"Don't panic! What's with that damn expression, Hashirama? I merely drank a bit of milk. I didn't expect this body to be so frail that it couldn't even hold in a little milk!"
Uchiha Madara lowered his head to look at himself, then immediately gave a cold explanation with a completely blank expression.
In the original timeline, after Madara was revived, he immediately bit his own arm to feel the thrill of pain, making it seem as though he had some kind of weird masochistic fetish.
But fundamentally, it was because Madara truly was not used to the Edo Tensei state, where he could not feel a thing.
And that was after he already went through multiple world-shaking battles.
Right now, Madara had merely stayed calmly inside a small house for a few days, so naturally, he hadn't fully gotten used to it yet.
It could even be said that Madara simply disdained getting used to this weak, pathetic body.
'Adapting to the behavior patterns of a frail body will only give me the mindset of a weakling. Sooner or later, I'll regain my strength!'
Therefore, it was completely normal that Madara didn't notice actual milk leaking out of his armor.
He deliberately chose not to pay constant attention to every change in his body.
If Madara were cautious and timid, he could carefully inspect his entire body with his eyes every so often.
In that case, even with an Edo Tensei body that had no sense of touch, he could avoid most embarrassing abnormalities.
But Madara would ABSOLUTELY NEVER do that!
If he did, he would no longer be himself! It would be "unworthy of me, Uchiha Madara!"
And judging by how smoothly he deceived Hashirama without the slightest hesitation, claiming that what leaked out was milk—although it really was milk—it proved that while Madara disdained adapting to the mechanisms of Impure World Reincarnation, he still perfectly understood them.
He knew very well that Hashirama, also being an Edo Tensei body, had zero sense of smell either, so he couldn't detect anything unusual about the scent.
Sure enough, Hashirama fell for it.
"Madara, we're both dead now! We don't need to eat or drink. Besides, Tobirama told me that Impure World Reincarnation bodies don't have organs! We don't even have stomachs or intestines! Of course this would happen if you drank milk… Speaking of which, Madara, how come I never knew you liked drinking milk?"
As Hashirama spoke, he looked at Uchiha Madara very suspiciously.
He and Madara were childhood friends who grew up together, and even after growing up, they were still close companions.
How could he not know what Madara liked to eat?
"Why do you have the bizarre illusion that you understand me very well?" Madara remained utterly expressionless.
"Uh…" Hashirama felt as if that sentence physically wounded him.
He dramatically clutched his chest.
"Don't forget. Back then, after I faked my death and escaped, I lived far longer than you did," Madara added another sentence.
He felt that he still had to stabilize Hashirama a little.
If he accidentally made Hashirama run away, then Tobirama would definitely be the one torturing his ass next.
"Oh! Right!" After Madara reminded him, Hashirama realized it and happily clapped his hands together.
"Madara, you lived all the way until you died of old age! As an elderly person, drinking some milk to supplement your weak bones is very reasonable!"
"As long as you understand."
Madara turned his head away and casually picked up a book, preparing to learn about the current state of the ninja world.
Hashirama didn't say anything more.
He felt that the atmosphere these past few days had been quite nice. If things could continue like this, then even if Madara wasn't persuaded by him, it wouldn't matter!
Persuading Madara was simply for the sake of getting him to join their side and assist the new generation.
But judging from the current situation, they weren't exactly lacking Madara as a fighting force anyway.
If Madara didn't join, then so be it.
As long as he didn't get in the way, it was perfectly fine.
Moreover, Hashirama discovered that this weak and delicate Madara was basically equivalent to what they previously meant by "breaking Madara's arms and legs," wasn't he?
Madara began reading.
At first, it was fine.
But as he continued reading, Madara gradually became restless.
His gaze occasionally sneaked toward Hashirama, who was chilling not far away.
If Edo Tensei bodies could sweat, he would already be drenched in a cold sweat by now!
Originally, Madara thought that, as an Edo Tensei body, he had plenty of time and room for error.
Whatever Hashirama wanted to do, he could slowly wear him down, as long as he achieved his goal in the end.
But after reading these damn books, Madara felt that he had to speed things up!
The evil one was not only Tobirama!
That bastard Hashirama was also harboring wicked intentions towards him!
The books literally said: After the battle at the Valley of the End, Senju Hashirama sealed the Nine-Tails inside Uzumaki Mito precisely so that, while drilling her, he could feel the aura of his close friend, Uchiha Madara.
There was also some crazy shit like: Uchiha Madara's greatest weakness is that he dislikes others standing behind him.
As long as someone stands behind him, he becomes tense.
But only the enthusiastic citizen Senju Hashirama said that removing the word "tense" was also fine.
Therefore, the knowledge Senju Hashirama liked the most at first was "thick Confucianism." (A bit confused with this joke and i don't have any idea how to change it)
Why say "at first"?
Because as time passed, Senju Hashirama discovered that when working, "alternating tension and relaxation," "proper looseness and tightness," and "balancing work and rest" were the true principles!
And so, Senju Hashirama brought over the head of the Hyūga clan and literally had Uchiha Madara learn Rotation!
There were far too many of such unhinged, unofficial histories!
Uchiha Madara felt that even if someone were trapped in the Infinite Tsukuyomi, they still wouldn't necessarily be able to imagine such psychotic plots!
But these plots weren't the main point!
The key was another terrifying detail that became way more horrifying the more he thought about it.
Hashirama had deliberately bought these strange books for him to read.
Was he trying to hint at something?!
Also…
The only person in the world who knew that he disliked people standing behind him should have been Hashirama, right?!
For this book to fabricate such a specific unofficial history, perhaps Hashirama had also secretly fanned the flames behind the scenes!
Terrifying.
Too damn terrifying!
Uchiha Madara was extremely grateful that Edo Tensei bodies had no intestines.
Otherwise, with his current frail body, he might be contaminated at any moment by this beast in human clothing, Senju Hashirama!
But even so, Madara still felt that he absolutely could not stay here for long.
Over the past few days, he had tricked a lot of intel out of Hashirama.
Among that intel was what happened not long ago during Konoha's Chunin Exams.
Madara didn't care about stories of little kids fighting.
What he remembered was that a certain new-generation ninja had actually attempted to threaten the naturally evil Senju Tobirama, saying something about transplanting a womb and vagina into an Impure World Reincarnation body!
This new-generation ninja clearly had a very promising future.
But now, thinking about this matter again, Madara suddenly felt horrified.
Impure World Reincarnation bodies had no passageways, but that absolutely did not mean things couldn't be transplanted into them!
If the naturally evil Tobirama could stuff aphrodisiac drugs into his body, then he could, at any moment, transplant some usable organs into him for his elder brother's sick enjoyment!
Then looking again at Hashirama, who occasionally let out a lewd chuckle while reading across the room…
'As expected, neither of these Senju brothers have any good intentions towards me!'
...
A few more days passed.
Their neighbor Sasuke once again went out to purchase daily supplies.
Madara urged Hashirama to leave as well and go to Amegakure to buy him some new books.
After completely confirming that both of them had left…
Madara revealed a highly wicked smile.
This time, he was going to truly seize the cells of Asura's chakra reincarnation!