Shigure was discharged before dinner like Akashi promised, the warm fabric of her newly-ironed uniform pressing on her skin as she quietly stepped out of the docks, ready to eat her dinner alone before quietly retiring for the night.
And those hopes were immediately dashed as she was greeted by her sister ships zerg-rushing her, giving her one hell of a group hug as she was slowly suffocated by her sisters' passionate embrace, and had to spend about five minutes to convincingly reassure them that she wasn't going to do anything drastic like taking her own life, after which they finally believed her and ushered her towards the canteen.
The fact that they kept her in their sights at all times didn't escape Shigure's notice, although she was was rather ambivalent about her sisters' skittishness around her and how they looked as though they really wanted to confront her, yet tried their best to pretend that everything was alright.
Noting the slightly reddish eyes of her sisters, Samidare's wet gloves, the barely perceptible redness of their noses and the sniffling of her sisters told her that they had been crying, and Shigure now felt even worse about trying to take her own life and almost inflicting an unimaginable amount of pain on them, the kind that can only be felt when a sister ship sank.
Shigure was currently eating porridge with scrambled eggs on one plate, salted fish on another with a small dish of peanuts and bauxite seated alongside a chilled steel fuel can, a meal specially made by Mamiya to help her recover from her injury.
But her sisters were too nervous to try and engage her in conversation, or in Yuudachi's case, too engrossed in trying to scarf her food down after a long day while Samidare and Murasame genuinely looked worried about her, but Japanese manners dictated that they act as though everything was alright so as not to provoke her and make things worse, although Shigure knew that deep down, they really wanted to console her.
Just another inconvenience that arose when being reincarnated as a humanoid; you have to behave just like a human did.
Sigh.
Looking down at the piece of refined bauxite in her spoon, she decided to engage in a neutral topic as she asked Samidare why bauxite was so important in maintaining their bodies after seeing Kaga and Akagi hoard a small mountain of the refined reddish-brown ore, and since her blue-haired sister was a bit more knowledgeable about the physiology of the ship girls as she studiously listened to her seniors who conducted their lessons, she answered Shigure's question.
"U-Um, bauxite is used for what is known as 'External Unit Control', and bauxite is ingested so that our bodies can break it down and use it to maintain the neural networks that connect us to our weapons. Any ship girl up to a heavy cruiser class doesn't require too much bauxite to function, because our weapons are mostly handheld or are comparatively small in size compared to the larger cannons of the battleships. Power is transmitted to our weapons via touch or through our riggings, and the activation of our cannons..."
"Which means firing off a shell, right?"
Samidare nodded politely, Yuudachi now losing her interest in the conversation as they veered off into technical territory, the blonde destroyer shifting her attention onto the dinner tray before her.
"Firing a cannon is either done by hand since our cannons are mostly handheld, or by sending a signal into our riggings in order to get them to swivel around to aim at the target and then fire. The thing is that our weapons don't consume too much power, are small in size to allow us to hold and move them around, and they're in contact with our riggings or hands, hence allowing us to maintain a direct link with them."
Shigure nodded as she slurped on some of the porridge and swallowed it before asking inquisitively.
"But carriers and battleships require more bauxite to maintain, am I right?"
Murasame nodded, her sisters now looking extremely eager to take this chance in order to distract her from whatever depressing thoughts that may still be plaguing Shigure as her sister chimed.
"Of course, since their weapons are considered heavy-duty. The carriers need to maintain a wireless connection with their planes over long distances so that they can give their orders and allow their reconnaissance planes to transmit a live feed of the ocean in order to scout ahead. The Fairies are the ones who fly the planes, but the carriers have better situational awareness, and also understand the flow of battle well enough to command their plane squadrons effectively. They require powerful, wireless radio-control capabilities in order to command and micromanage their planes if the need arises, and need bauxite to fuel this ability and even boost it in certain cases if consumed in bulk."
Shigure nodded, picking up a small, refined bauxite piece with her spoon and wondering about how the battleships required so much bauxite to function in battle, and remembered Samidare's quote about their handheld cannons being rather small when compared to the large-caliber cannons of the battleships.
