Chapter 6 - CHAPTER 5 (The Very Special Child)

'When was it that I started wanting it... even though I probably wasn't going to get it?'

...I'm not sure wanting is even the right word for it.

Wanting sounds too deliberate. Like you see something, decide you want it and then either get it or you don't. This wasn't like that. The feeling had already been there before I noticed it. Before I thought to question it.

Maybe the better question would be... when did I first see it?

Because I think that's where it started. Not with a choice, but with seeing something I couldn't bring myself to look away from.

And I think... that's when I first heard it, yeah. That day, when they said—

"Advance Dummy Plug interface calibration."

New researchers had joined. They were beginning the real preparation. And before I could stop myself—

"...Dr. Akagi?"

She paused mid-step but didn't look at me right away. "Yes?"

I hesitate for a second. "What exactly is the Advance Dummy Plug system? And where are they going to use it? Why me?"

For a moment she just looks at me, her expression unreadable. Then something in her face shifts slightly, like she's weighing whether to answer and then she sighs.

"...Come with me." I must have looked confused, because she added, "It's fine. You'll need to know sooner or later anyway."

I didn't say anything after that and just followed her.

It took a while. We passed through long corridors and multiple security checkpoints, descending deeper into the facility. The air grew heavier the farther down we went. Eventually, we stopped near the command center on the lower levels of Central Dogma, though I didn't know what it was called yet.

Dr. Akagi led me past another security door and into a massive hangar. At first, the room was so dark I couldn't see much of anything. My footsteps echoed faintly against the metal floor.

Then Dr. Akagi stops.

"Hikigaya-kun," she said quietly, "I'm going to show you something, now."

A second later, the lights came on.

For a moment, I didn't understand what I was looking at. We were standing on a narrow bridge high inside a vast chamber, level with the face of something too large to take in all at once. Below us, a massive shape lay submerged in a deep reservoir of orange-tinted LCL.

Only the upper portion of its head rose above the surface. My eyes met a giant armored face with orange armor plating, and where a face should have been, there was only smooth armor and a single large optical lens embedded in the center.

The chilly feeling from the escalator came back, causing me to flinch slightly.

"What the heck is this?"

Dr. Akagi didn't react. She kept her eyes on it as she spoke.

"What you're looking at is the most advanced multi-purpose weapon ever developed by the human race. The synthetic humanoid Evangelion. And this specifically... is Unit-00. Humanity's ultimate trump card."

I stared at that single, staring eye. I felt like it was looking back at me, even though I knew it was just hardware.

"Is this...? I mean Is this what NERV actually works for? To build this thing?"

"Yes," she says without hesitation. "That's exactly right. It is mostly complete, However, there is still some work remaining. Evangelion Unit-00 is currently in its final phase of development."

As she spoke, I found myself stepping closer to the edge of the bridge without really noticing when I started moving.

From this height, I could see the back of the giant's neck, where a mechanical spine ran downward into the orange LCL, partially exposed between incomplete sections of armor plating. Beneath the surface, faint outlines of massive arms and legs extended into the liquid, their full shape distorted by the slow movement of the fluid.

Unlike the polished armor covering the head, the lower body wasn't fully plated yet. Large sections were wrapped in thick white material, layered again and again like bandages covering a wound. It didn't look like unfinished machinery.

Something about the sight made it difficult to keep looking. But I couldn't bring myself to look away either.

"Is the work I've been doing related to this, then?"

"Yes, you are correct. We intend to develop you as a pilot candidate for Unit-00."

"A pilot... you mean actually being inside that thing?" I asked, glancing between her and the massive figure beneath us. "And making it move? Is that... even possible?"

"It is," she replied calmly. "If you can become compatible with it, if you can 'sync' your nervous system with the unit's internal systems. But that's only half of your role. The major portion of your work will involve the Advance Dummy System."

"The Dummy System? What is that, exactly?"

"In layman's terms, it's an artificial pilot system," Dr Akagi explained. "It's designed to operate an Evangelion unit without a human being inside. We are using your neural data to help calibrate it."

I looked back at Unit-00's single unmoving eye. "So, I was selected to be a pilot for this giant thing, but also to help you build a machine that replaces me?"

"Essentially, yes," she confirmed. "Though you aren't the only one. We have one other candidate as well the First Child."

"Then why me?" I asked, looking back at her. "Out of everyone, why was I picked for this?"

"Because of the calculations performed by the MAGI supercomputers," Dr. Akagi answered. "Among all evaluated subjects within the current dataset, your neural profile demonstrated one of the closest approximations to the required parameters."

For a moment, I wasn't sure how to react to that. 'Ehhh... so I wasn't just there because I happened to be available? Did I assume things too quickly? Maybe they did need me after all, or at least... something about me specifically, in a way that I —haah, never mind. No need to dwell on useless things right now.'

I nodded slowly, though I wasn't sure I fully understood what that meant. It was a lot to take in all at once. I looked at the giant again, at that single, unblinking lens, and noticed a strange feeling somewhere in my chest. It wasn't dread exactly, but it wasn't excitement either. It felt like something in between, without really becoming either of them. I couldn't really explain it properly. Maybe it was something like recognition... except I had never seen anything like this before in my life.

"Now that you know what you're here for, I need to ask you something. All the preparation for the first synchronization test has been completed. We're ready to move forward. The question is whether you are."

She looked at me directly. "Can you handle it?"

I stood there for a second, still looking down at Unit-00. That feeling was still there. I didn't have a word for it and I wasn't going to find one standing on a bridge in a hangar. So, I stopped trying.

"...Yeah, I can handle it."

"COOLING CYCLE COMPLETE! BOTH ARM REATTACHMENT WITH UNIT-00 MAIN INTERFACE COMPLETE!"

"ALL UPPER BODY GEAR INSIDE CAGE IS IN DOCK POSITION."

The announcements kept coming, one after another, each followed by the sound of something large which was heavy and mechanical locking into place somewhere below.

"SHUTDOWN SIGNAL. PLUG EXTRACTION COMPLETE."

I was already strapped into the pilot seat inside the Entry plug.

It was different from the test capsules. The seat fit differently, the dimensions felt more deliberate, less like medical equipment and more like something meant to actually be used. I had that shitty tight plug suit on again. The hatch sealed behind me with that pressurized thud I remembered from before.

"ROGER. INSERTING ENTRY PLUG INTO UNIT."

'Holy shit. Is this actually happening? Am I really doing this?'

The capsule tilted slightly backward, followed by a deep metallic sound as something massive shifted into place around it. A heavy lock engaged with a dull clunk, and for a second I didn't fully register what had just happened. Then it clicked that the Entry Plug had been inserted.

I was inside it. Inside Unit-00. Actually inside.

'If I can actually make this thing move... if I can control it...' The thought was terrifying, but for the first time in a long time, a spark of genuine excitement flared up.

"ENTRY PLUG FLOODING."

Warm liquid began rising from below, filling the cockpit quickly. The LCL surrounded my body, reaching my shoulders, then my face. I focused on breathing slowly the way they had taught me. This time my lungs didn't panic. The sensation was strange, but familiar enough that I could remain calm.

Still... My hands were gripping the seat handles a little tighter than they needed to be.

"MAIN POWER CONNECTION COMPLETED. INITIATING LEVEL TWO CONTACT."

A technician's voice crackled through the comms. Then the world inside the Entry Plug disappeared. Level Two Contact began with a sudden white-out that flooded my vision completely, bright enough to make it feel like the light was pressing somewhere behind my eyes.

"COGNITIVE CONFIGURATION BASE RULES SET TO JAPANESE."

Suddenly, the cold metal walls of the plug seemed to dissolve. The claustrophobic tube became a window to the outside world. I wasn't sitting in a seat anymore; I was floating eighty meters above the ground, looking down at the tiny figures of the ground crew.

'I can see... I can really see through its eyes.'

"Checking Harmonics... Synchronization rate is 20% and rising. We have a green light!"

'Ah... So, this is synchronization...' The sensation was difficult to describe. It wasn't like controlling something directly. It felt closer to alignment. Like my movements and something else were gradually adjusting to match each other.

"Synchronization rate is 47.9% and rising."

"That's amazing," I heard Dr. Akagi say over the comms. "I never thought it would work this well this soon."

"It's good to go," another voice chimed in. "Should we loose the restraints and let it move?"

