Peaceful Days – Spring Picnic (3)
"So-un."
"Yes, please speak."
"Do you think… he is alive?"
"Of course."
Lady So-gun bit her lip for a moment.
The wind brushed through the grass with a low murmur.
"No. When I think of the outer robe hung over the tree, and the sword and shoes left behind like relics… when I dwell deeply on what that might mean… I sometimes think he may already have passed from this world."
"No, Aunt. I searched the entire mountain. There were no other traces. If he had intended to end his life, there would have been no reason to leave things in that way. The one lying in the coffin is not the General."
"Are you certain?"
"I am."
So-gun glanced toward Mirang in the distance.
Except for a very few, everyone believed the Grand General to be dead.
Within the household as well, almost no one knew otherwise now.
Silence settled between them.
The spring wind stirred their sleeves.
"Then… what if I were to do this? Rather than live in such constant worry, what if I were to leave and wander the world in search of him…?"
So-un's expression hardened.
"That must not be done. How could you, in a woman's body, set out upon the perilous roads of the jianghu? Even if you were to find him, what then? Would you bring him back to the main house? Or remain there with him? The reason he left was a difficult decision made for the safety of the clan and for you. Had he no such concern, he would have cut down the heads of those rulers and their lackeys who forced that decision upon him. He left because there was something he feared to endanger."
Every word was logical.
Every argument sound.
Yet how could young So-un understand the depth of affection between man and woman, the endless sorrow of longing?
So-gun knew this, and yet her throat tightened.
She wished she could soften his firmness with gentler words, but her heart did not allow it.
"So-un."
"Yes, Aunt."
"Everything you say is reasonable."
"I beg forgiveness. My mind only measures reality and advantage. I do not fully comprehend your heart. Even knowing all this, I do not understand why you would still wish to go."
So-gun lifted her eyes toward the sky.
The blue stretched wide, yet her gaze seemed scattered somewhere far beyond it.
"One day you may understand a woman's devotion. Then perhaps you will better grasp my sorrow. To live apart without even seeing him, and then simply leave this world… what would become of us? What would that make of our lives?"
So-un almost said that living, even in separation, was better.
But he closed his mouth.
What was this "woman's longing" that could run so deep?
After a pause, he spoke carefully.
"Aunt, you must think deeply and decide. I do not yet know the depth or the endlessness of the sorrow you speak of. But if you truly choose such a path, I will say this instead: I will search for Uncle across the entire continent and find him. You must remain here and wait."
He drew breath and continued.
"Of course, if I do that, there may come a time when I can no longer remain by your side. Perhaps Uncle would prefer that I stay and protect you. You have shown me great kindness and love, and you are precious to me. Yet if I must choose between the wishes of you both, I am still Uncle's man. If you try to depart, I will stop you, even by force. If not, then I wish to remain here and guard this place."
So-un's eyes narrowed.
To speak and then wait for another's decision felt heavier than hell and farther than the edge of the earth.
So-gun stared at him as though struck by something unexpected.
"You thought… that you were the one protecting me. I believed I was the one caring for you."
"I beg forgiveness. There are still traitors alive in the capital. The threat to the Jin clan of Henan has not entirely disappeared. Enemies may come at any time. And when they do, it will not be a handful of assassins as before. It will be a force capable of annihilating the entire clan."
His voice was low but firm.
"If even a rumor spreads that the Grand General lives, this estate will be reduced to ruins. They will attack and take you hostage. Aunt, the desire to depart may follow your heart, but please consider the wish that you remain alive. I cannot fully comprehend the pain of waiting in separation. But leaving is not the right path. Even if our hearts cannot be one now… if he lives, if he simply lives, then one day you may be together again."
He emphasized, "If he simply lives."
The words struck deeply into So-gun's chest.
Ah… this child has lost both his parents.
He cannot even hope for their survival.
I have seen only my own sorrow.
He remained here to protect me.
I thought I was caring for him, yet it is I who have been protected.
Each morning he walked the estate and circled the fields not out of habit, but for my sake.
Tears surged upward.
A broken sob escaped her.
She wept for a long while.
Tears blurred her sight and fell, darkening the front of her robes.
She had lived upright and dignified as a daughter of a noble house.
Yet now, thinking of So-un's loss and resolve, her tears would not cease.
So-un stood helpless, unsure what to do.
He feared his words had only deepened her pain.
So-gun pulled him into her arms.
A small, trembling cry broke from her chest.
It was a weeping she had never allowed within the walls of the clan house.
So-un remained still in her embrace.
For a fleeting moment, he caught the faint scent of a mother's warmth.
Startled, Mirang hurried over and stood beside them, not knowing what to do.
Holding So-un tightly, So-gun spoke through her tears.
"My child… I said I understood your sorrow, yet I failed to see it. I looked only at my own grief. Forgive me. I will do as you say."
After a long time, her sobbing subsided.
The three of them sat in a triangle and shared the simple meal.
The spring wind brushed their faces.
In her heart, So-gun resolved,
Yes… wherever he may be, if he lives, he will one day return to his homeland upon this wind. He will return.
To know another's true heart alone was enough to make one's chest overflow.
That day, the spring wind felt unusually warm.