Chapter 89. The Clown's Bluff and the Trojan Horse Named "Circus"
The canyon exit leading to the Royal Capital, approximately three kilometers from the severed Wall of Sighs.
"Ugh... I feel hollowed out. Like, genuinely hollowed out."
Shirou Emiya lay prone on Olna's broad back like a salted fish that had lost its dreams. (Though he might have enjoyed the sensation of the Amazon girl's back under different circumstances, he lacked even the strength to appreciate it now). His right hand remained a charred mess; although Wishe's recovery magic had stopped the bleeding, the nerve-deadening numbness persisted. Mana: 0/1999. Stamina: 5/1000. Currently, his combat power was likely inferior to a Slime. He was in a state where wild monsters would probably classify him as a "roadside corpse."
"Hey, Redhead, you still alive? Don't die on my back, it's bad luck." Though Olna grumbled, her grip on Shirou's legs was steady, and she intentionally slowed her pace to reduce the jolting. "If you die, who's making dinner? I blunted my axe's edge just to cover you back there!"
"Don't worry... I won't die," Shirou responded weakly. "As long as I have a breath left... I can crawl into a kitchen. That is a chef's obsession."
"I think you just have a weird obsession with cooking!" Crozzo complained from the side. He was carrying his massive anvil like a traveling ascetic. "But Emiya... that strike earlier... was that really something a human can do? Cutting through space itself... what's the principle behind that?"
"The principle is... brute force creates miracles." Shirou didn't want to explain (nor could he easily) the lore of Anti-World Noble Phantasms, so he just made something up.
"Alright, enough small talk." Wishe returned from scouting ahead, her expression grim. "The situation up front isn't good. Even though the barrier is broken, the Black King's army hasn't scattered. On the contrary, they are massing in front of the Capital gates. It looks like they intend to hold it at all costs. And..." she glanced at the massive rift still lingering between heaven and earth. "Because that red light caused such a stir, the entire Capital is on high alert. The walls are crawling with archers and mages. Not even a fly could get in."
"Is this what they call 'becoming a legend for a second, then running to the crematorium'?" Argo crouched on the ground, clutching his head in despair. "It's over! How do we get in now? Charging in will turn us into sieves! I don't want to die yet! I haven't finished writing my Heroic Tale! I haven't even held a princess's hand!"
"Who told you to be so high-profile earlier?" Olna kicked his rear. "Act like a Leader! Now that our main DPS (Shirou) is down, if you're useless too, we really are just waiting to die."
"I... what can I do?" Argo rubbed his backside piteously. "I can't fire light beams, and I can't transform. I'm just a... clown."
"A clown?" Shirou, still on Olna's back, suddenly opened his eyes. Though his body couldn't move, his mind was still functional. He looked at Argo's ridiculous clothes, then at the mismatched aesthetics of the rest of the team. A bold (and frankly absurd) plan formed in his mind.
"Argo," Shirou croaked.
"Here! Does Brother Emiya have any last words?"
"Not last words! Tactics!" Shirou took a shallow breath. "Since we can't force our way in... we'll walk in... through the front door. In plain sight."
"Huh? In plain sight?" Everyone froze. Did the backlash fry this kid's brain?
"Exactly." A mysterious smile curled on Shirou's lips. "You said it yourself, didn't you? You're a clown. So... we're going to form a 'Circus'."
"A circus?!" Their jaws hit the floor.
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One hour later. In front of the Royal Capital gates.
"Halt! Who goes there?!" The guard captain gripped his spear nervously, pointing it at the strange approaching group. "We are under martial law! Any suspicious personnel are to be executed on sight!"
One couldn't blame the guards for being nervous; the group's appearance was... excessively "artistic."
Leading the way was a giant float hastily put together from wooden planks and vines (actually a discarded siege ram modified by Crozzo). It was draped in colorful banners and even decorated with strings of unknown monster skulls.
In front of the float, a clown in ridiculous red-and-white garb with exaggerated face paint approached. He was juggling five colored balls while walking on stilts (freshly carved) toward the gate.
