"... Daddy?" a familiar voice nearby, I quickly turned. There were no one else other than me in the middle of a white void.
Like fiction, I seem to be floating up a water with a pacific feel.
I had no socks or shoes. Just standing in the middle of a flat ground with water.
Get it? I don't.
I have looked over to the distance for few seconds now, it is unsure. Somewhat comforting, though too quiet. Too silent.
'I should try moving around.' I stepped forward, nervous despite knowing I wouldn't actually fall, right?
I kept my eyes down to the ground as I slowly stepped forward, nervous... Maybe anxious.
After all, I could walk normally. I won't have to be careful as if I'm in a deadly game where I have to pass a line of rope.
... But what will happen if I did?
Even so, what can I do? It might've been my fate to die like it. I've done and made mistakes tons of times in my life, could this be a dream of psychology?
It is comforting to gaze at the ground with the water's movements interacting with mine.
Yet disturbing to see my legs shivering on its own.
'It is tiring.' In any moment, my eyes will give up on trying and end up sleeping, although I'm in my dream already.
Is this really a dream?
There are no doubts, this is totally a dream, to me!
Furthermore... Who was that? What was that? It sounded like Emi's voice.
This doesn't make sense at all; I didn't think about her that much. If anything, I would've dreamed about my life instead.
What am I stating? She's in my life, as my daughter. Unofficial daughter.
-
'I don't care about her.' I flow my hand, slapping the passing cold air.
Whether how much efforts you put in something, if one mistake is done, you could be cancelled in seconds.
Then that "spot" would still be a shine..., a dream for everyone to experience.
For me? It is a waste.
"What do you mean it is a waste? After all, It is a moment, the moment to shine and give it all to the world."
It is like saying gold is gold without examining it. Then everyone would go astonished when they found out that gold is not worth more than a million.
Humans have flaws, of course. So does objects and animals?
Gold is considered special; it is shining like the sunset. I assume everyone would be complimenting one if they had a golden jewelry, no?
"Woah, that person must be rich!" But to be honest... I would be that person, gladly be that person to compliment.
If one would sell a gold and everyone will have their heads up thinking. "What should I do with that gold?"
Of course. Some would answer. "I would buy and sell it again."
One gold might worth around- hmm... Probably around the amount of one carat diamond.
Stupid people would stay alive for fun and spend their money on things that provides nothing but useless uses. Then complain when they're out of money.
"I want to have ...!" This and that. "I don't want to study; it is so exhausting!"
They would pick the gold for money and have fun around the world without thinking twice about the money.
Address the money as a person. You use it for things that you want, but have you ever considered its feelings?
If it is not hurt, it would stay up. If it feels hurt, it will go down.
Which is a stupid concept idea for people, yes.
"How long am I going to be walking down this pathway?" I have been walking straight.
Straight to nothingness.
Back to that topic with a final answer. The secret ingredient to achieve something you want is talent!
Like those jesters I didn't trust yesterday. I have seen those buckled up jars with money in it, do you know how they can get those money in their jars? Talent!
Just like talent shows, they perform to attract audience around them and kids would definitely be more attracted to the candies they give.
Kids love candies, don't they?
But kids are kids. Emi is much of a greedy rat, whom I love as a daughter.
It is pathetic, really. I was once one of those, who believed in such words said by elders. It made me less question life in believing them.
It is because elders are idols to young children, and I, not biologically but a father figure towards her, she's a daddy's girl.
Her daddy spoils her when she was very young, but oh well, she ended up getting involved to this story.
If I hadn't chased over to help, she would definitely be dead, and this might even be a dream to her.
"Darn it, walking on wet ground disgusts me." I continued on walking over, even if I was disgusted. I thought. 'This would only be a moment, and the view is beautiful.'
It is all white, pure white. Does this look like heaven to my eyes? Yes.
To my brain and heart. I'm flattered.
"My feet feels weird, it is wet." I stared, down to my legs. My shoeless and sockless legs.
Then I'm definitely at home—anyways, guess what. I woke up because of one thought. 'I have another day left!'
And I thought my mind and I were in the same side.
"Why are you mumbling?" He let out a chuckle, watching me. I turned over to see it was Daniel, secretly sitting there.
Why is he here? Did he ask them to switch places to talk with me? Totally and definitely not the case.
"Why are you here?" I sat up from the ground, brushing my hair.