"Wait," Akagi commanded. "Let the sync rate stabilize first. It's still climbing, rapidly."

"Synchronization rate is 71.3% and rising."

The hum in my ears was getting louder. It wasn't just a sound anymore; it was a physical pressure. The static in my vision started to flicker.

"Wait... something is not right," Dr. Akagi's voice suddenly sharpened.

"Synchronization rate is 148% and rising!"

The voices on the comm channel began overlapping, losing their earlier calm rhythm.

"Why is the sync rate increasing this much? It's bypassing the limiters!"

"Immediately check his physical condition and mental status!"

"Roger. All parameters for the Zeroth are within normal range. No severe neural disruption detected."

"Synchronization rate has reached 304%! It's touching the Ego boundary!"

"Hikigaya, can you hear me?" Dr. Akagi's voice came through the comms, sharper than before. "What is happening on your end? Report immediately. Do you feel anything unusual?"

"He's not responding! But all of his vital signs look stable. What is going on?"

I could hear everything she was saying just fine. But in that instant, I didn't feel like replying, because just for that moment Because in that instant, I saw them vast crimson pupils, impossibly large, gazing back at me and then just for a moment I felt like I wasn't me anymore. I was infinite. I was—

"Synchronization rate is dropping...!"

"That decline is too steep—"

"Synchronization rate has dropped back to 11%!"

"How? That's way too sudden of a downward shift—"

I was back. Just like that. It felt like I had blanked out for a second, which wasn't exactly new for me. Zoning out was something I did. It felt the same this time, that familiar hollow skip between one moment and the next. But what was that eye?

"Hikigaya-kun, can you hear us? Is everything alright in there?" Dr. Akagi's voice again, more careful this time.

"Um... yeah. I'm fine. I just zoned out for a moment, that's all. I feel fine."

"Synchronization rate is... it's climbing again. Slowly at first — wait, no, it's picking up. 47%... 189%... it's still going, it's not stopping—"

"But how is this possible... and how is that kid just fine. What...?"

"It has reached synchronize rate of 304%!"

As the number spiked again, a low tremor ran through the structure around me. I felt it through the seat before I heard it, a deep vibration travelling through the Entry Plug frame. Somewhere outside, something massive shifted.

"Unit-00 is shaking!"

"Restraint integrity fluctuating we are detecting abnormal feedback in the neuromuscular layers!"

It came back in a single lurch. Everything at once. The color, the heartbeat, the height.

Then before anyone could follow up—

Then back to 11%.

Then 304%.

Through the shared sensory link, I could feel it too. A strange uneven tension running through the Eva's frame, as if the body itself didn't know whether to move or stay still. The sensation wasn't pain, but something close to strain, like muscles tightening without direction.

"Signal interference across motor pathways!"

Then 11% again.

It kept going. The numbers swinging back and forth without warning, no pattern to it, just cycling hard in both directions while the comms got louder and Dr. Akagi's voice stayed level trying to hold the room together.

"The harmonics are oscillating wildly! The synchronization keeps approaching the Ego boundary even though the Zeroth shows no physical or psychological distress! Unit-00 is sustaining increasing structural stress with each cycle!"

304%.

"Dr Akagi, if we do not eject the plug now, the instability in Unit-00 may worsen!"

11%.

I stayed still and kept my breathing even before asking, "So... is something going wrong here? Did I do something wrong?"

304%.

Whenever the number crossed 300, everything inside my mind would simply go blank. My thoughts would vanish without warning, replaced by brief flashes of crimson pupils staring back at me from somewhere deep within the dark.

Then, as the readings dropped back to 11, awareness would return just as suddenly, as if nothing had happened at all. The cycle repeated again and again, each spike stealing pieces of time I could no longer remember.

"Hikigaya, remain calm and maintain your current mental state," Dr. Akagi replied immediately. "The fluctuation is occurring within the synchronization feedback layer. We are preparing plug ejection now."

"Abort the test! Cut the neural link and initiate Emergency Ejection!"

Suddenly, the "infinite" sensation at 304% didn't simply drop. For a brief instant before the connection was severed, everything disappeared again. Those vast crimson eyes were there, staring at me in a way even I had never looked at myself, as if they were observing something deeper than thoughts, something I might have called my soul if I had to give it a name.

Then it ended all at once, like a physical cable somewhere in the back of my skull had been violently disconnected.

"Roger! Disengaging primary power... Cutting the A10 nerve bridge!"

CLANG.

A deep metallic shock ran through the capsule as the locking clamps at the base of Unit-00's neck released.

"Cervical restraints disengaged! Engaging extraction rails!"

By the time the Entry Plug opened, the LCL had already drained away. I stepped out slowly and let out a quiet breath, only then realizing how tense my shoulders had been the entire time. For a moment, everything felt normal again.

Then I noticed the silence. Everyone on the platform was looking at me. Technicians stood still near their consoles, some holding tablets or clipboards but no longer writing anything. Even the personnel near the restraint controls had paused, their attention fixed entirely in my direction.

'W...why! is everyone looking at me like that?'

I could feel the way they were looking at me. Their expressions weren't exactly shock, but they weren't calm either. It was a look I had seen before. Yeah... now that I remember it, teacher gave me that same look after the snake incident. It was the same way that shitty old grandma used to look at me sometimes.

I don't really know how to describe it. But it was the look people give when they don't understand what they're seeing... yet still feel like they should be careful anyway.

My eyes moved past them and settled back on Unit-00. That was when I noticed its condition.

The Eva's head and upper neck had been forced downward into heavy support restraints, thick mechanical braces locking the cervical section firmly in place. Faint sparks were still flickering near the insertion point where the Entry Plug had just been extracted, while several structural clamps continued adjusting as if stabilizing something that had nearly moved when it shouldn't have.

Even from this distance, the frame looked strained, like something inside it had pushed too far and only barely been brought back under control.

"...Am I responsible for that?"

My fingers tightened slightly at my sides as I continued looking at the restrained Unit-00. It looked wrong.

"...I did I messed up, did I do something wrong?"

Before anyone could answer, a voice came from above.

"What happened today was indeed unexpected... however, it is not something NERV is unfamiliar with handling."

I looked up.

High above the hangar floor, on the observation level, a man stood with gloved hands raised near his face, partially covering his mouth. The reflection on his glasses caught the overhead light, hiding his eyes from view. The man in the center adjusted his glasses, and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with one finger.

"Remove him from the Unit-00 pilot program. He will not touch Unit-00 again. Redirect his involvement exclusively to the Dummy System project and accelerate its completion."

Dr. Akagi's voice came back without hesitation. "Understood, Commander Ikari."

Commander Ikari continued. "Repair all structural damage. Resume synchronization efforts for Unit-00 with Rei."

Rei.

To the left side of the observation deck, standing slightly apart from the others, was a younger girl in a simple elementary school uniform, her pale skin and short blue hair giving her an almost fragile appearance. She wasn't looking at the Commander, or at the Eva, or at the damage reports still being called out across the comms.

She was looking at me.

Our eyes met for a moment and I couldn't look away, because something about her gaze stopped me.

Her eyes were a deep, unsettling red.

Not the same expression, but close enough that I noticed it immediately. For just a second, I was reminded of that moment inside Unit-00... those vast crimson pupils that had seemed to look straight through me.

Those crimson pupils. That infinite feeling. It was different. The weight behind her gaze was different. But it felt like—

'She's the one.'

I knew right then. I could feel it in my gut, the kind of logic that usually only hits you when you're being rejected. I wasn't the pilot. I was never going to be the one in the seat. If anyone was meant to be inside that orange giant, it was her.

The thought settled almost too easily and for some reason, that bothered me more than it probably should have too the point I actually felt like crying.

I had only just learned about Unit-00 a little while ago. It wasn't like I had spent years working toward it or anything dramatic like that. So why did it feel like something had just quietly been decided for me?

It's stupid.

Still... for a brief second, it felt like something small had slipped out of my hands before I had even figured out why I wanted it in the first place.

------0------

Something was shaking him.

"...hold... steady..."

Or maybe he was the one shaking. It was hard to tell.

"D...don't move..."

The voice reached him in pieces, distorted, as if his thoughts were still struggling to reconnect properly.

"...stay... with me... almost..."

The words slipped past him before he could fully understand them.

"...if you fall now..."

Then—

BOOM.

