It happened again! Another great cycle where nothing went wrong with Joey! Just like what Joey predicted, the weird blue thing that Joey has been calling an 'overseer' appeared and tried to blow up both Joey and Inv!
But Joey was able to throw it away and Inv was able to kill a bunch of lizards, which was able to fill Inv up!
And this time Since Inv wasn't feeling as tired as he was like last cycle, he was able to carry Joey for the rest of this cycle! This cycle has gone so great!
Even if Inv felt he pushed it a bit too far with the whole carrying thing… Joey still talked to him about it. Which made Inv feel better, knowing that Joey also felt the same way for Inv…
…
Climbing into the shelter however… Inv felt extremely nervous. The cycle had gone by so quickly that it felt like they just left the shelter moments ago!
Standing up, Inv (with great reluctance) loosened his fur around his back. Letting Joey hop down on the shelter floor. Watching the exit to the shelter close, Joey says something to Inv.
"Phew… that was a pretty good cycle. Don't ya think Inv?" Momentarily forgetting his anxiousness from Joey's words, Inv responds back.
"Mhm! Te blu ting keps brigin dos lizrds hear! Es nic…" Inv hopes the dumb blue thing keeps trying to do the same thing over and over. Then he would never have to look for food again! He could just enjoy his time with Joey…
With that thought however, Invs nervousness slowly creeps back in. He could only enjoy his time with Joey after telling Joey the truth… right?
At this point Inv felt like he was showing a lie to Joey. It made Inv uncomfortable parading around as a slugcat now that he was with Joey…
How could Inv truly enjoy his moments with Joey if Inv always had this thought in the back of his mind?
"Well, just be prepared for the next cycle Inv. I don't think that's gonna happen again" Joey turns his gaze away from the shelter exit and looks up at Inv, warning Inv about the overseer.
With his hope about infinite food put down…
"O-ok…" Inv says back in a mutter. Slightly saddened by the thought of actually having to put their lives at risk for more food the next cycle but also growing more anxious for what he was about to say next…
Trying to think of what to say, Inv watches Joey walk around in circles, slowly laying down on the ground on all 4's in a position Inv has never seen before.
As if it were magic, both of Joey's arms and legs disappear underneath his body. Only leaving his body, tail and head in visible sight.
Even with the lack of limbs however, Joey seemed comfortable in the position. Looking up at Inv…
Inv could tell Joey was waiting for Inv to say something, especially since he's told Joey on multiple occasions that he wanted to tell Joey something when they got back to the shelter.
…
…
…
Trying to pull whatever confidence he has, Inv slowly starts to speak.
"J-joey… i… i wan tu tel u somting" Inv is finally able to say, his heart pounding in his chest from fear and anxiousness. His stomach was starting to not feel good as well…
"The thing you wanted to tell me earlier?" Joey asks back, his head slightly tilting.
"Y-ye… dat…"
…
Inv goes quiet, trying to think of a way to tell Joey. the words not forming in his head for some reason.
"Ok… well… what's wrong?" Inv see's a look of concern on Joey's face as he asks this.
…
'Ok… come on Inv! You got this! You just have to tell him! Tell him what you are! Tell him you aren't a slugcat! Show him the truth! Just like fake Joey said! If Joey can accept that…'
…
Then Inv would truly be happy…
Taking a deep breath, Inv tries to resolve himself. To tell Joey the truth.
"Joey… i… i…" Inv starts then stops, the words on the tip of his tongue. So close to telling the truth but stopping himself at the last possible second.
"Joey i…" Inv try's again just to fail. Not able to cross the final hurdle.
Inv keeps trying. Keeps trying to say the right words. But each time…
…
He goes quiet. Each failed attempt gnawing away at his confidence. Each attempt growing more and more negative emotions inside Inv. negative thoughts like.
'What if he doesn't accept me? What if he feels betrayed? What if he attacks me? What if he runs away? What if he hates me?'
…
'What if I never see him again?' This final thought truly drove Inv into despair, the thought of never seeing the one being that ever treated him with kindness disappear from his life… at this point, Inv couldn't imagine a life without Joey.
Feeling intense sadness and fear from these thoughts…
"I-Inv… it's ok if you don't want to tell me. You don't have to force yourself…" Inv hears Joey say, a clear look of concern on his face.
But that was the whole point! Inv would never feel ok if he didn't tell Joey! Inv wouldn't be able to truly say that he felt happy with Joey! Keeping such a secret from him…
Inv had to tell him! He had to! Joey has to know! Only then can Inv truly feel at peace!
But… he couldn't! If he told Joey the truth it would ruin everything! It would ruin the one good thing that has ever happened in his life! He didn't want to let that go! Not after searching for so long!
"I… umm… jus waned tu sai dat…" He had to! He had to say it! Say it damn it! Tell him the truth! Tell him what you are! Don't ruin the one good thing you have!
'But I can't! I can't tell him! It would ruin everything… i… I CAN'T. I CAN'T TELL HIM!'
With one last push of despair, Inv feels a looming feeling of resignation. Deciding not to tell Joey the truth.
… he just couldn't…