I walk forward with heavy steps, mind restless. I could help but feel lost. Walking just a small distance, it was already hard to breathe. I felt fatigued.
The monsters were off no help either. They were so weak, it was like swatting flies. 'This repetitive killing must be what making me feels this tired.'
Ackh* Cough*
'Bloody hell, what's wrong with me.'
Before long I made it to 'Euljiro' station.
I walk over to where I had left my bag.
'Ah! It seems like Jung Ha-eun has woken up'
Shin Yoosung sat hugging her legs. She was rocking back and forth, visibly shaking. Beside her sat Lee Eun-ji, she was trying to comfort her.
Looking closer, Shin Yoosung appeared to be holding something.
Honey bread.
It was crunched up.
Park Sang-hoon sat hugging the shield I gave him. I don't bother looking for the last guy. Out of sight, out of mind.
As I got close, finally my steps caught Park Sang-hoon's attention. We locked eyes.
'His is nice'
I wave at him. He waves back awkwardly.
Exhale
While sitting down, I notice Shin yoosung looking at me.
Her blood shot eyes stared wide at me. She snapped out of Lee Eun-ji's embrace, almost standing. But that's it. She drops her head, sitting back down. She twirled her fingers.
She would occasionally lift her head, staring with eyes filled with longing.
Lee Eun-ji looks at me, we silently acknowledge one another. Jung Ha-eun quickly looked away, body trembling.
I shook my head.
Step*
I look at Park Sang-hoon
"Mind me sitting with you?"
I silently look at him; finally decide to scoot over just a bit.
"…"
"…"
He takes it as an affirmation and sits down beside me.
We sat there in a pensive silence. I continue watching the people of the station scrambling here to there.
My ears caught him sighing repeatedly under his breath. His tense shoulder relaxes. I turn to him.
"Thank you for all you have don-."
I choke on the air I was breathing in.
Cough* Cough*
After a few second pause,
"There were few who would help strangers when the world was normal. It's safe to assume that would be a rare sight in this world...as it is now."
Taking few breathes of air he continues
"I apologize on behalf of the others, for how things had ended up yesterday and their attitude toward…Just everything."
"This is what I should have started with, thinking about it now."
Frown
I stared at his face, trying to figure out what he was trying to get at.
"…I know it's selfish for me to ask, but… could you have it in your heart to forgive them?"
Ah!
So that's why… I guess it's my fault to …
Sigh.
Before I could give a reply he continued.
"You know, people cling to what they are most familiar with, especially when in danger. Most fear what's unfamiliar. And in turn they reject it, shun it."
His gaze seemed honest.
"They just want to be alive, so when things go south, they naturally shift back to what… they are used to, blaming anything new."
I scoff, "Basically lazy hypocrites who're so useless that they won't get out of what's comfortable with? Go as far as to sabotage anyone trying to be better."
Instead of getting angry, he gave a smile. Like how a father would smile at his son.
"That's… one way to look at it."
"But… I wouldn't say it like that…"
I wait
He was staring at the ceiling, unconsciously tapping his against his folded arms.
"…I…have worked as HR manager for a quite a while now."
"I have even changed companies a few times"
He lets out a deep breath.
"Numerous talented individuals flooded those companies, each with their own strength and weaknesses"
"It's safe assume that the company with progress a lot, making sky high development, right?"
I Nod.
He lets out a small laugh, "Yet, that's where we're wrong. Not in any companies, neither the company was able to get the expected benefit nor the employee. At least for most"
I look at him questioningly.
"An example will help me clear it."
"Try to envision two types of workers. Type 1s are the average, who will or able to do the bare minimum and they are content with it"
"And Type 2, the talented or skilled ones, they are enthusiastic about their work. They finish any work in the fraction of the time of what the Type 1s takes."
He paused, watching if I am following. I stared at him, focused. My arms wrapped around my legs as I press my chest against them.
"Let's form a team of 5. It consists of four employee of Type 1 and only one employee of type 2."
"Assuming that the four employees try their best, it's always the type 2 employees who end up lifting the heavy burden. No, Most of the burden."
"It always ends up in two possible outcomes."
"After burning radiantly, either the type 2 employees change companies or… the radiance burns out leaving nothing but an average employee."
He pauses, letting me digest what he had said.
"Now, allow me to paint a second picture. The talent and skilled employees, if they are grouped up with people that complements them, there is always one outcome."
"They shine; shine brighter than they would alone."
I…won't say I am smart. But I had understood what he was implying. And that hurt.
Despite everything, my heart was being an idiot. Unknown to me, my eyes were tearing up. My nose flared again and again trying to hold it back.
As his hand pats my shoulders, this broke me out of the daze.
"Separation… is part of life. It was normal, and it's likely more so now."
He paused,
"Understand, separation… does not mean bonds breaking. Those… exist, it's not… an epilogue…"
'Liar!' I know he's lying. He's face said it.
I stared at him, eyes narrowed accusingly.