"Aiyaya! Easy now, gentlemen!" Argo—now performing under the stage name [The Clown of Despair, Buggy (Not Really)]—shouted in an exaggerated theatrical tone. "We aren't suspicious! We are the [Argo Grand Circus] from the far East! We've come specifically to offer a spectacular performance in honor of His Majesty the Black King's birthday!" (He didn't know if it was actually his birthday, but he figured he'd lead with it).
"A circus?" The guard captain blinked, eyeing the group suspiciously. In an age of war, what circus would be brave enough to wander around?
"That's right!" Argo hopped down from his stilts (nearly tripping but covering it with a clumsy roll). He pointed to his teammates and began to talk nonsense with a straight face.
"Observe! This is our star Strongwoman—[The Monstrous Gorilla, Olna]!" Olna, wearing a midriff-baring pelt outfit, easily hoisted a massive rock (actually a hollow prop Shirou taught her to cheat with) and gave the guards a "nuclear-kind" smile that said Try me and I'll crush you.
"This is our Magician—[The Alchemist of Flame, Crozzo]!" Crozzo, in black robes, held two burning wands (failed magic sword scraps) and breathed fire with an expressionless face. While he looked cool, his heart was bleeding: These are my life's work! And I'm using them as juggling props!
"And this! Our Diviner—[The Forest Prophet, Wishe]!" Wishe was wrapped in a mysterious cloak, holding a crystal ball (an ordinary glass sphere), her gaze ethereal and deep. "I see it..." she spoke suddenly, her voice haunting. "Your captain... did he wet the bed last night?" (This was deduced by Shirou using [Mind's Eye] to spot a damp stain on the captain's pants, though it was likely wine). "H-How did you know?!" The captain's face turned pale.
"And finally..." Argo pointed to the figure lying on a soft couch on the float, face covered with a white cloth. "Our Troupe Leader and Producer—[The Sleeping Prince, Emiya]! He has contracted a 'Strange Disease Where He Will Die Without Applause' due to missing his princess (fake news)! That's why we perform everywhere—to wake him up!"
...Lying on the cart, Shirou's face twitched violently.
'What a garbage script! This is worse than a third-rate light novel! And why am I the 'Sleeping Prince'? The characterization is a total wreck!'
But since he couldn't move, he had to let Argo cook.
"This..." The guard captain was stunned by the combo. Though suspicious, these people clearly had skills. And that diviner... she was eerie. "But the King ordered the city sealed..."
"Oh, come now, sir." Argo leaned in and slipped the captain a gold coin (their last remaining bit of wealth). "We just want to earn a meal. Besides, if we can make His Majesty laugh, he might even reward you. Look, that red light earlier scared everyone to death; now is exactly when you need entertainment to calm the people's hearts!"
The captain felt the coin, then looked at the panicked state of the city. True, if they could cheer up the irritable Black King, his job would be easier.
"Fine," the captain waved them through. "Get in. But don't cause trouble! Or I'll kick your heads around like balls!"
"Much obliged, sir!" Argo bowed and scraped, then turned back to give the group a "V" sign. This was—[The Hero's Bluff]! Lv. MAX!
Entering the Capital, the group's hearts sank. This once-prosperous city had become a giant barracks. Black-armored patrols were everywhere, shops were boarded up, and the emaciated civilians looked on with eyes full of fear. In the center of the city, the towering black castle—Iron Keep—radiated an oppressive mana.
"Is this the Black King's rule?" Olna set down her prop rock, her eyes cold. "It's disgusting. I want to pull that guy off his throne and beat him."
"Don't be reckless," Shirou's voice came from the float. "Our goal is to infiltrate the palace and find the imprisoned princess. A direct confrontation is suicide."
"Then what do we do?" Wishe whispered. "We can't actually go juggle for that tyrant, can we?"
"Of course not." Shirou's Mind's Eye sensed the mana flow through the cloth. "We need a catalyst. A moment that allows us to get close to the palace and create chaos."
"A catalyst?" Argo scratched his head. "Where are we going to find something like—"
Just then, a massive notice caught their attention.