A heavy impact echoed somewhere ahead. The vibration travelled through the air and into his bones, sharp enough to jolt something inside his mind back into place.

His eyes snapped open.

"...wha...?" His voice barely came out.

Far ahead, he saw something enormous move.

Eva Unit-01.

It staggered sideways before crashing into the side of a building, the impact sending dust and fragments outward in a dull wave.

"Oh, so you're finally awake." The voice came from directly behind him. Or rather, from the chest his back was leaning against.

Hachiman became aware of several things at approximately the same time. He was on the military motorcycle, the same one he had crashed, and it was moving. Something was secured around his waist, tying him to the person sitting behind him, which was probably the only reason he hadn't fallen off already. The person behind him had one arm around his torso and the other on the throttle.

"Hang on," the man shouted over the roar of the engine. "We're almost there. Just another couple of minutes."

"How long..." Hachiman swallowed hard, trying to ignore the nausea. "How long was I out?"

"Found you maybe three or four minutes after you went down, been riding about ten minutes since then."

"So, around Fourteen minutes total, roughly." the man continued. "Good thing one of the people from the shelter were already out looking for supplies. They saw the crash and called for help."

The engine growled as the motorcycle sped through the damaged street.

"We're taking you back to the shelter," the man continued. "Lucky for you those barriers absorbed most of it plastic and water, not concrete. You'd be in considerably worse shape otherwise."

Hachiman barely heard the last part as his eyes were fixed ahead. Eva Unit-01 was still visible in the distance, leaning heavily against the side of a building as if trying to push itself upright. The Angel was moving toward it slowly, the core in its chest glowing with an ominous light that pulsed even from this distance.

"...Now that you've got the supplies," Hachiman said, his voice still weak, "you can keep all of them. Just drop me here. There's somewhere I need to be."

"Are you serious, kid?" the man replied immediately. "Look at your condition. Your hip is injured, and those abrasions don't look great either."

"Is it life-threatening?" Hachiman asked, as if confirming a simple detail.

"No, Thankfully, crashing into those water-filled barriers probably saved you from something much worse. But I only had time to stop the bleeding and wrap the worst of it. That wasn't proper treatment. Those wounds still need to be cleaned properly."

"I appreciate the concern, really," Hachiman muttered, his eyes fixed on the distant, secret access point he had seen earlier. "But I have to leave. Just stop the bike."

"Are you even listening to me?" the man said, slightly frustrated.

"I hear you. But where I'm going is close, and I have ways to get treatment there too, so there's no need to waste your time here."

"...You're trying to reach the Geofront, aren't you?" the man said. "Inside NERV headquarters. One of the hidden access routes is around here."

Hachiman's eyes widened slightly, surprised that the man knew. Before he could respond, the man continued.

"At least get some more treatment at the shelter first. We're almost there anyway. After that, you can go wherever you want."

Hachiman looked down at himself. His clothes were torn, dried blood clung to his sleeve, and the dull ache spreading through his hip made it clear the man hadn't been exaggerating.

"...Fine," he muttered reluctantly. Then, almost to himself, as he watched Unit-01 struggle to stand in the distance, he added quietly,

"Seems like it's not going well... in the end."

The shelter came into view a minute later or what remained of the entrance to it. The building looked like it had tried to complete its descent and failed halfway through the process. Its upper half had sheared and now sat lodged at an angle that made no structural sense. The impact had jammed the shelter's main entrance beneath layers of collapsed structure, thick reinforced panels frozen in place before they could fully seal.

The lower levels were likely still intact. But everything above them had simply folded in on itself.

"What exactly happened here? Was this because of... that thing roaming around?"

"...No," the man replied. "Actually, most people had already evacuated into the underground shelter when the alert was issued. But some arrived late. Before they could enter, one of the UN missiles hit nearby. The impact was stronger than expected."

The motorcycle slowed slightly as they approached the damaged district.

"The blast ended up destroying part of the pathway leading into the shelter. A lot of people were injured, and... some didn't make it. Others got stuck outside without access to the underground levels. We contacted the UN rescue team immediately."

He paused briefly.

"And somehow, you ended up being the one who responded. Looks like the real convoy didn't make it, huh."

He didn't say anything else. He let the man help him off the bike, kept his weight off his hip as much as he could manage, and looked at the half-collapsed entrance to a shelter that had been damaged not by the enemy they had all been afraid of, but by the people who were supposed to be protecting them.

"...We're here," the man said.

Instead of guiding him toward the damaged shelter entrance, the man led Hachiman toward a smaller building across the street, positioned well away from the unstable section of the structure that still hung at an unnatural angle above the blocked pathway.

"Hey! Maho! Sakura-chan!" the man called out loudly. "Over here! We've got someone injured. He came all the way out here trying to help us. Least we can do is patch him up properly."

A brown-haired little girl and a blonde woman quickly emerged from the nearby building. The woman, Maho, rushed forward to support Hachiman's weight, while the girl, Sakura, hurried toward the motorcycle. Her small hands worked quickly as she unstrapped the medical crates and struggled to carry them toward the entrance.

"We need to move him inside, dear" the woman said, kneeling beside Hachiman as she checked the bandages the man had applied earlier. "These won't hold long."

In the distance, the dull thunder of collapsing structures echoed again as the battle continued somewhere beyond the skyline. But Hachiman barely noticed it. His attention stayed on the two of them as they carefully helped him toward the building.

"W...wait, please," he muttered weakly. "I'm not that badly hurt. Weren't you... weren't you saying on the radio earlier that things were urgent? It sounded like there were people who needed more help. You should focus on them first... they need priority."

For a moment, no one responded. The woman's hands slowed as she held his arm, while the man's expression grew tense. The little girl stopped moving entirely as tears suddenly welled up in her eyes.

"None of them are going to need it anymore," Sakura whispered.

The man let out a quiet breath and murmured in a heavy tone,

"It's too late for them, kid."

For a moment, Hachiman didn't respond, his fingers tightened slightly against the torn fabric near his knee as the meaning settled in.

He lowered his gaze and murmured quietly. "I see... I am sorry to hear that."

Sakura's grip on the strap of the medical crate trembled. Her shoulders shook as she tried to wipe her face quickly, as if embarrassed to cry in front of someone she had just met.

"Why...why does it have to be this way? They said someone was coming... they kept saying help was on the way... I thought... if someone came quickly..."

Her words became more strained as she spoke.

"...they were still talking a few minutes ago, they kept asking how much longer..."

"...SO WHY..." her voice faltered slightly, "why didn't you or anyone came to help us sooner? If you had told them earlier... maybe they wouldn't have waited so long. Then...then Ms Betty wouldn't—"

Her voice collapsed into sobbing before she could finish the sentence.

"Sakura-chan, its alright," The blonde woman immediately pulled her gently into an embrace, trying to calm her down as the girl cried into her shoulder.

"She's scared," the man said quietly, placing a steady hand on Hachiman's shoulder. "She's seen too much today for someone her age. Don't take it to heart."

Hachiman said nothing. He simply looked away slightly, his jaw tightening just enough for the movement to be noticeable.

"...Yeah, I get it."

They helped him sit down inside the partially intact building nearby, away from the unstable structure outside. The woman began properly cleaning the wounds the man had only been able to wrap earlier, carefully removing dirt and dried blood before applying fresh bandages.

Hachiman's eyes drifted across the room as he sat there. Two shapes there, covered with whatever had been close to hand. He looked at them for a moment the way you look at something you already understand and don't need confirmed.

Suddenly, the ceiling groaned. A piece of the acoustic tiling fell, shattering on the floor. Hachiman's focus finally shifted, drawn by a flash of purple and green through a massive hole in the upper wall where the building had been clipped by debris.

For the first time, he really saw the fight.

The Angel was no longer just standing it had already closed the distance. One massive hand held Eva Unit-01 by the head, lifting the giant frame into the air as its powerful fingers dug into the purple helmet.

Hachiman watched in silent horror as the Angel raised Unit-01 higher, the enormous body hanging as if its weight meant nothing. The grip around its head remained firm, holding it completely in place. Then the Angel's other hand moved down and seized the Eva's wrist, twisting it into an angle that shouldn't have been possible for a machine.

The Angel's grip tightened as it continued twisting Unit-01's captured wrist, forcing the joint further and further past its natural range. The resistance didn't last long. Under the immense pressure of the massive fingers wrapped around the limb, the structure finally gave way, the wrist collapsing under the force as the entire arm fell slack at an unnatural angle.

