I walked back into the small clearing where I had left my team. Naruto was zipping up his pants, looking relieved. Sasuke was sharpening a kunai with obsessive focus. Sakura was anxiously checking her compass, though in this forest, magnetic north was merely a suggestion.
"I'm back," I announced, stepping out of the bushes, dusting leaves off my shoulder.
"Took you long enough," Sasuke muttered without looking up, the scrape of metal on stone rhythmic and tense. "Did you find the—"
He stopped. The sharpening sound ceased. He looked up.
Standing behind me, clutching the hem of my shirt like a frightened child, was Karin.
"Who is she?" Sakura asked, her eyes narrowing instantly. Her hand went to her hip. "Kenji, did you pick up another girl? Is this a habit now?"
"I found a stray," I corrected, pulling Karin forward gently. "This is Karin. She was separated from her team. She's coming with us."
"With us?" Sasuke stood up, his eyes cold. He sheathed his kunai. "We don't need dead weight. We're on a mission, not a charity run."
Karin flinched. She looked at Sasuke.
In the original timeline, this would be the moment she fell in love with his "cool" demeanor, his sharp jawline, his brooding intensity. But here? After being saved by me, and feeling my warm, overpowering, System-enhanced chakra?
She looked at Sasuke and shivered.
"His chakra..." Karin whispered to me, hiding behind my back. "It's... cold. Like ice. And hatred. It hurts to look at. I don't like it."
[System Notification]
[Karin's Preference Changed.]
[Sasuke Uchiha: Disliked (Too edgy / Scary).]
[Kenji Sato: Adored (Savior / Warmth).]
I smirked internally. Canon destruction complete. Sorry, Sasuke. You lose the healer.
"She's not dead weight, Sasuke," I said firmly. "She's a Sensor. She can detect enemies from a kilometer away. She's better than a radar. In this forest, information is life."
Sasuke paused. A sensor was useful. Logic overrode his annoyance. "Fine. But if she falls behind, we leave her."
"I... I won't fall behind!" Karin squeaked, pushing her broken glasses up her nose. "I promise!"
"Hey!" Naruto walked over, squinting at her. "You have same red hair as that crow guy from sand village. Are you related"
"No Naruto, she is from grass ninja village" I said casually. "Karin Uzumaki. Meet Naruto Uzumaki."
"WHAAAT?!" Naruto yelled, pointing at her. "We have the same name?! Are we cousins?! Do you like Ramen?!"
Karin blinked, confused. "Uzumaki? But... the clan is gone... I thought I was the only one..."
"Family reunion later," I cut them off. "We need to move. Karin, scan the area. Where is the Earth Scroll?"
Karin closed her eyes. She focused, her fingers twitching.
"There..." she pointed North-East. "Three strong signatures. But... wait..."
Her eyes snapped open. Her face went pale. All color drained from her cheeks.
"Something is coming," she whispered, her voice trembling with genuine terror. "Something... massive. Cold. It feels like... death. It feels like the ground itself is dying."
"Which direction?" Sasuke asked, tense, kunai drawn.
"Everywhere," she breathed.
WOOSH.
A sudden gust of wind ripped through the forest. It wasn't natural. It tore leaves from branches and sent dust billowing into our eyes. The temperature dropped twenty degrees in a second.
"Formation!" Sasuke shouted.
The wind died down as quickly as it started.
Standing on a thick branch above us was a Grass Ninja. The same one from the gate. The one with the long tongue.
She (He) stared down at us with golden, slit pupils.
[Threat Level: SSS (Sanin).][Target: Orochimaru.]
"My, my," the Grass Ninja hissed, the voice slithering into our ears. "I found you."
[The Killing Intent]
BOOM.
The Killing Intent hit us like a physical wall.
Sakura collapsed instantly, hyperventilating. Naruto froze, his knees shaking. Sasuke... Sasuke was paralyzed. He stared at the ninja, seeing visions of his own death. A kunai through the eye. A sword through the heart. He couldn't move.
Karin screamed, burying her face in my back, clutching my shirt so hard her knuckles turned white.
"Scary... he's a monster!" she wailed.
I stood there.
[Skill: Iron Face (Max)][Passive: Gamer's Mind (Mental Resistance)]
The fear washed over me. My heart raced, yes. My instincts screamed RUN. But my body didn't freeze. The System kept me grounded.
"Yo, Snake-Face," I called out, breaking the silence.
The Grass Ninja paused. He looked at me. The pressure focused on me.
"Oh?" Orochimaru tilted his head. "You can speak? Most Genin would be soiling themselves right now."
"I have good bladder control," I shrugged. "And you have terrible manners. Dropping in without an invitation?"
"K-Kenji..." Sasuke stammered, his eyes wide. "Don't... provoke him..."
"Sasuke-kun," Orochimaru ignored me and looked at the Uchiha. "I have a gift for you. A gift of power."
He reached up and peeled the skin off his face.
The mask tore away wetly, revealing the pale, angular face underneath. Purple markings around the eyes. Fangs.
"I am Orochimaru," he hissed. "And I want to see... if you are worthy."
He extended his neck.
It stretched. Five meters. Ten meters.
His head shot toward Sasuke like a bullet, fangs bared, aiming for the neck.
Sasuke couldn't move. He just watched death approach.
Not on my watch.
