. He's just like you, Cissy. You used to always do that to me and Be—"
A horrible silence fills the room, no one knowing where to look.
Hermione clears her throat and pries Teddy's fingers from her. "Yes, he does seem to love curly hair. Here Draco, take him, you'll be fine. I'll just…would anyone like some tea?"
Andy shakes herself and smiles at Hermione gratefully. "Of course, drinks. Where are my manners? Thank you, Hermione, but I'll do that. Cissy, why don't you stop standing there like a puffskein in the doorway and sit next to…uh between Hermione and me."
"Of course." Narcissa glides around the table to sit next to Hermione, Draco's eyes widening across from her. And then widening further as Teddy's hair turns silvery-blond.
Narcissa gasps. "The resemblance is uncanny, Draco, he looks just like you as a child."
Draco smiles self-consciously and holds Teddy up to look at him. "I suppose…but I think he looks more like— um…Aunt Bella."
He keeps staring at Teddy as everyone around him flinches. "You know what I mean, don't you? His…face shape or something."
Andy snorts. "You think Bella and a baby have the same face?"
"Andromeda…"
Andy sighs. "Cissy, we can't just not talk about her. She was our sister, she died. Do I hate her for what she did to Dora? To Remus? Sirius? Hermione?"
She looks across the table at Hermione sadly and reaches to take her hand. "Of course I do. But do I miss her? Remember her? Love her? Yes. She was our sister, Cissy. That doesn't go away. You know that. You…you stayed with her for so long. I couldn't do it, I— I wasn't strong like you, like her."
Narcissa doesn't blink an eye, just takes a sip of tea and then clears her throat. "It's the jaw line. And the eyes. How do you know what he naturally looks like, if I may ask? Does the…metamorphing stop when he sleeps?"
Andy sighs and reaches to take him from Draco. "Yes, in the deepest of sleeps, when he's not dreaming…he looks just like Dora. Like me. Like Bella."
Narcissa tuts. "Well, let me hold him. I haven't come all this way just to watch you cry all over my…great-nephew. Dear Merlin, I'm a great-aunt."
Andy passes him over with a chuckle. "Don't you go feeling old. What does that make me? I'm a grandmother! We'll just call you Aunt Cissy and be done with it. Aunt Cissy and Cousin Draco."
Teddy reaches up for Narcissa's hair, but she waves her wand firmly and bubbles float all around him, distracting him as he pops them with his chubby fists. She brushes some hair off his forehead. "Bella taught me that. Can you remember? Before she even had a wand, she'd conjure bubbles for me, it must be one of my earliest memories…"
Tears fall down Hermione's cheeks.
Tears? Why would…
The scene freezes.
Oh.
All a memory. She's—
She's falling forwards on top of Bellatrix on a sofa.
Oof! How did—
She quickly braces her arms before their heads collide.
Oh.
She stares down into tear-filled eyes, feeling tears slide down her own cheeks. One drips down and lands in Bellatrix's hair.
Hermione takes a shaky breath. "Oh, I'm sorry. That wasn't a happy memory at all, was it?"
Bellatrix looks back and forth between her eyes. And then at her lips.
Wha—
Hermione's heart freezes as Bellatrix leans up and presses their lips together softly. Oh. Oh that—
Hermione cautiously kisses her back, lowering herself closer and shifting her weight so she isn't crushing the witch. Her heart is pounding now. It—this feels so good. Why—
She feels a hand cup her face, pulling her closer. Tastes the salt on their lips from the tears.
And then Bellatrix freezes beneath her.
The hand moves from her face to her shoulder and pushes her up roughly, so she almost falls off the sofa, stumbling to find her feet.
She takes a step back.
Bellatrix just stares at her, eyes unfocused, still tear-streaked, breathing shaky. She props herself up on her arms and manages to sit up. She swallows. "Leave. Now."
Hermione wipes a hand across her lips, slowly shaking her head in confusion. Why did she— why did they— why did it feel—
Bellatrix's wand snaps into her hand and she points it at Hermione, hand trembling. "I said. Leave. Go away. Just go away, get away from me."
"Bella—"
"Leave!" Bellatrix shouts, voice breaking. "Or I will hurt you."
Hermione slowly shakes her head once more. "I'll leave for now, but I'll be back. We're in this together. Call me if you need me, and I'll come."
She walks over to the table and puts down her wand, back to Bellatrix.
