Chapter 99. The Stranded Traveler and the Fanservice (Disaster) Scene Known as the "Hot Spring Episode"
In the Mythic Era, on the Eastern Continent, in an unnamed wilderness.
The morning sun, as usual, unsparingly poured its heat upon this barren land. The air was thick with the scent of dry dust, and occasionally, vultures that looked like pterosaurs circled in the sky, letting out unpleasant shrieks.
Beside that magically modified "Argo" caravan, the embers of last night's campfire were still emitting wisps of blue smoke. According to the original script, at this very moment, the red-haired hero from the future should have already turned into points of light and vanished into the horizon amidst touching background music, leaving behind only a legend and endless longing.
However.
"......" Emiya Shirou sat cross-legged on the ground, holding a twig and unconsciously poking at the ants on the dirt. His right hand—that Dragon Bone prosthesis that was supposed to have vanished—was currently growing perfectly intact on his shoulder, even looking particularly lustrous from the sunlight. His body showed no signs of becoming transparent; the sense of reality was so strong he could even feel that the rocks beneath his rear were a bit uncomfortable.
"......" Opposite him sat a circle of people. Argo, Ona, Crozzo, Wishe, Yuris, Elmina, and Ariadne. Everyone was staring at him with extremely complex expressions. Those gazes contained three parts pleasant surprise, three parts confusion, three parts speechlessness, and one part of the fury that says, "Give me back my tears."
"Um..." Shirou gave a dry cough, trying to break the awkward atmosphere that felt like the air itself was freezing. "Good morning?"
"Good morning my foot!!!" Argo was the first to explode. He jumped up abruptly, pointing at Shirou's nose, his finger trembling as if he were plucking a guitar. "Why are you still here?! Didn't we agree last night that you were leaving?! I already wiped my snot on you as a final farewell! My tears! My precious tears belonging to a hero!"
"I wanted to leave too!" Shirou spread his hands with an innocent face. "I was mentally prepared, I even finished my last words... wait, my parting message. But... the progress bar got stuck, what am I supposed to do?"
Indeed. Just last night, at the moment his body was about to completely vanish, a red warning box suddenly popped up on the "System Panel" in Shirou's mind:
[Warning: Excessive residual magical energy from the 'Ancient Deep-Sea God' has caused a shift in space-time coordinates.] [Recalibrating... Calibration failed.] [Activating Backup Plan: Delayed Return. Must wait for magical wavelength to stabilize.] [Estimated wait time: Unknown (Could be one day, could be a lifetime).]
To put it simply—the server lagged, and the logout failed.
"Huh? Stuck?" Ona shouldered her axe with a "you've got to be kidding me" expression. "Do you think this is constipation? It can get stuck?"
"Vulgar." Wishe (the Half-Elf) shot a disgusted look at Ona, then looked at Shirou. Her eyes held a joy she couldn't quite hide, but her words remained sharp. "In other words, you, this 'unregistered resident,' are going to continue freeloading off us?"
"I have no choice." Shirou sighed, standing up and patting the dust off his trousers. "However, since I can't leave, I can't just sit around waiting for death. I have to find something to do."
"Find something to do?" Yuris (the Werewolf) leaned against a carriage wheel and snorted coldly. "We've already taken out the Black King and grilled the Ancient God. What else could be left on this continent?"
"Adventure more, of course!" Argo suddenly recovered from his previous breakdown, his eyes once again flashing with that signature light known as "troublemaking." "Since Brother Emiya didn't leave, it means the heavens feel our story isn't finished! The Argo Heroic Tale Chapter Two—The Great Eastern Adventure! I have a premonition this will be a bestseller!"
"No, I think it'll be a flop," Crozzo retorted mercilessly.
"Regardless." Princess Ariadne walked to Shirou's side with a smile, naturally taking his arm (completely ignoring the several murderous auras of "jealousy" rising around them). "I am very happy to see Emiya again. This must be the arrangement of fate."
"Ahem... Princess, please mind the public image." Shirou broke into a cold sweat. Feeling the death stares from Wishe and Elmina, he quickly changed the subject. "Alright! Since everyone is fine, let's set out! Our goal is—"
He pulled out that map and pointed to a region further east. "Crossing this wilderness, it's said there is a place called the 'Oasis of the Gods.' There... I might find a way to go home."
"Oasis of the Gods?" Ona's eyes lit up. "Sounds like a place with lots of meat!"
"Then let's go!" Argo jumped into the driver's seat (though he was quickly kicked down). "Argo Caravan, full speed ahead!"
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However, reality is often much skinnier than one's ideals. This place called the "Withered Bone Wasteland" was practically a forbidden zone for life. No water, no trees, only endless gravel and desperate heat.
