Alex felt that he was floating. Where he was floating, or in what space he floated, or whether he was truly floating at all, he could not say for certain. But he felt it. He truly felt that he was floating, as though his body had grown impossibly light, as though his pain had dissolved, his agony had dissolved, his distress had dissolved, and in their place had settled a peace so deep and so odd and so serene that it did not seem like something the world could take away from him. A peace and a bliss that seemed to stretch on into eternity and find no end. Slowly he drowned himself in that bliss and lost all sense of time.
He did not know how long he lay in that state, but when he opened his eyes for the first time in what felt like more than his whole life, he screamed. He cried.
He screamed and cried because he wanted to return to that place, the place that had cast him out so mercilessly like.
Like?
Huh?
Who am I?
Alex. The name came to him instantly, but he was unable to know anything more than that, and what did he mean by having lived in that space for longer than his whole life? What was his life before that? What had he been like? He looked down at himself. He wore plain white clothes, a white shirt and white pants. The names of the things he wore came to him instantly, though he did not know where from, but the names were there, waiting for him.
He looked through his tear-streaked eyes at the space surrounding him. It was a white, luminous, cave-like place. And what did he mean by cave? Ouch. It hurts. So he stopped pressing for answers, because it hurts, and he did not want any more pain.
With that thought settled, he started walking. He kept on walking and he did not feel tired. He was not exhausted. He felt no urge to stop, and his tears had already dried, and now he was running. He had already picked up pace. First he walked, then walked faster. Then started striding long and quick steps, then broke in running. Then he ran faster. So faster than he had ever run in his life. He felt certain of that, though when he tried to dig for the reason he felt that way, his head hurt once again, and so he stopped himself from digging. He noticed a tightness in his chest and felt oddly, keenly, that he was losing some piece of himself with each movement forward, but he did not press for an answer because it hurt.
The white luminous cave-like space zipped past him, blurring into waves of white shadow, like wind moving fast. What is wind? Ouch. His head hurt, so he shook it and fixed his eyes ahead of him, because he felt he was nearing something, some destination which from the very first time he appeared in this space was pulling him forward, and so he sped up even faster. Faster. Faster. He smiled like a child.
After what felt like an eternity, he skidded to a halt because the blinding light ahead of him had grown painful to his eyes. He stopped racing and instead took careful steps. His eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness, which was even greater than the luminous walls of the cave around him.
"Hello," Alex called out, his voice thin and uncertain. "Me, Alex." He neared the light and rounded a turn and then stopped.
He immediately took a step back.
"Hehe, big sis." A small girl giggled. She was half his height, the same as Ari... A girl with blue hair surfaced in his mind, and his head hurt so terribly that he squeezed his eyes shut until the image faded, and then he focused on the small girl before him.
Her arms were stretched wide open, as though trying to block him from passing through the gate-like structure looming behind her. The gate's frame was golden in color, towering and vast like a mountain, and its entrance was not visible, nor was there any door, but it radiated white light, and at its centre blazed a golden light.
The little girl was trying to block him from entering, though she was failing miserably, because if he simply walked around her he could pass through easily. But then his eyes moved to a second girl, one of equal height, standing at the corner of the gate with her arms crossed over her chest. She had the same pale white face as the little girl who was blocking the entry with her arms spread wide.
"Hehe, big sis, he looks normal." The girl with arms outstretched giggled once and turned her head to pout at the one she had called big sis. Both of them had pale white faces, rainbow-colored hair, and eyes with seven colors swirling within them, and round, bubbly faces, and they each wore a white gown that adorned them beautifully. They looked like angels who had come to carry him to heaven.
The girl with crossed arms walked over and stopped beside the other girl. She had the same round face, but her expression was stern and composed, unlike the other one who was smiling and giggling without pause. "Lil sis, he is not normal," she said, her voice just as soft as the other girl's but stripped entirely of naivety.
"What are your names?" he asked.
The giggling girl tilted her head and answered with a smile, "Lil sis." Then she broke into laughter. "And she is big sis, right?" She turned to big sis, who gave a single nod.
"But we are called by many names, hehe." The girl pouted. "But I don't like those other names." She looked frustrated for the first time since he laid eyes on her. But within a second she returned back to her usual self.
"I like lil sis more." She spun a full circle on her feet, grinning. "Because my big sis calls me lil sis. Heheh. But you can call me Lily."
"And call me Molly," the other added.
Lily suddenly ran toward him. No, she blurred, and immediately reappeared perched on his shoulder. "What's yours?" she chirped.
Before he could even fully understand what had just happened, Lily was snatched away and had returned to previous spot. Molly's hand grabbed the back of Lily's white gown and stopped her from running away. "That's rude," Molly reprimanded.
Lily's face crumpled and she began to sob. "Sorry."
A pang of guilt struck him, sharp and sudden, because he felt he did not like seeing her break into tears. The image came again of a small girl with azure hair crying, and his head ached with it, but he pushed the pain aside and extended his arms and walked to Lily and pulled the small girl into a hug. "Don't cry," he murmured, smoothing her back. "I am Alex."
She slowly stopped crying. He broke the hug and stepped back, and seeing her face bloom into a smile again, he wondered whether she was really crying or was just an act, but perhaps it was simply because she was still very young, and breaking back into smiles after tears came easily to her, the way it did with all small children. His head hurt again, some blurred images appeared in his head but he was unable to clearly see any of them. The images moved so fast and were so blurry that other than swirling of colors and patches of dark in the quickly fading images he did not see anything.
"You are kind," Molly observed quietly, nodding toward him.
"Can I enter now?" Alex asked, turning his gaze toward the gate and he pointed his index finger at it. He felt a longing for it, deep longing for it, the kind that had no clear reasons behind it. It felt like something he had worked toward his entire life. It felt like it led somewhere good, somewhere like heaven, though he did not know what heaven was or even meant. But, if he were to enter it and see it, he would know it just like how he knew the fact that all children looked like Lily and Molly. Maybe not like her but perhaps all children looked like them. His head again flared up. He stopped the pain from worsening by shaking the thoughts away.
Both girls shook their heads at the same time and spread their arms wide, Molly this time joining Lily in the gesture. "You cannot."
Alex took a step back, seeing both of their faces set with equal resolve. Lily's bubbly face had taken on a determined look that mirrored Molly's stoic one in a way that surprised him.
"Lily cannot allow," Lily announced, her pout firm and unwavering.
"Molly also cannot allow," Molly followed, her brows drawn together.
Alex was still debating whether to run and jump above them or simply walk around them, since they were small and he was fairly certain he could slip past, when both girls disappeared. They reappeared in the same instant, one at each side of him, hovering in the air at eye level, and simultaneously each pressed their tiny hand hand over his head.
"You have somewhere to return to." Molly declared and these were the last words Alex heard as the world went dark around him, and he lost consciousness.
***
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