[Notice to All Citizens] His Great Majesty King Eld will hold a "Grand Sacrifice Ritual" tonight in the Palace Plaza. At that time, the captured Maiden of the Otherworld (the Princess) will be sacrificed to the Guardian God of the Labyrinth (The Minotaur). All citizens must attend! Violators will be executed!
"A sacrifice ritual?" The group exchanged looks. This was... the catalyst!
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Night fell. The central plaza was a sea of people.
Massive bonfires lit the sky, and hundreds of black knights surrounded the area. On the high platform, King Eld sat on his throne, wine in hand, a cruel smile on his face.
Opposite him, in a giant iron cage, sat a golden-haired girl. She wore a white dress; though haggard, her golden eyes burned with an unyielding flame. Ariadne. The "Princess" of this era and a key figure with a special bloodline.
Next to the cage, the massive, mountain-like [Primal Minotaur] lay on the ground, breathing heavily. It wasn't bound by chains because it was the personification of strength itself. Each breath exhaled visible white steam.
"It's huge..." Argo swallowed hard from the crowd. "That thing... is stronger than anything we've fought before, right?"
"Lv. 6... no, closer to Lv. 7," Olna gripped her axe. "Its hide is thick. I'm not even sure if my axe can bite in."
"Don't panic," Shirou's voice echoed in their minds (via Wishe's wind-transmission magic). "Follow the plan. Argo, you draw attention. Olna, Crozzo, you create chaos. Wishe, you provide long-range support and clear the path. And I..."
Shirou looked at his right hand. After half a day's rest, though it still wouldn't move, he could manage a single Trace. Once... was enough.
"Operation Start!"
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"Your Majesty! Your Majesty!" A ridiculous voice suddenly broke the solemnity of the ritual. Argo, on his stilts, pushed through the crowd and charged toward the high platform.
"Who goes there?! Insolence!" The knights drew their swords.
"Wait!" The Black King raised a hand, looking with interest at the suicidal clown. "Let him through. The wait before the sacrifice is boring anyway; consider it an opening act."
"Thank you for your mercy, Your Majesty!" Argo rolled to the base of the platform in an exaggerated bow. "I am the leader of the 'Argo Grand Circus'! I heard Your Majesty was holding a ritual and came specifically to perform a show called 'Dragon Slaying'!"
"Dragon slaying?" The Black King sneered. "With just you?"
"Of course not just me!" Argo pointed behind him. "With my circus's... monsters!"
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Several explosions went off at the edge of the crowd. Crozzo had detonated pre-planted smoke and flash bombs. Multi-colored smoke instantly blanketed the plaza.
"Assassins! Protect the King!" The knights fell into disarray.
"Now!" Olna burst from the smoke like a frenzied lioness. She didn't attack the knights; she charged straight for the cage. "Open up!" Her giant axe slammed into the cage's chains with the force of a collapsing mountain.
CLANG! Sparks flew. The chains... didn't break. They were special chains forged from Orichalcum.
"Tch! So hard!" Olna gritted her teeth, preparing another swing.
ROAR—!!!
The previously resting Minotaur woke up. It opened its blood-red eyes and looked at the little bugs daring to disturb its meal. It stood up, its massive shadow instantly engulfing Olna.
"Run!" Shirou's voice rang out.
Without thinking, Olna leaped backward. BOOM! A massive bull hoof crushed the spot where she had been standing, the ground collapsing instantly.
"Close one!" Olna was drenched in cold sweat.
"Seize them!" the Black King roared. "Feed these clowns to the Minotaur!"
Hundreds of knights closed in. A monster in front, pursuers behind. A dead end.
"Isn't this script a bit too intense?!" Argo shivered behind a pillar. "Director! Can I get a cheat code?!"
There were no cheat codes, but there was... an exploit.
"Trace — On."
A low voice rang out across the chaotic battlefield. It wasn't loud, but it pierced through the noise.
Everyone looked up. On top of a clock tower at the edge of the plaza stood Shirou Emiya. His face was pale and his right hand hung limp, but he raised his left hand.
