Li Dao Xuan sat before the Great Box, clutching the modified version of the solar-powered micro-car in his giant hand.
It was early morning, and the tiny inhabitants of the world within were just beginning to stir from their slumber.
By now, there was no longer a need for him to reach his phone into the box to play the "Seventh National Radio Calisthenics" recording. The children had memorized every movement and rhythm perfectly. Their small, high-pitched voices rose in a synchronized chant that echoed through the village.
"Section one, stretching exercises! One, two, three, four..."
While the children performed their morning drills, the "labor reform" convicts, the former bandits, had finished their meager breakfast and were heading out to work. Thanks to several days of their forced labor, many of the rooms in the village now boasted sturdy wooden doors and window frames. The doors were proper and solid, but the windows remained gaping holes because Gao Village lacked the technology to produce paper for glazing.
Li Dao Xuan scanned the miniature landscape for a moment before spotting Gao Yiye.
Today, she wasn't wearing her elegant, dignified white priestess robes. Instead, she was dressed in simple, humble cotton clothes. She was beaming at everyone she met, practically glowing with pride.
"Look! I spun the yarn, wove the cloth, and tailored this outfit all by myself! Isn't it nice? My sewing skills are almost as good as Gao Sanniang's now!"
The villagers nearby shook their heads in a mix of amusement and concern.
"Saintess, for you to do such labor... surely Dao Xuan Tianzun would..."
Gao Yiye pouted her lips, looking defiant.
"Dao Xuan Tianzun himself issued a divine decree allowing it. He said I could!"
The villagers immediately shut their mouths, silenced by the mention of the Old Man's approval.
Li Dao Xuan, feeling in a particularly good mood, let out a soft, booming whisper.
"Yiye! Yiye!"
Gao Yiye jerked her head upward toward the sky.
"Ah! Dao Xuan Tianzun! You've arrived! What are your commands?"
The moment she spoke, every villager within earshot stood perfectly still with their hands at their sides, their eyes burning with fanatical devotion as they stared into the blue expanse above.
"I have brought a vehicle," Li Dao Xuan announced, his voice echoing like rolling thunder. "I need two people, brave, tough, and perhaps a bit too stubborn to fear death, to operate it."
The choice was obvious. There were no other candidates who fit that specific description quite as well as the village's resident troublemakers.
"Gao Chuwu! Zheng Da Niu!" the crowd roared in unison. "Dao Xuan Tianzun summons you for an audience!"
The two simpletons immediately dropped their tools and came scurrying over to Gao Yiye, their heads craned back so far they were practically looking at their own spines.
"What does Dao Xuan Tianzun want us to do?"
"Leave the village," Li Dao Xuan commanded. "Stand on the flat ground outside the gates."
They obeyed instantly.
A crowd quickly gathered on the clearing outside the village walls. San Shier hobbled over to see what the fuss was about, and a massive group of villagers, men, women, and everyone not currently in school, followed suit. Even the labor reform convicts on the hillside stopped their digging, turning their heads to watch from a safe distance.
Only then did Li Dao Xuan begin to lower the solar-powered car.
The villagers watched in awe as a strange, metallic object descended from the heavens. Seeing the four wheels, they could guess it was a carriage of some sort, but the design was alien. It lacked a place to hitch a horse and featured a curious cloth canopy on top.
To their eyes, the thing was gargantuan. It was two zhang long, roughly six meters, nearly two zhang wide, and one zhang, three meters, high.
"Gao Chuwu, Zheng Da Niu," Li Dao Xuan's voice boomed. "Have either of you ever driven a carriage?"
They both shook their heads vigorously.
"Well, have you ever steered a plow?"
They both nodded.
"Good. If you've steered a plow, you at least understand the basic concept of left and right."
Li Dao Xuan pointed to the Y-shaped handle at the front of the car, which resembled the controls of a walking tractor.
"Think of that as the handles of a plow. Do you understand how to turn it?"
Gao Chuwu let out a wide, toothy grin.
"I get it! Haha, look at me, I'm so smart!"
The surrounding crowd collectively sucked in their breath.
You can't be serious.
"Fine," Li Dao Xuan continued. "You're in charge of steering. Zheng Da Niu, do you see that strange cloth curtain on the top of the vehicle?"
"I see it!" Zheng Da Niu shouted.
"When you pull that curtain open, the car will move forward. When you pull it back to cover the top, the car will stop."
"Open to go, close to stop," Zheng Da Niu repeated, laughing. "I understand! Hahaha, I'm a genius too!"
