Chapter 9
Tears
At the crack of dawn Tokiya woke up. He was in his bed and was a bit startled when he heard snoring coming from somewhere in the room. He looked around the room. His eyes fell upon Berserker who was sleeping on the floor in front of the window.
Berserker deemed that the best defensive position, because not only was it a straight view of the door but any threat who tried to enter through the window would be immediately stopped. While Berserker was a big and intimidating guy, Tokiya wondered if he would be able to stop an armed threat with just his bare hands.
Tokiya's poor sleep schedule of going to bed late and waking up early barely ever let him get good sleep when he wanted it. It also made it very hard to go back to sleep once he had woken up. He sat in his bed in silent thought. He didn't want to just contemplate his situation again. He had done enough of that at the hospital.
Without much aim, Tokiya got out of his bed. He stood in place for a couple of seconds.
"I can't just stay here and look at the ceiling."
He decided that he would go out and tend to his animals' needs. Gremory had notified him through a letter in his mailbox that Mr. Shaut found someone to take care of his farm while he was in the hospital. However, Tokiya was still anxious about the state of his farm.
Despite his need and want to work, Tokiya knew that in his situation he couldn't just go out and work in the field alone. That would make him a sitting duck for any assassin or crazy cultist that wanted him dead. Afterall, he was fated to die.
He looked at Berserker who was sleeping soundly.
"I think I'm blowing this whole fated death thing out of proportion. There's no way I get attacked, so soon. Besides, I'm not going far, so if anything happens, I'll just scream, and Berserker will hear me."
With that thought, Tokiya left his room. As he left his house and began walking under the orange sky, he noticed a patch in his field that wasn't looking so good. So, he detoured from the path to where the animals were kept and went to tend to the field.
Working like this served as a great distraction to all the mental turmoil he had been facing recently. In addition to this, he was lucky that the weather was still cool. For Tokiya, this was a calming activity, something Gremory had never understood.
Once everything in the field was perfect, he began to make his way to the barn. A cool breeze swept through his hair, and the portion of his hair that covered the right side of his face got in his eye as a result. As he fixed his hair, his vision in his right eye came back. Someone was there.
He could now see cleary, and there was a person charging at him through the field.
"What the hell? Who is he, and how did he get here?"
Tokiya couldn't run away in time. He realized that this was a planned attack by a trained professional. The attacker had clearly for something to disrupt Tokiya before attacking. However, Tokiya didn't need to run away. The chances of him beating the attacker in a fist fight were high, so he stood his ground.
Once the man was within punching range, Tokiya's eyes caught a glint near the attacker's hands. Tokiya felt an overwhelming sense of dread.
"They were right. Karasu and Eien were right. Mors wasn't just a one time attack. No matter what I survive, more threats will come my way. My fate is sealed."
Blood splattered everywhere and so did shards of bone. Tokiya didn't feel any pain, so he looked at his enemy to find that his arm had been completely shattered. Standing between the two was Berserker, who was tightly gripping the attacker's shattered arm.
The man screamed in pure agony.
He dropped the knife and fell to his knees with Berserker still holding his arm. Bereserker proceeded to kick the man, making him fall on his back. Tears were streaming down his face, but Berserker felt nothing for him. Without being prompted the man spoke in an uncontrolled voice.
"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't want to kill some random kid, ok? B-but they told me it was the only way! Killing him was the only way to stop him from destroying the world. You got to believe me I didn't want to do it. But I also didn't want the world to end!"
Berserker knelt next to the man and forcefully pulled him up by the hair.
"Who told you this?"
"I-I can't tell you! You just have to believe me!"
Berserker held him with more force and raised his voice.
"Who told you this?"
The man burst into more tears.
"I can't! My family. They know my family. Please."
Berserker starred at him for a moment before aggressively throwing him to the side. He stood up and turned to Tokiya.
"We're going to take him to the station. Gremory's more qualified to get this man to talk than me. If there's anyone who can do it, it's him."
Tokiya sighed as Berserker approached him.
"Thanks for saving me. Honestly, I thought I was---"
Berserker slapped Tokiya, and blood spurted from his nose like a fountain. Tokiya staggered back. Berserker frowned down on him.
"What's wrong with you! You know you're being hunted, and yet you decide to come out here alone!"
Tokiya stuttered, trying to respond, but Berserker interrupted him.
"Don't give me any bullshit excuses!"
He marched over to Tokiya and grabbed him by the collar.
"You're not taking this seriously are you? You're not taking your own life seriously!"
Tokiya knew he shouldn't respond. Even if he tried, Berserker wouldn't let him. So, Tokiya just stood there, looking up at Berserker with wide eyes.
"Don't think that just because I'm a prisoner, I'll do whatever Gremory says. If I want to abandon you, I'll do whatever the hell I want. If you don't care about your life, then I'll just leave you here to die!"
"Why do you care! I never asked for a bodyguard!"
Tokiya slapped Berserker's hand away.
"If you want to leave me here, then go! I'm not going to stop you!"
As he spoke, Tokiya's voice became increasingly shaky. His vision blurred with tears. Berserker's expression returned to its hard state.
"Fine."
Berserker picked up the man with the shattered arm, who had sat there during the whole interaction.
"I'm going to take him to the station and tell Gremory I quit."
With that, Berserker turned his back to Tokiya and began to walk away. Tokiya stood there with blood still slowly streaming from his nose.
"Good. Just go. I don't want you here."
The wind blew through his hair again.
