It's been a month, and I am minding my own business, along with my sleepless nights, gym, here-and-there drugs, lots of studying, and visiting my company. These days, my dad closely monitors my schedule and daily routine, which is unusual. He would always cross-verify everything about my schedule at the end of the day, but these days he is making sure I am on track and that I follow the same.
After the small talk with my dad, I know he is right, but that doesn't mean I don't know what is right and wrong. I am selfish, and I may consume him without his knowledge, but I am not letting that happen. In a short span, something was built between us, and I am not letting it collapse for any reason. I can treat our relationship purely as business, involving only friendship, nothing else. On the other hand, I fear things would go beyond my control when I am with him; those tiny, tiny things that happen between us will always push me to jumble everything up.
I didn't explain everything to my dad; he knows only a glimpse, and there was a deep pep talk. If I share everything with him, God knows what his next step would be. There is so much that is intense, and the way my body rebels and at the same time attracts is beyond me. Rowan's presence, everything about him, started affecting me differently.
From the day I met him, strange things have kept happening one after another. I feel like everything is linked in some way, and I don't have any explanation for how it is even possible. It's baseless; I felt that way a few times, and all of a sudden, things turned a different way, still baseless with more complications. The terms like attraction, mine, staring, and possessiveness started to make sense, and I got to know your heartbeat can beat like a roller coaster for other reasons too. The itchiness and repulsiveness with the touch have new terms and conditions, which do not apply to Rowan, and the feelings have taken a 'U' turn.
I know what my dad is doing by rolling me for extra courses; such an extreme step from his side is unusual. It's too much load to unload that easily. I leaned back on the car seat with dejection. Nothing seems to matter for now, only seminars and the upcoming exam.
I was on my way to the school to give the seminar, to clear a few things with the professors, and also to discuss about the exam. I need to clear a few things about the project, which is damn important to get the ticket for the reputed university. I already have so much on the table, and a friendship with Rowan has been added.
The car was parked near the school parking, and I got out of the car and went straight to my classroom allotted for today. The room was booked; as I entered the room, it went silent, and I took a seat at the far end of the corner. I huffed when low mummer started, whisperers, and they made sure I was more noticeable in the classroom. I love to be nonchalant about these things, but not all the bloody time. This is one of the damn reasons why I convinced my dad about homeschooling.
Once I was done with the seminar, I went straight to consult the professor, and the discussion lasted for an hour. Once we discussed the doubts that I had, the professor gave me the next schedule for my seminar. We discussed a few things about the project, with the suggestion to add minor things. I bid him goodbye for the day. My dad is stressing about the project too much these days, and I am not getting why. I know it's a key to the top university, but that doesn't mean there are no other universities in the country or on this planet. He acts like there isn't one other than what he is suggesting.
It's been a while since I visited the campus, so I thought of taking a walk around the campus and taking notice of changes. As I walked, there were more heads up, girls who looked too fresh with the amount of make-up they had applied, and guys with muscles were not bad either. Someone was calling my name constantly. I turned right and left when I didn't find anyone. Rowan was in front of me with a huge smile. I wanted to glare, but turned into a frown when I watched Rowan closely, and I was surprised.
Rowan has changed a little, better with his physique, still chubby, but he is reaching a fitness level. It's been only a month since not meeting him. What did I miss over here? The body fat is burned a little, the chubbiness is turning sharper, and the fat, especially around the stomach, is not much noticeable. Wow, I can't believe the change, nor his proud smile on his face. "Common." He ushered in the direction of the tree where his group was goofing around, plus Davis. How can his group be completed without Davis? There was no introduction required, as I was sort of acquainted with everyone at some point.
Boys were busy eyeing the girls, discussing some random matters, while Davis rolled his eyes at me. This guy should get over whatever beef he has with me. "So, how come you are at the campus?" Rowan with the same smile, and something is not right in me as I couldn't face the smile. I am damn good at facing anyone except this guy with the things he does unknowingly. "Seminar," I replied, short and curt. He nodded at that. "You never told me that you were ahead of your subjects, studying the syllabus that I studied a year back and also the syllabus that I am studying at present." Because it's not a big deal or some great achievement. My IQ is not at a level where I go on telling everyone. "I was impressed when I heard you know." Well, what can I say? Everyone will be impressed by my achievement, except my dad.
He started talking about the upcoming football game and invited me to watch the match. Give me a break with the amount of crowd; I would do many interesting things, like, I don't know, but something interesting rather than being in a crowd of suffocation. His eyes were scanning the area. I know why, and his smile turned broader. I watched Isabella with her group, who returned his smile, maybe for the first time. I was a little taken aback by the development. His eyes were glued to her; words were getting jumbled. I watched everything without blinking my eyes. I don't know why I was irritated by this action, the way his eyes were glued to her, the way his eyes were shining, and that smile, which I thought was only reserved for me, but it was always reserved for someone else, even broader. These things are repeating these days; jealousy is carving its path in me, and the anger will never give me prior notice and will accumulate.
I know someone else's eyes were watching my every move, and this is not the first time he has keenly observed my every movement. For a second, I took my eyes from Rowan and met Davis, who didn't avert but met more fiercely. What's his problem with me?
"You are coming, right?" Davis and I, at the same time, averted our eyes. Rowan was eagerly waiting for my response, and I nodded as my response. A few minutes before, I decided to do better things. I huffed when things didn't make sense. If anyone else had asked me the same question, I would have walked out of the spot.
There are so many things, so many questions. I needed answers, and I don't know where to find them. So many things are out of my control. My life is full of misery, suffering, and draining of energy. Now, it's taking a new turn and trying to revolve around one person. Things are getting complicated with the entry of a person whom I welcomed without even being aware of how or why.
