The apartment was small.
That was the first thing Tanaka noticed every time he opened his eyes- the cramped space, the low ceiling, the way the walls seemed to press in from all sides. It had never bothered him before. Before, he hadn't noticed much of anything. But now, with Human awake and his emotions flooding back, the apartment felt suffocating.
So he read.
Leviathan. Thomas Hobbes. A book about how people were naturally selfish and needed a strong ruler to keep them from tearing each other apart. It was the kind of book that made you feel smart, or at least made you feel like you were supposed to be smart.
'I'm not doing that.'
Tanaka turned a page. 'Doing what?'
'Making you read. That's all you. You're trying to distract yourself.'
'Maybe I just like philosophy.'
'You didn't read philosophy before I woke up.'
'I didn't do much of anything before you woke up.'
'Fair point.'
Tanaka kept reading. Or tried to. The words blurred together. His mind kept drifting to other things- the fight, the school, Asa's sword cutting through Yuko's body, the look on Denji's face when he'd tackled Human through a wall.
He closed the book.
'You're avoiding something.'
'I'm avoiding everything.'
'That's a lot to avoid.'
'Not really. It all fits in my head pretty easily.'
He set the book aside. Rubbed his eyes. He hadn't slept well in days. The nightmares came and went, images of falling and fighting and being used like a puppet. Sometimes he woke up screaming. Sometimes he woke up silent, drenched in sweat, his body trembling like he'd been running for hours.
He was tired. So tired.
And the day was only just starting.
The door exploded.
Not literally. But it slammed open hard enough to crack the frame. The lock was still engaged, Tanaka had checked it twice, but the door swung inward like someone had kicked it with the force of a car crash.
Tanaka was on his feet before he knew it. His arms were already shifting- bone plates sliding into place, claws extending, body ready for whatever was coming.
"DUDE! GUESS WHAT!"
It was Denji.
Standing in the doorway. Grinning like an idiot. His hand was still raised from where he'd punched the door open.
"WHAT THE- " Tanaka's voice cracked. "HOW DID YOU- "
Denji pushed past him into the apartment, looking around like he was appraising a house he might buy. "Your place is small."
"It's a one-room apartment."
"Yeah, I can tell."
Tanaka stared at him. His arms were still transformed. His claws were still out.
Denji looked at his claws. Then back at his face. "You gonna put those away?"
Tanaka forced his arms back to normal. The bone plates retracted. The claws disappeared. His hands were just hands again.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. "How did you even find my apartment?"
"Yoshida gave me the address."
"Of course he did."
"He said you needed a 'support system.' Whatever that means."
Tanaka pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to kill him."
"Cool, cool. But first- " Denji flopped onto Tanaka's bed. The thin mattress creaked. "I got news. Big news."
"Get off my bed."
"Okay, so- "
"GET OFF MY BED."
Denji rolled off. Landed on the floor with a thump. He didn't seem bothered. Just sat there, cross-legged, looking up at Tanaka with that stupid grin.
"Remember that girl Asa?"
Tanaka's eye twitched. "Yeah? My classmate and the one you met with me and Yoshida- "
"Yeah, that one." Denji waved his hand. "She asked me out!"
Silence.
Tanaka stared at him.
"On a date," Denji added. "Like, a real date. A girlfriend date."
"I know what a date is."
"Okay, just checking." Denji bounced on his heels. "She was all like 'I'll go on a date with you' and I was like 'sweet' and now we're going on a date. Together. As a couple. Maybe."
Tanaka's mouth opened. Closed. Opened again.
"...Why?"
"'Cause I'm awesome. Obviously." Denji stood up. "She said yes. Straight up. No hesitation. Well, maybe some hesitation. But she still said yes. So it's happening."
"You asked her out?"
"She asked me out first. I asked her back. Just to make sure." Denji puffed out his chest. "I'm not gonna mess this up."
Tanaka stared at him.
"You're literally going to mess it up."
"I'm not!"
"Denji. You broke into my apartment by punching my door open."
"That's unrelated."
"You can't just punch doors open and expect people to like you."
"I'm not punching doors open on the date. I'm gonna be cool. Relaxed. Smooth."
"You don't know what 'smooth' means."
"I know it's the opposite of rough. That's enough."
Tanaka sat down at his desk. Rubbed his temples. His head was already hurting.
"Okay," he said. "Let's try this again. Why are you here?"
"To get advice!"
"From me?"
"You're my girlfriend finding buddy!"
"The girlfriend finding buddy thing was Yoshida's blackmail."
"Yeah, but I'm making it work!" Denji spread his arms wide. "Look at me. I'm getting a girlfriend. Kind of. Maybe. It's a date, so it counts."
Tanaka sighed. "You're impossible."
"Impossibly handsome."
"That's not what I said."
"I know what you meant."
Denji sat on the floor. Properly this time. Legs crossed. Hands on his knees. Looking up at Tanaka with an expression that was almost serious.
"So," he said. "What do I do?"
Tanaka blinked. "What?"
"On the date. What do I do? What do I say? How do I act?" Denji's voice dropped. "I've never done this before... kind of.... Well, I still need proper advice!"
Tanaka was quiet for a moment.
"You're nervous."
"Nervous? Me?" Denji laughed. It came out forced. "I'm not nervous. I'm Chainsaw Man. I fight devils. I can handle a girl."
"You fought devils by running around and screaming."
"That's a valid strategy."
"It's not."
"Look, Tanaka- " Denji leaned forward. "I don't need a plan. I just need to know I won't screw it up."
Tanaka sighed.
