Uchiha Madara and Ōnoki sat down to systematically dissect Obito's intelligence profile.
Madara was deeply anxious.
He was terrified that after snatching those classified secrets from his brain, Obito would sprint ahead, hijack his master plan, and become the Ten-Tails' jinchūriki first.
But Madara also knew he absolutely couldn't rush this.
He had to spoon-feed Ōnoki every single detail about Obito's capabilities.
Then, he had to rely on Ōnoki to coordinate with the other major villages and assemble an elite strike force to jump Obito together.
Only then did they genuinely have a shot at victory.
If Ōnoki just lowered his head and charged in blindly on his own, the old dwarf would literally just be throwing his life away for nothing.
Whether it was from his original timeline memories of fighting the Five Kage, or their recent, bitter rivalry over Granny Chiyo, Madara had developed a solid understanding of Ōnoki's current combat value.
Ōnoki hadn't sat in the Tsuchikage's chair for decades just doing paperwork, nor had he survived multiple Shinobi World Wars by pure luck.
His combat experience was phenomenally rich.
Don't be fooled by someone like Gengetsu Hōzuki.
Sure, Gengetsu had ancient qualifications and, as a Second Kage, technically belonged to a generation older than Ōnoki.
But it was completely useless.
His seniority was high, but his actual, active lifespan had been brutally short.
Namikaze Minato was the most extreme example of this phenomenon.
During the Boruto era, whenever Naruto ran into an unsolvable crisis, he would still stare up at Minato's Hokage portrait and whisper, "Dad, what should I do?"
Meanwhile, chilling in the Pure Land, Namikaze Minato's ghost wanted to scream that he had literally died at an age younger than the current Naruto.
Why the hell was his middle-aged son asking a twenty-four-year-old for life advice?
So simply being "old" wasn't enough.
You had to have actually lived through and survived countless high-level, chaotic battles to build real tactical intuition.
In the entire shinobi world, the only people who met those brutal conditions were Ōnoki and Sarutobi Hiruzen.
As for Sarutobi Hiruzen... well, forget the fact that the old monkey was currently disguised as Danzo and running for his life.
Even if Hiruzen legitimately showed up to help, Madara wouldn't respect him in the slightest.
Because at the end of the day, Sarutobi Hiruzen was still the direct disciple of that naturally evil bastard, Tobirama.
Speaking of Sarutobi Hiruzen... the disguised Third Hokage was eventually caught.
There was just no helping it.
Sarutobi Hiruzen was fundamentally not a speed-type shinobi.
No matter how deep his stamina pool was, he literally possessed no jutsu that could permanently shake off his pursuers, even with Jiraiya constantly running interference to stall them and successfully tricking Ōnoki into breaking off early.
But the most critical factor leading to his capture? Granny Chiyo physically couldn't hold out any longer.
Originally, Granny Chiyo was actually having a blast watching all these legendary powerhouses desperately fight over her.
Since she inherently had the playful, mischievous personality of an old child, she didn't mind the attention at all.
She never even intended to resist the 'kidnapping' at first.
But there was a glaring issue here.
Sarutobi Hiruzen was an immortal Edo Tensei and Gengetsu Hōzuki, who was relentlessly gunning them down from behind, was also an immortal Edo Tensei.
Even Jiraiya and Rōshi, who were still flesh and blood, eventually found tiny windows to catch their breath.
But Granny Chiyo? She got no breaks.
She had been tucked under "Danzo's" arm the entire marathon and hadn't even been granted a single pit stop to use the bathroom.
No matter how solid her kidneys were, a woman her age simply couldn't hold it for a grueling, multi-day cross-country sprint.
Finally hitting her absolute limit, Granny Chiyo began violently struggling.
First, she sneakily popped open a packet of highly lethal poison, only to discover in shock that "Danzo" was completely immune to the toxic gas.
Instead, Jiraiya, who was panting heavily right behind them, accidentally inhaled a massive lungful of the stray cloud.
He instantly clutched his throat, collapsed face-first into the dirt, and started violently twitching.
"O-Old man... you're playing dirty, aren't you—"
Jiraiya had only seen a weird cloud of mist drift off "Danzo's" body and totally assumed it was some secret coded message Sarutobi Hiruzen had left for him.
But when he ran over and took a massive whiff? Pure, unadulterated poison!
After hitting the deck, Jiraiya frantically bit his finger and summoned a specialized medical toad from Mount Myōboku.
"S-Save me... ugh!"
The toad latched directly onto Jiraiya's face with its mouth and violently sucked all the toxic gas straight out of his lungs.
Meanwhile, back on "Danzo's" side, after realizing biochemical warfare was totally useless on a zombie, Granny Chiyo simply flicked her wrist, shot out a volley of invisible chakra threads, and aggressively tripped "Danzo" mid-sprint.
And just like that, the elusive "Danzo" was finally intercepted!
"Damn you, Danzo! You really know how to run! You really know how to dodge!" Gengetsu Hōzuki roared through gritted teeth, blurring forward.
While "Danzo" was still eating dirt and hadn't managed to scramble back to his feet, Gengetsu violently pinned him down.
Gengetsu possessed a hyper-lethal, pinpoint-accurate long-range attack: the Water Gun Technique.