Hachiman's own hand jerked, his fingers twitching in a sympathetic spasm he couldn't control. A cold layer of sweat broke out across his forehead. It wasn't just fear, it was this sickening sense of recognition, as if he could feel it himself.

"Almost done," Maho whispered, her voice trembling as she finished taping a thick layer of padded cloth over his hip. "It's the best we can do with what we have."

"Can I have some painkillers?" Hachiman asked, his voice sounding detached, even to himself.

The man frowned, looking from Hachiman's pale face to the battle outside. "The pain that bad? You shouldn't be taking anything strong right now, not after a head injury. We need to keep an eye on your condition."

"Just give them to me," Hachiman insisted.

The man sighed and pulled a canister of pain-relief spray from the crate, coating Hachiman's hip in a freezing, chemical mist that numbed the fire in his nerves. Sakura, her eyes still red and puffy, stepped forward and silently handed him two white tablets. Hachiman swallowed them dry.

Outside, the Angel's forearm shifted again. From within its arm, a pale spear-like bone slid forward through the palm of the same hand gripping Unit-01's head, extending outward and the spear began slamming into its head.

Once.

Then again.

The repeated strikes were controlled, almost mechanical in their precision, each blow forceful enough to make the surrounding structures tremble.

This was far worse than he had imagined.

His fingers twitched slightly as he watched the Angel continue forcing the weapon downward again and again, the image making something tighten uncomfortably in his chest.

It had to be him and he needs to keep moving.

"...Thanks," he muttered as he pushed himself up carefully, testing his balance. "For everything."

"Wait, where do you think you're going?" Maho asked, her eyes widening. "You can't go out there!"

"It's too dangerous out there."

"It's just as dangerous here. My destination is close." Hachiman muttered. He looked at the man. "Take the motorcycle. It's still got some fuel and the supplies are already loaded. Get as far away from this district as you can. Immediately."

"Are you crazy?" The man stepped toward him, reaching out to grab his shoulder. "Look at that thing!"

Hachiman didn't respond. He simply adjusted his footing and began moving toward the damaged opening of the structure. Behind him, the Angel drove the bone spear downward once more, the dull impact echoing through the ruined district.

The sensation made his fingers twitch again, an unpleasant tightness forming in his stomach as he imagined the pressure being applied.

"Wait!" the man's voice echoed behind him, "Get to safety! You don't have to do this! It's not worth it, Kid—no Hikigaya! Do you really want to die for this? To die for people who will never even care?"

Hachiman heard the words clearly but still didn't stop, maintaining his uneven pace despite the dull ache in his hip, the medication already beginning to soften the sharper edge of the pain.

Up ahead, the Angel continued smashing Unit-01's head with the bone lance. Each strike made Hachiman's own hands twitch. A phantom ache spread through his skull, and a tight, nervous feeling settled deep in his gut. He could almost feel the impacts himself.

He pushed the feeling down and kept moving.

After a few minutes of running through the damaged streets, he finally spotted it ahead, partially concealed behind fractured infrastructure, one of NERV's hidden access passages remained intact.

Without thinking, he reached into his back right pocket and pulled out his authorized NERV ID card. His fingers were still trembling slightly as he held it up to the reader.

For a moment, nothing happened. There was no beep or satisfying click of a lock disengaging.

But then—

[UNABLE TO READ CARD. INPUT NOT RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.]

A short, flat error tone sounded as a line of clinical white text flickered onto the reader's small display.

For a brief second, he thought he had misread it.

"...Wait... what?... no... don't do this now..." he heard himself say, barely aware he was speaking.

------0------

'When was the first time I allowed myself to think... maybe I could still be chosen, again?'

Honestly... I think a part of me never really stopped. Even after everything. Even after the decision had already been made for me, after the Sync test.

The feeling from inside the Entry Plug of Unit-00 never fully left. I just learned to carry it somewhere it wouldn't show.

And so the days just kept blending together once the Advance Dummy System project started.

At first, I tried to convince myself it didn't really matter. Pilot or dummy data, it was all connected to the Eva, right? It was still important. I was still doing something special that a normal guy couldn't do.

But who was I kidding? Being hooked up to some virtual setup in the plug plant lab just didn't feel the same as actually being inside Unit-00.

There was just something about that one moment in the entry plug. It didn't make any sense compared to the rest of my usual, boring life, but it grabbed onto me and wouldn't let go. I didn't even really know what the feeling was supposed to mean. I just knew I didn't want to lose it.

And now they're talking about initiating the second phase of the Advance Dummy System. I know, logically, that I'm basically just a glorified hard drive for them to copy; for almost a month in the first phase, that is what they have done.

But still... the way they talked about the next phase, about more direct simulations and deeper feedback tests...

Without really meaning to, my thoughts drifted in a different direction. If they connect me again this time, will it feel like it did back then? Will it feel even a little bit real?

I was still thinking about the "Phase Two" setup when I took a wrong turn. NERV was basically a maze built by people who hated windows, and my head was still a bit fuzzy from the entire procedure. So I ended up in a hallway that curved toward the Unit-00 test area, separated by reinforced glass panels and restricted access doors.

I stopped near one of the side passages, pretending to read a wall display that I had already read the previous week.

Suddenly I heard footsteps approaching me from behind.

"Are you lost?"

The voice was quiet, but clear enough that I immediately knew it was directed at me. I turned around and found her standing only a few steps away, wearing the white Unit-00 plug suit, her short blue hair slightly messy, staring at me with those red eyes that gave me chills.

"You're the one who looks lost here," I muttered. It wasn't meant to be a jab it was just the truth. She looked like a ghost that had wandered into this high-tech bunk by mistake.

"No," she said, apparently taking my words at face value. "I am where I am supposed to be. You are not."

I cleared my throat, feeling that familiar wave of awkwardness. "Right. Well. I'm just... taking the scenic route. Expanding my horizons. It's a very complex building."

"The exit to the surface is in the opposite direction," she said in complete flat tone, almost as if trying to dismiss me from here?

"Yeah, I figured. I'll get there eventually." I shifted my weight, looking past her toward the hangar where the orange giant was kept. "I'm Hachiman Hikigaya. The other... well, the backup, I guess."

"Rei Ayanami," she replied.

"Right. Ayanami. Well, thanks for the directions. I'll just go that way now."

I started walking, but I could feel her eyes on my back until I turned the corner.

Over the next few weeks, I made it a habit to show up at the observation deck after my work was done. I'd watch her through the glass of the observation setup placed near the EVA storage Cage.

Sync Ratio: 11.1%... 11.9%... 12.4%. The numbers moved painfully slow, barely shifting each session, sometimes taking what felt like forever just to crawl up by a fraction. Progress was there, but you really had to stare at the screen to even notice it.

Still... she was getting better every time I came here.

I'd stand there with my hands in my pockets, watching the numbers climb. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a sting of bitterness. Part of me wanted to see those numbers drop. I wanted to see her struggle, just so I wouldn't feel like the only one who couldn't handle the pressure. But she just kept going, slowly... steadily... like she had nowhere else to be.

Months passed like that.

Every now and then, after finishing another tiring shift with the Advance Dummy System, I'd end up back on the observation deck without really deciding to come here. From behind the glass, I'd watch the plug being prepared, the restraints locking into place, the monitors lighting up one after another.

"Beginning synchronization test."

"Baseline neural pattern confirmed."

"Sync ratio... 12.7%... 12.9%..."

The numbers barely moved. "...12.9%..."

I found myself leaning slightly closer to the glass as the atmosphere grew tense again, like it usually did.

"Alright," one of the technicians finally said. "We'll conclude today's session here."

"Begin Entry plug extraction."

As they announced that, I let out a small breath of uneasy relief, my shoulders finally relaxing a little.

The restraints loosened with a deep metallic sound. Steam drifted upward as the Entry Plug slowly emerged from the back of Unit-00's neck. Moments later, the hatch released and she stepped out carefully, one hand briefly touching the edge of the plug for balance.

And just like many other times, Commander Ikari was there when she came out of the tests. Not always. But often enough that I noticed the pattern.