"Oh, and Bellatrix?" She turns to look over her shoulder at the confused witch on the sofa. She still looks lost, but she's coming back to herself.
"You're never going to hurt me again. I'm not going to let you."
She lets the invisibility pour over her, and for a moment she just watches the witch.
She can't believe…
What is happening? How did that happen? Her lips are still tingling…
Bellatrix sits up properly, feet on the floor, and runs a hand through her hair. She clears her throat. "Tiggy?"
Tiggy appears with a pop. "Yes, Mistress Bella?"
"Could you bring me some tea?"
Bellatrix looks down at the floor, and Tiggy glances at Hermione. Oh dear. Hermione just shrugs.
"Real tea, Mistress Bella? Or library tea?"
Hermione frowns. What does that mean?
Bellatrix sighs. "I don't know, Tiggy. Just tea, I think. Maybe some chocolate."
Tiggy nods. "Yes, Mistress." Tiggy—
"Wait!"
Tiggy stops the apparition at the last second.
Bellatrix's legs jiggle and her hands grip at her dress. "Is she still here?"
Hermione takes a sharp breath.
"She is always being here, Mistress Bella. Tiggy is telling you. There is being a connection. She always be hearing you, when she is needed."
Bellatrix growls and gets to her feet, stomping over towards the fire, exploding some embers so that sparks blast through the air, falling around them.
"That's not what I meant, and you know it."
Tiggy looks at Hermione.
She disappears with a pop.
Hermione stays up all night gardening. Weeding the vines, watering them, picking the grapes, stomping the grapes.
Her head is spinning, thoughts whirring. She can't even settle on one thought at a time. Where's her logic? Her reasoning?
The sun rises…and her brain shuts down. She sits down in the tub of grapes.
What the fuck?
What—
What did—
Why—
Argh nothing makes sense anymore!
"…Hermione? You is being a grape?"
She looks up at Spitsy. Oh.
She staggers out of the tub. And then starts pacing.
"I am freaking out, Master Spitsy! I've lost my mind. I must have actually lost my mind. I bet Bellatrix has it, trapped in her head somewhere. That's why I can't think. Why I did that. She has done nothing but hurt me, and mock me, and laugh at me, and shout at me, and—"
Her hands come up over her mouth.
"And what, Hermione?" Spitsy says soothingly, walking closer and cleaning her sheet with a wave of his hand.
"And kiss me. She kissed me. Oh, she was right. I do like witches. Or…well I liked kissing her. What is wrong with me? How could I like that? She's hurt me. So many times. Why did I let her kiss me? Why did she even— I can never read her, I'm not good at reading people."
She kneels down next to Spitsy. "You have to help me understand, Master Spitsy. Help me see. I'm so bad at seeing."
He smiles at her. "No, you is not. You is already seeing. You is understanding. You is just not wanting to understand."
Hermione shakes her head. "She hates me, she thinks I'm disgusting, beneath her. Why on earth would she kiss me?"
Spitsy raises his eyebrows. "She is hating you? You is hating her?"
"Yes! She's a Death Eater, I'm a muggleborn."
"You is both being what you is being. You is being more than just a muggleborn…and she is being more than just a Death Eater. She is hurting you again?"
Hermione lets her eyes fall shut. "No. I accidentally hurt her though. She cried."
She opens her eyes to Spitsy's confused face. "You is hurting her and then she is kissing you?"
Hermione shakes her head with a laugh. "No, no I hurt her, and then I tried to fix it. To make it better. Then she kissed me."
He chuckles and holds out a hand to help her up. "Then I think you is being good at fixing it. And…I thinks you is ready to leave now, Miss Hermione. You is needing to be a witch again."
Her mouth falls open in shock. "What? You…you want me to leave? Did I do something wrong? Is this about the grapes? Because I'll pay for them, I promise. Or help you with the rest?"
He shakes his head calmly. "It is not being the grapes. You is ready. You be learning everything I is teaching you. You is an elf now, Hermione. And you is a witch. You is a good elf. You is a strong elf. You is a thinking elf. And now…you is a free elf. You is knowing how to be free now, how to be safe. Miss Bella is not hurting you anymore. Spitsy knows this. And she is needing you. The world is needing you."
Tears spill from her eyes and she kneels down to hug him. "Thank you. Oh thank you, Master Spitsy. You've done so much. Taught me so much. I'm going to miss you…I'll visit. I promise. And come and see me whenever you like. We can drink wine and— oh!"
