Zac noticed March. The wolf demon was not laughing with the others.
"Duke Amdusias," Marchosias howled, "you have caused enough misfortune in my keep! I cast you out!"
The room went silent again. Zac put a finger in his ear to try to clear the ringing; the day had had quite volatile volume dynamics.
"HA!" The unicorn man gave a very performative stage laugh. "As if you could repel me, little Marquis. A sad little puppy begging for your old master's approval could never-"
Zac winced as he watched Bune suddenly and violently grab the unicorn's legs and rip him from the table. The horned horse-man smacked his chin on the wood before Bune tossed him towards the door. Amdusias smacked the polished floor sideways, landing on his ribs with a sickening crunch.
"Arghh!" the horse whinnied. "I am not a stunt man, Bune! What was that about?!"
The demonic lead singer slowly stood. An ominous music, sounding like violence, started to grow in volume as the unicorn looked enraged. "I will tell everyone you have a virgin avatar here! I don't care if you think he is helping you with-"
Huff.
Bune rose to his full height and stalked over to Amdusias. "I hate you so much."
Bune's two heads coughed and then breathed in deep. Zac nodded. That's right, Bune, spray that bitch with some of your fire.
However, when Bune opened his mouth, purple flames did not come out.
"A war is not won with many ships
(it is won with dirty tricks)
A battle is not fought with swords and whips
(it is fought with words from lips)
A fight is not settled due to an armies size
(it is settled by who can apprise)
A brawl is not lost when your last soldier dies
(it is lost when you fall for lies)
Our allies may agnize over all the ships that capsize
They'll chastise every unwise use of surplus supplies
And that is why we will lose
A melee is not hopeless against an ascender
(it is hopeless when you surrender)
A skirmish is not pointless even with a blender
(it is pointless if your goal is splendor)
A conflict is worthless if you're afraid of the char
(but it is worth it if you will go so far)
A struggle has no purpose if you wont risk a scar
(so are we willing to burn out the stars)
Par is not enough, we must raise the bar
Our bizarre avatar will be our spy from afar
And that is why we will win"
Zac smiled. The dragon man's ability to harmonize with himself really was quite amazing, and the operatic singing was actually pretty good. He started clapping.
Bune looked back at Zac and blushed before quickly looking back at the unicorn man, who was also clapping and yelling about how Bune must join the demonic carolers.
Bune crossed all four of his arms, his posture rigid. "I do not have the time for such trivialities. Unlike some, my position does not involve... entertainment."
"But you could!" Amdusias said, leaping up and trotting around the dragon. "You're a Duke! You are above this front-line Marquis business. Not to toot my own horn, but I could pull some strings with the Kings and-"
"I do not have time for such trivialities," the dragon butler's heads said in tandem, cutting off the musical sales pitch.
"I do appreciate your offer, brother, but I cannot leave my current post," the Left Head said, its tone softening just slightly. "Although you do not understand the pride I feel in my current role, it is... vital."
Bune's Right Head nodded solemnly. "The Broken Antler may not have the best track record, but I hope you understand the importance of the work we are doing here."
The glam unicorn man looked at Zac, his rainbow eyes narrowing thoughtfully. "I would not have guessed that Ose would have actually done something useful finally. Every time he gets audited he just lies and tricks the Princes. You know, I've overheard that they are going to put him on a memorandum of reprimand for shirking his duties."
"Good!" Zac yelled from across the room. "That bastard is a total dork. He's not even as hot as he looks!"
Amdusias raised an eyebrow before slowly turning back to Bune. "If you do not wish for me to tell the others about this, I can try my best to keep the secret."
"That is all I can ask of you," Bune said.
"But," the horned horse said, dramatically holding a hand high and closing it into a fist, "there is no way you will be able to keep this a secret from the others at the Ball. And I will be informing the Princes that their invitation has been delivered."
Bune groaned, a sound of profound social anxiety. "Fine. I will attend."
The unicorn man's feathered outfit ruffled as he turned and walked to the door. With one hoofish hand on the handle, he looked back over his shoulder, a mischievous glint in his eye. "The Princes will expect all of you. Including your... surprise guest."
The unicorn whinnied with laughter as he quickly exited stage left, the door swinging shut behind him.
Bune and Zac both turned to look at March to get his reaction, and it was basically what they expected… the wolf was rubbing his temples and looking very, very tired and disappointed.
Before Zac could offer the stressed-out ultra-dad a shoulder rub, Nock gave a little cheer. "Huzzah! Everyone loves a party!"
"Ugh," Andras said, leaning against a wall now, "there better be an open bar."
Marchosias slowly walked toward his chair, looking like he was carrying the weight of the entire infernal bureaucracy on his shoulders. "A room full of drunken demons. Every year they waste time with this nonsense. And now they expect us to bring Zachary along with us? To what, stand there silently? He is just an Avatar. It's not like he is the first human to be conscripted to a demon."
"But I'm the cutest, right?" Zac said as he watched the very responsible wolf standing in front of his seat. "Am I going to meet any other humans there? It might be cool to see how others are dealing with Hell."
Marchosias gave a tired sigh. "I am not sure who else is working in the recruitment office this century. So many humans are banal, there is very little reason to bother with contracting them."
Zac nodded somberly and whispered, "The only reason I was recruited was my lack of anal."
"I said banal," March groaned.