Once again, the villagers winced.
Is 'genius' the new word for 'idiot'?
"Alright then," Li Dao Xuan said. "Get up there. Work together and see if you can make this thing run."
Under the watchful gaze of the entire village, the two simpletons began to scramble onto the solar car.
Given the scale of the world, the car was three meters tall. They had to climb up the sides of the massive rubber tires, which was an agonizingly difficult task. Anyone with less athletic ability would have failed to board the "beast" entirely.
Li Dao Xuan watched them struggle and made a mental note.
I didn't think this through. I need to add a ladder or some steps to the next one. Cai Xinzi is definitely going to think I've lost my mind.
The moment they reached the top, the chaos began.
Gao Chuwu, who was supposed to be the driver, hadn't even reached the steering handles yet when Zheng Da Niu walked over to the curtain. With a mischievous grin, he reached out and yanked the solar cover completely open.
The solar panels caught the full force of the sun. The electric motor hummed to life with a sudden, violent roar, and the car lunged forward.
In the real world, this toy car was a slow crawler, moving only a few centimeters per second. But scaled up two hundred times in the late Ming dynasty, it suddenly hit a terrifying speed of nearly one hundred kilometers per hour.
Gao Chuwu and Zheng Da Niu were caught completely off guard.
The G-force of the sudden acceleration sent both of them tumbling backward. With no one at the helm, the massive metal beast began hurtling directly toward the "Five-Colored City Wall," the Lego fortification built by the convicts.
"Wah! So fast! Too fast!" Zheng Da Niu shrieked, his voice cracking. "Chu Wu! Get to the handles! We're going to crash!"
Gao Chuwu was pinned to the floor of the car by the vibration and wind, unable to move.
"I can't get up! I can't reach it! Close the curtain! Pull the curtain back, you moron!"
Zheng Da Niu was splayed out like a starfish.
"I fell! I can't reach the curtain! It won't close!"
"Wahhh! We're going to hit it!"
"Ahhh! We're dead!"
The villagers on the ground winced and covered their ears, expecting a thunderous impact.
Just as the solar car was about to smash into the Lego bricks, Li Dao Xuan's hand swept down. He pinched the car between his thumb and forefinger, lifting it into the air. The four wheels were now spinning uselessly in the void.
Relieved of the terrifying speed, Gao Chuwu and Zheng Da Niu finally managed to scramble to their feet. They stammered out their thanks to Dao Xuan Tianzun for the divine intervention, and Zheng Da Niu quickly yanked the curtain shut. The wheels slowed to a stop.
Gao Chuwu glared at his friend, his face red with fury.
"Da Niu, you total idiot! You aren't supposed to open the curtain until I'm at the steering plow!"
"How was I supposed to know you were so slow, you fat idiot?" Zheng Da Niu shot back.
"You're the idiot!"
"No, you are!"
"Enough, both of you!" Li Dao Xuan scolded, though he couldn't help but chuckle.
He lowered the car back to the ground.
"Zheng Da Niu, when you open that curtain, you must do it slowly. Do not pull it all the way at once. Slide it back bit by bit to accelerate gradually so you can maintain control. This car is controlled by light. The more light it receives, the faster it goes. No light, no movement. Do you understand?"
Zheng Da Niu nodded solemnly.
"I understand now."
"Good. Let's try it one more time."
Li Dao Xuan withdrew his hand.
Gao Chuwu gripped the "steering plow" with both hands, bracing himself. Zheng Da Niu reached for the curtain and, with extreme caution, slid it open just a tiny crack.
The car began to roll forward again, this time maintaining a manageable speed of about sixty kilometers per hour.
Gao Chuwu burst into a triumphant laugh.
"Look at me! Turning left!"
He yanked the handles hard to the left, too hard.
The sudden shift in momentum sent the car into a violent side-flip. The two simpletons screamed in unison once more.
"Ahhh! We're definitely dead this time!"
The onlookers covered their eyes.
Li Dao Xuan sighed and reached in again, catching the car mid-flip and setting it upright. He couldn't restrain his laughter any longer.
"You two... you really are two idiots!"
Gao Yiye immediately translated the divine decree for the village.
"Dao Xuan Tianzun's law: You are two idiots!"
The entire village took up the chant, their voices rising in a joyous, mocking roar.
"TWO IDIOTS! TWO IDIOTS!"
And then, everyone, including the two simpletons, burst into fits of laughter.