On the morning of their third day back, it was finally time for the class Maurise had been cautiously anticipating: Defense Against the Dark Arts.
Given the spectacularly poor quality of instruction from a certain two-faced professor last year, he had barely taken the subject seriously. He had no idea what Gilderoy Lockhart's teaching skills were like, but surely the man could not be worse than Quirrell, right?
When Maurise entered the classroom, Lockhart was nowhere to be seen. However, the front rows were already packed tightly with students, their faces glowing with sheer, unadulterated anticipation. This period was shared between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.
Maurise claimed a quiet seat near the back window and flipped through his copy of Holidays with Hags. The book, exactly as the title suggested, detailed the author's supposed vacation with a hag, sprinkled with a handful of practical spells for dealing with dark creatures. Despite the obnoxiously flamboyant narrative voice, the spells detailed inside did not seem like complete nonsense.
Whether they actually worked on a real hag was another question entirely. Maurise could not be certain, having never met a live one. He only knew they were magical creatures that closely resembled ugly, stereotypical wicked witches.
Bang! The classroom door flew open. Lockhart spun into the room like a glittering golden whirlwind.
"Good morning, my dear students!" He strode up to the podium, flashing a blindingly bright grin at the class. "Welcome to your first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson of the year, taught by me, Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award!"
A wave of applause erupted across the room, primarily from the incredibly enthusiastic female students.
Maurise had absolutely no idea what facial expression he was supposed to be making. Were all those ridiculous titles actually real? He had certainly heard of the Order of Merlin, but what on earth was a Most-Charming-Smile Award?
Basking in the adoration, Lockhart elegantly raised a hand to call for silence. He then pulled a massive stack of parchment from his robes.
"Before we dive into our thrilling coursework, let us start with a tiny little quiz," he announced.
Maurise nodded in approval. A diagnostic test actually made perfect sense. A competent professor needed to assess his students' current magical knowledge to tailor his lessons properly.
However, the moment he received his paper, Maurise froze in disbelief.
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite food?
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
Why does Gilderoy Lockhart possess the most charming smile?
How in the name of Merlin was anyone supposed to know this?
Maurise felt his eye twitch. The entire situation was utterly absurd. Glancing sideways, he was horrified to see several girls scribbling away with fierce, terrifying dedication.
As the students took the quiz, Lockhart casually strolled down the aisles. He suddenly stopped right next to Maurise's desk.
"Ah, it is you!" Lockhart exclaimed, clapping a hand on Maurise's shoulder with a look of pleasant surprise. "Mr. Black, do you remember me? We have met before."
Maurise forced a polite, calculated smile. "Of course, Professor Lockhart."
Clearly, Lockhart had recognized him. When Maurise had sold him those skeletal hounds over the summer, he had not bothered to hide his identity.
"Ha! Professor Lockhart. I quite like the sound of that," the man beamed, his tone shifting to one of familiar camaraderie. "Then you will surely ace my little quiz. I recall you mentioning you were quite the fan of my books."
Maurise blinked, quickly plastering on a look of starry-eyed excitement. "Ah, yes, Professor Lockhart."
"I look forward to seeing your brilliant answers," Lockhart said, giving his shoulder another pat before heading back to the front.
Maurise immediately turned to Kyle, keeping his voice deadpan. "Let me copy your paper."
He needed to maintain a good impression with Lockhart. The man was not just his new professor; he was a very wealthy, very gullible client. Maurise was already scheming to sell him more of his great-great-grandfather's "rare" artifacts in the future.
Kyle looked up, frowning deeply. "Me? I cannot guarantee I have a single one right."
Eventually, Maurise managed to borrow a quiz from a friendly female classmate who appeared to be a borderline fanatic. Her parchment was filled to the brim with detailed answers. With a swift, stealthy flick of his wand, Maurise duplicated the parchment and cast a quick charm to alter the handwriting.
Done. Magic truly made cheating incredibly convenient.
After collecting the papers, Lockhart was positively thrilled with Maurise's submission.
"I am absolutely delighted to have a student who admires me so deeply!" Lockhart gave Maurise a conspiratorial wink.
Maurise returned it with a perfectly calculated, slightly bashful smile.
"Now, my dear students," Lockhart announced, his mood soaring. He hauled a large, cloth-covered cage from beneath his desk and placed it center stage. His voice dropped to a theatrical whisper. "We shall now move on to the practical portion of our lesson. I am going to teach you how to properly handle truly terrifying dark creatures!"
Hearing the sheer confidence in the man's voice, Maurise perked up. He briefly thought this flamboyant professor was finally going to show some real skill or unveil a genuinely rare magical beast.
Then, Lockhart whipped the cloth away.
Inside the cage sat a chaotic, chattering swarm of electric-blue creatures.
Cornish Pixies?
Maurise recognized them instantly. A wave of mild disappointment washed over him, though he quickly reasoned it away. It made sense. Ordinary second-year students really had no business dealing with highly dangerous dark creatures just yet. Starting with pixies to practice basic crowd control was a perfectly acceptable lesson plan.
Lockhart seemed to sense the palpable anti-climax in the room.
"I know, I know," he projected loudly. "You probably think these little scamps are not thrilling enough, that they are far beneath my considerable talents. But I must look out for your safety! Let us see what you make of them."
With that, he unlatched the cage door.
Without the cage to contain them, the pixies erupted into the classroom like a swarm of angry hornets. Ink bottles, quills, textbooks, anything not bolted down instantly became a projectile weapon. The slower students in the front row were immediately victimized. They were pelted with ink, had their hair violently yanked, and watched their books get unceremoniously tossed around.
"Oh my!" Lockhart yelped, taking a very rapid step backward. "Come now, children, wands out!"
Remaining entirely unbothered, Maurise calmly drew his wand and fired a precise Binding Charm at a pixie diving for his face. The tiny blue menace instantly locked up and crashed onto the floor.
The rest of the class, however, was not quite so lucky.
Within seconds, the room descended into absolute bedlam, filled with terrified screams, crashing objects, and the piercing, maniacal cackling of the pixies.
As the majority of the class curled up into protective balls underneath their desks, Lockhart suddenly let out a bright, booming laugh. "Alright, my lovely students, you can come out now! I will handle these little troublemakers."
Lockhart confidently marched to the classroom door, threw it wide open, and blew a sharp, unnecessarily flashy whistle.
...
If you're enjoying the story and want to read ahead, I have extra chapters available over on my Patreon! You can support me here:
patreon/Dark_Peace
Thanks so much for your support!