Cleopatra's mansion in Egypt had survived invasions, assassination attempts, anomalous outbreaks, eldritch incidents, and several meetings involving O5 members arguing over whether reality-ending entities should be classified as Keter or Thaumiel.
What it had not survived was Cleopatra becoming a cat.
I sat in an ornate chair while the Ancient One stood nearby, both of us examining the small black feline sitting proudly on top of an expensive wooden desk.
"Cleopatra," I said, trying—and failing—not to laugh.
"Stop laughing, Herta."
The fact that the words were coming from a black cat only made it harder.
I failed completely and laughed again.
The cat glared at me.
Or at least attempted to.
It was difficult to take seriously.
I leaned forward and activated several layers of magecraft. Purple magical circles unfolded around my hand as Nasuverse magecraft, Marvel witchcraft, and several other magical systems intertwined together. Streams of glowing runes flowed through the air as I carefully examined her condition.
Beside me, the Ancient One was performing her own analysis.
Unlike me, she used traditional sorcery.
The distinction was important.
Witches and sorcerers often achieved similar results, but the methods were entirely different. My power came from internal magical energy, inherited talents, and various mystical systems I had mastered. The Ancient One drew power from external dimensions and cosmic forces through disciplined study and precise control.
The two systems were different enough that comparing results often produced valuable insights.
Several minutes passed.
Eventually, both of us stopped.
I sighed.
"Well, that's unfortunate."
"What?" asked Cleopatra.
"It's a complete biological transformation."
The cat froze.
The Ancient One nodded.
"Agreed. This isn't an illusion, curse, glamour, or temporary shapeshifting spell."
Cleopatra looked worried.
The Ancient One continued.
"Your soul has also transformed."
Silence.
Then Cleopatra blinked.
"My soul?"
"Yes."
Another pause.
"You are spiritually a cat."
The room became quiet.
"Yippee," said Cleopatra flatly.
I nearly fell out of my chair laughing.
The cat immediately launched a stapler at my head.
Fortunately, several crystalline purple barriers materialized instantly around me.
The stapler bounced harmlessly away.
"That was rude," I informed her.
Cleopatra responded by jumping onto the desk and attempting to scratch me.
Her claws connected.
A shallow cut appeared on my hand.
The wound regenerated instantly.
"Again," I said, "rude."
The cat's tail puffed up.
I reached down and patted her head.
This turned out to be a mistake.
The tail doubled in size.
The glaring intensified.
"Don't worry," I said. "We'll eventually fix it."
"Eventually?"
"Eventually."
"When?"
"At some point."
Cleopatra looked ready to commit a murder.
Unfortunately for her, she currently weighed less than five kilograms.
The Ancient One looked strangely amused.
"Your condition is fascinating," she admitted. "I have encountered transformations before, but very few alter body and soul simultaneously."
"Can you fix it?" asked Cleopatra.
The Ancient One shook her head.
"Not currently."
The cat groaned.
"On the bright side," I said, "you always claimed cats were your favorite animal."
Another stapler flew toward me.
This one was stopped by a magical shield.
The Ancient One finally allowed herself a small smile.
"I believe my work here is finished."
She opened a golden portal.
Before she left, I handed her several classified Foundation files.
"These should be useful. Information regarding several demonic entities and extra-dimensional threats."
The Ancient One accepted them.
"Thank you."
Then she stepped through the portal and vanished.
The room became significantly quieter.
I looked down at Cleopatra.
Cleopatra looked up at me.
Neither of us spoke for several seconds.
Finally I sighed.
"Well. You're a cat."
"I am aware."
"You'll have to live with it for now."
"I am aware."
"On the bright side—"
"There is no bright side."
"There is if Alex gets involved."
That immediately got her attention.
Just as planned.
A blue portal opened nearby.
Alex stepped through carrying several datapads and enough scientific equipment to concern any sane person.
His eyes immediately locked onto Cleopatra.
Then a slow grin appeared on his face.
"Oh."
"No," said Cleopatra immediately.
"Oh yes."
"No."
"This is an unprecedented biological opportunity."
"No."
Alex ignored her entirely.
He began typing notes.
"Enhanced neural pathways. Regenerative upgrades. Lifespan extension. Physical reinforcement. Improved mobility."
"No."
"Potential thaumaturgical compatibility."
"Absolutely not."
I nodded thoughtfully.
"Those sound useful."
"They do, don't they?" Alex agreed.
"I hate both of you."
"Noted."
Alex crouched down and gently picked up the furious black cat.
The cat attempted to bite him.
Alex seemed delighted.
"This is going to advance science tremendously."
"Put me down."
"No."
"Put me down."
"Still no."
I stood up and stretched.
"Well, let's get moving. We have a lot of work ahead of us."
Alex nodded.
A larger portal opened behind him.
Several researchers could already be seen preparing equipment.
Cleopatra looked at the portal.
Then at us.
Then at the portal again.
"You know this feels like a violation of my rights."
"Probably," I admitted.
"We'll fill out the paperwork afterward," Alex added helpfully.
That somehow made it worse.
Still carrying the increasingly annoyed cat, Alex stepped through the portal.
I followed immediately afterward.
The last thing visible before the portal closed was Cleopatra trying to swat both of us with her paws.
Somewhere in the distance, several researchers were already preparing what Alex had undoubtedly named Project Cat Pharaoh.
And somehow, I had a feeling this was only the beginning of Cleopatra's problems.