How long had it been since he was cast into the void of the shadow realm? Days, weeks, months, years—he couldn't tell anymore.
He couldn't feel anything anymore. How was he even still alive after all that time in there?
All these questions and more flooded his mind over and over again. He would close his eyes and hope to ward them away.
A dream—that was all he needed to keep his sanity. But they rarely came, and when they did, he would find himself reliving that moment again and again.
Yet, he still closed his eyes and hoped for a dream. A dream of the sun's warmth, a dream of food, a dream of water, a dream of freedom.
More often than not, he would recall his face, his manner of speech, even his stance, all with a burning hatred.
Emios Volgard!
If not for him, maybe his life would've gone differently. Maybe he would've had the chance to live the life his father wanted for him. But now he was going to die all alone in the void.
At some point, he gave up and wished for the solace of death, but he couldn't even have that. This didn't come as a shock to him, though.
His father had once told him about the realm of shadows. How it worked differently from the physical world, how the bodies of those cast into it without the light of the Rebel Eyes were left in a sort of stasis, where they would keep living from the nourishment of their souls.
There was no such thing as hunger, pain, or exhaustion.
It was just empty.
For those who had lived lives of pain and regret, it might have seemed like the ultimate paradise, a place of peace away from the world and from conflict.
But what they didn't consider was how the mind would react to such a world. Years of numbness and loneliness would drive them to insanity, and after living out their lives in the void, they would die as helpless madmen with no recollection of their identity.
The only way to keep your sanity and identity was to have a burning desire.
That desire would act like a fuel to carry them through the dark.
But for Lloyd, that fuel was running out, and he could feel himself slipping away.
It felt strangely soothing, yet agonizing at the same time.
Something drove him to open his eyes again, and when he did, he saw it.
That glimmering star.
Those words that his father told him rang out through his mind.
And so he reached his withered hand out toward it, but he wasn't able to make it.
"It's too far away," he thought. "I can't reach it."
"Father, do you think less of me now for being so weak?"
There was no answer.
The light of the star began fading away again, and that was when he snapped.
"That's it," he thought as he kicked his weak legs, trying to swim toward it. "I'm tired of this hell."
"I want to see the sun again," he said aloud in a weak voice for the first time since he could remember. "I want to live!"
"I want to be free!"
The light was growing, and with it so did his hope, so he kicked and stroked his arms with all the strength he could muster.
It was right there in front of him.
He could see it.
Then it slipped away again.
That was it.
He couldn't swim anymore.
It was all over.
He fell back down again into the void, all alone. He felt angry at himself for even reaching out like he did.
What made him believe that there was even a star there in the first place? Maybe it was just the product of his insanity.
That was all it should have been, just a small glimmer of hope, but he felt heartbroken.
As if it was all for nothing.
And for the first time, he shed a tear.
He couldn't see it. The only thing that made him recognize it was that faint sensation on his cheek.
Picturing the sight of his father's back, the emblem of the Nova Knights beneath his armor, he felt even more tears streaming down his cheeks.
Why did it have to end the way it did? he thought.
Maybe it would have been nice to live the way he wanted.
The way he wanted?
How did he actually want to live?
For most of his childhood, his life seemed like it was going to follow the same script as those of the other Nova Knights, but was that really what he wanted?
When his father said that he really didn't want to become a Nova Knight, was he telling the truth?
If he ever did make it out, what was he going to do with his life?
He scoffed it off as something pointless for him to ask.
Dreams like that would only cost him more of his sanity.
That realization gave him a sense of peace, and so he closed his eyes again, but this time he didn't hope for anything.
Just silence.
Then he felt a whisper in his ear.
"Is this how you want to spend the chance at life that they lost?"
The voice was familiar but muffled, and he paid it no mind.
He had already given up on it.
Hope only gave him more pain.
Even so, he found himself opening his eyes again.
Once he did, he could see the star again.
This time it wasn't far off in the distance but just a few kicks away.
Why did it have to mock him like that, he thought.
Right when he was about to find peace.
He turned his head to the side and squeezed his eyes shut.
Then he heard the whisper again.
"It's right there, Lloyd," it said. "All you have to do is reach for it."
"It will just fade away again," Lloyd replied.
Then he felt a push on his back that propelled him toward it.
"Not this time," the voice said. "So don't look away."
He turned his face toward it, and its purple light glistened in his eyes.
Suddenly he didn't want to give up anymore.
He felt that burning desire that fueled him rage.
It was only a single kick at first, then another, and soon he found himself swimming with all his might.
With both his hands reaching out, he watched as it enveloped him with a warmth that he hadn't felt in so long.