"And the battleships need bauxite to move their cannons because of how much the cannons weigh?"
Samidare nodded sagely, patting Yuudachi on the crown of her head as the blonde destroyer took the chance to tuck in after seeing that her sisters were talking about what they learnt in boring lessons, the blue-hair Shiratsuyu-Class destroyer elaborating.
"In a way, yes. Battleships need bauxite to not just start, but also stop the movements of their gargantuan cannons quickly and accurately as their cannons can only be fired from their riggings. Without it, their cannons would lag due to high inertia, and the difference in two or three degrees in aim could mean hitting or missing a small island entirely."
Shigure nodded, opening her mouth to ingest the piece of bauxite as she felt the metallic taste of the refined aluminium ore upon biting down, noting out of the corner of her eye that her sister ships were smiling tensely, exercising tact in the classic Japanese way to make sure not to use potentially aggravating words and politely changing the subject in order to skirt around the issue and defuse the situation.
It was somewhat bothersome to see her sisters treat her like a delicate porcelain doll, as though she could be easily broken and had to handled with care, but in light of recent events and the sincerity in their concerned looks, it was understandable that they wouldn't want to say anything that would exacerbate her condition as they didn't know about the talk that she had with Akashi and Admiral Haru.
She felt the crunchy yet soft texture of the material as the bauxite material deformed and broke down inside her mouth, Shigure feeling rather thankful for their steel teeth that were significantly stronger than a human's, and were thus entirely capable of eating bauxite when humans would most likely be suffering from cracked teeth if asked to replicate their feats of eating metal on a daily basis.
Indeed, when one considered the sheer size of the large-caliber cannons compared to their paltry hand-cannons, Shigure could see the reason why the battleships needed bauxite to transmit a large amount of power into their riggings in order to accurately move their cannons around.
They couldn't manually move their cannons around like destroyers and cruisers could with their handheld cannons, and thus had to transmit immense power down their spines which was then transferred to their riggings that were coupled to the base of their spinal columns.
Like the carriers, eating more bauxite would help boost their signal transmitting abilities and help them to swivel their cannons around faster to hit enemies with potent evasive abilities, and since their neural networks were powered by bauxite and were integral to their performance on the battlefield, it almost justified the sheer amount of resources they needed to consume when compared to the less resource-intensive cruisers and destroyers.
But Yuudachi, after feeling her mind start to overload from listening to her sisters talk about facts that they had learnt in lessons, lessons which she sometimes slept through as they bored her, threw her hands up in order to change the subject and exclaimed out of concern for her sister ship.
"Maa, that's all irrelevant! Shigure, why did you run back into the battlefield and die three days ago, Poi?!"
Two of her three sisters that were present temporarily froze, unsure of how to approach the subject since their blonde sister ship had thrown tact out of the window in order to directly ask Shigure about her death in the Battle of Mikura Jima Island, which was likely connected to her blood-stained past and was something which they were convinced was a sore point for Shigure.
Fortunately for them, Shigure had tried her best to put the disastrous battle behind her, sighing in relief as she gave them all a tired smile and explained herself.
"Well, I wanted to save my battleship teammates who had volunteered to stay behind and fend off the Flying Dutchman. I didn't want this to end up like another Surigao Strait."
Yuudachi's face lit up upon learning the reason for Shigure's suicidal actions, but her eyebrows furrowed and her expression soon clouded over as it was obvious that she was trying to connect the dots in her mind in order to see the similarities between the two battles, her expression and mannerisms slowly but surely deflating as she eventually came to an understanding and uttered,
"Oh."
As Murasame gently bopped her on her head with one cheek puffed out, slightly miffed at Yuudachi's insensitive question.
Samidare placed her gloved hand over Shigure's left hand as she leaned to comfort her and tried to salvage the situation.
"Shigure, you don't need to feel obliged to share anything with us. We understand if..."