He sighs in resignation.
"It's… no…the separation is not for you only, but for us as well."
A stone drops to my stomach.
'So…he just wants me gone too.'
"You're like a war horse"
"HUH?! …war horse?"
I was confused for a second.
"Yes, war horse, while we are like normal horses. We will tire out at a distance that for you know is just warm up. You're stronger, faster, more stami-"
"w-well you can catch up, just coins…"
He strokes his hand through my hair.
"Now, you seem like a kid. For a while I was thinking maybe you're a short adult."
I look at him resentfully.
"It not about physical capability, it's about mentality"
"A-"
He brings his hand up.
"I had a friend in the military; I will quote his words 'You can build a soldier's body but not their mentality. That's something innate'"
"We have to face reality, if we try to keep pace with you, for a sort burst we may be able to keep pace, but soon we will become exhausted. To continue, either we die of exhaustion or you force yourself to slow down"
"But-"
"You only have 1 life, no rewind, no retries."
I swallow what I was about to say.
"…"
A heavy silence dawned on us.
"Hey…stop taking it so hard kid. Take it as… we have our own paths to follow."
I say nothing back.
Seeing me deep in thought, he slowly walked away.
…
'I need refreshment' I hate emotionally tangling thoughts.
It was borderline lunch time. The situation in the station was dire than before. Many who had no food were begging those who had some, to spare them few. Seeing no blood, it's safe to assume it has yet to go down to fighting.
As I decide to ignore and walk toward the exit, my ear picks up a conversation.
(p-please spare a piece of bread, I-I don't want it...it's for my s-son.)
(I-I am sorry, I don't have much myself…)
I see him go to another person for food.
I look properly for the first time. He wasn't the only one asking around for food. Many were do the same. Due to wearing clothes it was hard to tell how sunken their stomachs were, but the hollow cheeks told enough.
I shrug, 'it's their fault, why are they w-' I stop mid step.
I look back again.
The image of my short acquaintances came to mind. Despite explaining, they froze. They panicked.
'In Jongmo station, it was the same. People clung to authority. Even if it's corrupt…'
I couldn't help but doubt, that maybe this is what's normal.
No, there is no doubt, I am the abnormal.
My lips purse
I unconsciously tap my foot, as many thoughts flooded my mind.
'They are just trying to live the way they know'
I couldn't help but think
'Is it really their faults? That the world became like this…'
I remember how my class captain, Baek Ji-ho refused to kill. But…maybe no. Most don't have the guts to do it.
'Well if they can't, they …should they really die?'
I look at them
'Is it really wrong for one to want to stay alive?'
"…"
'Whatever, I'll think about it another time'
Despite trying to push it down, the thought kept piercing the back of my mind.
…
People stare baffled watching me dragging monster corpses. After skinning them, I start cooking. The delicious fragrance filled the station. People were salivating at the sight but too scared to move closer.
I too look at them, body tense.
I try to speak…
Nothing comes out.
'The fuck!? Why is killing easier than this?'
I close my eyes, slowing my breathing.
"Does anyone want food?"
"…"
They look at each other before rushing forward.
"EASY!"
My shout slowed them to a halt
"Each portion will cost you 20coins, form a line, I will sell to everyone. Make chaos, no food."
'Giving it them for free will doom them, they need to learn to earn their keep.'
They start murmuring amongst themselves. Again some were confused, others distrustful.
I briefly explain about coin and how to transfer it.
An entitled man had walked forward calling me greedy and what not. His yelling boiled down to 'People should help others why take advantage of people.'
For a second anger flushed my very soul but… I remember what Park Sang-hoon said to me.
'he's just trying to live the way he know'
"A-"
'But I can't bother to be soft'
"Do you not see the world around you?"
He got flustered at my question
"Look around you, do you think hunting this were easy. Why should I put my life in danger and feed YOU?"
"w-well people help p-people-"
"No, help your selves. So, if you need it, take it."
Not long after, the amount I had brought with me was sold out. Amongst them I sometimes decided to hand a little more to some, like the father who was begging around for his small son.
I see them looking at me with hopeful eyes, like I am a savior.
This kinda feels bad but should be put forward.
"This is the last time, I will leave today"
Panic filled their faces, many begging me not to go while some crying that who will bring food then.
"You will bring it yourselves"
"B-but they are strong, h-how can-"
"Then form teams to overpower them, how long do you plan to live at the mercy of others"
Their chest sank inward, some shaking with fear
Exhale
I was about to add to that when surprisingly the father from earlier stepped forward. He bowed with his son beside him.
"Thank you. Forgive us for asking too much. Your right, we have to gather our own foods."
Many followed his example, also bowed down.
"…"
I observe each of their faces for a while…
With the remaining food I go over to where Park Sang-hoon and rest were sitting. They had come forward to buy but I had sent them away earlier.
"Wait, don't you have magic stove?"
Nod
"Well, I had forgotten it completely. Whatever, let's eat."