He would be standing on the upper observation level or somewhere near the corridor leading to the debrief room. His attention would settle on her in a way that was difficult to look at directly. When she came out, he would approach her and speak briefly, though I couldn't hear what they talked about from that distance.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding and turned toward the elevators. I didn't want to be caught standing there like some creep, but NERV's hallways have a way of feeling narrower when you want to disappear unnoticed.

I was halfway to the sector exit when I saw her. She was walking toward the medical wing. Usually, she just passed by without saying anything, never asking why I was always somewhere near the observation area like a ghost.

But today, she stopped.

"You come here often," she said.

"W...well, I've got nothing better to do," I said, my voice cracking slightly. I shoved my hands deeper into my pockets. "And also, observation is... uh, technically part of my role. You know. Data collection for the Dummy System. I need to see the baseline."

It was a complete lie or at least... a half-truth backed by excuses I hadn't really thought through. Nobody had actually asked me to watch the live tests.

"I see,"

She looked at me for a moment, then continued walking.

I stood there for a second, feeling like an idiot. With Ayanami, it was genuinely difficult to tell the difference between someone who was processing things slowly and someone who had already decided that you didn't exist in their version of reality.

What a weird girl, I thought, finally heading for the elevator.

The Advance Dummy System project was moving faster than I was expecting. Within a few months, the initial data collection was complete. They told me that both the first and second phase had gone well. That my neural patterns had transferred cleanly. That the calibration was holding.

Now they told me the last phase would begin soon, based on real Eva combat simulations and a wide range of possible scenarios. If they connect me again this time... will it feel like it did back then? Will it feel even a little bit real?

I had asked myself the same question before the start of phase two as well, but it hadn't. It never even came close to how it felt inside the Eva.

'Still... maybe this time it might work?'

It was around this time that I decided, after considerable internal deliberation, that what Rei Ayanami needed was a mentor.

Not because anyone asked me to, and definitely not because it was part of the project. Purely out of the goodness of my heart and my extensive personal experience navigating the complex social landscape of being a middle schooler who had read too many books.

That was the story I was telling myself.

The actual story was closer to: I had too much time between sessions, I kept ending up near the observation corridor anyway, and talking to her was the only thing in NERV that felt remotely like a normal human interaction even though it was almost entirely one-sided.

The first time I tried to start an actual conversation, I had prepared topics in advance.

Nothing too heavy, I wouldn't do that to a poor girl like her, just some general concepts.

"You ever think about the 'Will to Power,' Ayanami?" I asked, falling into step beside her in the corridor. I kept my hands in my pockets as I tried to channel that 'cool, upperclassman' energy.

Ayanami looked at me. "No."

"Most people think it's about winning, but they're idiots. It's about self-overcoming. In a place like this, where everyone pretends more than they admit—and especially at our age, you know?—this thing people call 'youth' is kind of like... rotten candy. The wrapper looks really shiny and good, but when you actually get to the real part, it's honestly kind of ass. I mean, that's why being the one who stays true to their own isolation... well, that's probably the only real victory."

"I see,"

"Right. Well. It's a bit high-level," I muttered, my face heating up immediately. "Like... everyone keeps talking about effort and potential, but nobody really explains what happens when effort doesn't actually change anything. Then they call it a 'learning experience' and expect you to feel grateful about it."

"I do not feel grateful," she said.

"Right," I nodded, relieved. "See? Exactly."

She kept walking. I stood there for a few seconds, staring at a fire extinguisher and wondering if I should just jump into the LCL vat and stay there forever.

I didn't give up, though. Being a loner means having a terrifying amount of persistence when it comes to things that don't matter. The following week, I started the "Book Project." I'd leave copies of Natsume Soseki, Osamu Dazai, a bit of Schopenhauer or even my light Novels too, sometimes near her locker.

No notes, no "To Rei, from Hachiman." I just placed them there with a calculated air of mystery, as if they had simply manifested from the sheer weight of the existential dread in the room.

She actually read them. Sometimes I'd find her in a quiet corner of the hangar, turning the pages of one of my books with complete focus. She never said a word about what she thought, never thanked me, but the books always came back in perfect condition.

It kind of just... turned into a routine. Not like we ever talked about it or decided anything. I'd show up after my sessions, leave a book somewhere near where she usually sat. Sometimes I'd say something. Most of the time, I didn't get much back.

She never told me to stop coming. Never really acknowledged what I was doing either.

But the books kept disappearing and coming back, and she never told me to leave... which was close enough to permission, I guess.

Honestly, it was probably the most functional social setup I'd had in years. Well... other than my imouto, Komachi of course.

Then one day, the sync numbers of Rei and Unit 00 changed. It wasn't the usual slow climb.

15%... 19%... 22%...

I leaned a bit closer to the glass.

24%... 25%...

Even the technicians sounded different. They weren't speaking as carefully anymore. The tension in their voices had eased, like they were finally seeing the results they'd been waiting for.

Then Unit-00 moved. Its arm lifted slightly, slow and controlled, before the test protocols pushed it back down. The restraints held, but the movement itself had been clear enough.

'So, in the end, she was finally able to sync with it... huh.'

I stayed there, watching through the glass, feeling a strange mix of emotions. If I had to put it into words, it was something like restlessness, I guess... mixed with something else. Something close to the feeling you get when someone wins at something you never openly admitted you cared about.

"Well... I guess that was bound to happen."

I stepped away from the glass and left before the session even ended. After that, I just stopped going to the observation corridor.

A year passed, after that.

The third phase of the Advance Dummy System was finished. My neural mapping was complete. I was a library of data or something like that, if I have to say that.

All those virtual simulations in the third phase went fine. But it still wasn't the same. It wasn't real. At some point, maybe I had stopped expecting it to be?

When the third phase ended, Dr. Akagi called me into the debrief room. I sat down across from her and waited.

"You've made your contributions, Hikigaya-kun," Dr. Akagi said, not even looking up from her tablet. "All three phases have been completed within acceptable parameters. The calibration is stable. We won't need you for daily sessions anymore. From now on, just come in once a month for maintenance and data updates."

The words felt heavier than they probably should have. After a year of being NERV's "glorified hard drive," I was basically being archived. Only used occasionally... that's what she meant, right?

"Isn't there... something else I can do?" I asked. I hated how my voice sounded. A little too desperate, and hopeful. "I've spent hundreds of hours in the simulations. I've learned the Eva's nervous system from the inside out. Even if it was all simulated data, I know how to handle the feedback."

Silence.

"There's another Evangelion unit under development, isn't there?" I continued carefully. "Unit-01."

Her expression didn't change.

"If there's a need for additional pilot candidates... I could—"

"No," she said flatly.

The answer came before I had even fully finished the sentence as she finally looked me straight into the eyes with a dismissive look.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'll be direct with you. What you're suggesting isn't viable. Your sync test with Unit-00 produced unstable results that we still don't fully understand. Your simulation data has been useful precisely because it's controlled. Putting you in an actual entry plug for combat operations would be..."

She paused briefly, as if selecting the most appropriate term.

"...an absolute failure. Stick to what you've been told and stop inserting yourself where you don't belong."

I felt the blood rush to my face. It wasn't just a "no" it was an insult. It was her telling me that the "fake" me was the only part of me that had any value to them.

"But... but is—" My voice caught in my throat. My vision blurred before I even fully understood what was happening. I tried to stop it, but the tears came anyway. I lowered my head, hiding my face, feeling embarrassed by something I couldn't even properly explain.

I didn't understand why it hurt this much.

Why?

Why? Why?

Rejection wasn't anything new to me. It had always been there, one way or another. So why did this feel different? Why now?

I heard her sigh. I didn't look up. I kept my head lowered, but I could feel her gaze on me. There was nothing in it except pity.

"Ah geez, that may have come out harsher than I intended. Listen carefully, Hikigaya-kun. Unit-01 isn't a toy. It isn't some device you can volunteer to try just because you performed well in simulations. You are no longer a pilot candidate... and frankly, I believe that is for the best."

"It is not what it appears to be from the outside. I suspect... to some extent, you've already sensed that yourself."

I stayed silent.

"Even if that weren't the case," she continued, and I could hear the faint sound of papers shifting as she moved on to the next item on her schedule, "You are still the foundation of a system that may, in the future, help many people. You can find some... solace in that."

A brief pause.

"Go back to your ordinary life, Hikigaya-kun. That is the greatest gift NERV can give to someone like you."

"...Alright," I said finally. My voice sounded smaller than I expected. "I understand."