"Hot... dying of heat..." Three hours later, Argo was sprawled on the carriage floor like a dead dog, his tongue hanging out long. "Brother Emiya... where is your cooling magic... give me a blast of it..."
"Magical energy must be saved." Shirou sat in the driver's seat. Although the Dragon Bone prosthesis helped regulate his temperature, he was still sweating profusely. "Furthermore, the fire elements in this environment are too active; the cooling effect is greatly reduced. At this rate, I'll run out of magical energy before we reach the oasis."
"Water..." Crozzo had already started speaking nonsense. "I want to drink water... not molten iron..."
"What a useless group of men." Although Ona's lips were dry and cracked, her spirit was still high. "Look at Yuris, not saying a word, how manly!"
Everyone looked at Yuris. They saw the werewolf curled up in a shaded corner of the carriage, eyes rolling back and mouth foaming; he had clearly fainted from heatstroke. Because a wolf's fur is too thick, his heat dissipation was terrible.
"...Forget I said anything," Ona muttered, turning her head away.
"This can't go on." Wishe looked at the unchanging yellow sand dunes outside the window, her brow furrowed. "According to the map's scale, we have at least two more days to go. The water in the tank is less than half full."
"Up ahead... there's a scent." Just then, Ariadne, who had been leaning on Shirou's shoulder, finally spoke. As someone with Spirit blood, her perception of nature was sharper than anyone else's. "Moist... sweet... the scent of water."
"Water?!" Hearing that word, three people in the carriage instantly "rose from the dead." Argo, Crozzo, and Yuris all jumped up at once. "Where?! Where is the water?!"
"It's right ahead!" Shirou felt it too. [Clairvoyance: Eagle] activated. His vision pierced through the distorted heatwaves. At the end of the horizon, a smudge of emerald green was faintly visible. That was...!
"Sit tight!" Shirou snapped the reins. "Full sprint! Target—The Oasis!"
"Awooo—!!!" The two Dire Wolves pulling the carriage also caught the scent of water. They let out excited howls and sprinted with all four legs. The caravan bounced over the sand like a small boat charging through stormy waves.
Half an hour later, when the caravan burst over the last sand dune, the scene before them took everyone's breath away.
It was a massive lake, embedded like a sapphire in the yellow desert. The water was crystal clear, and the shores were lined with lush date palms and unknown tropical plants. The breeze blew past, bringing a refreshing, soul-clearing mist. In the center of the lake was a small island, where the ruins of an ancient building could be faintly seen.
"An oasis! It's really an oasis!" Argo was the first to jump off, scrambling and crawling toward the lakeside. "Water! I want to drink water!"
"Don't be in a hurry, be careful of poison." Although Shirou was also thirsty, he remained vigilant. Trace—Analysis. Water quality analysis: Pure freshwater, rich in minerals, non-toxic, contains trace magical energy. Conclusion: Top-tier mineral water.
"It's safe! You can drink!" Following Shirou's command, everyone cheered and rushed to the lakeside.
Gulp, gulp... Argo buried his entire head in the water and drank his fill. "I've returned to life... this is simply the Water of Life!"
"So cool!" Ona jumped directly into the lake, clothes and all, kicking up a massive spray of water. "This water is great! I'm going to soak here until the end of time!"
"It indeed... feels very good." Yuris didn't care about his image either, jumping into the water to wash away the heavy heat.
Looking at his teammates frolicking in the water, Shirou smiled helplessly. He walked upstream and took some water, preparing to start cooking. After all, after half a day of desert marching, everyone's stamina was at its limit.
"Let's camp here tonight," Shirou announced. "To celebrate surviving the disaster, tonight we're eating—[Special: Chilled Cold Noodles] with [Date Palm Grilled Meat]!"
"Yay! Long live Brother Emiya!"
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Since it was an oasis and a lake, an activity was indispensable on this hot afternoon. That was—the Swimsuit Episode (Mythic Edition).
Although there were no modern bikinis, in this open, primitive era, everyone's style of dress was already quite wild.
"Whoa..." Argo squatted in the grass, his eyes glowing as he watched the lake surface not far away. "This is simply... heaven!"
In the shallow water by the shore: Ona had taken off her animal-skin top, wearing only a pair of shorts, revealing her lean and wild muscular lines. Elmina (the Dancer) was even bolder, with only a few thin layers of gauze wrapped around her, becoming semi-transparent after getting wet, with explosive lethality. Even the usually conservative Wishe and Helga had removed their heavy cloaks, wearing only close-fitting undergarments to wash their long hair in the water. As for Princess Ariadne... she was wearing a white silk inner liner, sitting on a rock
by the water kicking the surface. The sunlight spilled onto her golden hair and fair skin, making her look so holy one dared not look directly at her.