By shaping his fingers into pistols, he could fire highly pressurized Water Release bullets. In theory, its muzzle velocity and accuracy absolutely dwarfed standard shuriken or kunai throws.
Because of that insane precision, Gengetsu didn't have to worry about accidentally clipping Granny Chiyo in the crossfire.
But he never in a million years expected that, while chasing "Danzo" for miles and mag-dumping Water Gun bullets the entire way, he would somehow fail to land a single, solitary shot.
"Danzo" was just way too ridiculously good at dodging.
Even Rōshi, who had fallen to the very back of the pack, looked completely baffled.
He seriously wondered if Danzo had spent decades secretly sparring with his best friend, the Third Hokage, and had perfectly mastered dodging the legendary Shuriken Shadow Clone Technique.
However...
Smack!
Gengetsu Hōzuki brutally punched "Danzo" square in the jaw.
"Danzo" didn't even flinch.
As expected of the legendary Professor of the Shinobi World, the Third Hokage refused to drop the Transformation Jutsu, completely committing to the bit even under heavy fire!
But then—
"That guy is an Edo Tensei too! You don't need to hold back!" Granny Chiyo's sharp voice rang out from the sidelines.
Gengetsu's eyes flashed.
He instantly flipped his hand, formed a finger-pistol, and aimed point-blank straight at "Danzo's" skull.
Sarutobi Hiruzen tried to twist away, but Rōshi charged in and pinned his limbs down.
With a loud poof, the smoke finally cleared, and Sarutobi Hiruzen reverted to his true form.
Off to the side.
Since the barren desert offered absolutely no natural cover, Granny Chiyo popped open a storage scroll and summoned three large, bulky wooden puppets, arranging them into a makeshift privacy screen so she could finally use the bathroom in peace.
After finishing her business and stepping back out, Granny Chiyo completely froze.
'Where the hell is Danzo?' she thought, staring blankly at the scene. 'Why is it this old fossil, the Third Hokage?'
"Well now, I completely understand." Granny Chiyo's eyes narrowed as the pieces clicked together.
"Sarutobi, you old bastard! Don't tell me all those unforgivable evil deeds rumored to have been committed by Danzo over the decades were actually just you, running around transformed into his face?!"
She stared at him, wearing an expression of absolute, terrifying realization.
"That has to be it! Sarutobi, this old bastard, is way too evil! He's absolutely no different from that stray dog Ōnoki! Let me tell you, not a single one of the Third Kage are good people!"
Even while viciously roasting Sarutobi Hiruzen, Rōshi still made sure to catch Ōnoki in the crossfire.
"You've all completely misunderstood..."
Seeing that his cover was permanently blown, Sarutobi Hiruzen sighed, fully prepared to explain his grand strategic plan: that he deliberately kidnapped Granny Chiyo solely to isolate her from Uchiha Madara's clutches.
"Oh, right! Jiraiya is his direct disciple! That pervert Jiraiya must be in league with him! No wonder he kept 'accidentally' obstructing us during the entire chase! So that's how it is!" Rōshi suddenly shouted, putting the final pieces of the conspiracy together.
Everyone's piercing gaze instantly snapped toward Jiraiya, who had just stumbled over to join them after getting the poison sucked out of his system.
Jiraiya's lips had been aggressively vacuumed by the medical toad, leaving them wildly swollen and puffy, making him look exactly like Kakashi did a few hours ago.
"Jiraiya!"
"Everyone, don't panic! Just listen to my explanation!"
Sarutobi Hiruzen knew this was absolutely not the time to argue.
The longer they bickered, the more aggressively the situation would spiral out of control.
So he frantically weaved signs and spawned several Shadow Clones.
Completely ignoring the others as they tried to tackle him, the clones forcibly began rapid-firing his explanation.
This completely bypassed the classic dramatic trope where everyone just covers their ears and screams, "I'm not listening, I'm not listening!"
Finally, under Sarutobi Hiruzen's desperate, multi-tasking efforts, the chaotic group—who had originally all been operating on totally different wavelengths—finally synced their intel.
They quickly realized that every single one of them was here for the exact same reason: to completely sabotage Uchiha Madara.
Granny Chiyo also pitched in, sharing her classified intel.
She laid out the mechanics of One's Own Life Reincarnation, the Rinne Tensei, and Madara's insidious "revive me first, then I'll revive yours later" contract.
After digesting the full scope of the threat, everyone collectively breathed a massive sigh of relief.
Their paranoid gut instincts had been completely spot on. Uchiha Madara really did have a world-ending scheme brewing!
"Chiyo, you shouldn't return to Sunagakure right now. Staying anywhere near Uchiha Madara is a massive security risk. Come hide in Konoha; we have the infrastructure to protect you," Sarutobi Hiruzen suggested firmly.
"Why the hell should she go to Konoha?! She should obviously come to Iwagakure instead! I will personally stand guard and guarantee Chiyo's safety!" Rōshi snorted coldly, immediately challenging the Hokage.
"Then Jiraiya and I will stand guard together! The two of us will personally protect Granny Chiyo's safety!" Sarutobi Hiruzen refused to back down an inch.
Standing off to the side, Gengetsu Hōzuki stroked his little pencil mustache, looking deeply confused.
'Strange,' he thought.
'Everyone just laid their cards on the table and hashed out the grand conspiracy... so why the hell are they still aggressively fighting over Granny Chiyo?'