The words came out automatically, the way they usually did when there wasn't really any other acceptable answer. I pushed my chair back slowly and stood up. For a moment, I just stood there, unsure whether I was supposed to say anything else. Eventually, I gave a small nod and turned toward heavy, pressurized door, just wanting to disappear into the hallway and find a vending machine to stare at for an hour.

"Hikigaya-kun."

I stopped, my hand hovering near the sensor.

"Tell Komachi-chan and your parents, especially your moom that I said hello," Dr. Akagi said.

"...I will," I replied quietly but as I reached for the door handle I paused suddenly.

"...Before I leave Dr Akagi," I said, stopping myself before I could change my mind, "may I ask one last question?"

"Make it quick, Hikigaya-kun,"

I hesitated for a second, trying to figure out how to phrase something that didn't sound like I was still clinging to relevance.

"...Can I at least know where the Evangelions and Advance Dummy systems, will actually be used?" I asked quietly. "Otherwise... I think it'll just stay in my head."

She was quiet for a moment. Long enough that I thought she was going to tell me that was above my clearance level and to leave. Then she set down whatever she was holding.

"...I suppose that much is harmless," she said at last. She leaned back slightly in her chair, studying me with the same, clinical kind of expression.

"Tell me, Hikigaya-kun, have you ever considered the possibility that there may exist lifeforms fundamentally different from anything we can meaningfully compare them to?"

I didn't respond.

"Entities that exist entirely on their own terms," she continued. "Beings that do not require coexistence, symbiosis, or mutual dependence in order to persist."

Her gaze remained steady.

"Creatures that do not need anyone else in order to exist."

School was every bit as uneventful as I remembered, provided we all collectively agree to strike a certain sequence of highly avoidable events from the official record.

As usual, I went to class, spent most lunches reading, and dealt with homework whenever I felt like putting in the effort. Dinner conversations mostly consisted of Komachi asking me things while my parents occasionally reminded me, they still lived in the same house.

Once a month, I went down into the Geofront, sat in the same chair and let them run the same tests. Compared to what I had gone through during the actual Advance Dummy System development, the sessions now were barely anything.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped going near the observation corridor on my way out. I told myself it was because I had accepted how things turned out. That I had moved on. That the whole Eva situation was just a chapter that had opened and closed, and I was completely fine with that?

And just like that, in the blink of an eye, a few more years had passed. I was a high school student now, yet the trips to NERV HQ and the Geofront hadn't really changed much. Same security checks, same long elevator descent, same quiet corridors that always felt slightly too clean.

The tests were mostly routine now. Stability confirmations, minor calibrations, occasional neural readings just to make sure nothing had drifted too far from baseline.

But this time something there, felt... different.

The change wasn't immediately obvious. Just a shift in the atmosphere. Technicians moving faster than usual. Conversations stopping the moment I entered the room. The kind of quiet tension that usually meant something important was about to begin.

It didn't take long to overhear fragments of the reason. The thing they had been preparing for all this time was finally happening.

So, 'it' was finally coming for us... huh. In a few days, the world was going to change, and because of that, they were pushing everything to the limit.

Including her... I mean Rei Ayanami.

I had been about to head straight for the exit. Same as always these days. Go in, do the session, leave. I had gotten pretty good at not lingering.

But I didn't leave. I don't know why. I just didn't. My feet took me toward the testing site no 2 instead, the same way they used to back when I had convinced myself it was baseline observation. The observation corridor was quiet when I got there. Most of the activity was on the other side of the glass.

Unit-00 was already in position. Same as I remembered it. Same orange armor plating. Same single optical lens catching the overhead light. Massive and still... a cool-looking mecha as always.

She was inside it. Of course she was. I stood at the glass with my hands in my pockets.

"Intiate Activation. Connecting main power to all corcuite."

"Baseline neural pattern confirmed. Initiating synchronization."

"Sync ratio at 31%... 34%... climbing steadily."

As I watched the numbers rise, there was a brief moment where a very specific thought surfaced before I could stop it.

'That could have been me'.

"Sync ratio at 41%... 45%... green across all parameters."

"...Looks pretty stable," I muttered under my breath.

"Commencing STAGE-2 pilot interlink. STAGE-2 initiated."

"...Yeah... figures, of course it would go smoothly, I mean—"

"Inserting synapses Beginning Interlink, all circuits look nominal."

"No Abnormalities in pre-elimenary Contact phases."

"...Seems like everything's working out just fine," I murmured, more to myself than anyone else.

"Sending power across all the Muscles, All Neural Link Nominal"

"Prepare to STAGE-# Connection. — Entry 2-5-8-0 Cleared. Reaching absolute borderline 0.9... 0.7... 0.5... 0.4... 0.3..."

"NEURAL PULSE FLOW IS REVERSING— STAGE 3 Critical Error."

The "nominal" status didn't even last a full minute.

I didn't know what exactly happened, but I knew the sound. It started as a low-frequency hum that vibrated in my teeth, and then it shifted into something that no machine should ever be able to produce. It was a growl a deep, animalistic sound that seemed to come from the Unit 00. As it started trembling against its restraints, metal joints shifting under pressure that clearly hadn't been part of the test parameters.

Something had gone wrong.

No... something had gone very wrong.

The movement grew more violent. The restraints groaned as Unit-00 strained against them, the entire structure shuddering as if the Eva itself was trying to reject whatever connection had just been forced into place.

The sight was... unsettling. No, terrifying.

Then, with a single violent motion, it tore through the remaining restraints. There was no gradual failure or visible buildup of strain. One moment the restraints were holding, and the next they simply weren't enough anymore.

"ALL RESTRAINTS COMPROMISED — UNIT-00 IS FREE—"

"WE HAVE LOST CONTROL OF UNIT-00—"

Inside that thrashing machine... Rei.

I couldn't see her, but I could imagine what she was feeling. Not at this scale, nothing close to this, but I knew the sensation of the system pushing back against you with nowhere for the feedback to go. I had experienced smaller versions of it during the Dummy System phases. Controlled exposure. Carefully regulated stress.

And that's when it happened. That ugly, buried part of my brain the part that had been rejected, filed away and told I wasn't good enough reared its head.

'See?' it whispered. 'It's not that easy, is it?'

I bit down on my lip hard enough to taste blood and only then realized I was smiling, a small, bitter expression. I hated that I could find even a second of vindication in a girl being tortured by this thing, so I quickly forced the expression away before anyone could notice.

Through the chaos, I looked up toward the command balcony. Commander Ikari and Dr. Akagi stood there, observing everything from above. That man looked far too calm, as if he were watching a movie that had gotten slightly louder than expected. It made my skin crawl.

Commander Ikari's voice cut through the chaos. "Abort the test, Cut the power feed. Now."

"Power supply disconnected!"

"Unit-00 has switched to Auxillary mode. Total system shut down in 15 seconds."

Unit-00 let out another guttural roar, clutching its head with its massive, armored hands. Then, it turned. It didn't look at the technicians or the exit. Its single, glowing red eye fixed on the command balcony.

It pulled its arm back and drove its fist straight into the reinforced glass, the same glass behind which Commander Ikari and Dr. Akagi were standing. Cracks spread across the surface as the structure absorbed the impact, the entire panel trembling under the force.

"Emergency pilot eject initiated!"

The Entry Plug was forcibly expelled. The plug didn't have enough space to fully clear the facility and slammed into the walls before hitting the floor of the testing bay. For a moment everything blurred together, alarms, movement, overlapping voices, until the situation was gradually brought back under control.

Through the chaos, I saw Commander Ikari move.

"Rei!"

The hatch hadn't fully released yet, but he didn't wait. He forced it open with his bare hands, ignoring the heat and the warnings around him. Then he pulled her out.

Ayanami looked badly injured, fragile in a way that didn't match the image of a "pilot" NERV liked to present. Her body hung limp for a moment before the medical team rushed forward to receive her.

Commander Ikari didn't immediately let go. He said something to her, too quiet for me to hear from behind the glass. Then, just for a brief moment, he looked up.

Toward the observation corridor. Toward where I was standing. It was only an instant, but I could feel the weight of that gaze even through the reinforced glass.

And somehow, without a word being spoken, I understood.

This might be it. The opening I had been waiting for, whether I wanted to admit that or not. A chance that had taken years to arrive... and just like that, for the first time in years, something I had carefully stopped expecting quietly returned.

