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"Because you're cuter."
Shuten-dōji stared at Astolfo.
Astolfo beamed back at her with the radiant, weaponized sincerity of someone who had absolutely no idea he'd just deployed a perfect counter.
"Learned it~ Learned it~" The chat observed.
[NaturalCounter]: Is this the legendary natural counter to the schemer? Genuine stupidity defeating calculated manipulation?
[Converted]: I didn't think much of Astolfo before this moment. I have reconsidered.
[Complicated]: Shuten-dōji's face right now is doing so many things at once.
Shuten-dōji's expression was, indeed, doing several things simultaneously. She ran through the options: kill him (satisfying, but he hadn't actually done anything wrong by the rules she operated under). Don't kill him (the pragmatic choice, given the dragon situation). Kill him anyway (her original instinct was rarely wrong). Don't kill him because getting angry at a fool was beneath her dignity (compelling argument).
She was going in circles.
Chen Ge, recognizing an opening, stepped in.
"We genuinely have no bad intentions," he said, in the measured tone of someone who had negotiated with difficult people before and understood the value of not overselling. "If you don't want to cooperate, say the word and we'll leave. But—" he gestured upward, where two suns still burned over Fuyuki City, "—can you really tolerate that? The temperature's been climbing for hours. And that dragon over there is doing her absolute best to make it worse."
Shuten-dōji considered the sky.
She considered her skin.
She considered her sake, which was not at its best in sustained extreme heat.
"I suppose," she said slowly, "while I don't dislike a certain... forceful quality in a situation, when it comes to power dynamics, I prefer to be the one on top."
"Would you like to ride Wuai?" Astolfo offered immediately. "His fur is incredibly soft. And as an apology for the head thing. If you help us, I'll let you ride him."
[WuaiInput]:Wuai.(I was not consulted about this offer.)
"Get lost—"
"Maverick." Chen Ge turned with the calm authority of a man who had been managing chaos for long enough to develop a methodology. "Lend a hand. Astolfo — there's a dessert shop right over there. Could you do us a favor and grab two ice creams?"
Maverick, who had been watching the proceedings with an expression balanced precisely between amusement and exhaustion, took Astolfo by the arm and began walking.
Astolfo went with considerable energy, still waving his free arm in Shuten-dōji's direction.
Shuten-dōji watched him go.
When she looked back at Chen Ge, there was something in her expression that wasn't quite sympathy and wasn't quite pity but occupied the same general region.
[BrotherChenRoasted]: Is she... feeling sorry for him?
[ChatAnalysis]: She's looking down on him. Chen Ge, hit her. Right now.
[Defense]: Leave him alone! Chen Ge is doing his best!
[Philosophy]: There's something darkly humbling about being pitied by an ancient divine oni who has seen everything. It's almost an honor.
Chen Ge returned a helpless smile.
Then the wind shifted.
The smile froze.
Because the smell that arrived was not the smell of a summer afternoon in Fuyuki City, even a Fuyuki City under supernatural thermal assault. It was something else entirely. Something that had history to it. Recent, specific, deeply unpleasant history.
Derek arrived.
He looked — there was no diplomatic way to put this — like he had been through something.
Shuten-dōji, without any visible motion, had relocated approximately three feet to her right.
Then she used her elbow to push Chen Ge forward.
Chen Ge looked at Derek.
Derek looked at Chen Ge with the bloodshot eyes of a man who had been through a great deal today and had strong opinions about most of it.
Chen Ge looked back at Shuten-dōji, who was hiding behind him.
Shuten-dōji met his gaze, averted her eyes, and used her elbow again.
Chen Ge raised his hand.
He thought about it.
A handshake was the correct move, socially. An extended hand communicated good faith, openness, alliance.
He was aware of what Derek's hands had recently been near.
He was still thinking through his options when Maverick, who had deposited Astolfo at the dessert shop and jogged back, rounded the corner and came to a complete stop.
"Oh," said Derek.
The temperature between them changed in a way that had nothing to do with Vritra.
"Hello—" Maverick started.
"YOU." Derek's voice had found a register that combined fury, humiliation, and the specific grievance of a man who had been grenaded in a bathroom. "YOU AGAIN. You BOTH again. What do you WANT. You want to fight? FINE. COME ON."
[EnemyEncounter]: When enemies meet.
[ColorChange]: Their eyes went red. You can see it happening.
[PillarGame]: Oh no. Oh no, I know what's about to happen.
What happened was: Derek lunged at Maverick. Maverick, operating on reflexes that had been sharpened by an afternoon of active combat, turned and ran. Derek pursued. The pursuit was fast, motivated, and roughly circular, because the available space was limited and Chen Ge was standing in the middle of it.
Chen Ge became the pillar.
Shuten-dōji assessed the situation — two men chasing each other around a pillar-shaped streamer, the general chaos level, her own dignity — and stepped lightly onto Chen Ge's head.
From this elevated position, she watched.
[ChenGeExperience]: He is being stepped on by Shuten-dōji.
[ChaoticPrivilege]: I cannot decide if this is the best or worst thing that has happened to Chen Ge today.
[Envious]: REAL NAME ENVY. I'm furious.
[Rights]: Chen Ge, I hereby grant you the right to look up. Exercise it. Don't be ungrateful.
[LegalNotice]: Chen Ge, as a public figure, please maintain appropriate conduct—
[ChenGeIsNotReadingThis]: He is very busy right now.
Chen Ge was, in fact, extremely busy — simultaneously trying not to get pulled into the Maverick-Derek orbit while also trying to maintain balance with a divine oni standing on his head. The competing demands were significant.
Then, with no fanfare, Shuten-dōji stepped off.
She landed on a nearby lamppost, looked at the assembled chaos, and spoke.
"I've just had a thought," she said. "If you want our cooperation so badly, you should demonstrate your worthiness. Here's my proposal: the two of you—" she indicated Maverick and Chen Ge, "—fight my Master. If you win, I'll help you. If you can't win—" a small, warm smile, "—then I'm afraid you're not worth helping."
Maverick stopped running.
Chen Ge stopped running.
Derek stopped running.
The three of them stood there in a brief, charged silence.
"Hehe~" said Derek, and the specific quality of that laugh — relieved, vindicated, suddenly very enthusiastic about his immediate future — said everything about where the power in this arrangement had just shifted.
[Maverick_Assessment]: Maverick has been through genuine combat with a 6A Servant today and he's being asked to fight Derek.
[ChenGe_Assessment]: Chen Ge is being asked to fight a man who was empowered by sewage-rage earlier and has not cooled down.
[ShutenvLogic]: Her logic is: if they can't beat my useless Master, they're not worth my time.
[Derek_Realizing]: Derek just realized he's the benchmark. He's the bar. He's winning either way.
[CheerfulChat]: GO MAVERICK! Show them your courage! My absolute favorite Streamer!
[AlsoCheerful]: CHEN GE! Big streamers need big hearts! Don't lose to Maverick! Show your spirit!
Maverick and Chen Ge looked at each other.
They looked at Derek, who was grinning with the energy of a man who had spent an afternoon covered in sewage and was finally about to feel better about it.
They looked back at each other.
They steeled themselves.
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