But Shigure shook her head, trying her best to get through to her sisters that she was capable of moving on from her trauma, and despite her bloody past casting a long shadow over her, she wanted to make sure they understood that she wouldn't try to keep her emotions from her sister ships of all people, responding firmly as she placed her spoon on her porridge bowl and placed her right hand over Samidare's hand in order to turn the tables on them as she comforted Samidare.
"No. I know that you all know about my past, and it's understandable that you'd be worried about me. But I'd prefer it if you all expressed your concerns up front rather than try to skirt around the issue out of tact and be left wondering about how I'm doing whilst keeping silent."
Samidare leaned in to confirm Shigure's statement, her bright blue eyes reflecting the kind of concern that sister ship would instinctively show towards her siblings as Samidare asked in a mature tone.
"Are you sure, Shigure? I mean, you went through a lot in the last war..."
"And the rest of you haven't? I can't be so selfish as to say 'my pain is greater than your pain' and assume that all of you are incapable of understanding me and shut you all out without saying anything, right? I'd prefer it if you were honest and upfront with me like Yuudachi was, rather than hurt yourselves trying to suppress your concerns out of 'politeness' and whatnot."
Samidare blinked upon hearing that as Shigure lifted a hand to pat the at-attention Yuudachi on the head, but Murasame piped up.
"But we're just worried that if we say the wrong things to you or dredge up bad memories, you may react negatively and push us away as a result. Besides, is it wrong for us to try and respect your privacy by trying not to touch upon the various disastrous battles that you were in?"
Shigure turned to Murasame and gave her an easy smile as she reassured her sister.
"Well, if that were the case, I'd tell you all to leave a certain topic well alone beforehand. But know that you're my sisters, and I'd certainly try my best to understand if you wanted to help me out by talking to me about topics that I'm not very comfortable with sharing in order to try and get to know me better and to get me to open up."
Shigure looked back down at the table and at her food tray as Yuudachi leaned in and rubbed shoulders with her to give her some moral support.
"This war is unpredictable, and no one can say for certain when any one of us might sink tomorrow. I really wish that we can be a little more honest with each other, because I don't want any one of us to move on while wondering how things could have been had we been a little more honest with each other and expressed our feelings a little more freely. And if you have something to tell me, please don't keep me in suspense by saying 'I want to tell you something after this operation', because according to what I've learnt from the entertainment industry of the 21st century, that's a death flag and I'll be killed off. Touch wood, but if I were to ever sink in battle, I really don't feel like spending my last moments obsessing over what you wanted to tell me."
Yuudachi then piped up, innocently asking about something.
"Maa, but when you say it like that, can we use it as bait to get you to fight harder in order to ensure that you come back and find out what we wanted to tell you, Poi?"
Shigure blinked a little, spotting Samidare trying to hide a knowing smirk and realized how she gave her sisters the bait needed to keep her alive, Shigure leaning over and playfully slapped a giggling Yuudachi on the head whilst shushing her, Murasame tilting her head back to think about Shigure's words before nodding in acceptance as Shigure took the chance to try and elaborate on how she wanted their relationship to be like.
"I really don't want to respond negatively to your concerns and flare up at you all in times like these, where your concern is the one thing that I need the most in times of crisis. I understand that I'm the one sister ship who angsts a lot..."
Murasame and Yuudachi snickered upon hearing that as Samidare halfheartedly shushed them with a suppressed smirk, but they all kept quiet to allow Shigure to finish her sentence, the dark-haired Shiratsuyu-Class destroyer being extremely grateful for their thoughtfulness, sincerity and dedication.
"... But I never want you all to feel like I'm alienating you all simply because of my personality and past experiences, forcing you all to treat me with kid gloves and look at me like I'm a walking time-bomb or something. I don't want you all to ever feel wary about approaching me."
Her smile waned as she looked down at Samidare's gloved hand, which was still placed reassuringly on her left hand as she explained herself to her sisters.
"And besides, I think that as my sisters, you all have a right to know how I'm feeling at all times.bIt's something that I'd ask you all should something happen to any one of you, and I understand that I have to practice what I preach by honestly expressing my woes and thoughts to those who are closest to me, namely my sisters."