'It was almost enough to believe—

------0------

—that maybe, just this once.'

[UNABLE TO READ CARD. INPUT NOT RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.]

For a second, he thought he had misread it.

"Why...? Why isn't it changing?"

He simply stared at the small display as if it had made a mistake.

"...what...?"

But no, there was no mistake. His hand moved again automatically, pressing the card flatter against the reader.

[UNABLE TO READ CARD. INPUT NOT RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.]

"...no... no, come on..."

Then—

Only then did he actually look at the card.

"Oh,"

"Oh no."

"Oh shit."

His free hand went to his forehead as he stared at the thin crack running across the surface near the embedded strip. The plastic had warped slightly inward, bent just enough that the internal circuit inside was probably misaligned.

The crash. It had to be that damn bike crash. It must have been damaged during the fall.

His fingers tightened around it. Out of everything. Now?

He pressed it again, harder this time.

[UNABLE TO READ CARD. INPUT NOT RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.]

Again.

[UNABLE TO READ CARD. INPUT NOT RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.]

Again.

[UNABLE TO READ CARD. INPUT NOT RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.]

Each identical response landed with mechanical indifference, as if the system had already decided he wasn't allowed through.

"...don't do this now..." His hand briefly went to his forehead before returning the card to the reader, adjusting the angle slightly as if that might make it work.

He tried again.

[UNABLE TO READ CARD. INPUT NOT RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.]

Again.

[UNABLE TO READ CARD. INPUT NOT RECOGNIZED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.]

"...you've got to be kidding me..."

His breathing had started to lose its rhythm. He looked around quickly, searching for something else— a secondary panel, an emergency latch, a camera, anything that suggested this wasn't just a sealed dead end placed here to mock him.

Almost instinctively, he reached for his phone. The screen was cracked, the casing slightly bent from the crash, but it still powered on. For a brief second, a faint sense of relief flickered inside him.

But there was no signal. The network was completely down.

All that surrounded him was reinforced metal and empty distance, separating him from the fight that was still continuing without him. In a fit of frustration, he drew back his leg and kicked the heavy steel gate with everything he had left.

"LET ME IN...!"

The impact didn't move the gate in the slightest. Instead, a sharp jolt of pain tore through his injured hip, cutting straight through the dulling effect of the medication and forcing him to grab the cold metal surface to steady himself as his balance faltered.

"I can do it... I can fight that thing..."

Even to his own ears, the words sounded unconvincing, as if they belonged to someone else trying too hard to believe them.

"Just let me—"

But nothing happened and this lack of reaction made the silence feel heavier than any rejection he could have heard spoken aloud.

The pain in his hip flared sharply from the impact, forcing him to lower himself against the sealed entrance before he could properly stop it. The card remained clenched tightly in his hand.

And he went completely silent as his eyes went in the distance with a blank look the Angel continued its work, slamming the bone spear into Unit-01 again and again. Each strike vibrated through the ground and into his own bones.

He leaned his head back against the gate. He looks at the display again and it had stopped bothering to add PLEASE TRY AGAIN. Or maybe he had stopped reading that part.

"I'm going to use the phone, all of this is getting out of hand, dammit." Words that didn't belong to the moment suddenly echoed in his head, bringing it back.

Across the city, the Angel drove the bone spear into Unit-01's helmet again as it lifted the massive frame even higher into the air.

"Rriiing... Rriiing... Rriiing... NERV Operations, Please Identify yourself."

His eyes remained fixed on the distant shape as he looked down at the cracked card in his hand.

"Well... it's 689FG4500-H2O. Can you please connect the call directly? I don't have much time."

Unit-01's arm twitched weakly as the Angel's grip tightened around its head.

"...Confirmed. Please speak now. Your message will be directed to tactical command." The dull, procedural tone felt strangely detached from the moment, blending uneasily with the distant image of Unit-01 suspended helplessly in the Angel's grasp as his throat went dry.

The arm that had been restraining it shifted, palm turning inward. A faint glow began to gather at the center of its hand, rapidly intensifying into a single, blinding point.

Even from this distance, the intention behind the motion was unmistakable.

"Hikigaya" The voice did not belong to the present, yet it had been echoing in his mind again and again since that morning. "Professor Fuyutsuki, yes— it's me. I'm currently stuck in a civilian shelter near Sobu Municipal High, in the scholastic district. Has the extraction team been dispatched? And when are they expected to arrive? Plea—"

The glow sharpened suddenly, focusing into a narrow point as the Angel forced its hand forward. The concentrated energy pierced directly through the armoured helmet.

His fingers stiffened slightly around the damaged card.

"No units have been dispatched yet."

For a brief instant, the image forced itself into his imagination with uncomfortable clarity. The idea of being inside that frame, of being the one feeling that pressure directly, sent a sharp chill through him before he could stop it.

"What do you mean, yet? The First Child is in bad condition. You know that."

Whatever lingering illusion had remained about what it meant to be chosen began to quietly lose its shape. His eyes didn't leave the distant movement, even though the voices in his head were starting to grow louder.

"A replacement pilot is already incoming,"

The pinkish energy in the Angel's hand didn't just pierce through it extended outward and shoved Unit-01 directly backward, sending the massive frame hurtling through the air until it crashed into a large building in the distance. Debris scattered outward in a violent cascade as the Eva's body disappeared partially into the structure.

"Wait... what? A replacement? I never heard anything about this... does this replacement even have the proper training required to handle something like that...?" Those words sounded distant even to him, drowned beneath the sight unfolding ahead.

As the Eva slumped against the ruins, blood burst from the wound in its head, forced outward in a violent spray under crushing pressure, like a ruptured pipe.

He stared at the gore, while wondering Is this... the end of this?

"There was silence for a moment. Then—

—crrrk—

"The— child tzzz—" Static swallowed the rest of the sentence.

As he watched the scene unfold in front of him, something inside him gave way.

A quiet breath escaped him first.

"Ha..."

"Hah... haha..."

The laugh caught awkwardly in his throat, uneven, like something he wasn't entirely in control of anymore. "Heh... haha... I... I get it..."

"The— child tzzz— presence is tzzz— necessary—"

The line died.

I lowered the receiver slowly, the dial tone humming like an afterimage. On the other side of the glass partition, the shelter was still chaos, people shouting, crying, calling names, but it feels far away now.

And all I hear at that moment was what my mind has already decided. You're needed.

The laughter continued, breaking into uneven breaths as he leaned his head back against the gate, memories rushing through my mind faster than he could keep up.

"...No, I heard what I needed to hear."

"Heh... heheh... how can I be this stupid... even after everything... how many times does the same answer have to be handed to me before I finally understand it?"

"Get to safety! You don't have to do this! It's not worth it, Kid— no, Hikigaya! Do you really want to die for this? To die for people who will never even care?"

Yeah. That's exactly what this was.

He actually came here thinking he still had a role left to play. Thinking that look meant something. Believing that moment meant something.

"...water... p...please... thirsty... please, hu...hurts" A soldier lay half-slumped against the embankment a little way down the slope, barely moving.

"...ha... haha..."

Like a complete idiot.

"...so why... why didn't you or anyone came to help us sooner? If you had told them earlier... maybe they wouldn't have waited so long. Then...then Ms Betty wouldn't—"

In the end, it was never Hikigaya Hachiman they needed. It was the data. Just the data. Neural patterns. Stored responses. Calibration results. The parts of him that could be copied, repeated, inserted wherever they were convenient.

(The Advance Dummy System.)

Of course there was a replacement ready. Of course this must be their fucking backup plan. Why wouldn't there be?

"How did I not see this coming... how did I convince myself this time would be any different?"

If I ever really had a chance, I wouldn't be standing out here now. I would have been inside it long ago.

That look from Commander Ikari back then... the moment I kept replaying in my head for years... it was never directed at me. It never was. It was directed at what could be extracted from me. What could be preserved. Stored. Used. Replaced.

"...ha..."

Of course they wouldn't need the original once something easier to control already existed. And still, like a fool, I came all the way here thinking I could force my way back into something that had already moved on without me... thinking I was still part of it... thinking I was still necessary.

His laughter stopped abruptly, not because the thought had ended, but because something in the distance forced his attention forward. Outside, beneath the darkened sky of Tokyo-3, Evangelion Unit-01 slowly lifted its head.