In that hand, he held a uniquely shaped, lightning-like dagger—[Rule Breaker].
The Noble Phantasm of Caster (Medea). Though it had no offensive power, it possessed a bug-tier trait: [Forced cancellation of all magical contracts and barriers].
The chains on the cage weren't just physical locks; they were reinforced with high-level sealing magic. Simple physical force wouldn't work. They had to be... severed conceptually.
Target... adjustment... Shirou's [Clairvoyance] locked onto the cage's clasp. Wind speed, distance, gravity... all calculated.
This time, it wasn't for slaughter. It was for... liberation.
"Project!"
Shoo!
The purple dagger turned into a streak of light, flying down from the clock tower. It pierced through the smoke, past the knight lines, and even through the Minotaur's fingers, stabbing precisely into the lock of the cage like a surgeon's scalpel.
Ding!
A crisp shattering sound. The "indestructible" magic chains dissolved into motes of light in an instant. The cage door swung open.
"Success!" Wishe shouted, activating wind magic. A gentle breeze lifted the princess from the cage and carried her into the air.
"Catch her!" Olna leaped high and caught the princess in her arms. "Withdraw!"
"You think you can run?!" The Black King was furious, raising his staff to cast magic.
Just then, a figure blocked his view. It was Argo. The usually cowardly clown now stood in the most dangerous spot, pointing his electrified wooden sword at the King.
"Hey! You there, grumpy old man!" Argo yelled. Though his legs shook, his voice was surprisingly loud. "Your opponent... is me! Argo, Leader of the Heroic Faction! The future Hero!"
"Die!" The Black King threw a casual fireball.
"Waaaaah!" Argo scrambled away, but his goal was achieved. The fireball missed, failing to hit Olna in the sky.
"Nicely done, Clown!" Shirou smiled from the tower. This guy... he's actually reliable in a pinch.
But the true crisis was just beginning.
ROAR—!!!
The Minotaur was thoroughly enraged. Its prey had escaped. It let out a soul-shattering roar. It didn't chase Olna; instead, it looked at the culprit who destroyed the cage—Shirou Emiya on the clock tower.
It bent down, picked up a massive boulder, and hurled it at the clock tower like a baseball player.
BOOM!
The tower collapsed instantly. "Emiya!" Wishe screamed in horror.
"I'm fine..." A red figure descended with the rubble. Shirou used his [Reinforced] cloak to slow his fall. But he landed... right at the feet of the Minotaur.
"Now I've really done it," Shirou chuckled bitterly as he faced the mountain-like beast. Mana: 0. Stamina: 0. Right hand: Broken. Distance: 0 meters.
A dead end?
No. A flash of madness crossed Shirou's eyes. At this distance... maybe I can use that.
He reached out his functioning left hand and pressed it against the Minotaur's leg.
"Trace—" He wasn't going to project a weapon. He was going to... Sync (Sympathy).
Analyze the creature's structure. Find its weakness. And then...
Just as Shirou was prepared to risk everything, a golden radiance suddenly lit up the horizon. It was so bright it even overshadowed the Minotaur's aura.
"What is that?" Everyone turned to look.
On the walls of the Capital, a golden-haired figure had appeared. She wore a white dress and held a rapier that radiated a holy aura. Though she looked young, her presence... was even stronger than the Black King's.
Princess Ariadne (from the future)? No, that was...
[Sword Princess]—Ais Wallenstein?!
"Wait..." Shirou froze. Why was Ais here? This was the Mythological Age! Ais shouldn't even be born yet!
Unless... an incredible thought flashed through Shirou's mind.
Could it be... the princess in the cage... is Ais's [Past Life (or Ancestor)]?!
"Emiya." The golden-haired girl spoke. Her voice was cold, yet it carried a longing that transcended time and space.
"I've come... to get you."
BOOM! A golden wave of sword qi swept the field. The Minotaur was actually forced back a step.
Myth and reality intersected. Past and future overlapped. This farce called a "Heroic Tale" had finally welcomed its true... Heroine.
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