She pulls back to look at him. "Do you know anything about time travel? Anything?"
He wipes at his eyes and sniffs. "Oh, Hermione. You is a kind elf. I is sorry, I is only be knowing that elves is not knowing this. We is not knowing about Time. We is being in the present, always in the present."
Hermione sighs. "It's alright. I'll think of something. Maybe the centaurs will know something, they do see the future in the stars after all."
Spitsy frowns at her. "But you is already knowing the future. You is needing the past. The merpeople."
Merpeople? "What do you mean?"
He stares at her. "You is going to Hogwarts, surely you is knowing the merpeople? They is old allies with the centaurs. A balance. Why you is thinking the centaurs stay? Past and future. They is being ancient, the merpeople. The first of the beings. Theys songs is remembering."
What?!
How did she never know this?
"They know about the past? Will that help? Can they time travel? Take me from the past to the future?"
Spitsy shrugs. "I is not knowing. I is never hearing of travelling in time…but if you is needing a connection between past and future…they is it. Is either them or is ghosts, but ghosts is not travelling, is not feeling time. They be stuck, like you, Miss Hermione."
How can one elf be so wise? She never would have thought of any of—
"Then I have to go. I have to tell Bellatrix. I have to go to Hogwarts and—" She laughs. "Thank Merlin I've spent so much time underwater lately. Looks like I'm off to Black Lake…with a Black. I wonder if there's a connection between—"
"You is letting your thinking elf take over again, Miss Hermione."
Hermione cringes. "Oh dear. Yes. You're right, I'd better get going. Goodbye, Master Spitsy."
He smiles fondly at her, and she disappears with a pop. She has a mission.
She doesn't follow the thread. Bellatrix could be doing anything with the Death Eaters right now, she can't do anything that will change that. Interrupt. Distract anyone.
She appears in the library instead.
"Bellatrix? Are you home? You'll never guess what I—"
"Hello, Miss Granger."
Shit. Hermione whirls around.
Narcissa is sat rigidly in a chair by the fire. Holding two wands. One is Hermione's.
"Oh. Hello, Mrs Malfoy. Is Bellatrix—"
"I'm afraid my sister is away on important business. She has allowed me access to her library as a courtesy. For some research."
No no no. She can't find out anything. How do you escape a legilimens who doesn't need eye contact?
Hermione starts singing the Hogwarts school song in her head. It's not real occlumency, but it might stop her thoughts spilling through.
Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts—
I assure you, that won't work, Miss—
Teach us something, please. Andy, please! Please listen—
What was that? What did you just—
No. No— whether we be old and bald, or young with— she be laughing and laughing. She be naming it Mr Ribbet
Miss Granger, how in Merlin's name do you know—
Focus. Young with scabby knees. Our heads could do with filling, with some interesting stuff
No one knows about that. What did Bella tell you?
For now they're bare and full of air— breathe, mudblood. Hermione, breathe, now!
You went swimming? What—
No! Enough of this.
"Get out of my head! Get out! Expelliarmus!" Hermione growls, thrusting both hands forwards and watching as the wands fly across the room.
She will not see anything. Close off your mind. You have magic. You understand occlumency. Bellatrix can do it, why not you?
She lets the feeling of invisibility, sand and sea, wash over her mind, coating her brain, her thoughts.
Narcissa flinches back in her chair and pales. "How are you…Bella? Is it you?"
What?!
Hermione's mouth falls open. And then she laughs. Laughs and laughs until she's panting. She almost cackles.
Oh no! She is rubbing off on her. Even her own sister thinks—
Narcissa stands up and starts backing towards the fallen wands.
Oh, the poor woman.
Hermione smiles. "No, no I'm not her. I'm sorry for scaring you, Mrs Malfoy, you can get your wand, it's fine. Pass me mine, would you please?"
Narcissa's careful mask falls back into place and she sits back down, hands clasped in her lap.
"I am not a house-elf, Miss Granger. I shan't clean up after you. Retrieve what you have carelessly lost, if you so wish."
Hermione chuckles. Good job one of them is a house-elf.
She pulls up a chair opposite the witch. "Accio wands."
They fly towards her and she catches them, handing Narcissa back her own.
Narcissa avoids her touch and sneers at her as she takes it.
Hermione looks down at herself. She is a bit dirty from the weeks in the cave. And still wearing a sheet. "Merlin I need a shower. And some clothes," she mutters to herself.
And then looks up.
Narcissa is as unreadable as ever.