Waking up and staring at the ceiling is something Gem does every morning until her body responds — Are you awake?
— Yes — Yenedith replies in her raspy voice. She turns to look at her.
— Would you judge me if I told you something strange?
— Never.
— I'm thinking of putting her up for adoption… I can't keep her. The truth is, I don't want that baby; I can't love her. I haven't even given her a name, I just call her Nina because that was the first thing my mom came up with.
— Why don't you do it before we leave?
— I'm sure my parents would fight for custody just to punish me. The truth is, having an abortion was too dangerous; I wasn't willing to die without being myself again.
— Of course — she interlaces her fingers on the sheet.
— I don't hate her, I really don't, it's just that I can't stand to see her cry; I can't hold her.
Yenedith hugs her until her tears run dry and brings her breakfast to avoid her grandmother's questions. — How about we go to the mountains? We'll miss the warm weather for a while.
— Yeah, I really miss swimming.
They both stop by the mall to buy new swimsuits and some hiking boots for Gem before being dropped off at the bus station. — Do you have a satellite phone? — Tadeus asks.
— We won't get lost, it's a very busy area.
— Also, give my number to the guide; I don't want you to…
— Okay, thanks for bringing us, even though it wasn't necessary — she says, giving him a hug.
— Well, have a good time — he says.
Gem says goodbye to Tadeus with a hug and thanks him before following Yenedith to the bus. When they arrive in the town, they receive the keys to their room at the hostel and wear their swimsuits under their clothes before heading to the central plaza, the meeting point for the guided hiking group.
The man introduces himself by his full name, takes roll call, and leads them to one of the jeeps that drops them off in a more remote area. Gem feels less nervous when she sees that among the twelve people, there are twice as many women as men, including the guide. — There are about twenty different species of birds in this forest. Some are migratory during the mating season; in some areas along the trail, you'll find signs with information about them, pointing out the spots where they're most likely to be seen.
— How about a café? I could base the menu on traditional desserts, and you're good with social media — says Gem, trying to keep her breathing steady.
— That's a good idea; we could rent a space in the center, near offices. People who work confined are the ones who crave sweets the most.
— You really know your stuff; I'm sure we'll do great.
— How much longer? — asks a woman further ahead.
— Another half hour, we've reached the Blue Fire Field — says the guide — In this area, there are many blue flowers that, at night, reflect the faint light from the stars, creating an optical illusion of a blue flame like the one we see in the stove. By the time we return, it will be nighttime, and you'll be able to see it.
Both look around the field, which is like a bare circle in the middle of the forest. As soon as they reach the waterfall, people start swimming and taking pictures with what's left of the sunlight. Gem urges her to get into the water once she reaches the other side of the lake. — There's a cave back there, you just have to keep swimming.
— But you have to wait for me if I get tired.
— Go ahead first, I'll be right behind you.
Yeendith nods, takes a couple of deep breaths, and dives into the water, where she starts swimming without getting very far. — Gem?
— I'm here, give me your hand — she says as she swims closer — You have to move your legs in circles so you don't sink. I'll push you forward, and you have to kick faster.
— Okay — she says, barely lifting her face out of the water. She remembers moving her arms and legs while keeping her head above the surface until she manages to reach the waterfall— I did it!
— Hahaha — Geem holds her hands for several seconds; they submerge themselves again and again to feel the force of the water as they resurface — Let's go to the cave — she says when she notices the exhaustion on her face.
— There might be bats here — says Yenedith as she sits on the edge. You can see her toes, but the water is too green to catch a glimpse of the bottom — About the café, I think we could come up with an artistic concept. How about we have wooden figures for people to paint? That would make the place more popular for dates; it wouldn't just be about selling coffee.
— Wouldn't that be expensive at first?
— Well, we have money.
Gem can't help but smile before turning her gaze back toward the shore — Come on, the guide is already calling us.
<><><>
His hands around the neck, the trace of blood in the bathtub, the drenched pants and the hole in the coat. His mother is on the green chair facing the window, looking at her first child playing by himself in the garden, breastfeeding — ¿Isn't he wonderful? You're gonna be that big one day. You'll be stubborn as he is while playing with your. Come here, get closer my love — she lets her hand fall to the floor and tilts her head slowly. The noises of her breathing take space in the darkness that's vaguely disrupted by the dim light lamp on a drawer beside the bathroom door — Get closer.
— I just came to make sure you take the medicine.
— But you never come only for that — she looks back at the ceiling — My handsome boy — she smiles once she finds his cheek.
— I'm taking my pictures today. I wish you could come to my graduation.
— I would like to see your sister.
— Yes — the boy wide opens the door, uncovers his mother and grabs her to then place her over the chair lift. He quickly goes back and forth to take the blankets, put them over the wheelchair before helping his mother sit.
— Where is your father? — she says once on the patio.
— He's in his office, I suppose.
— Let me see you with the gown and cap. I want to have one last memory of you before you go to the university — she says as the boy hesitates.
He goes upstairs to his room where he dresses as quickly as he can. He starts to regret wearing the suit when he struggles with the tie — What are you doing? Where is your mom?
— She's talking to Josephine in the… — he points at the window where there's no view of her.
He follows his father downstairs where the woman is supporting her steps with the counter — Hyacinth! — the man takes her in his arms and rests her over the bed.
— Go to my office, now! — that's how he used to make sure the wife wouldn't hear him — I told you your mother's not allowed in the kitchen.
— I'm sorry, it would just take me a minute, I swear… She wanted to see me with the gown.
He sighs and hugs him for a long time before breaking the embrace by patting his shoulders — Go say bye to your mom and get in the car, I'll take you to school.
— Is Dove already home?
— Yes.
He goes back upstairs and opens the door of the room, a room in the little cottage where he can distinguish the porcelain tea cup on the night table beside the bed. The man looks at the corridor illuminated by the natural light coming from the front door and the other rooms on the first floor. There's someone on the bed tossing and turning under the sheets. He moves the curtains to see his father crying anguishly embracing his pillow as to cover his mouth, as to suffocate himself — What does it hurt? Tell me where the pain is! — the old man pushes him to the floor and stops sobbing — Dad? — that gaze that was granted is taken away from him.
When Alexander opens his eyes the silence is still there, there's the darkness, the tears and the constant pressure in his chest, but there are also soft hands that warm his heart — They used to be warmer, they're still soft but they used to be warm. I wonder why… — he believes to think to himself while taking a deep breath.
— What are you mumbling about?
— I'm scared — he whispers — for you.
— I believe you when you say I'm going to be okay.
— People die under my care.
— That's never been your fault.
Alexander sighs and forbids himself. Lamenting oneself doesn't depend on how long one can hold his breath, the emotions are still there, they can be transformed with a caress in the lips, they can leave with tears that are absorbed through the skin and savored by a lover's tongue.