Till I was 12, my questions revolved around why. Why me; why sleepless nights; why nightmares; why can't I remember anything; why I'm drenched in sweat; why the doctor fails to solve my case constantly; why I carry anger this much; why nothing interests me; why aloofness; why I get irritated with the touch. I thought I had to deal with these unanswered questions for a lifetime, and I never thought more was going to be added to that.
"Hey, are you ok?" Rowan was waving his hand in front of my face. Nothing is ok and never will be. "Didn't the seminar go well?" Only if he knows how pin-drop silent it was in the class, including the professor, who was mesmerised by my presentation. I nodded my head and checked the time. It was time; my driver would be waiting for me. I bid goodbye to Rowan, who had a few more questions on his sleeve. He was fishing his mouth while I bolted from the group.
I want an escape from everything.
I got immensely involved in the project due to pressure from my dad. I started working on it, without caring about the time, and my dad, these days, keeps visiting and checking the progress of my project. It's annoying, but I am not getting how to avoid or handle him.
"So, how is your project going?" Here we go again; this is the third time he has cross-verified in raw in just two days. "You'd better work hard and clear the damn entrance. Hook or crook, you are going to study in that university, and I mean it." I rolled my eyes at that. He was not this serious before; all of a sudden, he started pressuring me to secure a seat. Granted, it's one of the best campuses; infrastructure, everything is awesome, but it's miles away, and I can get into a good university over here, too. "Don't roll those eyes in front of me. You are studying there, and that's final." I held my snarky cough at that and tried to concentrate on the revenue part of my project.
My dad stood beside me, watched my every move, and after a few minutes sat beside me. I told you he is making sure of damn everything. "Dante, I never asked anything from you, nor did I have any expectations other than managing the company. Before, I was ok with any prestigious university, but now, I want you to secure a seat in only that university. I have done my research, and trust me, it's the best for you." I wanted to groan; he is not failing to give the same reminder every day and night. "It's far." "As I said, I have done my research; it's far, and it's the best for you. Please don't tell me you are going to miss me." By saying that, through his shoulder, he nudges me a little. "A few days before we had Father and Son Day, in that restaurant; we can keep doing that whenever we are both free." I closed my laptop and walked toward the balcony.
I closed my eyes and started inhaling slowly. My dad stood beside me. "There is a reason for everything, Dante. I want to secure your future. The real world will never be easy. I know you are capable of facing it, but you are going to manage an empire in the future, not any ordinary company, and you should be prepared for that. I don't want any diversion right now, and your focus should only be on completing your studies. The university is far, I know, but it's for your best. You need to study only at that university, Dante, and I mean it. Am I clear?" I get the core of his words. I know his expectations, and there was no force, as I am desperate, eagerly waiting to take his position, and I need to prove my worth. "Yes," I answered with a dedicated, straight voice, no shaking or any second thoughts, nope. I was born to rule, I know that.
"You will be enrolled on different things, not the ones that you are already enrolled in. A lot of things will be practical once you are adjusted to everything over there, and then your schedule will be adjusted accordingly." I nodded at that. "Once you are relaxed, concentrate on the project, ok? I am going on a business trip. Once I return, I will check on the progress." Once again, I nodded, still confused by the sudden decision to import me.
It was the day of Rowan's football match, and the stadium was packed. Rowan had secured me a seat. I had second thoughts when I saw the crowd and because of the noise. I should have come up with some reason at the last moment; I can't handle this hyper atmosphere. Before joining the team, Rowan made sure I had everything for the next few hours: a water bottle, a whole package of snacks, and his iPod for distraction. By giving his signature smile, he bid goodbye and ran toward his team. I guess I can conclude I was stuck for the match.
A girl and a boy sat on either side; just great, it was like the universe was pointing something about me and signalling my preference and cautioning me not to experiment in the future. Like hell, I am not going to take advantage of my freedom if only the universe allows me to. I have high doubts about my sexual life, which is a disaster at present and will be pathetic in the coming days, whether I am far or near the mansion.
The boy was cute with a lean figure, and the girl had a medium figure. I usually hate the idea of being of medium figure, but now, I don't know anything anymore. The match started as both of them cheered; well, they started to pour more reason for my elope.
It's been an hour. Rowan was acing the match; the same guy who fell, who carried huge fat in his body, was juggling with his belly and utterly failed to avoid the ball.
He was doing flipping, running, and stretching everything in time; he had become more flexible. Working out and my trainer are doing a great job, and it's reflecting. I knew that the trainer was hardcore persistent, would make you oblige, and would also melt you through his words. He is doing a great job on Rowan, and the result is visible on the ground. The grin on his face is pulling handsome charm from him; the flexibility is gaining attraction, and his victory moves are gaining more audience, especially the girls' audience.
His eyes were stuck on the specific area, his victory was dedicated to that area, and every stunt was to impress someone in that area. It was working; he was getting the result as a tiny bit was reciprocated by Isabella. There was some positive vibe from her, and that was enough for Rowan, who enjoyed it like a victory before even winning the game. His eyes were glued to only two things: the game and Isabella; nothing else mattered, and there was no space for anyone else.
I slowly stood from my place and started walking from the venue. I always feel something off in me when I witness these kinds of gestures. I reminded myself that it's none of my business and his life; he can do whatever he wants, but it's not sufficient, and nothing calms me. It pains me; something pains in me; I don't know what it is. I always feel like it's my rightful place, and I don't know the contempt of my words.
Something feels off when I witness these things about Rowan; all the valid reasons will be thrown out, and I want to get appalled for many reasons.
Rowan's presence started to puzzle me.