Samidare's expression softened, her furrowed brows relaxing to show her benign smile as she gently held Shigure's hand and reminded her that they would always be there for her, and that they would respect her decision to keep certain things to herself.
"Of course, Shigure. But remember that you don't have to tell us everything, and if you feel that it's too difficult or traumatizing to tell us something..."
Shigure looked back at her again, returning the warm smile to show that she truly understood her intentions, and then looking down as she elaborated more about the Battle of Mikura Jima Island.
"Well, I was told by Akashi that I should have run instead of sailing back into the battle, where my lack of training and traumatic flashbacks would only serve to hinder everyone and paint myself as an easy target. And I think this needs to be said, so I shall simply say that the incident where Hiei and Haruna protected us from the Dutchman was what temporarily drove me over the edge and made me jump back into the fray."
Her sisters were all silent, their smiles now wiped off their faces as they listened to the luckiest and quietest of the Shiratsuyu-Class, understanding that this was a rare occasion where Shigure was taking the initiative to express how she felt whilst experiencing the worst moment of her life thus far.
"Akashi said to my face that it was a stupid move, because sacrificing myself back then was a pathetic attempt on my part to absolve myself of the guilt that I felt. Looking back at my own actions, I have to agree that it was rather silly of me to rush in without any plan whatsoever."
Murasame came to her defense as she commented, understanding the fact that traumas were extremely powerful mental driving forces that could cause unpredictable responses in different people.
"Well, that's not exactly your fault now, is it? You weren't in your right mind, and your actions were a result of you wanting to prevent Hiei and Haruna's sinking at all costs, like… You know..."
Murasame looked away as she muttered in order to finish her sentence, as though she believed that the decrease in volume would change anything.
"... Fusou and Yamashiro."
Shigure gave Murasame an aside glance before nodding and commenting about her current status.
"Well, she did say that she understood my reasons for acting out like I did, and that's the reason why I'm not suspended from duty due to either insubordination or concern over my mental health. And besides..."
Shigure looked towards her sisters, shifting in her seat and swiveling her head so that she could see them all as she revealed to them her most important reason for staying alive, those reasons currently being seated around her.
"She told me that I had all of you with me here, and that's all the reason I need to keep fighting on. And I now know that I nearly made one of the greatest mistakes one can do, and almost inflicted the same pain and loneliness that I felt onto you all.
And I vowed, never again."
Samidare and Murasame seemed extremely relieved upon hearing this, the former ship girl inhaling deeply as she straightened up and allowed a smile to grace her concerned face while Murasame exhaled in relief and allowed herself to unwind by stretching her arms, Yuudachi choosing to respond with a genuine smile as she heartily slapped Shigure on the back and chirped.
"Maa, it's good to know that you'll be taking your own life a little more seriously out there, Shigure!"
But Yuudachi was strangely the one who chose to give Shigure her opinion on things, her smile relaxing as she regarded Shigure seriously before speaking her mind.
"But Shigure, I really don't want you to feel as though you have to shoulder the burden alone and try too hard. I know that we may have had different experiences in the night, where I shined and excelled while you, well… You're like, the opposite of me in the night, Poi?"
Shigure nodded, feeling interested in what her beloved sister had to say, seeing that she chose to compare how the both of them had a love-hate relationship with the night, with Shigure being somewhere on the "hate" end while Yuudachi was firmly on the "love" end of the spectrum.
Yuudachi was sitting next to Shigure, so they were able to shift their bodies around to lock gazes with each other, Yuudachi expressing her own opinion on things as she took hold of Shigure's right hand and continued.
"You don't have to feel as though you have to try too hard to overcome your trauma too quickly. You see..."
Yuudachi leaned in towards Shigure, now commanding the dark-haired destroyer's full attention as she explained.
"In light of recent events like the Flying Dutchman owning the Combined Fleet, I understand if you want to try even harder to improve yourself and want to overcome your fear of the night, which stems with your history with Surigao Strait in order to eliminate your glaring weakness. But know that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder isn't something that can be 'cured' or 'eliminated' like this, and you should never feel like you have to tackle this issue alone when you have the support of your fleet and sister ships. And I know, like I said, I've never been through what you've been through, so I may not have the right to say this..."