"That guy disrespected my prayers for God." He still dares to pray while in prison. Expected to be said. He had overglazed him since.
It was still unexpected to be canonically said.
"You guys got into a fight over that?"
"Who wouldn't?" I sighed in frustration.
Delusions...
If he were to find out this is his body, he would be shocked. Yes, this body is a persona, is what I would call it. Fragments or persona? I don't know which one fits better.
Six, or "The Sixth God". Whom remembered in every way. Whether the god they called to be a loner or the free and wised. He's remembered in anything.
I wouldn't blame Daniel for praying to a god like that. After all, he was there for him, the one to comfort him without doing anything.
"I get you; I would also become crazy if one would dare dismiss my prayers for the God I pray to." I gave him a generous smile.
"Right? Thank God, I had my hands in control." He crossed his arms, scoffing
Gosh... I wouldn't go that far.
How would you feel after getting your fists on the person like a punching bag? If your answer is "satisfaction", you should totally seek help from a professional therapist.
Do not ask me. I'm not a professional therapist.
But I would say that a therapist should be emotionally smart enough to understand the patient's feelings, no?
"... Right." I nodded.
That grunge feeling in my chest is really putting effort in taking me down in this conversation. Why? I'm having a sudden headache. How? I don't know.
I remembered telling my mom about it, then she blamed me for not having enough sleep.
But I wouldn't blame her for assuming that, she had caught me red-handed playing video games in the middle of the night.
We would exchange eye-contact for moment, then she broke the eye contact challenge and shake her head before going back to bed.
Waking up in the morning after that moment was awkward.
"Why is mom not talking about the fact we had an eye contact challenge last night?"
I figured she was noting those nights in her head later on, then I thought. "Does she have a good memory?" I questioned.
Gladly not, though.
They would die in any time. So, what's the point of remembering what your children do? Like grandma girlie, you're over 40 years old.
You will die in any moment, but hold on that death in your hands. Do not let that naughty kid run over to your life-plots without you knowing.
Imagine the tears and questions at your funeral.
"She was really great..." Repeat that back to her young children and see their reactions. For the one, who's rarely at home, would totally agree to that statement.
What about those who come home every after school? For the last, they might not understand much, and would continue to shred tears.
"Motherless" is a traumatizing word for the last to hear.
"Hey, how did you get here?"
"Me?" I pointed to myself, snapping out from my messy thoughts.
"Yes, you. There's no other than us in this prison." I nodded. "Oh..." I was hesitating to tell him the reasons.
I didn't do anything wrong.
I had defended a little girl, a young child, from getting harmed. Then ended up getting in prison for improper manner, I couldn't quite recall why.
"I'll submit myself for two days."
Whatever they're called, they had given me a chance to walk away from the situation.
"Then we will send her to a daycare while you're in jail, is that okay?"
Jail or prison, I don't care wherever I'm at.
Do not let her come with me.
"I don't mind that." They noted what I said before sending me here.
Changing clothes was the worst part.
"I did something that offended them." I answered, shrugging it off to change the subject.
"I see... I'm going to sleep." He laid down on the ground; an instant discomfort came down my spine from looking at it.
Hold up—those guys really wanted to harm her, so technically they should be given for over 7 months in jail!
'I'm so sorry for the lords, I'm a slow thinker...'
Forgive me, lords. i didn't think much about the situation I'm in, as I thought this would be a normal experience. So, I shrugged it off from my head...
I admit I'm still an idiot and naive like before...
After all those overthinks, calling people when I'm also one. I admit that—no other subjects! We're overthinking about the situation I'm in, not calling myself a nobody.
But it does seem as if I'm a nobody in this world, no? Probably.
Being a nobody is better than being the center of someone's mind.
Then something popped in my head. "Right, what about you?" I asked, even knowing he might be asleep already.
There was a moment of silence after the question.
"... I tried to take some breads from the bakery."
He was reported to be a thief, and I thought he didn't like stealing? I remembered he had hesitated to steal someone's shop after getting accused of being a thief.
For someone to say they were traumatized of that, he definitely had a reason to why he had to steal some.
"Ohh..." I muttered, nodding.
Which bakery did he step into? Was it that bakery I went, or somewhere else?
He's a devotee of the "Sixth" God, which was Xiao Liu.
"I'll give you what you want, don't try stealing, okay?" Those comforting words would've affected something to him.
My eyes in realization.
'Oh, yikes...!'