"Is this... the legendary 'Fanservice'?" Argo wiped his nosebleed, feeling that his life was complete. "Brother Emiya, won't you come and look? This is a view you'll regret missing for a lifetime!"
"Not interested." Shirou's back was to the lake; he was focused intently on slicing meat. "Compared to that, I'm more concerned with how to grill this meat so it doesn't get tough." (In reality, it was because [Mind's Eye] had automatically switched to high-highlight mode, and he was afraid of getting styes if he looked too much.)
"Tch, hypocrite." Argo gave him a look of contempt and then returned his gaze to the lake. "Hehehe... Miss Elmina's figure is truly... tsk tsk tsk."
Just as Argo was mesmerized: Splash! The water surface suddenly exploded. A giant, red pincer reached out from under the water, accurately pinching Argo's... waistband.
"Eh?" Argo was stunned. Before he could react, a massive force arrived, flinging him into mid-air like a caught fish.
"Waaaaah! What is this?! Help!" Argo traced a perfect parabola in the air and then went plop into the center of the lake.
"Enemy attack?!" The girls bathing let out screams, covering their key areas (though they weren't really exposed).
"ROOAAAR—!!!"
Accompanied by a strange shriek, the water in the center of the lake began to boil violently. Then, a behemoth surfaced.
It was a... crab. But this crab was absurdly large. Its carapace was like a small house, its entire body a weird greenish-blue, and each of its two giant pincers was as large as a millstone. Even more ridiculous, on its back... it actually carried the ruins of the temple from the island!
[Temple Hermit Crab]. An Lv. 5 amphibious magical beast.
"M-My god..." Argo thrashed in the water. Looking at the monster a hundred times larger than him, he was almost moved to tears. "Why is it always me who's unlucky?! I just wanted to see some swimsuits! Is this some kind of retribution?!"
"Is that... a guardian beast?" Shirou dropped his kitchen knife and rushed to the shore. "Everyone, get out! The water is its home turf!"
"Want to run? Not that easy!" The crab actually spoke human language (or some form of mental telepathy). "Despicable voyeur... and invaders... all of you shall become this great one's lunch!"
It waved its giant pincers and smashed them down toward the girls in the water.
"Don't underestimate people!" Although Ona didn't have her weapon (the axe was on the shore), an Amazon's body was a weapon in itself. She kicked the water hard, her body leaping out of the surface, and kicked the giant pincer.
Thump! A muffled sound. Ona was sent flying back, crashing onto the beach. "So hard! Is this shell made of iron?!"
"Trace—On!" Shirou didn't hesitate, directly projecting [Kanshou and Bakuya]. "Yuris! Cover the girls' retreat! Crozzo! Throw their weapons to them!"
"On it!" Yuris turned into a gray afterimage, sprinting across the water's surface. With one hand he scooped up Wishe and with the other Ariadne, throwing them onto the shore. "Cough cough... thanks, perverted dog." "Shut up! Another word and I'll throw you back to feed the crab!"
Crozzo hurriedly threw everyone's weapons over. "Catch! Ona! Your axe! Wishe! Your bow!"
The girls caught their weapons, instantly transforming from "bathing beauties" into "Valkyries."
"You dare disturb my bath..." Ona gripped [Golden Eater], the killing intent on her body enough to boil the water. "This is a capital offense! You stinky crab!"
"Unforgivable." Wishe drew [The Weeping Phantasm], her gaze icy. "To make me look so pathetic..."
"Let's... make it into crab roe buns!" Ariadne (still thinking as a foodie) raised her staff, wind magic gathering.
"Emiya! Do it!" Shirou shouted and took the lead in charging. Although his right hand was a prosthesis, in his state of abundant magical energy, his combat power was still top-tier. "Crane Wing, Double Fold!" The twin blades traced black and white paths in the air, slashing at the crab's joints.
Clang! Clang! Sparks flew. Only two white marks were left on the crab's carapace. "So hard!" Shirou was shocked. This crab's defense was even higher than the previous Black Armored Knight! Moreover, the temple ruins on its back seemed to provide some kind of magical shield.
"Hahaha! Useless!" the crab laughed wildly. "My shell is reinforced with Age of Myth magical energy! With your mortal weapons... what?!"
Before it could finish its sentence, a giant axe carrying golden lightning crashed onto its forehead. "For me... SHATTER!!!" Ona activated [Berserk], her strength tripling. Boom! The crab's indestructible carapace was actually split with a crack.
"Ow ow ow! You crazy woman!" The crab was enraged. It opened its mouth and sprayed a high-pressure water jet. "Hydro Cannon!"
