Grandma's funeral came and passed. I still couldn't believe she was gone, Asher wasn't doing great on the other hand. He buried himself in work and he wasn't sleeping well, I knew the company was facing some issues because of the scandal but I didn't know it would affect it this much. I was sending an email asking the company I was interning for to give me some extra time because of the loss we faced, I knew I couldn't leave yet, it didn't feel right at all.
"How long are you planning to stay here for?" Rosy asked as she sat across from me, "I don't know maybe an extra week, not sure."
"Is it because of Mr. Sterling?"
"Kinda, he is not okay. He doesn't look okay."
Rosy nodded, "Apparently the investors and board of directors are sitting on his neck about the article that was published about his alleged affair with Ms. Aria."
I sighed, I didn't know what to do. He hadn't explained to me why he was kissing Aria, why he didn't make it to that dinner, not that I gave him a chance to but he never explained, he never said anything about the article. As I was in deep thoughts, Aria walked in, "Well, well. If it isn't my little sister who ran away from home," she said with a smug smile.
"Aria," I said already internally rolling my eyes. She looked like she had lost some weight, not in the good kind of way. "Why are you back here? Why haven't you gone back to wherever you came from?" she said. Rosy looked at me waiting for my signal so that she could maybe chase her out, frankly I wanted her to do that, I wasn't in the mood to deal with her tantrums and she seemed like she had a lot to say but I told Rosy to let her be. "You know Asher belongs to me, he has always been mine. When you were gone, things were about to fall in place but you just had to return, you just have to ruin everything."
She looked like she was about to explode both in tears and anger, this caught me off guard, why was she attacking me for?
"Aria.."
"No, let me speak. You were angry at me for leaving without a word, you acted like i committed the biggest sin by leaving and leading to you marrying Asher but you know deep down you wanted him. You are a sly fox, pretending like you didn't want Asher, now i feel like you have always wanted him, even when I was still here you wanted him right? Admit it," she said getting closer to me.
"Aria I am not in the mood to argue with you," I said.
"Oh right, we have to go with what Mrs. Sterling feels. You stole my marriage, my husband, my love, my life Zaliyah you don't get to act like the fricking victim."
"I stole your life? Aria you left without a word, without a hint as to where you were. I am sorry, I am genuinely sorry that I hooked up with your ex-boyfriend and got married to him but I didn't steal anything from you. I suffered my entire life, always being your shadow. Do you know what it feels like to always be second to you, to everyone. My own parents dislike me and I will never know why, you always act like you don't see it but I know you do—"
"Oh please, no one dislikes you. You always want to act like father and mother don't love you...this is what you always do. You put yourself second and act like we fucken put you there—"
"Because you do! I got married to Asher but he never loved me, I had to be in your shadow even in this marriage, and when finally I thought things were actually working out you came back. You came back acting like things would get back to the way they were, like I wasn't married to him. I was willing to back out—"
"Then why didn't you?!"
"I was, I was actually doing it." I said, I was now standing, both of us shouting and arguing. Rosy wasn't here anymore, I didn't even know when she left.
"Oh please I know you were not. You like you don't see it but I do," she said, this time her voice quivering as a tear left her eye.
"See what?"
"That he loves you, the way he looks at you, the way he touches you. Even when we were in a relationship he never looked at me like that," she said.
"What? He doesn't love me, he has never told me...he loves you," I said, I was shocked, I didn't know what to say. Asher loved me? She must have been mistaken, she must have got it all wrong.
"Maybe he did, four, five years ago but not now," She said as she sat down, she looked exhausted, tired, drained.
"Why did you leave without a word five years ago?" I asked her.
"It's complicated," She simply said, not another word added.
"Aria I am your sister, you can't tell me. Your own sister?"
"That is exactly why I can't tell you, because you are my sister. I can't drag you into whatever mess I created," she said, her face down. In that moment, the anger subsided, Aria looked so vulnerable, so fragile, like the burden she carried was too heavy for her. She didn't say a word after that, she simply got up and made her way out, I wanted to reach out but before I could do so Asher appeared, his eyes met mine and he made his way to me. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yes I am," I said surprised at his sudden appearance.
"Rosy informed me Aria was here and you guys were fighting, did she do something to you?"
"No, she wouldn't hurt me like that, it was just an argument," I said.
He sighed, he didn't even notice Aria, he didn't even glance at her or even try and see where she was. Was what Aria said true? Did he love me?
"You don't look okay," I said as I saw the under bags gracing his eyes, "I am fine," he said.
I had to get him to sleep somehow, "Well I made lunch, since you are here you might as well eat," I said making my way to the kitchen without waiting for his reply. I looked through the medicine cabinet and found the sleeping pills , I crushed them and mixed them in his food. As he was eating he ate as if he hadn't eaten for days, which made my heart ache, I had been so consumed with the funeral, grief, school I hadn't really checked on whether he was eating well or not. "Do you need more?" I asked but he shook his head, "No, thank you. Let me get back to work," he said rising from his seat, the pills would take some time to work.
"Uh Asher?" I called out.
"Yes."
"Uh I need help with something, can you help me?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"Uh, uh, upstairs." I said pointing upstairs, he nodded looking confused, "In the bedroom?" he asked.
"Yes...yes," I said standing up and we walked up the stairs to his bedroom. I sat on the bed and patted the space next to me. He looked confused but he came and sat next to me, "Asher, can I ask you something?"
"Yes."
"Do you feel important?" I said, randomly. I had nothing to ask him, this just came up into my mind and I just said it, he looked at me like I had something wrong.
"Do I feel impotent?" he repeated my question but he said the wrong word.
"What? No I said Important, Important," I said feeling flustered at how he misinterpreted my word, meaning he was slowly feeling drowsy.
"Well it sounded like you were saying Impotent, for a minute I thought you forgot what we did," he said smiling slightly.
"What we did? You mean five years ago? Actually you might be, five years?" I said teasingly.
"You know I am not," he scoffed seeming offended by what I said.
"How do I know? I mean people can become impotent after sometime you know, health complications, stress, so may things."
"Should I show you, you seem like you really want to know if I am or not," He said standing, I scoffed but because I was flustered, the thought had me feeling way to warm, I rolled my eyes to try and hide the flush on my face. "No, I am not interested," I said but he held my chin making me face him, "But your face is saying a different story Mrs. Sterling," he said with a smirk but he kept blinking, " Are you okay?"
"I feel drowsy, my eyes are so heavy," he said his hand dropping from my chin. "Well you haven't been sleeping well, maybe the sleep is catching up with you," I said as I helped him sit on the bed. "Yeah I haven't but this is...this drowsiness seems—"
"Just close your eyes and let your body rest Asher," I said as I made him lay on the bed, when I was about to step away, he held my wrist and pulled me to him. "Asher, what are you doing?"
"Please stay with me," he said he was dozing off. My head was on his chest and his arms were wrapped around me, I could hear his heart beat. As I lay there, I thought of all the times we were spending time together, the times we were happy and laughing like we were a young couple in love, the times we kissed. Did he really love me? I didn't want to entertain the idea but everything made it seem true and in that moment I just wanted it to be true. I wanted to believe that as I lay on his chest listening to his heartbeat, his heart longed for me.