Yuudachi's eyes drifted away upon uttering this sentence, but Shigure surprised even herself as she gently shook off Samidare's hand in order to clasp Yuudachi's hand as her eyes hardened, reiterating.
"No. I never want you to feel as if there's anything you can't talk to me about for whatever reason. You and I may be as different as night and day, but know that I love you regardless."
Yuudachi broke out into a relieved smile as she exhaled and continued,
"Please do not ever feel as though you need to improve yourself at a pace that exceeds what you can handle physically or mentally. Your friends will also strive to improve along with you, and will be more than willing to help you in the recovery process in order to come to terms with your trauma. You'll arguably be spending more time with them than with us, but know that I'll also be training myself up to become stronger in order to protect you in the dark, Shigure."
Shigure smiled upon hearing that, the both of them gently clasping their hands together in a sister-like manner as Murasame, upon seeing her two sisters become closer to each other, rolled her eyes non-derisively as she commented in a good humored manner.
"Wow, I've heard of opposites attracting, but I think this may be a little too much. I mean, the two of you couldn't be more different, and yet are so close to each other."
Yuudachi puffed her cheeks out, now becoming a little overprotective of their relationship as she released her hands in order to hug her affectionately, huffing rebelliously.
"Oh yeah? How so, Poi?"
Murasame dryly pointed out how Shigure and Yuudachi were like night and day as Samidare took the time to tuck in before their porridge got cold, Shigure attempting to do the same but was stuck firmly in Yuudachi's embrace.
"Well, for starters, Yuudachi, you like the night but possess blonde hair and an extroverted personality. Shigure prefers the day while possessing black hair and is quite the introvert, and one would think that our makers would think to try and rectify the dichotomy between you two."
Samidare added after seeing Yuudachi and Shigure so close together and possessed certain qualities that reminded her of two celestial objects that symbolized the day and night and only served to highlight the dichotomy between them.
"Well, when you consider the fact that Yuudachi's as vibrant as the sun while Shigure's personality is as quiet and as subdued as the night, it only seems natural to assume that Yuudachi would like the day, and Shigure the night. But Yuudachi's nickname as the Nightmare of Solomon is a result of her brilliance in the nighttime, and as night battle is destined to be her forte, it would certainly seem that she is an agent of darkness. Shigure looks like the kind of ship girl that, despite excelling in night battles, prefers to fight in the daytime where she feels safe, so..."
Yuudachi puffed her cheeks out, tightening her grip around Shigure as she was quietly eating her food and almost caused her to drop a piece of fish on her lap, hearing Yuudachi pout about how their sisters were overthinking things.
"Maa, day or night, I don't really care! I'll be sure to train myself up to the point where I can protect myself in battle anytime, any-day, Shigure!"
Shigure swallowed her food, but was interested in what her sister ship had to say as she craned her neck so that she could look Yuudachi in the eye, seeing the dogged and resolute determination in her eyes.
"I don't want you to think that I'm incapable of protecting myself, despite not currently possessing a Kai remodel. So how about we both aim to attain our Kai Ni and develop our full potential, Poi?"
Shigure smiled in agreement, but Samidare interjected with a small warning in order to remind them that safety came first.
"Yes, girls. But remember, Yuudachi, you need to stay safe, alright?"
Murasame nodded while taking on a slightly sarcastic yet benevolent tone as she added.
"Yeah, kinda defeats the point if you risk your own life to get stronger, but fail to protect yourself in battle as a result."
Shigure nodded as she finished her dinner and lowered her spoon, looking around at her sisters and appreciating the amount of concern they all showed towards her, thankful that she had sister ships to share her woes with.
A shadow loomed behind her and she turned around whilst noting the surprise that overtook the expressions of her sisters, finding herself looking at a metallic box with a smiling face emoji on it as it stared back at her at eye level.
