Tomorrow I would have to go to school and face all that shit again.
God, why do I even have to attend school when I'm already broken?
Even if I tried convincing my parents, they would send me anyway. And Ava would definitely get mad at me if I skipped school again.
So basically?
I had no choice.
Just when I was busy overthinking everything, my phone buzzed.
A message.
From someone I didn't really know.
I had seen him before though. He often liked my stories.
"Heyyy."
I replied,
"Oh hii."
"I'm Arvin. And you?"
Ohuu.
So he was introducing himself.
"Kelly."
"Ohuu."
We started talking casually, and in the middle of the conversation he randomly called me "sis."
And honestly?
It felt nice.
Like I suddenly had a brother.
Someone who would support me without expecting anything in return.
Someone who wouldn't judge me.
I asked,
"Umm... if you don't mind, can we just talk like siblings?"
"Yeah, sure."
Haha.
Finally.
A brother.
After talking for a while, he suddenly asked,
"By the way, whenever I see your stories or notes, I feel like you're sad. May I know the reason?"
I stared at the screen.
Should I tell him about Max?
Maybe I should.
After all, he was like a brother now. Plus, he lived far away. Nobody from school would ever find out.
So I told him everything.
About Max.
About Kate.
About the confession.
About waiting.
About getting my hopes up.
About getting hurt.
After reading everything, he replied,
"Sis, I'm giving you a golden piece of advice."
I frowned.
What was he talking about?
"Don't expect him to be yours."
My heart skipped a beat.
"Doesn't matter how much effort you give or how much you wait. He'll never be yours."
I looked at the message for a long time.
And the worst part?
A part of me knew he was right.
Max loved Kate.
They had been together for almost one and a half years.
People don't just forget someone they've loved for that long.
Not overnight.
Not because another girl appeared.
I replied quietly,
"Umm... but I have genuine feelings for him."
Ari replied,
"Then my advice is to move on."
Move on.
Again.
Everyone always says the same thing.
Move on.
Move on.
Move on.
As if it's some switch inside your brain.
As if feelings disappear just because somebody tells you to forget them.
Honestly?
People who say that have no idea what it actually feels like.
Because if moving on was that easy, I would've done it already.
I wouldn't be checking his profile every few hours.
I wouldn't be reading our old chats at midnight.
I wouldn't be smiling at old voice notes like an idiot.
I wouldn't be sitting here hoping for a message from someone who couldn't even choose me.
I locked my phone and threw it beside me.
Five minutes later, I picked it up again.
No message.
I laughed at myself.
This was embarrassing.
The boy literally told me he still loved another girl.
Yet I was sitting here waiting.
Waiting for what?
A miracle?
Another confession?
A sign that he actually wanted me?
Nothing came.
Not a single notification.
The entire evening passed.
Then the night.
Still nothing.
I don't know why, but that hurt more than the voice note.
At least when he sent the voice note, he was talking to me.
Now?
It felt like I didn't even exist.
I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling.
Every sentence from that voice note replayed inside my head.
"I can't leave her."
"I can't hurt her."
"You deserve someone better."
God.
I hated those words.
Not because they were cruel.
Because they sounded final.
Like he had already made his choice.
And it wasn't me.
I turned to my side and buried my face into my pillow.
I wanted to be angry at him.
I really did.
But every time I tried, my brain started defending him.
Maybe he's confused.
Maybe he's scared.
Maybe he's trying his best.
Maybe—
No.
Stop.
I was getting tired of making excuses for someone who wasn't even trying to keep me.
Eventually I fell asleep.
The next thing I knew, my mother's voice was echoing through the house.
"Kelly! Wake up!"
School.
Shit.
I jumped out of bed and got ready as fast as possible.
Unfortunately...
I was late.
Again.
When I reached school, the gate was already closed.
I stood there staring at it.
Completely done with life.
"Duhhh."
After somehow convincing the principal to let me enter, I rushed toward my classroom.
The moment I entered, Ava looked at me.
"Why are you so late, girl?"
I dropped onto the seat beside her.
"I'm sorry, bro. The gate was already closed."
She made an annoyed face.
"You should come early, duhh."
I laughed weakly.
At least one thing was good.
Max wasn't in my section.
I had already changed to Section B.
He was in Section A.
Which meant I didn't have to see him every day.
Or at least...
That's what I thought.
I rested my head on my desk.
Max was probably sitting beside Kate right now.
Talking to her.
Laughing with her.
Looking at her the same way I wished he'd look at me.
The thought alone was enough to ruin my mood.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize the bell had rung.
Then suddenly it hit me.
The next period.
Our classes were going to be combined.
My stomach dropped immediately.
No.
No.
No.
I don't want to face him.
Not today.
Not after that voice note.
Not after spending the whole night pretending I was okay.
Not after hearing him say he couldn't leave her.
I looked at Ava.
Then at the classroom door.
Then at my bag.
For a second, I genuinely considered running away.
Because seeing him online hurt.
But seeing him in person?
That was a completely different kind of pain.
And unfortunately...
The teacher was already walking toward our classroom.
Meaning there was no escape anymore.
And somewhere inside me, I already knew this period was going to hurt a lot more than I was prepared for.