"Woof woof!"
Having eaten his fill of premium kibble, Akamaru's tracking efficiency skyrocketed.
The moment Kiba gave the command, the hound leaped to a spot by the nightstand and began barking.
"Did you find something similar in the trash bin beside Kakashi-sensei's bed?"
Understanding Akamaru's meaning, Kiba rushed forward to gather the evidence.
"Wait a minute... this Chakra signature isn't Naruto's. It's Kakashi-sensei's own."
Kiba sighed in deep disappointment.
"But this still counts as circumstantial evidence," Shino said, pushing up his sunglasses. "Why would both Kakashi's and Naruto's unique Chakra signatures be expelled in the exact same bedroom? What kind of intense battle took place here?"
"Right! Shino, you're always thinking ahead—wait, aren't we forgetting something? The most crucial, physical evidence is still downstairs on the street!"
Realizing their mistake, Kiba dashed to the shattered windowsill and peered down.
Fortunately, no random passersby had bothered to snatch the spilled items.
(Konoha Villagers: Why the hell would we bother stealing a broken flower pot and a puddle of cum?)
But a new logistical problem arose.
Spilled ... milk cannot be gathered.
"How are we supposed to collect all this as evidence?" Kiba groaned in frustration, staring at the messy puddle below.
"How about we send Akamaru down to roll around in the puddle and soak up the fluid with his fur? Then we can wring him out to retrieve it when we need to present the evidence to the Hokage?" Shino suggested logically.
"No fucking way!" Kiba exclaimed, horrified.
He usually slept with Akamaru in his arms every night.
Sending Akamaru to roll around in that cursed substance would be no different than Kiba rolling around in it himself.
As for using their own clothes or towels to soak up the mess, who would willingly volunteer for that?
After a moment of hesitation, Hinata timidly proposed, "If we can't think of a clean way to collect it, maybe we should ask the rest of our class for help?"
"Wouldn't that be a bad idea?" Shino hesitated. "If too many people find out about this scene, Kakashi-sensei's reputation would be ruined beyond repair."
"What's wrong with that?" Kiba said nonchalantly, crossing his arms. "If Kakashi is innocent, involving more people won't change the facts. But if he's guilty—and he's already done something like this to his own student—then he deserves the social ruin! Letting more people know might even prevent other Genin from becoming his victims."
"..."
Shino couldn't shake the feeling that Kiba was acting as if Kakashi's depravity was already a proven indisputable fact.
"Fine. I'll go notify the others." Shino released a swarm of communication insects out the window.
The three continued awkwardly searching the apartment.
Before long, the rest of the Konoha 12, alerted by Shino's creepy bugs, had gathered at the crime scene.
Kiba quickly briefed them on what had happened and what they had smelled.
"What?! Kakashi's actually...?" Ino stared at Sakura in pure shock.
"...Sigh." Sakura, surprisingly, showed zero shock at the cursed news.
Instead, she just rubbed her temples and sighed.
"It's entirely plausible," Tenten remarked, stroking her chin in deep thought. "Gai-sensei being single for so long makes sense, but Kakashi-sensei being single for so long despite his looks? There's definitely something fishy going on behind closed doors!"
"Forget the gossip for now. Let's secure the evidence first. Ino, Tenten, let's go." Sakura cut off further speculation, taking charge.
The trio descended to the ground floor street.
Ino and Sakura stood on either side of the puddle, exchanged a nod, and simultaneously slammed their fists into the pavement.
As Medical Ninjas, precise Chakra Control was paramount, and their monstrous strength-based taijutsu also required exceptional control—provided they consciously focused it.
Their synchronized punches precisely dislodged a massive, clean chunk of the pavement containing the puddle.
"Tenten, you're up."
"Got it!"
Tenten pulled out a large, heavy-duty storage scroll and tossed it over the massive boulder lifted by Ino and Sakura, safely sealing the contaminated rock inside.
Since no one wants to physically touch cums, this is the only way.
After securing the scroll, the trio returned upstairs, where the boys had already begun ransacking the closets.
"I... I found something," Hinata suddenly said, weakly raising her hand and pointing toward a false floorboard in the closet.