Shigure looked up to see Shimakaze standing over her, her expression dead-serious as she looked at her with a mix of complicated emotions, Shigure managing to discern agony, relief, remembrance and certain internal conflicts about something or another within her through her gaze, the skimpily-dressed destroyer speaking up.
"Looks like you're still kicking, huh?"
Shigure smiled and cheekily replied whilst meeting Shimakaze's gaze.
"Well, I certainly wouldn't want my sisters and friends to feel lonely without me."
Shimakaze's eyes widened a little before narrowing upon hearing Shigure utter that sentence, and Shigure could see that the destroyer revealed a moment of surprise and pain in her eyes, barely perceptible and was quickly covered up, but was still picked up by her nonetheless.
Her mind started wandering, wondering what sort of ship girl she would deem close enough to be akin to a sister, going through her list of possible candidates before remembering the one other ship that her past captain, Captain Hara Tameichi, had captained during the war.
Amatsukaze.
Member of the Kagerou-Class of destroyers and was related to Shimakaze in that her design was used as a template in order to create Shimakaze, and just like that, Shimakaze must have seen the Kagerou-Class destroyer as a sibling of sorts out of sheer loneliness due to being one of a kind, and Shigure's eyes also narrowed, starting to understand why Shimakaze was here.
Indeed, the Shimakaze-Class destroyer held her three Rensouhou-chan close to her, a natural reaction as they were her close companions, the cuboid turrets silently waving their arms at the rest of the Shiratsuyu-Class destroyers as Shimakaze explained herself.
"Well, I wouldn't want you to sink before I can get to have my rematch with you. And besides..."
Shimakaze's eyes softened as she looked down at the floor, and Shigure could see the pain and worry in her eyes as she finished her sentence.
"I wanted to share my secret with you after I prepared myself mentally, but when I heard that you died in battle..."
Shigure inhaled as she connected the dots in her mind, speculating on the fast destroyer's thought processes and could see that it wasn't out of the question for the destroyer to see her as a very special friend, since Shigure was a newcomer and didn't know about anyone's pasts.
Because of her newly crafted status, Shigure had a special privilege in this base where her ignorance, in this case, was an unorthodox advantage as she could safely ask them about their pasts.
They had to enlighten her lest they make themselves look rather standoffish, and in a society like Japan, almost no one wanted to make themselves look bad in the eyes of what was essentially a child.
Shigure's promise with her meant that Shimakaze could prepare herself mentally in order to share her past with Shigure at her own pace, and allow the Shiratsuyu-Class destroyer to get closer to her as a friend and help her start recovering.
But that promise meant nothing if she was at the bottom of the ocean like Amatsukaze and left Shimakaze alone.
Her sisters were now respectfully silent as were Shimakaze's three Rensouhou-chan, understanding that whatever went on between them stayed between them as Shigure asked.
"I assume that you're here because you're ready to tell me everything?"
Shimakaze solemnly nodded, looking away and shifting on the spot as she tried to determine a time and place for them to meet.
"I want to get this off my chest and honor the promise between us before you go on your next death-defying sortie. Knowing you, you'll be recklessly training yourself up by participating in more and more sorties, and I'd rather tell you everything now than take my chances and delay it any more than I have to. I'll meet you tomorrow, and—"
"No. We'll go tonight."
Everyone surrounding swiveled their heads around to stare at her, Shimakaze looking rather surprised by this turn of events as Shigure looked up at the Shimakaze-Class destroyer and explained herself.
"I'm sorry. But like you said, I'll be busy starting tomorrow."
Her gaze turned into one that seeked the acceptance of others, her gait softening as she pleaded.
"Please understand, I'm a newly crafted destroyer who has a lot to catch up on. If I'm to be a member of the active roster of ship girls, then I need to close the gap in terms of experience by going on more sorties."
Shimakaze blinked, taking a very deep breath and allowing her chest to swell before deflating, finally scratching the back of her blonde hair and bluntly instructing.
"Alright then. Finish your dinner, and meet me outside. Be quick about it, because we'll be taking a hike to the base's graveyard."