The Angel stood several hundred meters away, motionless, as if observing the result of its own work. For a moment, nothing moved.

Then Unit-01's head twitched sharply. The massive frame shifted as it began forcing itself upright despite the damage that should have made such movement impossible.

"...How is it even standing after all that..." The words slipped out before he realized he had spoken them.

Something was wrong.

The hesitation that had defined its movements earlier was gone. Completely gone. In its place was something far more unstable, something that didn't resemble controlled operation at all.

The Angel moved first. Its enormous frame advanced with unnatural silence, elongated arms adjusting slightly as if preparing to restrain the Eva again.

Unit-01 did not retreat. Instead, its posture lowered slightly, its center of gravity shifting forward in a way that looked disturbingly deliberate, like an animal preparing to lunge. Then it moved.

Concrete shattered beneath its feet as Unit-01 crossed the distance in seconds, far faster than before. There was no stiffness left in its motion, no visible delay between intent and action.

The Angel raised its arm to intercept, but it was already too late. Unit-01's fist collided with the Angel's torso with overwhelming force, the impact distorting the air itself as a violent shockwave rippled outward through the surrounding buildings. Windows burst simultaneously across multiple structures as the Angel staggered backward under the strike.

Unit-01 did not pause. It seized the Angel's arm and twisted it violently, forcing the limb aside as armored plating strained under pressure that should not have been physically possible. The Eva's movements were erratic yet precise, savage yet purposeful, driven by something that did not resemble remote operation or calculated response.

Hachiman stared, unable to properly process what he was seeing. He had expected hesitation, expected coordination commands, expected some sign of controlled input or system assistance, perhaps even the Dummy System compensating for the damage.

But this wasn't compensation. Unit-01 was overpowering the Angel directly.

The two giants moved further away during the clash, partially obscured by damaged high-rise structures. Without really thinking about it, Hachiman pushed himself upright and stepped out from the ruined access point, ignoring the protest from his injured hip as he climbed onto the outer ledge of a nearby building to get a clearer view of the battlefield.

The Angel retaliated. Its mask emitted a sudden concentrated glow before releasing an explosive blast at point-blank range. The force engulfed Unit-01 completely, smoke and debris consuming the entire area as fragments of shattered material scattered outward.

For several seconds, nothing was visible. "...Did it...?"

Through the thinning smoke, a silhouette remained standing.

It moved again.

Unit-01 slammed into the Angel, forcing the massive entity downward with brutal force and pinning it against fractured concrete. Its fingers dug into the Angel's arm with relentless pressure, collapsing resistance through sheer strength alone.

The Angel attempted to pull free, its core pulsing faintly beneath protective layers, but Unit-01 did not allow distance. It pressed forward continuously, striking again and again with a level of aggression that did not resemble controlled combat.

Hachiman felt a chill run across his back. He was terrified.

Not by the unknown creature from who knows where...

...but by the thing NERV had built. Unit-01 was giving him chills, a strange crawling sensation deep in his gut that he couldn't properly name.

Unit-01's grip tightened. With a violent motion, it forced the Angel downward, overpowering it completely. Hachiman squinted, trying to make out the blur of motion in the distance. It was hitting downward, over and over. If he had to guess it had to be the core.

For several moments, the distance and debris made it difficult to distinguish individual movements between them, everything blurring together into violent motion.

Then the Angel's form began to change.

Its structure distorted unnaturally as it latched onto Unit-01, expanding outward as if something inside it had begun to destabilize.

"...oh shit... no..."

Hachiman instinctively lowered himself against the rooftop surface as the Angel's body expanded further—

BOOOM!

—before suddenly releasing a massive cross-shaped eruption of pink light that tore upward into the sky.

The explosion expanded outward violently, the shockwave reaching him seconds later with enough force to rattle the structure beneath him despite the distance.

For a brief instant, the sky itself appeared to turn red as dark fluid began falling from above.

Red liquid, which was probably the Angel's blood, began to pour from the sky like torrential rain, soaking the ruined city below. Hachiman slowly sat up, his clothes quickly becoming drenched.

"What happened... to Unit-01...?"

His once-white school uniform was gradually consumed by red, the colour spreading across the fabric until nothing clean remained, yet he didn't react. His eyes searched through the fading smoke until he finally saw it.

In the distance, among the fires and the raining blood, the purple silhouette was standing. It stood menacingly, a dark god in a graveyard of its own making and for a moment, he felt as though it were staring directly at him.

A faint, twisted smile appeared on Hachiman's face.

"...ha..."

"...ah... ha..."

He looked at his hands, covered in the red rain, then back at the monster in the distance.

"I really never had a chance... did I..."

The smile stayed for a moment, then faded on its own. As his hip throbbed sharply now that the adrenaline had started to wear off, the dull numbness from the medication no longer enough to keep it quiet.

Each movement reminded him just how fragile he actually was compared to these monsters tearing each other apart below.

Slowly, he lowered himself onto the edge of the rooftop, one hand bracing against the rough concrete as he looked down at the destruction stretching across the district.

The blood rain had nearly stopped now, reduced to occasional heavy drops falling from the darkened sky. The warmth still clung to his clothes where the earlier downpour had drenched him. His once white uniform was now completely stained red, the fabric clinging uncomfortably to his skin.

He didn't bother wiping it away.

"When was it... that I finally realized..."

The thought felt strangely late, as if he should have reached it much sooner.

"...that all of this was just a big load of bullshit?"

He reached into his pocket the one part of his uniform that hadn't been completely sealed from the blood and pulled out two things: his damaged NERV ID card and a cheap plastic lighter.

He flicked the wheel. The flame was small, a tiny orange spark in a world that had turned entirely red. He brought the flame closer to the corner of the card, the heat licking at the plastic.

"Right now."

The plastic bubbled and hissed, the edge catching with a low, blue-tinged flame. He watched it, mesmerized by how easily the thing that defined his existence could be reduced to toxic fumes.

"I was never some special kid... never someone with a destiny or some grand purpose..."

He adjusted his grip, letting the fire spread further.

"I was just one big weird kid who wanted something to hide behind. I latched onto the first thing I got so I could justify my own weirdness... a reason to stay in the shadows, so I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that I had no idea how to live like a normal person."

The card was half gone now, the embedded circuit strip curling inward as heat consumed it.

"So I grabbed the first thing that made me feel different and decided that must be the reason."

A quiet laugh slipped out of him. "...pathetic."

"Turns out there was nothing special about it. Nothing special about me either."

The card softened further as the plastic warped under the flame.

"I was just useful... and now I'm not."

He watched the fire for another second before speaking again.

"I'm done with all of this. That old hag can go to hell. NERV, Ikari... all of them... they can screw themselves."

The NERV logo was the last thing to go, the red leaf shrivelling slowly into ash.

From his other pocket, he pulled out a single, slightly bent cigarette he had been meaning to smoke all day, but couldn't because of Yuigahama's mutt, Sable.

He placed the cigarette between his lips.

Instead of using his lighter, he leaned forward and pressed the tip of the cigarette directly into the center of the burning NERV card— as his final act of rejection.

He inhaled deeply. The smoke was harsh, mixing with the scent of ozone and iron. He exhaled a long, grey plume that disappeared into the crimson-stained air. He sat there, a blood-drenched teenager at the edge of a dying world, holding the burning remains of his identity until the heat began to sting his fingertips.

He let the charred remains drop, watching the black flake flutter down toward the wreckage below.

"A special kid, huh?"

He took another drag, his eyes never leaving the menacing, silent silhouette of Unit-01 in the distance.

"What a joke."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note:

Hey everyone, Chapter 4 is finally complete. With this, the current arc comes to an end. We wanted to mention that this entire segment was written exclusively from Hachiman's point of view, which may have made it feel somewhat limited in terms of character interaction. Even so, we hope it has been engaging to read so far.

Starting from the next chapter, the structure will begin to change as we introduce multiple perspectives, including events that have been unfolding on NERV's side during this time. From here on, the focus will gradually shift more from the Oregairu side toward the Evangelion side of the story.

We hope you'll look forward to what's coming next. That's all for now. Thank you very much for reading and for continuing to support the story. We truly appreciate the time and interest you've given this project.

As always, feel free to share your thoughts below, we genuinely enjoy hearing your feedback.

Stay tuned for more.

—Raijinmaru_K2 & CacciaFulmini