"Okay," he said. "Let's talk."
They talked.
For an hour. Two hours. Tanaka didn't keep track. Denji had opinions about everything, and most of them were terrible. He wanted to wear his Chainsaw Man shirt. He wanted to bring snacks. He wanted to show her his transformation so she'd think he was cool.
"Absolute no to all of that."
"You're not being helpful!"
"I'm being the most helpful person you've ever met."
"Fine. What's your advice then?"
Tanaka leaned forward. "One. Wear something that doesn't have holes."
"Everyone has holes!"
"Your shirt has a hole in the armpit."
"That's ventilation."
"That's a hole."
"Same thing."
"It is not the same thing."
Denji grumbled but nodded. "Fine. No holes. What else?"
"Two. Don't bring snacks."
"But what if she gets hungry?"
"Then buy food together. That's actually a thing people do on dates."
Denji's eyes went wide. "...Psh, I know that."
"Of course you do..."
Denji was quiet for a moment. Processing. Then he nodded slowly.
"Okay," he said. "No snacks. Buy food together. Got it."
"Three." Tanaka's voice was firmer now. "Don't try to impress her by being Chainsaw Man. She already said yes to you. Not to Chainsaw Man. To you."
Denji opened his mouth. Closed it. His confident look wavered.
"But... Chainsaw Man is cool."
"Yeah. And she already said yes to you. Before she knew."
"So?"
"So don't mess it up by pretending to be someone else."
Denji fidgeted. "I don't get it. Wouldn't she like me more if she knew?"
"Maybe. But that would be like cheating."
Denji considered that. Turned it over in his head. "So you're saying I should just be myself?"
"Yes."
"Even if myself is kind of a mess?"
"Yes."
Denji stared at him. For a long moment. Then he grinned.
"Man," he said. "You're actually smart."
"Don't sound so surprised."
"I'm not surprised. I'm just... re-evaluating my assumptions."
The door was still broken.
Tanaka would have to fix it later. Or get Yoshida to fix it. Or just give up on doors entirely and embrace a life of constant fear.
Denji was still on the floor. He'd shifted positions at least twelve times in the past hour. Now he was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, his hands clasped behind his head.
"Hey," he said. "Can I ask your devil something?"
Tanaka tensed. "Why?"
"I'm curious."
"The answer is no."
"I didn't even ask yet."
"Doesn't matter. He's not a therapist."
"I don't want a therapist. I want dating advice."
"You want dating advice from a devil?"
"He's the Human Devil. He knows people. Probably knows some stuff about girls."
Tanaka opened his mouth. Closed it.
'He's not wrong,' Human said. 'I do know things about humans.'
'Please don't encourage him.'
'I'm just saying. I could help.'
'You're a voice in my head.'
'And he's a guy who needs help. Seems like a good match.'
Tanaka sighed. "He says he could help."
Denji sat up. "Can he talk to me?"
"I'm talking to you right now."
Tanaka flinched. A mouth had appeared on his cheek. Small. Disturbing. Its lips moved as Human's voice came out.
Denji blinked. Stared at the mouth on Tanaka's face. Then back at Tanaka's eyes. Then back at the mouth.
"...That's gross, man."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." Denji leaned forward. "So you're the Human Devil."
"Correct."
"Cool. What should I do on this date?"
"Attraction is all fluctuating." The mouth on Tanaka's cheek curled into something that might have been a smile. "Depends on the person. The situation. The timing. There's no one answer that works for everyone."
"That's not helpful."
"It's the only answer there is."
"So you don't know how to date either."
"I never said that."
"You just said a bunch of smart-sounding stuff that means nothing."
"I said that attraction is complex and variable."
"Yeah, which is just another way of saying 'I don't know.'"
Tanaka's cheek twitched. The mouth tightened.
"I know plenty. I've spent millennia observing human courtship rituals."
"Can you get a girlfriend though?"
Silence.
"That's what I thought."
"I could have a girlfriend. I just choose not to."
"You literally can't. You're a voice in a dude's face. You don't even have a body."
"This body is sufficient."
"Bro, you're inside a guy who thinks reading philosophy is fun. That's not a selling point."
"Philosophy is a perfectly valid pursuit."
"For old people and nerds."
"Then you're admitting Tanaka is a nerd?"
Tanaka's voice cut back in. "Can we not talk about me as if I'm not here?"
The mouth on his cheek disappeared. Human's voice retreated inside.
Denji grinned. "Sorry, sorry. Just having a conversation with your demon."
'Devil,' Human's voice echoed from inside Tanaka's head. Denji couldn't hear it, but Tanaka could.
"He says 'devil,' not 'demon.'"
"Same thing."
"It is not the same thing."
"Yeah, okay, whatever."
Denji stretched. His joints popped. "Anyway. I should probably go. Got a date to prepare for."
"Pants without holes," Tanaka said flatly.
"Pants without holes, got it."
"Don't bring snacks."
"One small snack. For emergency purposes."
"That's not what I said."
"Emergency snack is different from regular snack."
"That's not even a real thing."
"It is now." Denji stood. "Thanks, Tanaka. You're a good girlfriend finding buddy."
"I didn't agree to that title."
"You didn't disagree either."
"That's not how consent works."
"Too late. It's official now." Denji walked to the door. Paused. Looked back. "Hey. For real. Thanks."
Tanaka looked at him. At the stupid grin. At the genuine gratitude underneath.
"...You're welcome."
Denji left.
The door swung shut.
Tanaka sat in the silence. His book was still on the floor. His head was still pounding. His life was still a mess.
"...My door."
His door was a mess too.