~It is precisely because humans are limited that they learn to call misery happiness.~
1. A Room Without Time
Night in this cell does not move.
It only circles the same spot,
like a clock hand refusing to point toward the future.
I sit with my back against the cold wall.
Concrete breathes through my skin,
teaching me one simple truth:
I am still alive—
but not entirely real.
Outside, the world keeps moving.
People still talk.
Still laugh.
Still fall in love.
And I am here,
like a sentence repeatedly erased
yet refusing to vanish from the page.
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2. A Lament No One Hears
I am filled with a voiceless lament.
It echoes inside my head
like a song on endless repeat
that never reaches the chorus.
Sorrow piles up.
Despair settles.
Then hardens.
I leave myself behind
among broken memories
and a future I refuse to name.
Strangely…
I no longer want to be saved.
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3. The Day I Chased With Blood
I traded the rest of my life
for a single day.
One day to make sure
the pain I carried
would not die alone inside me.
I chased that day with open eyes,
with torn breath,
with hands willing to be stained.
And when the day finally came,
I realized something too cruel to admit:
revenge never gives justice.
It only gives a false sense of ending.
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4. The Song That Keeps Humming
Inside my head,
a song keeps humming
across a sky filled with deceit and innocence.
The melody is gentle.
The lyrics are wounded.
It paints rainbows like a brush—
yet every color is mixed with red,
a red too familiar to my palms.
I let the song keep burning.
Because without it,
silence would tear me apart
more brutally than any scream.
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5. Shadows That Become Home
I released my old life
for a day that promised freedom
from the shadows of the past.
I was wrong.
Shadows never truly leave.
They only change position—
from behind my back
to inside my chest.
I live within my own shadow now.
A dry life.
A life some would call disgusting.
But to me,
it is the only honest space left.
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6. A Sun That Does Not Shine
Here, the sun never truly shines.
It only arrives as news—
as a faint story of light
through the bars.
Yet the seasons still change.
Without asking if I am ready.
Without bargaining with wounds still open.
The world does not care
about the timing of my grief.
Only about continuing forward.
And I am forced to learn to walk
as someone abandoned
by himself.
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7. A Truth That May Not Want Me
If truth is truly one,
is it willing to meet me
in a place like this?
In a room built from mistakes.
In a body formed by decisions
that cannot be taken back.
Or perhaps truth belongs only to those
still allowed to stand in the light.
While I…
am permitted to know it
only as a shadow on a cell wall.
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8. The Last Confession Never Spoken
I regret nothing.
And I hate myself for that.
I still remember their faces.
I still remember the red.
I still remember how my soul collapsed
without completely breaking.
Perhaps this is the cruelest punishment:
to live in full awareness
of the monster born
from your own body.
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9. Closing – A Monologue to a Silent World
If one day the world asks:
"Are you happy with your choice?"
I will not answer yes.
I will not answer no.
I will only say:
I have stopped hoping
that happiness and truth
ever stand on the same side.
And since then,
I have learned to live
only as a voice inside my own head—
a monologue
for a world
that chooses
never to answer.