"Huh...?"
Li Chenyuan sniffed. "...At my house, you almost died at the hands of that promiscuous scholar demon."
Qiu Yunru's face reddened. "Promiscuous? I think she was just wearing a revealing dress..."
"She kept trying to make me admit I wanted to sleep with her...I really didn't want to..."
Qiu Yunru rubbed his face, remembering that day with exhaustion. "I must have been too focused on trying to escape the Binding Ink."
It was Li Chenyuan's turn to go red. He jerked a little, turning his face away as though remembering something scandalous. "Mm."
Qiu Yunru, thankfully, didn't notice. He sighed and leaned back on his arms, looking up at the stars thoughtfully. "I guess it's true. I really could have died that day. But it's not as if I was trying to get in that situation."
Li Chenyuan frowned, hugging his knees to his chest. "Obviously not. If you were trying to get killed, that wouldn't be the same thing. But if you end up in a situation where your life is in danger and you save someone else, that's another thing. And that wasn't the only time. At the Lan Bing Caves, you stopped those corpses from killing me...and you almost died from drinking that poison in Jin He City..."
Hmmm. Qiu Yunru thought about this. It was true, wasn't it? These things had indeed all happened. It seemed he had indeed saved this kid's life a number of times.
However, he couldn't help but feel that that couldn't be a reflection of his character. After all, isn't accidentally getting into a situation and fighting your way out just a natural instinct? When things were peaceful, he would rather be alone and only think about himself.
Li Chenyuan saw him frowning, and frowned in return.
"You have such a low opinion of yourself," He muttered irritatedly. "It's annoying."
"I'm really not trying to have a low opinion of myself!" Qiu Yunru protested. "I think I'm all right! But I'm not some sort of great person."
Li Chenyuan grumbled, burying his face in his arms and muttering something.
"What...?" Qiu Yunru leaned a little closer, trying to catch what he was saying. "I'm sorry, I can't hear you..."
"You apologize too much!" Li Chenyuan suddenly snapped, raising his head and nearly smashing into Qiu Yunru's poor nose. "Stop it."
"...I really don't think I do..."
Li Chenyuan continued to grumble. It seemed he wanted to say something, but soon enough, the moment passed, and he sighed, lying back in the grass.
"Qiu-ge..." He murmured, clutching the grass in his hands. "Do you really think it's possible I can avoid ending up like that?"
This was a difficult question.
Of course it was possible; about, ah, fifty percent possible. But that was as much guarantee as flipping a coin, and surely wouldn't be at all comforting to hear.
"Of course it's possible," Qiu Yunru answered, his voice faltering a little.
Li Chenyuan narrowed his eyes, looking sideways up at his shige. "You're trying to make me feel better."
Qiu Yunru sighed. This kid really was too perceptive, catching him right away. "...I'm not lying. It really is possible. It's just...I'm a little worried."
Li Chenyuan was silent. He turned over in the grass, facing away from Qiu Yunru.
Sensing that Li Chenyuan was on the verge of tears again, Qiu Yunru quickly specified:
"I really think you're a good kid. If you didn't have this kind of burden, there would be nothing to worry about. I guess it's just...that it might be more difficult for you than for others." He rubbed his head a little, sighing once more. "If you train with Shizun, I'm sure you'll get a handle on it. And...maybe there's also a way to remove to the demonic qi..."
Li Chenyuan grumbled. "There's no way besides tracking down that demon who made a deal with my ancestors and getting them to lift the qi by their own volition. Who knows if they're even alive anymore? I'm fucked."
"You're not fucked. There are other ways to manage it, and even so, it's possible you won't be drawn towards being evil at all by those kinds of powers. I doubt we know enough about them; it could be that people with evil dispositions are just able to act more openly with such powers, so you might have nothing to worry about."
Li Chenyuan rolled over, looking up at Qiu Yunru with uncharacteristically sad eyes.
"Gege."
Qiu Yunru nearly jumped out of his pants. All of the hairs on the back of his neck stood up at once.
"Ah! Why did you call me that?"
Li Chenyuan frowned crankily. "What's wrong with it? I call you Qiu-ge, so why is adding another 'ge' so shocking?"
"I guess...but..."
But it made this strong young man sound like a young maiden...!
"But what?" Li Chenyuan snapped.
"Nothing! It's fine, it's fine. Anyways, what were you going to say?"
Li Chenyuan grumbled a little. Then he rolled onto his back and crossed his hands over his stomach, staring up at the moon.
"If I do become like that...will you promise to stay far away from me?"
Qiu Yunru blinked.
What he was thinking, was:
Are you kidding? If you become a mass-murderer sadist who likes stepping in guts and crushing skulls, I'll move to the other side of the planet!
Instead, he said:
"...I...Would that make you feel better?"
Li Chenyuan nodded.
"All right. I'll...stay away if you become like that. But you shouldn't think like that. You won't become like that, so there's no need to consider such things."
Qiu Yunru felt suddenly like a huge hypocrite.
Whenever considering his own life, he never assumed good things would happen. He would always consider the worst outcome and plan for that thing. This way, he felt safer overall, even if he was sometimes bogged down with worries. After all, his body had turned out to be a piece of shit that often hurt him; why shouldn't he plan for other things to turn out like shit so that he could face them when they came?
However, for some reason, he didn't want to encourage that kind of thinking for this kid. He'd much rather see Li Chenyuan happy and considering positive outcomes than miring in possible catastrophe like himself.
When had he come to care about this kid's happiness?
When they arrived back at the Jade Clouds Sect, Qiu Yunru stood there awkwardly for a little, conflicted.
"Can I hug you again?" He asked awkwardly. Li Chenyuan, with his eyes swollen from crying earlier, certainly looked like he needed another hug.
Without answering, Li Chenyuan grabbed him.
It was like being strangled by a boa constrictor. Qiu Yunru could barely lift his arms to hug his shidi in return, while his shidi's lanky arms squeezed the life out of him. it wasn't until he felt a tickle on his neck that Qiu Yunru realized Li Chenyuan had buried his face in his neck. He yelped a little, causing Li Chenyuan to pull back.
"Did I hurt you?" Li Chenyuan murmured. Qiu Yunru couldn't help but feel a little strange looking at him. This kid's eyes had gone strangely hazy after that hug. What was that look?!
"No..." Qiu Yunru lied. "But you tickled my neck...isn't it a little much to put your face on my neck...?"
Li Chenyuan's face reddened, and his eyes cleared. He looked embarrassed. "Oh..."
Seeing his face fall, Qiu Yunru was once again seized by the desire to make his shidi feel more comfortable. There wasn't anything wrong with putting your face on someone's neck in a hug, right? It was where your head naturally ended up! Nothing strange about it...right?
"It's fine, it's fine," He said quickly. "We should get to sleep."
As he turned to walk towards the dorms, he found he couldn't move again.
Li Chenyuan was tugging on his sleeve like a pitiful child, looking as sleepy as he had on that night in Jin He City.
"Gege..." He murmured drowsily. "Can I sleep in your room tonight?"
Qiu Yunru stared at him.
"...Excuse me?"