"Careful!" Lazar raised his shield, blocking in front of Ona. Bang! Both man and shield were sent flying over ten meters.
"Great chance!" Yuris saw the timing. Utilizing the second jump of [Feilian Foot], he jumped onto the crab's back. "Since the outside is hard, attack from the inside!" He tried to find the entrance to the temple ruins.
"Get off!" The magic circle on the temple on the crab's back suddenly lit up. Boom! A bolt of lightning struck down from the top of the temple, instantly giving Yuris an "afro" and making him fall with black smoke.
"This thing... is an all-in-one offense and defense!" Argo hid behind a rock, watching with wide eyes. "Melee, range, and it comes with its own bunker? How do we fight this?"
"If we can't break it... then we'll boil it!" Shirou's gaze changed. As a chef, he had special processing techniques for ingredients with shells.
"Crozzo! Where is your new Magic Sword?!"
"Right here!" Crozzo pulled out the [Crimson Moon].
"Wishe! Use wind to spread the fire!" "Understood!"
"Ona! Find a way to prop its legs up!" "Leave it to me!"
"Is he going to..." Ariadne looked at Shirou's fanatical gaze and suddenly understood. "Could it be... that?"
"Correct!" Shirou pressed his hands together, his internal magical energy at full throttle. "Since this lake is your home turf... then let's turn it into your pot!"
"Trace—Projection—Boiling Field!"
Shirou plunged his hands into the water. Magical energy spread along the current, forming a massive red magic circle surrounding the crab in the middle.
"Ignite it! Crozzo!"
"Oooooh! Burn! Crimson Moon!" Crozzo plunged the Magic Sword into the ground. Boom! Endless flames erupted along the magic circle, instantly heating the lake water.
Gurgle, gurgle... The lake water began to boil. A massive amount of steam rose, turning the entire oasis into a sauna.
"So hot! So hot! What are you trying to do?!" The crab was in a panic. The carapace it took pride in could block blades, but it couldn't stop heat transfer. it felt like a bun being thrown into a steamer; its internal organs were burning.
"Want to run? No way!" Ona and Lazar were on the left and right, firmly pinning down the crab's two giant pincers. "Be a good girl and turn into dinner for us!"
"Seasoning! Argo!" Shirou shouted.
"Coming!" Argo carried a large barrel (spices and salt moved from the caravan just now) and dumped it directly into the boiling lake water. "Special: Spicy Hotpot Base! Go!"
"AAAAH! My eyes! My eyes!" Chili powder followed the steam into the crab's eyes, making it weep spicy tears.
"Final blow!" Shirou saw the timing and leaped into the air. His right hand—the Dragon Bone prosthesis—turned a glowing red-hot iron color. "This is also... a sacrifice for the sake of delicacy! [Projection: Chef's Hammer]!"
A massive war hammer, whose shape alone looked like it was meant for crushing crab shells, appeared in his hand. Boom! It smashed heavily onto the temple ruins on the crab's back.
Crack! The temple collapsed. The crab's defense completely disintegrated. It rolled its eyes, foamed at the mouth, and completely passed out (boiled unconscious).
"Done!" Shirou landed on the crab's belly and wiped his sweat. "Tonight's main course... is sorted."
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At sunset. By the oasis lakeside.
A grand "All-Crab Feast" was being held. The giant pincers were cracked open, revealing the snow-white, tender meat inside. The crab roe was dug out and mixed into rice, emitting an enticing golden glow. There were also grilled crab legs, crab meat soup, spicy crab...
"So delicious! Waaaah..." Argo ate while crying. "Even though it was terrifying, this meat... was worth it!"
"This is the life!" Ona was happily gnawing on a crab pincer larger than her head.
"I didn't expect... such a monster could be made so delicious." Wishe elegantly ate the crab meat salad with a fork, the admiration for Shirou in her eyes increasing by another point.
Shirou sat to the side, looking at everyone's satisfied, smiling faces, and took a piece of crab leg to gnaw on slowly. Although it was tiring. Although it was reckless. But... this moment of everyone sitting together and sharing delicious food. No matter the era, it was the most precious treasure.
"Hey, Emiya." Ariadne sat beside him, holding a bowl of crab roe rice. "If... if one day you really have to leave." "Can you... leave this recipe for me?"
"Of course." Shirou smiled. "Not just the recipe." "I will leave this flavor... forever in your memories."
The night deepened. The oasis returned to tranquility. But the laughter and bonds belonging to the "Argo Heroic Party," along with this dinner, were deeply etched into everyone's hearts.
And in the distant future, when people read the chapter "The Braves Defeated the Deep-Sea Demon at the Oasis of the Gods" in the Heroic Tale... probably no one would suspect that it was actually just a brawl started over wanting to eat crab.
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