Chapter 2: The Caffeine Paradox and the Delivery Driver of Doom
"It's not going to work."
Uhsnayirp didn't even look up from his book as he delivered the verdict. He sat perfectly still, radiating the kind of exhausted patience that only comes from living with two idiots.
Across the room, Ladab and Tihom were furiously tapping away on a smartphone, their faces illuminated by the glow of the screen.
"You don't know that," Tihom argued, hitting the 'Confirm Order' button with far too much enthusiasm. "Science is constantly evolving. And today, science is delivering twelve iced espressos and a case of hyper-caffeinated energy drinks directly to our door."
"We are supernatural entities," Uhsnayirp sighed, slowly closing his book. "Mortal energy drinks do not override a biological curse. When six o'clock hits, you are going to pass out. You always do."
"Not today," Ladab grinned, crossing his arms. "Today, we break the system."
Thirty minutes later, the system broke them.
The phone buzzed. It was the delivery driver. He was lost.
"What do you mean you're next to the blue fence?" Tihom yelled into the receiver, peeking out the window through a tiny slit in the curtains to avoid the blinding, lethal sunlight. "There are no blue fences on our street! Just look for the house with the blacked-out windows!"
Five minutes of arguing yielded zero progress. The driver was hopelessly stuck exactly one street over. If they wanted their caffeine, they had to go get it. In the daylight.
"Gear up," Ladab said grimly.
They threw on their thickest black leather coats, popped their collars, and grabbed two massive, heavy-duty umbrellas. They looked like they were heading into a gothic warzone, but they were literally just walking down the block.
Taking a deep breath, they pushed the front door open and stepped into the blistering afternoon sun.
"Move, move, move!" Tihom hissed, keeping the umbrella angled perfectly as they scurried down the sidewalk. They reached the next street, spotted the confused delivery boy, snatched the heavy plastic bags from his hands without a word, and spun around to head back.
Mission accomplished. Until the wind picked up.
It was a sudden, violent gust. Tihom's umbrella inverted with a loud SNAP, and Ladab's was ripped straight out of his grip, tumbling down the road.
Instantly, the sunlight hit their exposed skin.
Sssssssss.
"IT BURNS!" Ladab shrieked, smoke literally starting to rise from his shoulder.
"RUN!" Tihom yelled, clutching the bag of coffees to his chest like a football.
They sprinted the remaining half-block, their leather coats smoking, boots slapping aggressively against the pavement. They threw themselves through their front door, slamming it shut behind them and collapsing onto the cool hardwood floor, groaning in agony.
For the next hour, there was no victory celebration. There was only the sound of sizzling skin, the crinkle of ice packs, and the tragic realization that they had to skip their daily podcast just to recover.
But as the clock ticked closer to the dreaded hour, their determination returned.
At 5:50 PM, they lined up the chilled energy drinks and the iced coffees on the kitchen counter.
"Bottoms up," Ladab said.
They chugged. They drank enough caffeine to jumpstart a dead car battery. And then, they waited.
5:58 PM.
5:59 PM.
6:00 PM.
The grandfather clock in the hallway chimed.
Ladab blinked. Tihom looked at his hands.
"I'm awake," Tihom whispered, his eyes wide.
"We're awake!" Ladab shouted, throwing his hands in the air. "Uhsnayirp, you absolute fool! Look at us! We beat the sun, and we beat the curse!"
Uhsnayirp, sitting in his armchair, just slowly shook his head and flipped a page of his book.
"The night is young!" Tihom cheered, his heart beating a million miles an hour. "Let's go out! Let's see the city at night!"
They threw their leather coats back on—careful to avoid the freshly burnt spots on the shoulders—and marched triumphantly toward the front door. They had done the impossible. They were masters of their own destiny.
Ladab reached out and grabbed the brass doorknob.
The clock ticked to 6:30 PM.
Without a single sound, Ladab's eyes rolled back into his head, and he collapsed face-first into the door. Tihom didn't even have time to react before his knees buckled, sending him crashing into Ladab's back.
They lay there in a crumpled, snoring heap at the entryway.
Uhsnayirp quietly dog-eared his page, stood up, and walked over to the front door. He looked down at the two unconscious idiots, grabbed a blanket from the closet, and tossed it over them.
And fall asleep to.