"It doesn't matter if I die. They didn't want me, so why would anyone else. It doesn't matter if I die."
Tokiya's legs shook. They wanted to move, but Tokiya wouldn't let them. There was no reason to go after Berserker, no reason at all.
Tears welled up in his eyes. Berserker hadn't gotten far, but Tokiya could barely see him due to the ocean of tears trapped in his eyes. He had to hold the tears in because it didn't matter if he died. So, what reason would he have to cry?
*****
Fifteen year old Tokiya was sitting on the street corner. He was staring at the ground. The boy was holding in something big that was bugging him to be let out, but Tokiya couldn't let it get what it wanted. He heard steps stop in front of him, so he looked up. It was Gremory.
"Tokiya? What are you doing here so early in the morning? You must be in that rebellious faze where you run away from home. Just so you know, when I was little, I never did anything like that."
"Dad's dead."
Gremory froze.
"Mr. Hara..."
Tokiya looked back down at the ground. It almost came out, but he held it in.
"He died in his sleep. He hadn't come out of his room all morning, so I went to check on him and..."
There was a moment of silence. Gremory was a harsh interrogator. He wasn't prepared for a situation like this. The out of uniform soldier awkwardly extended his hand to Tokiya.
"You haven't eaten, right? Come with me."
Without taking his hand, Tokiya stood up and was ready to follow Gremory. Gremory wanted to make a joke about Tokiya not taking his hand, but he wasn't sure if it would lighten the mood or make it worse. So, he took Tokiya to a tavern.
They arrived at the tavern which was empty due to it being only morning. They took a table and waited. The silence was almost unbearable for Gremory. He needed to say something, anything.
"How are you feeling."
Tokiya who was staring at the table, didn't respond. Gremory felt a sense of failure.
"Hey, Tokiya, everything will be fine. You got me, Mr. Shaut, and the whole town to support you. You can rely on us, ok?"
"I'm fine. Don't trouble yourselves."
Gremory was a little shocked.
"You think helping you would trouble us?"
Tokiya's gaze on the table intensified.
"Well, yeah. There's not much I can do in return. The most I could do for someone as a kid is simple chores. I guess I can farm, but that's not much."
Gremory ran his hand through his hair.
"You're thinking too transactionally about this. I didn't offer my help because I want something from you. I did so because you're my little bro, and I value you for you."
Gremory wondered if he had said the right thing. He just said what he really felt and wondered if that would be enough.
Tokiya slowly lifted his head.
"That's not how it works. People will always say that at the beginning, but as soon you become a burden..."
Tokiya gritted his teeth, and his fingers dug into the edge of the table.
"That's what they did. They sent me here. I don't even know why. They didn't even give me a chance!"
"Who's they?"
The water began to well up in his eyes. It took all of Tokiya's strength to hold it in.
"M-my real parents."
Gremory's eyes widened.
"So, you know about that?"
Tokiya's grip on the table tightened.
"Dad was the only one who actually cared for me, but that's only because I was able to help him on the farm. Now he's gone. Now there's no one."
Gremory already concerned expression became even more extreme.
"T-Tokiya, what are you even---"
Tokiya forcefully stood up, completely surprising Gremory.
"Don't lie to me and act like I'm wrong! Please, Gremory."
"I'm not lying, Tokiya. You know that, so why do you pretend like you don't."
"How could I not when the people who are supposed to love me the most sent me to another country, and I don't even know why?"
Tokiya began to angrily walk away until he was pulled back. Gremory had grabbed him by the shirt and spun him around. Gremory couldn't let him go. He just needed something that would make Tokiya stay. He couldn't even worry about finding the right thing to say. Gremory just needed to say something. He looked into Tokiya's eyes.
"Tokiya, you know it's ok to cry."
Tokiya looked at him. He didn't know whether to trust Gremory's words or not. Was it really ok to burden someone else with his tears? In his lost state, the fifteen year old could do nothing but cry. He slammed his face into Gremory's chest and dirtied it with tears. Gremory was not pleased.
*****
"I-it's ok to cry. Gremory, I want to believe you. Please be right."
Tokiya bolted towards Berserker. His tears practically flew in the wind as he ran.
"Berserker! Berserker, wait!"
Berserker continued walking, still carrying the body of the shattered arm man over his shoulder.
"Berserker, wait! I'm sorry. Please don't leave me. I-I know I'm not perfect. I'm just a farmer, and I'm not ready for what I've been thrown into. But I just have to make it to Ardston. I need to get there, so I can be able to protect myself. But until then, please, let me...rely on you."
Berserker stopped walking. He slowly turned around and glared down at Tokiya.
"Look at you. This is just pitiful."
Tokiya's body tensed up.
"I know. I know that, but please just don't go. I'm aware of how pitiful I am right now more than any else, but I don't want to be like this. I want to be a strong person, a person who people value so much that they'll never give them away!"
Berserker stared at Tokiya for a moment before dropping the man on his shoulders. He shook his head with a small smirk.
"I almost hate how much you remind me of myself."
Tokiya looked up, and his eyes widened. However, Berserker didn't want him to get the wrong idea, so he grabbed Tokiya by the collar and pulled him close.
"But if you ever pull some shit like that again, not only will I leave you, but I'll kill you myself. Do you understand."
"Y-yes."
Berserker forcefully dropped Tokiya, who miraculously landed on his feet. Then, he aggressively hit Tokiya on the top of his head. Tokiya didn't say anything about it. He knew he deserved it.
"Thank you, Berserker. I swear I'll make everything worth it."