"Byakugan!"
Neji activated his Byakugan and peered through the wood where his cousin was pointing.
Spotting a hidden compartment, Neji hurried over, pried the board up and pulled out a stack of hidden books.
"...?"
Kiba felt a sudden chill run down his spine, a cold dread gripping his heart as he looked at the shy Hyuga heiress.
'Why does it feel like Hinata specifically waited until the entire class was here to speak up about a hidden stash? That spot was right nearby!'
'If she'd used her Byakugan earlier when it was just the three of us, she would have found it immediately, right?'
'Could Hinata actually be a sociopathic wolf in sheep's clothing?'
'Did she purposely hold onto the location of this crucial evidence, waiting for the maximum amount of gossipers to gather so she could completely expose Kakashi-sensei and ruin his life?'
While Kiba's mind raced with paranoid theories about Hinata's true nature, Neji tossed the forbidden books onto the floor for everyone to examine.
"What are these?"
"Huh? Are we even supposed to be looking at an adult's private stash?"
Kakashi's legendary collection of porn books was now being thoroughly scrutinized by a dozen teenagers.
Soon, however, the group discovered a specific book buried at the very bottom of the stash—something that seemed... highly problematic.
"Ah!"
Sakura, who first examined the unmarked cover, recoiled in shock at its contents, dropping the book like it burned her.
The book was a rare, underground find in the Shinobi World—a proper, explicit yaoi novel depicting the romantic bonds between men!
Kakashi had purchased this specific type of novel because he had learned from Makoto's that a crucial condition for Sasuke's Sharingan to evolve was the unbreakable, emotional bond between him and Naruto.
Kakashi wanted to find underground literature on the subject to glean psychological insights and inform his future guidance of their relationship—a fitting, academic endeavor for a responsible team leader trying to prevent his students from killing each other.
The reason it was hidden at the bottom of the stash was simply to prevent casual guests from accidentally seeing it and misunderstanding his sexual orientation.
But now...
Kakashi, still diligently working as a garbage man at the Land of Fire's border for Makoto, remained blissfully unaware that his public image was rapidly crumbling into dust!
The Genin group had already begun conjuring horrific scenarios in their minds, imagining what might have transpired between their teacher and Naruto in that very room.
Kakashi: I've got some real goodies hidden in my room.
Naruto: Kakashi-sensei, why do you have so many yaoi novels?!
Kakashi: No big deal. Come on, check this specific chapter out.
Naruto: Kakashi-sensei, is this... some kind of demon summoning thing?
Kakashi: Aww, you're blushing! Let me take a closer look...
Such was the wild, cursed imagination of teenagers!
"We have to report this to Lady Tsunade immediately!" Ino shrieked.
"Kakashi-sensei is a menace! No wonder he loves using the Thousand Years of Death so much—he really has that kind of perverted taste!" Sakura yelled.
"But I remember Naruto used the Thousand Years of Death recently too! He even used it on Gaara from Sunagakure!" Lee chimed in, confused.
"Huh, that's strange. Kakashi and Naruto are both known as Konoha's unpredictable number one ninjas. Who's really ... who's the bottom and top in this dynamic?" Tenten pondered aloud.
"Wait, is this really the time for such a discussion?!" Neji snapped, rubbing his temples.
Everyone argued back and forth until the noisy commotion moved all the way to the Hokage Tower.
With Kakashi away on his sanitation mission, Tsunade was forced to return to her desk and resume handling the boring official duties.
She froze in surprise when a dozen loud children suddenly barged into her office carrying a sealed boulder and a stack of porn.
As the group frantically recounted their cursed findings, Tsunade quickly grasped the ridiculous situation.
"I think I understand what you found," she said flatly, stopping Tenten, who was about to unseal the radioactive cum boulder on her expensive rug.
"I will have the Anbu formally interrogate Kakashi when he returns from his mission. Don't worry, we will never let a predator go free, nor will we wrongly accuse an innocent man."
Tsunade, of course, knew the truth.
Naruto was currently training on Mount Myōboku and mailing his milk back to the village—how could Kakashi have possibly harmed him in his apartment?