[Inventory: Flash Bomb (Modified).][Skill: Elastic Chakra (Bungee Gum).]
I didn't try to block Orochimaru. That would be suicide.
Instead, I shot a line of gum at Sasuke's collar.
YANK.
I pulled Sasuke backward violently.
CHOMP.
Orochimaru bit empty air where Sasuke's neck had been a millisecond ago.
"Naruto!" I shouted. "Wake up!"
Naruto snapped out of it. "W-What?!"
"Take Sakura and Karin! Go! Run!"
"But—!"
"GO!"
I threw three smoke bombs at Orochimaru's retracting head.
POOF. POOF. POOF.
Purple smoke filled the clearing.
"Run, you idiots!" I grabbed Sasuke (who was still shaking) and dragged him into the bushes.
"Interesting," Orochimaru's voice echoed from the smoke. "Very interesting. You denied me my bite."
A massive wind style jutsu blew the smoke away instantly.
Orochimaru stood there. He licked his lips.
"Sasuke-kun is the main course," Orochimaru smiled. "But you... Kenji... you seem like a delicious appetizer."
He summoned a giant snake.
"Summoning Jutsu: Manda (Mini Version)."
A massive purple snake erupted from the ground.
"Catch me if you can, pedo-snake!" I yelled.
I turned and ran.
[System Quest Updated: Survive Orochimaru.][Time Limit: 10 Minutes.][Reward: Orochimaru's Sword (Kusanagi).]
"Ten minutes?!" I cursed, jumping through the trees. "That's an eternity against this guy!"
"K-Kenji!" Sasuke found his voice as he ran beside me. "Who is that?! What is that?!"
"That," I panted, "is one of the Legendary Sannin. The guy who killed the Kazekage (probably). And he wants to give you a hickey."
"A what?!"
"A Curse Mark. It gives you power but turns you into his slave. Don't let him bite you, Sasuke! Protect your neck! Wear a scarf! Anything!"
Suddenly, a tongue wrapped around my ankle.
Slurp.
"Got you," Orochimaru whispered from... below?
He emerged from the tree trunk itself, dragging me down.
"Shit!"
I drew a kunai.
[Active Skill: One Thousand Years of Death (Kunai Variant).]
I didn't aim for his hand. I aimed for the tongue.
STAB.
"Hiss!"
Orochimaru retracted his tongue, releasing me.
I fell to the ground, rolling to my feet.
We were separated from the others. Just me, Sasuke, and the Snake.
"You are annoying," Orochimaru frowned. The wound on his tongue healed instantly. "But talented. Tell me, boy. Do you desire power?"
"I desire money," I said, holding up a defensive seal. "And women. And to not be eaten by snakes."
"Honest," Orochimaru chuckled. "I can give you all of that. Join me."
"Sorry," I grinned. "Your fashion sense is terrible. That giant purple rope bow? Tacky."
Orochimaru's eye twitched.
"Die."
He rushed us.
"Sasuke! Fireball! Now!" I screamed.
Sasuke, fueled by adrenaline and fear, wove signs faster than he ever had.
"Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!"
A massive ball of fire engulfed Orochimaru.
Did it work?
Of course not.
But it gave me a second.
"System," I whispered. "[Shop: Purchase Item - High-Grade Pepper Spray (Police Issue)]."
[Cost: 500 SP.]
As Orochimaru walked out of the fire, shedding his burnt skin like a coat, I threw the canister.
"Eat this!"
PSSSHHHHT.
A cloud of concentrated capsaicin hit the Snake Sannin in the eyes.
"AAAAHHH!" Orochimaru covered his eyes. "MY EYES! WHAT POISON IS THIS?!"
Snakes have sensitive eyes. And tongues.
"It's called 'Law Enforcement'," I laughed. "Sasuke! Run!"
We bolted while the Sannin was blinded.
"YOU BRAT!" Orochimaru screamed, thrashing blindly and knocking down a tree. "I WILL REMEMBER THIS!"
[System Notification]
[Achievement Unlocked: Pepper Spraying a Kage.]
[Reward: 5,000 SP.]
[Orochimaru Reputation: Hated / Intrigued.]
We ran until my lungs burned. We didn't stop until we found a hollowed-out tree roots miles away.
We collapsed inside.
Sasuke was panting, clutching his neck (which was safe).
"We... we escaped?" Sasuke whispered.
"For now," I wheezed. "Man... that guy is intense."
I looked at Sasuke. He didn't have the Curse Mark.
Canon Divergence: Successful.
"But..." I looked at my ankle where the tongue had grabbed me.
There was a small, purple bruise. And... a faint seal?
[System Alert][Status Effect: Orochimaru's Mark (Tracker).][Effect: He knows where you are.]
"Great," I groaned. "I'm tagged."
Suddenly, Karin poked her head out from the bushes nearby. She had tracked us.
"Kenji-kun?" she whispered. "Is it... safe?"
I looked at the redhead. I looked at the traumatized Uchiha.
"Yeah," I leaned back, closing my eyes. "We're safe. For now. Karin, come here. I need a pillow."
Karin blushed but shuffled over, letting me rest my head on her lap.
"Soft," I muttered.
Sasuke stared at me. "You just pepper-sprayed a Sannin, and now you're napping?"
"Priorities, Sasuke," I yawned. "Priorities."