Zinnia stiffened, eyes widening. "Ah... right," she breathed, more to herself than anyone else. "That date... that was the first time I began trusting men again."
Memories flooded her, Kaivan on the bridge, the gentle smile he had when he returned the wallet she'd desperately searched for. How she'd been moments away from breaking down, and how he calmed her with such simple sincerity.
Zinnia placed a hand over her chest, holding down the trembling inside her throat. "I... I didn't know he remembered it that clearly," she murmured, a faint blush blooming on her cheeks.
Felicia flipped to the next entry, her tone becoming firmer, as if wanting everyone to hear:
"Wednesday, November 4th, 2009. Funny how I don't have a girlfriend, yet help people get one..."
The room held its breath as she continued:
"Today, Frans shyly admitted how scared he used to be when approaching the girl he liked. I remember that moment when he confessed to his girlfriend. I only gave him a little push by placing that bucket of paint where it would fall, suggesting he confess right when the paint spilled on them. Seeing him gather the courage, even if clumsily, made me realize how small things around us can give someone the strength to take a big step."
Frans, who had been relaxed until now, jolted at the mention of his name. He let out a small, shaky laugh to hide the emotion creeping up inside him.
"Yeah... that time I confessed, and she actually said yes," he said, his voice trembling. He bowed his head for a moment. "I had no idea the paint accident was his plan. I'm really grateful to Kaivan."
Silence cloaked the room once again. White neon light reflected in their eyes, making the emotion within them even clearer. Felicia held the diary tightly, every page a doorway into a boy they once thought was ordinary, yet whose words now shook their hearts.
"This one is about Thivi," Felicia said, her voice flat yet tinged with emotion.
Thivi, sitting in the corner with her chin cupped in her hand, lifted her head sharply. Her blue eyes flickered with curiosity.
"Huh? About me?" she blurted, trying to mask the nervous tremor beneath her tone.
Felicia glanced at her briefly, then read:
"Saturday, November 7th." Her voice lowered, trembling with each line.
"Thivi reminded me about the time I pulled her out of the street when a motorbike was speeding toward her. Honestly, I almost forgot it happened. To me, it was just instinct, but to her, it was a moment she couldn't forget. She said that without me, that day might have turned out differently. Seeing her today, still brave, still unshaken, makes me happy. That day she also taught me how to smoke, and for the first time, I felt like I was someone who could be protected, not just someone who protects."
Felicia's voice faded at the end. Every gaze shifted to Thivi.
Thivi stared at the floor. Her reflection on the tiles looked like a ghost from a life she tried to forget. Slowly, she lifted her head, her eyes hollow, as if peering through time itself.
"I remember that day," she whispered. Her breath trembled. "I was going too fast. I pulled the throttle, the tire skidded on sand near the turn. I couldn't brake in time. I could've, "
She stopped. Tears pooled in her eyes. Her small fists tightened, nails digging into her skin.
"Suddenly Kaivan jumped and pulled me away. We fell into the bushes together. It hurt... but I lived. If it weren't for him... maybe I would've, "
Her tears never burst, not in a loud, shattering way. And that was what made it even more heartbreaking. She only shook her head, lips trembling as she held back the storm inside her chest. The pain bloomed in silence.
"Kaivan... where are you now?" she whispered. Her voice cracked in the air like a mirror fractured but not yet broken. "Maybe I'm a bad influence... because I taught you how to smoke that day. I want to apologize... I didn't know that would be the last day we'd laugh together."
She bowed her head, fingers gripping the edge of her shirt. Her sobs were so soft they almost vanished.
"All I ever wanted... was to be a good wife for you. To be there for you... every second you lived."
Isabel, sitting a little further away, lifted her head slowly. The girl, usually loud and full of energy, could only watch Thivi now. Her gaze held surprise, sorrow, and a quiet awe. Thivi's words weren't just a confession. They were a wound, peeled open with unexpected courage.
Felicia took a deep breath and opened the next page. Her fingers, usually steady, trembled slightly. Her voice changed, there was a faint quiver she couldn't hide.
"Ah... this one is about me."
The room seemed to inhale all at once. Felicia, the strongest among them, suddenly sounded fragile.
"Saturday, November 14th. Today Felicia spoke softly about the time when she felt lost and hopeless. She always looks so strong, so I never imagined she had been that vulnerable. Today she thanked me, saying I once helped her stand again, even though all I meant to do back then was listen and stay by her side. But seeing her now, steadfast and full of spirit, makes me happy. It turns out our presence can mean more than we think. Even though... she harshly rejected me when all I did was greet her and offer her some water. Now I understand, someone's wounds aren't always visible on the surface."
Felicia froze. Her body stiffened, jaw tightening, though her eyes couldn't lie. Tears traced the sharp curve of her cheeks.
She clutched the diary to her chest, as if afraid the feeling would slip away.
"This... is my fault," she whispered. "I shouldn't have pushed him away. Kaivan just wanted to help me. I was scared. Scared of being saved. Scared of looking weak."
Radit stood slowly and approached her. He didn't say anything, just rested a gentle hand on her shoulder. But Felicia stayed where she was, drowning in the guilt she couldn't swallow.
"I remember..." she said hoarsely. "I was at that old mall. Alone. My ex-boyfriend, he kicked me, said horrible things. I was out of strength. I wanted to fight back but... I was terrified he'd abandon me. I depended on him too much."
She paused, then continued, "Kaivan suddenly showed up. Out of nowhere. He stepped in between us and tried to help. But I... I punched him. I pushed him away. I thought he was just trying to act like a hero. But he didn't leave. He stayed there, taking all my hits. He... forced his way through just to help me. And I... was too scared to trust anyone again."
Felicia lowered her head. This time, it wasn't just tears, her sobs erupted, shaking the entire room. Beneath her strength, she had been hiding a wound far deeper than any of them knew. And Kaivan, he was the only one who had ever dared to break through that wall.
Silence returned as Felicia wiped her tears. Her face was flushed, hands trembling as she held the book. She inhaled deeply, steadied herself, and turned to the next page.
"This one... is about Ethan," she whispered, her eyes scanning Kaivan's messy but heartfelt handwriting. She read with a calmer voice, though each word echoed in the hearts around her.
"Saturday, November 21st..." she murmured, barely above a breath. Her eyes lingered on the words as if they could bring Kaivan back to life.
"Ethan, who rarely talks about his past, finally opened up to me today. He said I was the first person who encouraged him to leave his gang, though unintentionally. To me, I just wanted him to have a better future. But to him, it was a huge push. Seeing him fight for a new life now makes me happy. Ethan has a bright future, and I'm proud to be even a small part of his journey."
Felicia stopped. Her voice trembled. Her left hand gripped the table, her right hand squeezing the diary tight.
Before she could continue, loud laughter shattered the quiet.
"HAHAHA!"
Ethan leaned back on the sofa, laughing so hard his body rocked. His left arm folded across his chest while his right hand rubbed the back of his neck. His grin was wide, showing sharp white teeth against his rugged face.
Everyone stared at him. Felicia frowned. Thivi raised an eyebrow. Isabel froze. Livia tilted her head, curious.
"What's so funny, Ethan?!"
Ethan turned slowly, his old brown eyes glimmering with bitter nostalgia.
"You guys don't know, huh? The first time I met Kaivan... I stole his motorcycle."